Tuesday, July 31, 2007


one thing that worries me most is to keep on having "moments" but not able to completely grasp the whole experience of it.

Just like eating a sumptuous buffet and not able to savor the taste of each delicacy. Unlike before, i always have time reminiscing what have transpired in a day. There are times in the past that I quietly sit by the canteen, having iced tea and pinaypay na saging, then play back all the sweet-nothing memories i have let say for my college crushes (it could have been andre, ash, laurence and of course nikko) while watching the falling leaves by the nearby plant-like-parasite infested tree. I always love to walk around the campus with Yen or run around with Chai then retire by the stonehenge with Russ and Vera. Those times when you could sit back, smell the pungent smell of the ilang-ilang tree by the admin building and talk endlessly what happened.

Now, moments are keep on happening, keep on going. as if a fast bullet train keep on running to the extend you cannot stop for a while and savor the scenery outside. There so many things transpired that you cannot differentiate what really happened or what not. Sometimes you've confused yourself if there are memories in your head that you thought it was just a mere scenario in a movie that u watched, or a chapter of a novel that you read, or a snippet of a dream that u had last night. It is so vague and obscured that you though it didn't really happened in real life which in fact it did!

this whole illusion/fact might be absurd just because I'm wide awake for more than 20 hours now. i might not sober enough to think straight but now, how i wish to grab a real pen and drown these thoughts with ink.

Friday, July 13, 2007

connectivity issue: resolved

you might find this whole picture pitch black, kindly adjust your monitor setting and turn the brightness into higher notch. a picture taken by the sea wall along Dumaguete's boulevard.

I thought my weekend will turn out to be "just another weekend". It was the end of eight-hour work routine on a grave yard shift . Vera texted me and blurt out that she's heading towards Dumaguete with RUss. In my head, alryt that would be wonderful, but my eyes drool off and im dying to sleep. But it is a complete new experience i don't want to miss so i text back, "i'll meet you then in McDonald's by 12:30pm"

minutes, hours, days pass by after that text.. these are the words that are associated with our escapade:

headphones, coke float, nausea, blurry, misty window, suffocating bus, barge, mist around the island, tranquil waters, barge, fishes, city lights, scream, surprise, phone call, cousin, hayahay, cute vocalist, pizzas, booze, abs-cbn, coco grande, vintage hotel, paulo cuehlo book, aircon, pringles, hershey's, boulevard, people---strangers, Siliman, Scooby's, sphokening dohlar siliman students =) (peace), teacher cum scholar cum columnist friend of Ana, marine sanctuary, whale bone, marine sanctuary, old man taking bath, library, love poems, aquarium, crocodiles, dog loving woman, black sands, crystallize-sparkling beach, dead river, high-end resort, misty sprinkler, black heart, wandering souls...

each word somehow are connected to each other with endless relevance. each word--- just like each of "us", are connected with endless reasons.


Chai, yen, vera and russ

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Friday, July 06, 2007

and now, where is this place i want to call "home"?

the idea of having a new place leave me ecstatic to the extend i could hardly sleep. Imagining what would be the color of my walls. Hmn, I'll make it purple. Purple is the ideal color for a bedroom since the color entice you to dream. No! Green instead.. its refreshing and i find it comfortable mixing a tinge of blue on a full base of yellow instead of red. But purple is cool..
I want my bedroom to be a place where it will hinder me from becoming to be a mall rat, trying to take refuge under cafeterias and bookstore. I want a bedroom where all my ideals of comfort and amusement merged into one. A place i could spend hours trying to mend or revamp a dress, sip my mug of coffee or green tea, write and update my long since stucked daily micro journal---like, my last entry was 1869. then I'll sketch and dance and dance again.

Heck! Those things are constantly done before! is just that lately i don't have a place of my own and my hectic schedule kills the human being within me.. shredding me off from any artistic endeavors or whatever inclination to humanitarian aesthetics that was attached to my DNA---leaving me as a robotic answering machine devoid from any real hearty communication and visceral enthusiasm (..of course that was exaggerated!)

Thus, the idea of having a room (e.g. bedroom/lounge/mini cafe/theater house/music room/guest room rolled into one) is a NEED!

