Wednesday, December 31, 2008

in reference

From: Denorte,L,Leopoldo,MFSBBB C
Sent: Wed 12/3/2008 7:41 AM
To: liyo_denorte@yahoo.com
Subject: in reference


salutation:
dear ms calf
reference:
according to the highest state of judiciary
paraphrase:
the claim of the incidence that happened on the night of 12/20/1895

troubleshoot:
the bogeyman killed three women who are convicted with treason and adultery

body:
its hanged until the throat was bruised severely and caused a sudden shiver through the spine

closing:
thus the night were filled with crows feasting on the dead bodies' eyes

sail on,
liyo denorte
<http://www.hotmug.blogspot.com/>

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

bound stones

this is in reference to an unrequited, um love?

one faint dusk, of eastern shore. a man from the Hashinke Prefecture. paddle himself to the open sea and put weight by binding huge stones around his feet. after a sigh he threw himself to the water. he knows that he will be swallowed entirely by dark waters and might be eaten by wandering fishes when he rots. his eyes get blurry as he descended to the deep.
that moment, series of images came flashing in his mind. like the day that he's still a small child, the moment he have his first pet, when his mother scolded him for not finishing his cereal, tasted sea kelp for the first time and all those faces that in some moment in time he have met.

and then finally the image of his beloved appear on his fading mind. she was smiling. she's wearing her white lacy kimono and a single cherry blossom resting on the left side of her ear.
she would never be mine. the guy have concluded. and his last breath finally reach to an end and dark murky waters filled his lungs.

the next day, the sun just rise up as if it just remembered to woke up;
while Billie Holiday sang "as time goes by".

still

very still

still

still

i will stay still
silent, until the coming of spring
limping
breathing
melting
waiting for you still

Monday, December 29, 2008

mango park, after dark



wearing your shimmer
just right before your eyelids, velvet green, pantone 377
it's screaming for you to be seen
a go signal, attack! attack!
lipstick stained butt
of your tenth cigarette, pressed against your crooked french tip
a sigh, a puff, a helluva of smoke
as always, a whimsical moment
you can't contained yourself
looking blankly, saturnine, as an unsold magazine
on the forgotten rack, struggling to be keen
since your pressed powder cracked with mud
and, i must say, your cheek stain failed to blush
rancid beer, can no longer be conjured
melted ice---long since gone its power
hush..
where is he, who delights you on your sleep
hush..
where is he, who suppose to take you out from deep slumber

oh well,
you seems out of luck'

Sunday, December 28, 2008

logging off



1
2
3
4
5
me, counting sheeps
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
please be back, 'til when?
words scribbled on your forehead
please don't let me read it to you
since its stuck on my tongue
let's get back from the start
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
silly eh? i guess its no more fun

sa imong kiliran

sa katugnaw sa panahon
ug sa kainit sa akong bugan,
gusto ko nga mag pahipi sa imong kiliran

Saturday, December 27, 2008

yawn

like a shrink-wrap for a bosom
I'll coat myself to the bone
a cocoon, silk and light concoction
a marriage of prison and freedom
. homeostasis, boredom, one-on-one
. not having the strength to run
burying myself at home

this tweedy spot
of tatami mat
good for a kabuki play
I'll apply make-up
a lure to any connoisseur

twisting myself in a suppressed plié
toes clumped, swiveled heels
pivoting into quick purr

a lioness
a bucket full of dusk


ksshh

roger
ksshhh
roger
gusto lang ko ipahimangno
nga wala nay tissue paper sa cr
roger
ksshhh
copy
roger
ksshh

another day

another starless night
another message unsent
another stick of broken cigarette
another striking table left uninhabited---tagged "reserved"
another coffee stained paperback novel
another seamlessly boring suit
another teenage pimpled face boy passed me by
. whose girlfriend tagging along,
. like a gooey amazon leech.

another day cursing you

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

greetings:




from the puffiness of my ass..

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO Y'ALL!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

48 years



now let me paint you
black and red
let me pull out your guts
until your body refused to bleed

then tell me,
why did you
draw a scar
on me?

darn!



(photo: mindworks 2006)

queen of swords

barely,
my eyes wouldn't see
the tea stain that lingers on the brink of my cup
as she smiled and declared that my cards
are in favor with my fate.
it speaks so loud to me that night and very much pleased
that I let my query and inner self infused into its divinity.
I can still remember clearly the decks that showed up.
out of 9 major decks that I picked I can recall 8.
but then, as a usual twist of a wonderful plot
(as if to mock,)
there are some obstacles that I might encounter
a trap or an open manhole,
so dearest, be careful, be cautious not to fall
as sure enough, you will end up,
with an overflowing cup.

the tarot reader assured me;
you got the queen of swords,
you got what it takes
to overcome them all.

be back at 8:57

i remember the music fest
on the 2nd week of december
just last year
i remember the cold
damp air
the vivid glow
of the inverted chandelier

i remember hymns
and most of the fool's whims
of broken chords
and soon to be whores
just like today
as i sit on my station
waiting for the customer
with account # so and so
from county of winchester
whose apparently still trying to remember

what she's calling for

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

growing construction



gazing through,
i always find myself transfixed.
looking through a window
as i sip my usual doze of cappuccino.

floor by floor
i could witness it goes higher and higher
is it made by mortar and pestle?
is it made with flesh and bones?

i don't know
it just that,
it spurt up from a meager meadow
---a growing construction!

gazing through,
i always find myself transfixed.
looking through a window
imagining,
what it would be like
to leave it as it is
and create a condo
good for two

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Across The Universe (fiona apple)

to all the complexities of bygone days and the uncertainties of years yet to come

(shrugging off)

..come what may

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

atleast in this page,



the five of us finally got together..





