Friday, August 31, 2007

bleed me to bliss

nuzzling; nostrils flaring uphill
-it searches the peak
-it searches the depths
Poking; teasing me from within
-you laid me back, grotesque
-at the foot of the curtain.
Thrusting me hard to the core;
-stab me with your love
-stab me'

Feet clinging into your shoulders
i felt my buttocks at ease on your concave
like jigsaw puzzle,
let our incompleteness make us whole.

Piece by piece let us be attached.

We sway in rhythmic dance;
-let lose of any ambiguity
-let lose of any boundary
We chant in hazy murmurs
-glottal voices, rigorous sounds
-gasping, panting---sensual ravishment'

String of pearls;
-exploding out like lava
-it bleeds me, it bleeds me to bliss.
Thrusting me hard to the core;
-stab me with your love
-stab me'

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

PAC.. can i have my lunch break please?

a usual walk on asia town it park quadrangle at 1:00am is a usual part of my daily routine. my lunch break is scheduled at 1:00am to 2:00 am. to put a break on my 8-hour job, i won't stay 20 meters around the perimeter of my workstation. i take my quick lunch on the nearby building. set my alarm 5 mins before my break, plug my earphones and do brisk walk around it park..

my first lap would pass by globe bldg. then skyrise, seeing nocturnal bums who puff smoke along the alley. finally, along PS where my favorite track begins . the whole park/business center primarily surrounded with accacia trees and limited grass field. dark hazy clouds hovering above, filtering the sky, thus its usually starless. the moon sparkles once in while once she would like to. branches lay still, like they were in deep slumber and don't want to be disturbed.

from these i get rid of negative energy from our countless customers. i want to forget that i'm working on a one cubic meter workstation (maybe that's where the cubicle term came from) and try to work my ass off from sitting all day.. this could be my sort of work-out at the same time. i walk, listen to bjork and admiring the aroma of freshly cut grass, gradually withering in melancholic surrender.

so i unwind.


one night, while doing this ritual, i pass by a guy in cap. i could see his masculinity from afar.. he come to me as a silhouette in the dim lighted street first. when he get nearer. i see the details now, red cap, white body-hugger-shirt. then finally our paths crossed. i hear him mutter "hi" but i thought i might misheard it, so i plug off my headphone and continue to walk. then i heard his footstep behind me. so he's following me this time. so i face him and try to confront whats the matter.

he smells of alcohol. tipsy/drunk, he introduce himself. i do the same thing and he manage to ask him some question. "..came from a drink, and im walking here to sober up" he told me. seeing my i.d., he verify " u're working here" i say i do and tried to tell him through gestures that i need to go back. he blabber a lame sentence that if we could see each other again and he fish out his phone and ask for my #. out from courtesy i give him my cel # ---if only he's my type i shouldn't had inverted the last two digit.

so i say bye, walk away, plug on my earphone and smile to myself.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

witches of oz.. a new musical (post event reaction)

chai score us some tickets. too bad vera can't make it since she's out of town for a paid coverage. so i watch it with Julio; then Russ and Wilson in a far away seats. It was Saturday night, 7pm SM cinema 1. i expect so much of this musical, i already play some scenes in my mind that its gonna be a full throttle of "wicked witches" but it was a rendition of the classic animated series that i watched when i was still a little kid. i retire with the notion that this play will just let me reminisce what L. Frank Baum wrote in his book (1900) which inspires a lot of adaptation.

what stirs me up is why the background is so barren? i thought its going to be a grand musical since tickets are worth 300-500 and the musical run several instances in two weekends. lets say they spent much of their production budget on lighting and lapels (w/c really cost a lot) but they could have innovate simple props and back drops to create atmosphere in this "magical" play.. the only thing that changes at the background is the House where Dorothy lives in Kansas (which only turns upside down after the great tornado, that's it! and lighting effects.. But sige nalang kay the characters are well dressed specially for Glinda, the witch of the West, Dorothy and her three companions..

gisapot gyud ko kay sa ticket pa lang daan it is written:

"Greetings to you, the lucky holder of this green ticket. In your wildest dreams, you could not imagine the marvelous surprizes that await you in the Land of Oz!"