"i want it! I'm dying for it! give it to me please!" so I plea

Now, three months have passed by since i rented a room along Banilad road. I already paid the rent and i got a 1 month advance deposit. I pay almost 3 grand a month for a place i only went into to take a shower, change my clothes and packed my things up to go back to the office. sniff'

whatever unexplainable circumstances are, this is the scenario I'm having nowadays..

where is my 60's/zen inspired bedroom? the rectangular opaque lamp shade. the ceramic mini pond with lily pods and fishes were swimming underneath it. optical illusion graphics on the wall. halogen lighting. 1.5 HP air conditioning. translucent green curtains. yellow cabinet. toxicating scented incense burner. dozen lighted candles. tea pots. surround sound system playing either Madonna, Hed Kandi, Bjork or Yoko Kanno.

Those things are on my ideal bedroom---images that are still swirling on my head.

Monday, July 02, 2007


for me its doing my laundry (yes, i do my own laundry and i find it therapeutic to wash off dirt from my clothes). weekend for me means going to a peaceful cafeteria, reading a paperback while sipping from a hot mug. I usualy go on with my own usual routine of going out to an oval track and jog, or if have enough time, i go for swimming. I love spending hours skimming thru downloadable mp3's and thrilled with the capacity of a 2 gigabyte memory card of my SE phone.

I'm blessed that my day off falls in a weekend. Although its Pacific Standard Time based so my weekend usually starts Saturday Morning until Monday Night---which is unlikely with other account which their day offs usually in between the weekdays and its not always executive order. I had my head shaved off by these days (twice in a month). Aside from scanning through a magazine while waiting for my queue, i already had my doze of fashion trend forecast from vogue.com and youtube. I do clip my nails, go for a massage, smoke and drink during weekends.

I just can't complete my weekends without doing these rituals

but these past few weeks are completely different. I got one and a half load of dirty clothes. Haven't downloaded any music files recently (some of my old albums bore the hell out of me). Haven't bought any novel (even the idea of a ordering the upcoming and final book of J.K. Rowling doesn't appeals to me anymore) My tummy getting rounder and my skin doesn't glow as before due to lack of exercise.

recently, im constantly out of town. or sometimes somebody else's bed (giggles) Either i am in the company of my colleagues, my boyfriend or with fishes.
Like one time I decided to go island hoping (Mactan's neighboring islands, we conquer 4 anonymous islands) with a different team. I swam coast to coast without any gear at all and with what i wear at that time. Just for the heck of having a weekend. Then one time my TL and the rest of my teammates went to Moalboal. Again, for the heck of having a weekend, i find myself swimming with aquarium-looking-fishes (read as "pang aquarium na mga isda") and discover corals that could be seen in the leaves of a magazine. i swim and dive.. snorkel like crazy.. Like hey, this is paradise.. i mutter while bubbles escaped from my mouth. visualizing as what "Jeneen Garcia; sunstar/feat apo island" somewhat quote: these corals not only produce polyps that could send another kingdom of corals within the sanctuary but those polyps could be transported through current and create another kingdom across the seas. And Bjork's Oceania is playing on my mind. It's also my first time to swim along an abyss. Imagine, lush full of corals and an explosion of colorful fishes then all of the sudden the scenery was cut by a deep blue water that leads to never ending depth. u cant see any form aside from the ray of light trying to pierce through the darkness. Its both thrilling and exciting, and the idea of a huge monster might prey on you is constantly present.

Then another week pass by and another weekend comes.
im heading north, heading towards Julio's hometown, Danao.

we usually spend our day try to cook something for dinner. which i don't usually do due to the fact that countless eatery exist. I usually massage his Tita who is fond of me and in return treat me with goodies (her husband works in the US)then we watch either "America's Next Top Model" (He loves NAima, i love Nicole and we both adore Tyra) or "Project Runway".
And we usually make love usually around post midnight.

"this" weekend is again--- beyond ordinary.
I witness a first stage of human cycle. Julio's brother whose aged---let say 17, will become a father in few hours. Me, Julio, his bro and his girlfriend rush towards a maternity hospital to give birth. It was 2am by then. lack of sleep, we manage to go through the a nearby provincial maternity hospital to assess/monitor during the pre-labour stage. i once listen to my grandma with her stories how i was conceived and who are with my mother when she gave birth to me. Now, im with this couple who happen to gave new life to a newborn child.

hmn, 'twas stressful at the same time rewarding. the tension, emotional drama and the anxiety what "might" gonna happen are definitely driving us into the path of ambiguity; until the moment that it was declared as a successful labour, and my hubby's new nephew is a baby boy.


The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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As Time Goes By