Tuesday, December 02, 2008

visiting veruschka


purple haze
of a sighing breeze
how could i forget
those clinging memories

a cup of powdered bones
a spoonful of tears
come lathering
towards the northwest shores


patay'ng suba




























susihon namo ang imong ginhawaan
subayon namo ang dalan
padulong sa imong tiyan
ug naugon ang mga ang-ang sa imong puson

aduna ka bay gusok,
kumagko o saag nga bukog?
aduna ka bay atay
nga modalit ug apdo
o dili ba batikoon
nga mohilis sa imong kinaon

maski nagkasangit-sangit
sa nagkaguliyang kaugatan,
baktason namo ang mga suok-suok
sa imong tina-i
ug sayawan ang entablado
sa imong sabakan

apan dili kini makapatukar
sa imong karaang sonata
ug dili na makapalitok
sa imong pulong

mao na nga gingsuka mo kami
sa imong baba
diin imo kaming gilumsan
sa kamatuoran
diin ang among kinalasang lakang
dili na masubay ug dili makaplagan

alang kay madam Misha-misha



hello madam Misha-misha
kamusta kana?
kapin na sa usa ka tuig
sukad tika kinalasang nabisita

nagpabiling usa ka katingalahan
kung ikaw ba boutan,
o kung ikaw ba maldita
ug dali ra ma-irita

basta nanghinaot ko
nga ang imong pinalanggang iro
buhi pa ug kusog mamaghot
kay sigurado gyud nga kung wala na siya,
kanunay kalang gyud magmug-ot

bitaw, madam Misha-misha
kamusta kana
kanus-a kaha tika
sa personal,
makita

Monday, November 17, 2008

kung aduna koy mahinumduman




























kini mao kadtong nalibot ko ang isla
kadtong nalumos ko sa kangitngit uban sa mga aninipot
kadtong nasaag ko sa Asturias
kadtong nikurog ko sa taghoy sa hoyohoy
kadtong nisakay ko sa bus padung sa wanang

kung aduna koy mahinumduman,
kini mao ang akong pag-inusara
ug dili kadtong nakahiuban tika



dili na madakpan

susama sa
nagdagan nga anino
sa nagdagan nga panganod
dili ko na madakpan
ang imong dughan

ayaw nalang

ei there!
musta naman ka
hmn, mao ba
ahh, i see
so you'll be staying here
just for a week
afterwards you'll be heading
towards Manila
best of luck then,
alright, i see
amping
ayo-ayo

mohirit pa unta ko'g hug
pero ayaw nalang
kay mao ra man gihapon
masakitan ra ko pag maayo

Saturday, November 01, 2008

wind reiten



while to whole city is lighting candles and murmuring prayers for the lost souls; ms. B, russ, chai and I went to Olango and set our spirit free..

Friday, October 31, 2008

basag balak sa pag kalag-kalag

....did attend Bathalad's "basag-balak" in Golden Haven (the night before All Soul's day) and recited one of my cebuano poem:

alang kanimo

ako nang gihalad ang akong kasing-kasing

akong gihimbisan
gi kuwaan ug hasang
ug gibukyad
sa kainit
dihang ni evapora
ang pisik sa dugo
nga ni kurog
dungan sa paghilak ning akong dughan

ni kinang sa akong mga mata
ang unod nga ni sayaw
sa matag hapak sa kasilaw sa adlaw
sa dihang kini ni kuyos
ug nauga dungan sa pagtaghoy
sa akong kaguol

sakto ra ba sa kaparat?
sakto raba pagka-uga?
sakto na ba ang timbang
sa kabug-aton sa akong gibate
aron matagad mo kini akong gidalit
para lang kanimo

sakto na ba akong gibuhat aron ka makahibaw
nga sa hagbay na panahon
ako: magpabiling mo-alagad kanimo
nga ako: hangtud sa hangtud mo dangup kanimo
apan dili pa kini sakto
aron mo angay sa imong garbo

busa, ipabilin ko kining akong kasing-kasing
nga gabukyad sa mga matang na walay katin'awan
nag-uga sa gugma nga walay klaro
apan tuskig sa pagbati
alang kanimo

Sunday, October 26, 2008

dark murky waters

I shiver with a slightest breeze, I hesitate to dip in but the sea is too inviting to resist. I dock into the water level to keep me warm with its placidity, then Chai and I help Ms. Bambi, as she pull the found banka to a mystery lush of mangroves.

I recognized Ms. Bambi's profile with the sliver of the moonbeam on her profile as well as the glistening of her hair as it cut through the water. she seems to be a sea nymph guiding us to a secret place. we get into the thicket of mangroves until we reach a clearing. it's like an oval track only that it’s surrounded with trees rooted into the dark waters.. It’s eerie and marvelous at the same time. it's like a scene grabbed from a mythical book of Tolkien. we reach the epicenter and saw the shy moon uncloak herself at last. she is our main audience as we swam into the warm dimly lighted yet sparkling water.

then we continue to wade through unknown territories, stepping our feet into slithering roots and muddy sands. while Ms. Bambi, our sea nymph guide, tied the rope around a flimsy branch and we try to hide our identity from the guarding trees. from its roots, there dwell invisible organisms. we could only see them once we try to wave our hands under water and see neon lights illuminated through the dark. I know this is real. Chai and Russ already saw these zooplanktons and they are for real.

my fascination swallowed the moon. I can't contain myself on seeing those tiny lights filtered by a liquid matter to the extent I plunge into the dark water, opening my eyes to see those neon lights crash into my face even though I feel my eyes searing with pain. Defying my bodily instincts, i keep on looking on those neon lights as i forget how to breath until my lungs were filled with murky waters.


-originally posted and edited from this entry...