so ako sad intawn, i was so excited to get inside the theater and check out what "marvelous surprizes" they got to offer. I might don't have the right to rant on this since i got my ticket as a "complimentary ticket" but i purchase one for my boyfriend, Wilson spent 500 bucks since his seat is located near the stage, and if we're going to add the amount together, it could be enough for us four to go bar hoping. or we could travel north or south and head for the nearest white beach. so i expect much from this production. . And for these mere reasons, wala ko kasabot nila.

ok let say the director wants to make the set as minimal as possible (consisting only the bridge and the house that was also used as the yellow bricks and the portal of the wizard of oz... so as being used as the emerald city!) so good luck for those audience who cannot play with their imagination and not fond of filling up the blanks (specially those 14 year old high school students at my back who only know how to play endless hours on Tantra, ragnarok, warcraft or whatever online games they would even starved for). It will be really hard for an ordinary audience to relate to the story itself, knowing that the audience still need to figure out each actor and actress' characters, the main plot of the story plus the burden of figuring out where is the setting of the specific scene. Thus, only those who have previous exposure to Wizard of Oz can connect the dots.

but still,

as a whole I'm grateful but not impress. i could only drop few names who internalizes their characters very well. the lyrics and scripts must be very excellent but the music and synchronization is not harmonious enough. hair and make-up: good, costume for Glinda and the witch of the west; i love it.. the rest.. hmn... "ok lang" I could cite several small or intimate plays that could surpass such block buster production. I might be too harsh about this but i share this same sentiments by most of the crowd.

as part of the audience, i do appreciate the effort (of the whole production team specially to the director) to give homage to one of the undying classic novels of all time, to remind the new generation that the world have come up with that magic as early as 1900's. To continue to spread what moral we could still hold on to and be reminded of. and lastly to refresh what childhood fantasies that i had had.

for now i still have to muster all three values that this story have thought 3 generations ago: to be passionate, to be brilliant and courageous. that would require much time and effort than writing this. And I'm still wondering what Glinda's last few words for Dorothy apply to my life's drama:

"if you can't find your heart's desire in your own backyard, then you never really lost it to begin with."

Friday, August 24, 2007

lay still and hush

you lavish your hand nails with lacquer
it might be yellow, red or orchid black
supple your skin with mist
flaunt it, bare it..
never did you found such extraordinary bliss'
lovely as you are,
you are bound for eternity.
your hair--- like bundles of silk
they drape, intertwined--- shrouding your face
like a cocoon; not pure white but pitch black, yet satiny
the wind; cannot dare stagnate,
it loves to blows with it--barely unkempt
lovely as you are,
you are bound for eternity.

but you get lost in dreary dreams
symbols of equality are faded
you're torn, broken and set in disaster
twitched fingers like crow's feet
set in motion,
through it all, you just lay still and hush.

handful of sands, you cup on your palms
your tears are dried up now, but you whining within your core.
should you cast a silent scream and demand blood from the deities'
or should you just lay still and hush.

lovely as you are,
you are bound for eternity.

-for vera

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Medúlla 2004

a friend introduce it to me, who else but bjork fanatic himself: russ. it was in the pinacle of our UPSTAGE career when we explode on UP Cookout's dance showdown and we pick "where is the line with you" from this album for our performance.

15 tracks are so raw that i consider it as a celebration of the human voices. most of the instrument bjork use as a background are from glutal sounds from one of the best vocalist in europe.. as the name of this album would portrait: Medúlla. It basically means ‘marrow’ in medical language, in Latin. so the mixture of these visceral voices could really seep through one's bones and never fails you to feel cringy after hearing a track.

best place to listen to it. under an old tree or inside a cave (if u happen to be on a nature trek)


vespertine 2001

one of my "pinaka" favorite album. most of its track was featured on her live performance in London Opera House where several guests are from aristocratic lineage of Europe.

