one boring night. those times when you can't find another soul whom you could relate to or share a bottle of beer with. chatting online always teases the hell out of me. and this time while drifting thru a sea of "searchees" and "walang magawa".. i spot my crush way way back in college years. and it stirs me up when our conversation goes like this:
04 Aug 2007, 02:06
Me: ei..i find u interresting..
04 Aug 2007, 02:07
M: u remind me of a character in Murakami's book..=)
how are u?
H: Murakami's Book? Who could that be. I am not feeling so good. Been sick for the past 2 days. Until now actually. Fever and cough. I just hate it.
M: hmn, kalouy.. u might need a hug.. =) Norwegian wood, Turu's friend.. long story.. if im not mistaken u have this tatoo on ur foot..?=)
foot.. seems not a good term.. embarrasing
H: yeah. i have one. left ankle. how did you know? weird.
M: alryt, "ankle"that shud be the term..i have this strange sickness of running out of "suitable word".. i have the idea but can't blurt it right..hmn, so u must be the guy i keep on eyeing to then..(in the past) i hope ur still chubby.. =) giggles.bitaw, i just saw u in ayala,in the web and u kept on swimming on my head (in the past)
H: oh really now... chubby? me? i guess i am. what do you mean in the web in ayala? hahahaha... :-D
M: =) haha..there is no such thing as "web in ayala" what im trying to say is that i once saw u in ayala.. i was at bo's by then.. and i saw u in a web page.. like, the internet.. sorry walay koy klaro earlier.. haha.. =)so mao to, thats how i know u or rather saw u..at that time i keep on listening to bjork's: "i miss u.. (but i have'nt met u yet)
H: ahhhh... okies. i wonder what web page was that. the one wherein you saw me. ;-)
M: i dont wanna tell.. =)what keep u from goin to bed?i hope u wouldnt mind me asking.. =)
H: im working right now. even if im sick. the thought of me lying in bed having blank thoughts will drive me nuts. i think the web page was from my friend *****. (web name). if i am not mistaken.
M: u bet.. hmn, mao ba? kuyawa gud.. u must be an asset to the company.. saludo ko' =)when im sick, i usually drag myself to a nearby mountain; or if im lucky enough-- to the beach.. i feel better that way=)
H: well... that is your idea of remedy. but for me, i need to keep myself busy. hahay... it's the only way that can keep me going. if im doing something. ;-)
M: whoa.. ok.. maau, atleast productive.. i might be a disturbance sa imo work ron.. pasensya,,
H: and why are you still up? huh? ;-) i don't think you're working or something.
M: its a funny story, i went to work earlier but only to find out that my SIL was approved.. i didnt receive any confirmation that my application was approved so i thought i need to work my ass around.. now,here i am, waiting for the morning bus.i'll be heading north this 4am
H: heading north? but why? what's in there? ;-)
M: wla lang.. maybe to unwind.. weekend.. pahungaw.. =)whats the usual weekend for you..
H: usual weekend? drunk, wasted, either at loft or vudu, go home and puke, then sleep the entire day. woke up with a hang over. massage, coffee, movie, dinner. then back to work. boring routine. hehehehehe...
;-) where man ka sa north? or maybe you're joining the eb party no?
M: cute.. i find that unusually wonderful.. its like, letting urself be dead and ressurrect the next day. interresting.. =) eb party? (with a blank face) i dont have any idea.. im heading towards bantayan.. my hometown.. although dili ko mouli sa amoa, taman ra ko sta fe. i guess.. come what may..i just want to get lost for a moment.
H: hey! i wanna visit bantayan again. take me there. will you? please please please... i was in panglao lang last weekend. and i wanna go to bantayan again. hehehehhe...
M: =) cute.. what do u mean.. like, this morning? u want to go to bantayan..serious?although how i wish u could but u must be kidding.. tsk3x
H: maybe next weekend. basta... i will go there. hehehehehe... not today. i'm sick and not feeling well. right? ;-) and im not kidding about going to bantayan. im serious about it.
M: alryt.. cool.. thats great.. however, i wish i could at least see u again soon, at that time in bantayan.. hehe just wishful thinkin.. i might give u a rub since u like being massaged and i pretty know how.. sigh....
H: awww.... that's so nice of you. ;-) you can see me anytime. that can always be arranged. right?
Y: whoa.. cool.. really now.. yeah, we could like talk over coffee sometimes.. then i could lend u my murakami's short stories..here's my contact #... i couldnt believe this.. =)
H: and why on earth you could not believe this? hehehehehe... here is my number #... **** here. And you are? Real name please.
M: Liyo po..=) haha..good day mr. ****.. im just glad to have u on my screen..its already beyond four, i must be in the terminal to catch the early bus.. have a great weekend.sail on..
H: have a safe trip and you enjoy your weekend! see ya soon. ;-)
days, weeks and a month after.. i have'nt heard from him since then. i have this on my draft all these times.. i try to keep it from my hubby and haven't told him about this. i was having this wishful thinking that maybe, maybe those aforementioned sweet nothings might still going to happen since i really like him for a long time.. like i was still clutching my canvass and paint brushes by then when i had a huge crush on him.
but i feel so immature trying to hold on to something that really not meant to happen. like Betty Boop after a long senseless day, i might as well play the piano (if i only knew how) and play a tune for my puppy.
Lots of lovin'
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