French Gypsy Jazz

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

ako, usa ka ballerina

kininto nga sayaw
sa imong atubangan;
ako, mo kiay

ilabyog ko kining akong haw'ang nga lawas
ubay sa imong gitara,
tuod motuno ang kapaspas sa akong ginhawa
sa kasikas sa kwerdas

ang kahapdos ug kasakit
gipadayag sa akong mga kamot
nga gawara-wara
ug mulatay sa alambre sa kinabuhi
kining akong mga lapa-lapa

kininto nga sayaw
sa imong atubangan;
ako, mo kiay-kiay
motuyok dayon kog kalit
dungan sa kalibog sa hangin
nya ipalupad ko kining
akong mga bukton
sa imong gihong-hong na sonata

modagan ko diha sa imong dalan
aron masilhig ko ang linghot
sa imong niaging mga adlaw
ug taliwala sa imong kabalaka o kaguol,
mabaling tika sa akong itum na tutu^
nya pag dayon human,
kining akong tiil; akong ibusdak,
resulta sa atong pagkabungkag.

alang sa usa ka barista

aduna koy naibgan nga usa ka barista
inig dominggo sa gabii, didto sa kapehan---
sa iyang atubangan, ako magpa-atbang

gaaso nga tasa, ako gakiti-kiti
katamis sa dihang itunol na nya akong sukli

ambot kung ngano mukirig
kining akong mga ngabil
wla man unta ko mapaso
o diba gayam'yam
(tungod sa way katulog paghandum kaniya)
basta sa iyang kape,
kanunay kong ma-kilig!

susama sa crema ug asukar
ako daw motuyok ug mahilis
sa dihang malumos naku sa iyang radar

maski dili pako niya piskan
magpabilin kanang iyang dagway:
usa ka mantsa dinhi sa akong alimpatakan

gaaso nga tasa, ako gakiti-kiti
katamis sa dihang itunol na nya akong sukli
apan imnon ko ang kapait sa akong pagbati

kay sa pag-pauli,
muhapdos nasad ni akong dughan
kay kaybaw ko nga dili gyud naku siya makahiuban

Sunday, October 19, 2008

breath

one of these days,

please let me breath.

photo: taken from one of XO? art performance in outpost

Saturday, October 18, 2008

pag-inusara

dinhi sa dagat
akong i-tuslob kining akong mga mata
paningkamotan ko nga dili mamilok
hangtud aduna koy makita

naglibog naman gud ko
naglisod nakug sabot sa mga panghitabo
aduna koy mga pangutana
nga sa hagbay nga panahon
nipilit ug halos dili matangtang
susama sa pugita

susihon ko kining kalawmon
utngon ko kining kaparat
hangtud aduna nay katin-awan.

dinhi sa dagat
akong i-tuslob kining akong mga mata
paningkamotan ko nga dili mamilok
sawmon ko ang tubig sa akong pag-inusara
hangtud makit-an tika

salamat

gusto ko mopahiyom
sa mga gagmayng matang
nga imong gidalit---para lang kanaku.

gusto ko mopahiyom
sa matag adlaw nga ikaw
masakitan---tungod lang sa akong kaboang

sa imong puro nga pagmahal
ug sa chocolate nga Ghirardelli

wala naku'y laing masulti pa

gapas


sa kanunay nga imung adlaw mulakaw
magpabilin kining akong anino, ga'barog
tiil ug kamot gabawog---
ang dagway nagtutok sa salog


pila pa ka gabii ang akong lamyon
aron masinati ko balik ang imong katahum
pila ka dupa kalay-a
kung diin asa ka.


dungan sa mga aninipot,
akong mga tudlo nag pundok
nagsabwag kini sa mga gagmayng gapas
nga unta, dungan sa akong panalangin
mulupad ug maanod kini
ngadto sa imong panganod

Friday, October 10, 2008

Napalid

naupos na ang sigarilyo
nga imong gi halokan
napapas na ang aso
nga niligid sa imong panan-awan

ako: molayag ug dili mo na makit-an
patuyokon ko kini akong palabad
gamit imong tayhop

susama sa abo gikan sa imong tabacco
ako: napalid ug nagpabiling gingkalimtan

September

yes, its undeniably the BER months.. it's gonna be cold, wet and slippery from our heart all the way to our feet but hopefully we will randomly bump to eachother, whatever circumstances we might gonna be under...

-a snippet from an email; addressed to agent banshee rabidcat, agent chocolate thundah and agent loudmouth virginamazon.

September 1-3

-struggling moments.. sigeg pangutang here and there
-but never asked help from my parents, call it pride or "prinsipyo" but i can't stomach becoming dependent to them
-keeping myself assured, i always tell to myself: "mahingkawas ra ko ani"
-its hard for me to sleep at night, i find myself walking along talamban area at midnight

September 5

-we had our last day of training with ann.my wave mates and i have a salo2x at the pantry
-i got the highest score with all of my assessments
-giggle with Jean, my new found friend here in the site
-we tell each other stories, we are now sort of bonded
-she call me bitch while i call her slut...and we call our wave mates as old farts---then we laugh it all off!

September 6

-harren and i had a long talk by the porch as i waited for chai and russ to arrive. we talked about our hometown (Gen San; Bantayan Is) and first heart aches.
-dance with chai at the balcony as we sang bjork's "possibly maybe"
-russ bought a stick of cig and the three of us take turns of puffing from it as we shared the cruelty of life
-nevertheless, we are still happy.
-the three of us eventually went to Paseo. We found there's no place for us there, we proceed to Mango.same case. we ride a cab home without saying a word. all of us were spacing out.

