Thursday, June 23, 2005

letters from the closet

"the choices we have is not wether to be gay or straight.
for the majority of gay people,
we are God who made us to be.

the real choice is between denial and embracing who we are.

the real choice is between living
life in the shadows of walking proudly in the light.

the real choice is between
a slow death and an honest life."

-adam bouvier

Saturday, June 18, 2005


there's this moment
of sullen darkness
black leaves
against black skies,
black tears from black eyes.
there's this coldness
that seep through me
of dead longing
such of a once lush
withered tree.

and there goes your presence
traveling through a distance
carrying with you
the drops of rain
that drowns my heart.
how could i be in anguished?
how could i be in chain?

how could i be coated with hope
from endless mires?

you step along on a wet pavement.
murky waters splashed by your heavy soles.
have you ever feel me melting?
have you ever feel me dying?
then, the river of yearning
that hopes
that wishes
to intertwine us together
keep flowing,
and never again
be silenced by a hush.

and by that moment
i seep myself unto the ground.
let all that bleeds within me
be absorbed by the harsh land.
it was in that instance,
in that very moment.
when you think of me
as if,
im just a grain of sand.

if you forget me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

-Pablo Neruda

Friday, June 17, 2005


its been a rainy day.
the campus is filled with students taking refuge under tambayan's shelter.
some were chatting, lots gone into a deep oblivion,
while here i am, pleading to the rain to wash off my deep sadness.

it seems everything turns into fog..
so blurred and so murky.
i sipped a hot choco with russ eating something while chai taking coffee by the steps
i took two brownies in the canteen in a five fingers discount manner
still i hunger for something i can't grasp
i just feel so sad..
and i badly miss nikko.

i saw him earlier..
walking by the alley.
having fast paced step, drench and gone by the corner..
my eyes darting on the same point
i wish i could run myself dry
search for him
and be closer to him..
yet my feet plastered to where i am sitting.
to a place i feel secure yet
to a place of being uncertain..
"what if.." starts to haunts me
and it bleeds me not to see him again that day on..

dusk is comming
from translucent to opaque tones
everything pass me by..
the colors
the smell
the people
but not the feeling.

minutes gone to hours
we seclude ourselves at e-bay
their coffee sucks compare to bo's
i even sip it without cream and sugar..
completely black
completely dark

and so am i..

Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 09, 2005


sitting by the balcony..
nibbling my last papaya slice..

i just felt, i got no more power to write..

Wednesday, June 08, 2005



blood of artistry runs through her veins..
such passion
such love

web master,
visual artist,

never underestimate the power of her thinking..

(patzz, rock on!)
Posted by Hello

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Monday, June 06, 2005


i got still hangover with the 3rd Episode of Star Wars:
The Revenge of the Sith Posted by Hello

josh wald

he once became manchic's face of the week...Posted by Hello

Posted by Hello

yohji Posted by Hello


yohji yamamoto Posted by Hello


kate moss for Alexander McQueen Posted by Hello

Sunday, June 05, 2005

crazy bag by john galliano Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

visual overload

i got a class with PJ aranador at FAME,
he talks and mumbles everything from fashion trends to fashion forecasting..
the difference between art and design and all..
we even watch a flash presentation of the fashion highlights from year 2000 to 2005..
my eyes seems to explode due to visual overload..

my fellow classmates were from different design companies all over Cebu, some of them were the prime designers, apprentice, sample makers and even company owners such as "Genia", "Satria" and the likes..
making me the only "still student" who have no experience in the design matrix..
well, it gives me the feeling of being a sponge---absorbing whatever new lesson to learn.

our one and a half day intensive class end up with a task: to make a concept board.
we have to make a specific silhouette, that totally bask our design products, and be able to portrait a clear theme or atmosphere for product endorsement.
i really find it cool..

we discuss among ourselves our finished concept boards and receive constructive criticism from the panel of designers..

PJ select the best concept boards and im so amazed that im one of his few picks..


=) such luck!
but really, i guess i have to turn this spark of creativity within me
into flame..

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