Together with a-list orchestra, Bjork usually handpicked her musicians... among them are the choir from Greenland; the master harpist: zeena parkins and her original mixers. she is notable for choosing the best musician/artist in the world. tsk! tsk! tsk! no wonder her tracks are categorized as: world music

3 tracks that i can't help but listen to again and again from this album are: unison, cocoon and undo

best place to listen to it: in a cathedral or when you're on top of a mountain watching sunset.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

what happened to my old mayonnaise jar?

since i was little, i remember myself getting transfixed on the tv watching national geographic. i have so much enthusiasm on animals. i love to watch them in their habitat. it intrigues me what feeds them and how they able to interact with other living things around them. I'm always amazed with these creatures specially those live underwater.

it was summer in my 2nd grade in elementary when we went to Bantayan island for a vacation. me and my brothers have a great time in those clear waters that we suggested to our papa that we might as well live there. so the place that we just consider great for a vacation turns out to be our hometown. So my exposure to the beach become so imminent that i could still visualize all the sea creatures that i play with when i was young. Instead of having lego or claydough i got sands and seashells to build mini castles. Instead of toying with stuff toys and barbie dolls =) im busy changing salt water to my mayonnaise jar aquarium.

i always spent my afternoon going to a light house, we fondly call it "parula" in our local dialect. The light house would be around 30-50 meters away from the shore, and a natural rock/coral formation link the light house to the beach. I didn't know the fact by then that the sole purpose of having that light house is to warn big fishing vessel that it is a shallow and it might wreck their ship. All i know is that when its low tide, the rock/coral formation protruded and lots of small fishes, seahorses, jelly fish and their kin get trapped inside several depressions which look like a mini pond. I marvel looking these creatures moving back and forth in their territory. some of them looks like they are used to their abode but some of them look aghast and you can sense them that they are in complete stranger in an unfamiliar waters. these lost fishes have this neurotic movement, they hide underneath a coral or anemone once they detected human moving towards them or other local fishes attack them because they posed to be a threat by their presence. Some of these lost fishes are the most beautiful fish i ever seen. You can easily detect them since they stand out among the school of fish. Just like seeing ur heartthrob among the crowd. I usually have this urge to take them home, i don't know.. maybe by that time i sympathize with them and would love to take care of them. so i have collections of angel fishes, bat fish and a couple of sea horses when i was young.

that's maybe why until now, i still love to see fishes. i love to see them either in cultured aqua tank or in their natural habitat. im even glad for Vera when she told me she went scuba diving with the pro one time in Hilotongan, Corduva in one of her field reporting for ABS. I wish i could also venture with that "expensive" enthusiasm (if only i could afford 15-20k per session and be with the untamed sea creatures). Sigh, or should i be contended with my goggles and hold my breath every now and then to get near to my childhood interest.

hahay.. sail on..

Monday, August 20, 2007

to go! ---5 places i couldn't miss dropping by..


-buying medicines, health product and beauty kits can be stress free when u go to Watsons. aside from the wide arrays of their items the space and lighting can be soothing and going around and around to look for something that u could apply to yourself is worth the time.


-even for a gloomy Sunday, this bakeshop could brighten up your heart. I like their mini cakes, specially the choco mallow and blue berry cheesecake. and u don't have to shell out too much when u drop by here because most of their goodies don't cost that much. my favourite branch are in JY and nearby Redemptorist church.


-although i prefer Starbucks in term of their brewed coffee and such (their Php100 for a brewed coffee is worth every drop) but bo's able to set a much cozy atmosphere. so cozy that you wont mind taking so much of their space reading books or having hearty talks with friends.

comfort lounge

-it started at 5 pesos then 10 and now entrance is at 15 pesos. it was during the time when I'm into job hunt that i find solace in this area. their toiletries are so handy specially when i badly need to freshen up. i also love to stay on their couch then try to have a kitty nap so that when i go back to the mall, i got full energy boost!

nuat tha

-i love massage. i love the feeling being caressed and a masseur will stroke those stress away. its like body worshipping, you have this body so young and fragile that needs extra pamper.

i know the world is too harsh. there's so much more to life than being bored, depress and struggling. just a simple act of self pampering could be adequate to lift someone's spirit.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

black heart for Chai

"muddied" i must've thought.
dirty, dirty with filth!
it might be the sand, puked by the dead river
dead leaves, cracked bones, layers and layers of bygone dusts
every eyes must have leered even if it has been seen once..

washed and cradled by the sea
crushed and cuddled by the howling breeze
now it breaths, now it beats
sparkling.. sparkling and sparkling..
now see what it become!
crystal grains glowing even without the sun.

each palm of grain is now contain of silica and numerous rock minerals..
it might be salt crystals, moon stones or it might be carbon
but no one knows it has sprinkles of diamonds

don't hissed, don't sway
adhere and don't ever part
hush and feel each beat
don't dare ignore

a black heart

-for chai..

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