September 7

-it's a rainy sunday and i don't want to rot in my room all by myself. gone to russ' place and we had movie marathon. we watched these videos:

*monster's ball
*love actually
*wrist cutters

-the night grown deeper, russ and i have a long walk along banawa road.
-he had his dinner and after that we log-in to a "slut machine" and tried our luck. unfortunately, we went home saying: "way swerte!---but maybe one day we might grab the jackpot"
(you know what i'm pertaining about--so go figure it out)

September 8

-Julio visited me in my flat. He brought with him some goodies/pasalubong from the states (chocolates, canned goods, imported soaps, shirt and a hand bag)
-well, I'm grateful with my in-laws.. hehe

September 10

-my eternal crush' birthday
-republished "ode to the celebrant" in memory of him
-comfort myself with Julio's chocolates

September 16

-had my Berlitz Testing alone in a barren training room
-its quite strange talking with a stranger assessing your language proficiency over the phone. i wish we converse in German or in Spanish
-had a very long day and decided to go to Banawa to unwind. but there's nobody around. I only find sylvester (chai's cat) and kinshasha (a half labrador pup). i played with them for some time and rub their tummy before i left.
-i check my blogspot and i feel guilty with julio's message in my cbox that says: "how come?" (in response to my "august" post)

September 17

-I'm glad my last pay in my prev company is ready and could be released this friday!
-i hope its more than my expected amount
-can't wait for this financial breakthrough

September 19

-finally, i already claimed my last pay.
-and i can't help but overwhelmed with the amount since its much way too higher than i expected
-able to pay all of my dues: 3 months worth of bhaws rent, utang sa mga tao nya gilukat akong cellphone and set aside some emergency cash
-finally, nahingkawas na gyud tawn ko.

September 20

-early morn, i woke up with a weird dream***

-thanks for my long overdue "last pay" from my previous company, nahingkawas ko sa almost two months of financial coma (for being broke made me bedridden---literally!). -Then i became a heroine for "sylvester" from the treacherous hands of russ since i chose to be in banawa and watched elvis Presley (with a friend and villain) over staying in Casa Escaño in the midst of literary snubs (although it could have been with a friend) it just that I'm much comfortable with the former one. -Chai is in Davao, though she was with us in spirit, Vera, Russ and I bond over a set of beer. of which scenario led to vera's drunkenness and russ' sudden urge for women. haha


September 22

-27th monthsary namo ni Julio
-and i can remember how we spend the day by what we spent:

*280 two movie tickets "for the first time"
*80 munch
*100 bread talk
*90 dinner
*0.0 special bond

September 23

-processed my 1st ever health card in City Health
-also processed NBI clearance for passport
-tungod sa kainit ug nag-apas sa oras, nadakpan noon ko sa CITOM
-after few minutes of discourse, I'm able to win the officer's heart and let me go (phew! I'm spared for staying in a correction bus for 2 hours or paying the penalty fee)
-had a coffee moments with chai in JY
-she have for me a pasalubong from Cagayan
-i also able to pay her the 1000 pesos that i owe from her

September 26

-continuing a long kept tradition, i watched Cinema Europa
-able to watched "Children of the Moon" (Germany) and "Beauty in Trouble" (Czech Republic)

September 27

-the empress of Cheshire Cat's Birthday
-greet her first thing in the morning
-2nd day for the Cinema Europa Marathon, but unable to come over since we have an upcoming performance this day
-so instead of watching somebody else's fictitious life, Russ, Chai and I had our life's moments in Turtle's Nest where we had our performance night

September 28

-with Julio, we attend the last leg of Cinema Europa film festival this year
-we watched two movies: "Late bloomer" and "Vitus" both movies are from Switzerland

September 29-30

-in my room, reading a novel and smoking

Thursday, September 25, 2008

THE CHESHIRE CATS SHOW

1. Walang Libreng Beer at Pagkain Dito dahil Krisis Ngayon
Presentation by Chai Fonacier

2. Today today today! Now now now! The luxury of anything can happen and The price of knowledge
art by Russ Ligtas.
3. Ug musayaw si Liyo
performance by Liyo Denorte
...................................................
September 27, 2008, Saturday. Turtle's Nest, 9pm. (But a performance will start at around 7:30 so come early if you want to see). No entrance fee. Bring a friend if you like. Wear a funky hat. Going wild allowed on that night, in accordance to the Fonacier Birthday Decree B612 which states: Visitors and Celebrant may go mad.

Birthday Decree no. 3.14159: All other September Celebrants may celebrate their un-birthdays as well.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Taym Sa'

ayaw ko talikdi
ayaw ug dagan palayo kanaku
taym sa! hunong kadiyot
ug paminawa ang tukar sa akong bukog
pangitaa ang mga aninipot sa akong kasing-kasing
ug usapa ang mga pulong
gikan sa akong atay

palihug sabta
nga ako para lang gyud kanimo.
kalimti na ang uban
kay wala silay labot
sa atong hampang nga tago-tagoan,
kay ikaw ug ako ra gihapon
ang mag kinit-anay
sa ilaw'm sa takdol nga buwan.

sa tunga-tunga sa gabii,
gusto kong mag gakus ta
nga sa labing kahugot
mawad-an tag ginhawa---
dungan sa imong kalagot:akong kaguol
ug sa atong kasubo,
manga-padpad sa hangin.

mao na nga
palihug,
ayaw ko talikdi
ayaw ug dagan palayo kanaku
hunong sa' kadiyot
ug intawn
ayaw ko biya-i

After Dark (murakami)

Quite nocturnal, i just find it hard to sleep at night. I'm much comfortable when the sun comes down, it would be less hot and the world seems to be much peaceful. as much as i hate being stuck in a traffic jam, i hate walking along dusty road. that's why i like walking alone at midnight (even until dawn). streets are always barren and cold at that time.

it's the time when the puff of smoke from my cigarette turns into a mini cloud and it trembles with its own lightning. It's the time when lamp posts talk with their own shadows. When goats, after a whole day of munching grass, will find its way to trash bins and eat garbage. It's also a time when stray cats try to ask you some stupid questions like: "where have all the fishes fallen when they rained down from the sky" with their nonchalant eyes when you passed them by. furthermore (according to a friend) when you remove the walls from all the houses around the neighborhood, you will see people lying in their sleep (most, if not all) like corpses in an overloaded morgue.

on top of all, midnight is is the best time for me to deviate from the chaotic strings of crowd on a usual daytime.

originally published in 2004, "After Dark" by Murakami, a book that reveals about alienation and social withdrawal. furthermore (as of personal point of view) it captures certain surreal moments when our ever wandering consciousness relentlessly evades our subconscious mind.

...half awake half asleep

A novel where mundane thoughts and banal happenings turn out to be fascinating, while some readers might find it mysterious or whimsical.

it's my 9th Murakami, I red handedly grabbed it from a book shop and have a plan to return it back one of these days.

Monday, September 15, 2008

paghinoktok

ani-a kana sab
naglingkod murag bato
ang mata gatotok
didto lusot sa ding'ding
sa imong kwarto

kanus-a paman ka
mahipukaw sa imong gamatang pagdamgo?
diin imong mga tiil ug kamot
galutaw sa imong kalibutan
nga hagbay ra nihunong
susama sa lingin nga orasan

asa paman ka padulong?
mu-ikyas na sad ka?
imo na sad kung paapason
gikan sa dagat sa Siquijor
ngadto sa langub sa Aprika

matinga nalang ko
nga sa dugay mong
pag-statua
mukalit lang ka'g pagdumdum
sa pag-ginhawa ug
nanghuyos imong baga
human sa lawom nga pagpanghupaw

hahay,
ali na dire bah
haw-as na diha sa
imong atabay
maglakaw-lakaw ta didto sa bukid
bahala na kung kita magaras
bahala na kung kita mangasaag
basta kay mangita tag dalan
padung sa tumoy sa imong kalibutan
hangtud mangahulog ta
didto balik sa imong atabay
diin ang kangit'ngit gitusok
sa gamayng buslot
sa imong paghinoktok

ay, mauwaw ko...

ayaw ko tan-awa
bati kog nawong
adunay daghang buslot
ug butlig-butlig
nga gimpang sablig
sa akong nawong

ayaw totoki
muborot nya nag samot
muhobag, mamula o
basin pa, moboto'
murag bomba

i hope dili ka
ma-turned off
ayaw kabalaka,
mawala ra ni
human sa akong pag-regla

kaybaw baya ka,
nga bag-o ra ko ni-daga
kaybaw baya ka,
nga daghang kahibulungang
nanga'hitabo sa 'kong
kalawasan nga nagpabiling
misteryoso sa pagka'karon

so please
bear with me...
I can show you other things
if you like...

or, if ganahan gyud ka og
adventure, pwede nato
palungon ang suga

kay sulti nila:
"adunay mga sagradong matang
ang makaplagan sa kangit'ngit"

basta kay ayaw lang gyud ug
ka-turned off ha...
kay ako,
pwerte baya ko'g
kaibog nimo
maski ang imong ilong
murag palwa.

bugdo pa sa Monay

gatindog sa akong atubangan,
gabarog ug ga'panting
ang imong himsog na kalawasan

ambi naku kay didto ra ka
mo possing sa stage ug murampa
pero pwede ra sad diay
dinhi sa kilid sa akong katre
dinhi sulod sa akong kwarto

beh, patan-aw sa imong braso beh
oi! kadagko susama sa akong paa
beh, patan-aw sa imong chest beh
oi! kabugdo murag monay ni manong Tinong
beh, patan-aw sa imong abs beh
oi! ka flat, murag gi palo-palo sa
usa ka daku nga baratiya


kalami nimo ingkiton: kagumkum
kalami nimo tilapan: tami-is ug parat-parat
hmn, let me see your face
oh my gosh---you look like Jericho

ok..

nya, mag-unsa naman ta ani---
mag'pa picture?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

ode to the celebrant

like a sunset over the lake..
just maybe,
it may seems that
the sun that sets
is the dying flame that wave the rays
of my heartache's arms.

basking

yearning

of a long gone love.
that once sprung up
but chooses to kiss
the tinge line across surrendering
and be forever drowned
in the cold murky waters..

how i yearn for the "could have been" moments
toying around of your vague images
and reach into solitary painful orgasm

how i miss that certain glow
that sparkle from your smile
that gives warmth into my core

but you let me sink into your horizon.
and forever be fading
leaving no trace of memory nor flicker
from your blanket of reverie

as i make my way towards the empty hollow
soon i'll be numb
soon i'll be old to feel what was was
however,
i chose not to forget

how i yearn for the "could have been" moments
toying around of your vague images
and reach into solitary painful orgasm
how i yearn for the one who greyed me out into shadows.
who---

keeps me in the dusk.



-originally posted and edited 09/10/2004

Saturday, August 30, 2008

August

...was a very sad month


August 01
-i've been waiting and i'll keep on waiting


August 03
-went to russ' place in Banawa
-watched Sophia Coppola's "Lost in Translation" with chai
-the three of us stroll at Ayala and settled in a coffee shop
-borrowed some money from chai (since all my savings were depleted after a month of being a certified bum)
-i'm broke
-we went back to Banawa and we had dinner

August 05
-7 am, haven't slept last night. sleepy and most jeepneys are full. I unintentionally get myself into a bus that's heading towards my boarding house in Talamban, not knowing it is a private school bus. i slouch over as students keep on staring at me. i keep my cool and pretended that I'm a school teacher by reading through my book. the moment i exited, i just simply quips to the bus driver "sorry and thank you"
- when i got myself out, i can't contain what i feel, a mixture of embarrassment and exhilaration. "whoa i got a free ride in San CArlos school bus"


August 06
-Stayed at Julio's place in Danao
-watched my Best Friend's Girlfriend". Watch the entire film in silent mode since the audio is busted, i read on the english subtitle instead.
-swoon over Richard Gutchierez and watch it for the second time when the audio terminal went normal. For some reason, I appreciate the movie more with only the subtitles than the audio is on.


August 07
-watched "One more chance" a movie presented by Star Cinema.
-mushy it may seems but i did cried over


August 08
-as Beijing celebrate the Olympics Grand Opening, I'm running to find a paralleled significance of this momentous day
-I'm heading towards Cebu from Danao to meet Russ and Chai. Both of them are still in Mactan for a wedding when i called them.


-while waiting for them to arrive back in Cebu City, i need to talk to somebody. I dialed Julio's number and thank him for everything. i let him know that i'm grateful for him and he's a wonderful person.
-we even reminisce what we've done on 07/07/07 when now it is 08/08/08.


-keeping the tradition, went to the UP ground and join the annual "UP Cookout", able to get inside free!


-i haven't seen a lot of familiar faces


-Chai performed with her band "Balde ni Allan". Russ and I were touched when Chai recognize our presence as one of her "cheshire cats" before she sang her first song.


-we proceed to "Out Post" and jam all night.

August 09
-movie marathon at Ligtas' residence with russ' mom
-watched "Elizabeth" (Cate Blanchett)
-then get twisted with "Magnolia" (Julian Moore, Tom Cruise, et al)
-Gone to meet Russ and Chai. Went to IT park, get wasted and become professionally wrecked individuals.
-we realized: Giatay ang among kinabuhi (as of the moment)


August 10
-attend "Sugbusikat", local bands feat Balde ni Allan, Fastpitch, Urbandub and more.
-Hang out with Russ, Chai, Apiong, David and Mona at MEPZ soccer field
-listen to the rock bands as i puff my cigarette. the smoke rises and turn itself into a dark cloud, without hesitation, it crawled itself into the sky and swallowed the moon.


August 11-13
-look for a new job
-process my application, took exams and talk bull shits
-had my final interview after 5 years of waiting
-lost my wallet, (this my third time losing my wallet within this year)
-i lost my identity
-I'm totally broke and pathetic
-why is this happening to me


August 14
-went back to Danao
-take refuge from Julio's place
-had coffee at Tweet's place with Sheen (my bf's sister) and Julio.
-we watched Kung Fu Panda and learn the hidden meaning of the golden scroll


August 15
-invited for a dinner with the Soriano's family friend, my first time to attend one with my bf's family
-had some shots, sing along with a karaoke
-sing my heart out through the night


August 18
-I asked Julio to go out with me and walk along the seawall in Danao and watch the moon. He seems half listening and continue on what he's doing and i waited for him outside but he's busy with his online account. so much time passed by,So i left him. Instead of going to tne beach, i went back to Cebu city and watched the moon alone.
-I'm depress


August 19
-all alone in my room, drowned with my own thoughts, I'm dying


August 20
-went back to Danao, be with JUlio but even with him, i still feel alone
-Julio seems to be so cold towards me
-he don't kiss, the "lambing" mode is gradually fading
-he don't make love to me as what he usually did before
-for some weird reason, i feel sexually deprived and depress


August 21
-I'm a floating rubbish


August 22
-traveled back to the city
-tried to process my requirements for my new company
-gone to russ' place in Banawa and watched porn with him
-we talk about our previous "sexcapades" and all those gay stuff
-of course, we also talk about matters of the heart
-watched "Silk" (Keira Knightley...) with Chai and Russ
-i find myself crying, for it reminded me of the stupid letter that i wrote for Nikko 5 years ago.


August 23
-i had my contract signing and officially pick myself out from being unemployed
-once again, i become a glorified corporate slave. I've got nothing to feel but to be grateful, it's a privilege having a job nowadays.
-tag along with russ after each of our own unsuccessful sexual conquest
-we had coffee at Bo's and burry my nose to Murakami's "Norwegian Wood", I'm about 3/4 of my old Norwegian Wood when i lost it in this same place,. and now, to give justice with my second copy, i'll make sure to finish it here in this cafeteria.
-met Vera, after 2 decades of being assigned to Dumaguete.
-we catch up with the things that we need to talk about and we end up walking around Cebu business park smoking cigarette. it felt like the old times. past midnight


-Chai joined us afterwards. we chat around the deserted mall. Vera has this affinity towards anything about egg. she craved for century egg, boiled egg, male's scrotum 'til finally she settle for a "balut"
-Russ wasn't able to joined us, nag warlah mode intawn
-the three of us later proceed to "Alejandro's"
-warlah sad ming tanan
-gibaktas from ayala to capitol area with glee, like three little gurls excited to go to the beach.
-i walk vera home and spend some time with her---just like we used to do.


August 24
-russ showed something that I'm ought to reciprocate a "dare for a deal" in the future
-watched "Ken Park" with Chai
-then Apiong came along with a bunch of CDs---we're having movie marathon
-we watched "Girl in the CAfe"
-after midnight, i get sleepy and need to have some rest for tomorrow's training
-i went home financially, emotionally, and sexually deprived.


August 25
-my 1st day of seminar as a corporate asylum resident
-we have this usual getting to know you session, we are ask to state our name and say something about ourselves. when all of my colleagues were done with their turn, i found myself saying: "hi everyone, my name is Sophia, and i'm a ballerina"
-not a memorable day at all
-not until midnight, i got an ultimate rendezvous with a beautiful stranger
-and he happens to be a Canadian citizen. Boy next door appeal with soft fluffy hair. But i know he's not for me to keep. He talks and cuss like a pornstar
-can't wait to tell russ about it, but I'm too tired to do so
-i slept in my room with mix feeling


August 26
-Gone to Russ' place and watched "Better Luck Tomorrow"
-we found the asian guy cute (Ben Manibag)



August 27
-I'm late for work for the second time
-i got my first coaching log in three days!
-we have a native speaker for our language trainer. He's from a Filipino descent, he grew up in the states---and, he's darn hot.


August 28
-i wanna call julio---but for some weird reason i didn't.
-i miss him alot but i think he don't miss me at all.



August 29
-XO? performance night at Tapas Lounge "Purdoy"
-chai had her "theatrical poetry"
-russ have his coin operated performance art
-while i died with Sir Raymund Fernandez human sized Alpiler
-then the three of us has this impromptu performance sharing a bottle of beer 'til its last froth while Sir Munds play a jazzy rendition of "My favorite Things"
-we end the night watching "Jeux d'enfants"


August 30
-another impromptu performance for the VIVA Excon (pre-launching) at the Casa Gorordo (after the mistress of the night herself, Ms. B., convinced me)
-i dazled everyone with my contemporary ballet performance together with Sir Javy's bongo wearing my old tutu.
-naboang ko sa akong performance---sige ra kog katawa sa dihang makahinumdum ko sa akong gibuhat
-i wish i could grab pictures of my performance.
-same night, i met Leo, (yes, another Leo who happens to be a towering 5'11" and a ramp model)
-we spent the night together filling up our individual imperfections


August 31
-it's a gloomy sunday
-smoke 2 sticks, got dizzy, slept, and failed to took my dinner.
-When i woke up it's already 2am
-unable to go back to sleep. I'm hungry but all diner are already close. i got a lot of things i wanna do but due to this scenario, i just shrug with frustration. it seems my whole world is in complete paralysis.
-i wish I'm on a shore right now, so i could drown silly thoughts that keep swimming in my head.
-instead I'm trapped in my room with nothing else to do, my mind keep wandering around until depression struck me.
-i cried until dawn


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

i'll keep on waiting

how bitter it is that all I can do now

is wait and wait

even when all feelings inside me are like scenes of dusk

-Yukino Houjon

Monday, July 28, 2008

empress of Cheshire Cats




Chai

huka ra sha





aduna koy mga pangandoy
sa matag-adlaw
nga kanunay kong gi'panalangin

mga matang bahin pinansyal, seguridad
kalinaw sa among pamilya,
ug labaw sa tanan
mga matang bahin sa gugma.

i'yam-yam ko ang
psalmo byente-tres
aron dili naku makalimtan
nga ako:
wala gibiyaan

mga pangandoy sa matag-adlaw
baktason aron makamtan
ug hinaot sa matag lakang
dili mahisaag ug dili mawagtang

*huka ra sha
ba ra ba
yah ree sharee
shante kave salve
ba ra ba



*
i also have this tendency to do "tongues" specially for things, feelings or whatever idea which are too deep or too intense to put into words..



Saturday, July 26, 2008

descanse en paz





Liyo
: Ver; which do you prefer, happiness or peace?

Veruschka: Peace


(a conversation with Veruschka way back in our college days)

7 lives left



russ found this card on a river, he picked it up and gave it to me as he said: "leo, you have 9 lives"

i simply smiled and this thought came across my mind: i already died twice

the right to be folly




Art raises its head where creeds relax.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Monday, July 21, 2008

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

washed away

currently, i find myself only digesting works from murakami. i've a lot of attempt to read other books authored by somebody else but i have a hard time trying to keep my pace on finishing the whole book. for that, two years had passed and all the books that i can mention are short stories and novels done by him.

so far, this is my latest: Kafka on the Shore


i've read the first few pages on my way home from work. i'm stuck in the dusty jam-packed road along Banilad highway and it itches me to flip even just the cover.


i'm glad i still have this appreciation to books as what i had way back in high school when i first started to like reading. i even give justice to every novels that i've read which is to finish them in a coffee shop.


finishing this book, gave me this temporary moon struck. although this one, compared to his other books, have this vague or let say weak resolution in the end--- but threads of unspeakable memories disgorged out from the labyrinth of my being just the way his other works had an effect on me.


Everytime that i come across to this book in my room (dusty and wrinkled); the book, the plot together with its characters, always reminds me of a seaweed washed away on a shore. Once a part of the vast community of weeds, it has been uprooted and remain alone with its journey to wherever the current pushes it. This lonely floating weed might have came across with magnificent creatures and wonderful seascape until it finally reach the shore and retired with the emptry shells and pebbles on the sand.


It might look so dried up and battered, but imagine the experience this seaweed went through compared to those remained deeply rooted.


Friday, July 11, 2008

where have all the sheeps gone?

There are countless times when i struggled to sleep to the extend i psyche myself to doze off.

like:

i drool my eyes over and force a yawn. voluntarily have this prolonged breathing 'till my heartbeat slows down then i faintly said to myself:

"oh no, i'm getting sleepy now... oh.. oh my... my world is spinning and i'm swallowed in a whirlpool..."

---but usually, it doesn't work.

(a post from my micro journal dated July 10, 2005)

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Adele singing "daydreamer" on Jools Holland (live)




to Julio, my human thimble...

recently

*i kept on looking at the wall clock, checking how much time i slept, what can i do at this hour, or what should i do to maximise my free time. i kept on looking at the wall clock to know how much remaining hours left before I'll go to work.

*i realized there's no brewed coffee that could really perk me up in town, it needs an extra shot of espresso to lift me up---is it because i got higher tolerance to caffeine now, or most coffee shop around the city are getting bland due to continuous price inflation?

i also noticed that a mug of coffee is more or less 25% more expensive compared last year and the quality of coffee they serve is not really that "Hmn..."

come to think of it. a Php 99.00 worth of caffeine filled beverage is 90% water---it seems i'm paying for experiencing the place and not i'm purchasing for.

*I wish we could have huge libraries in town (just like the ones in Japan) wherein one can browse 24/7 and can even drowse off and take a shower. I really have this bad experience in a public library located along Osmeña Blvd. that the assigned librarian at that time won't allow to turn on the lights (even if the room is really dark that you need an infra red eyes to read) since her daughter is watching a cartoon program using the library facilities---such a way to use government taxes!

talking about taxes, i got around 3k worth of tax deduction for the last 30 days---such amount could be purchased a(n) MP3 player for my younger brother whose bugging me about it since last xmas... tsk!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

escape


i thought beaches are sizzling only for the month of March, April then MAy.. But we had our Company GA at MAribago Blue Waters just this early June. Ok fine, whatever. so i went and savored the moment.. click here are some of the snippets..

....

i really don't know if i could consider myself as an escapist. i also need further self evaluation to measure how serious i am on dealing with my personal issues. But i usually do spur of the moments just to break of from routinary living.

* last May 31. just to end the month, i went midtown on my lunch break at work. Had my hair done, grab an ice cream and went window shopping in a span of three hours---without my supervisor knowing it. i get the best laugh when i returned to my station.

*I'm suppose to wait my turn in a certain diner, the server was so freaking slow. while she bustle around the kitchen and had her daily buzz, i munch on their pika-pika (servings of lumpia shanghai, chicken lollipop and a piece of brownies). when she come back and i payed my order, i gave her a warm smile as i told her "keep the change"

*i had this spanish/german/filipino crush not so long time ago. we sort of date before. but now, he got a new boyfriend. one time while strolling at SM northwing, i got a sight of them together. first i just shrug it off and smile as they passed me by, then my cool faded as my inner triumph vanished. i hide to a nearest establishment and it so happen it's a "dollar restaurant". i feast myself on a piece of cake which cost 1 week worth of fare allowance. darn!

back to zero

i munch codes and numbers every day.

i got to type my passwords everyday and change them once in every 45 days before i could access my online tools. I got to deal with billing disputes from my beloved customers and calculate their balances that are long due. i memorized all the pricing and discounts together with the proper codes that need to be attached to apply the necessary features. i'm quite familiar with my own monthly bills too and billing statements. I'm an artist in my own little way but i do believe I'm also good in math.

i could digest all of the numbers but this one choke me up:

i lost my phone number.

i got it with me for four years. four years worth of contacts and four years worth of treasured messages. at first i thought, its just another number. but every time i reload my airtime minutes, it took me a moment to jot down the number, i need to grab my phone and search for it. if somebody asked me what's my contact number---i just grimace and ask their numbers instead just not to prolong the agony. I can't imagine how many messages that was intended to be sent to my inbox will get lost in mid air. its like going back to being mediocre agent and not able to read through the matrix... instead of finding meaning i only see series of 0's and 1's. lost in a broad weave of modern communication---it's going back to zero.







Wednesday, June 18, 2008

until, my recent orgasm (yes, it was) i came up with an idea.

I have been tagged. The rule is to list ten random facts about one's self and to tag ten others to do the same. it's been more than a month since i was looped with this literary scheme chain but i have a hard time coming up with something to write.i had read quite a lot of "i-have-been-tagged-entries" from random bloggers to my close friend's blogspot. for that, i already have this notion (once you were tagged) of writing something you haven't tell the world about yet or any peculiar events in your subconscious or waking hours. i give that a thought but i guess, i'm quite verbal about the inner side of me and i also wrote any peculiar moments that i had. So i found myself pondering what to write.


until, just my recent orgasm (yes, it was) i came up with an idea.


how about writing something i'm very much intimate at the same time secretive about.
something i can't dare talk randomly to any random person. so i'm going to write about my
sexcapades.


this might be very vulgar, but i think i'm brave enough to go on with this post. First, i
honestly keep on thinking about sex. Given a pie chart about my brain activity. I got 10%
thinking about work, 10% about my future plans, 10% about my passions and aspirations,
another 30% about random rationalizations and 40% about sex.


and it so strange I'm not writing about it and not talking so much about it. so let me have
these 10 random guide questions to fully expound this matter:


who was your first sex and how young are you at that time: a 6 footer, 25 year old policeman
and i was 15


what makes sex interesting: i'm able to know more and explore more about the person through sex.. It's like exploring a different planet when you suddenly collide and experience the big O.


so far, what are the professions you already have hooked-up with (worth enumerating): a barista, a designer, a film director, medical rep, doctor, supervisor and a gym instructor.


tendencies: versatile, but more likely to be a fucking bottom


preferred positions: the basics; i love the missionary position, but i get horny with the
doggie style. (tehee)


type: tall, medium to chunky to moderately chubby body built (haha!), i like skinny heads or
with clean /prim hairstyle and of course with phD (read as in gay lingo: pretty huge d***)


fetishes: beer belly, clean yummy sexy armpits, black briefs.


out of this world sexcapade: i met this bisexual guy whose girlfriend is a swimming
instructor (where i usually swim, uhuh!) and he brought me to a resort on top of the
mountain for a date. we settled on a cottage hidden along the narrow pathway to the cliff.
with nothing else to say, i rub his back as he kept on looking at the cityscape. all of the
sudden he grasp my hand and pull me into a hungry kiss. we make love by the cliff. my world
literally went upside down as he lay me down on the picnic table, entered me crazily to the
core, and had a synchronized trance.


something funny: a drinking buddy from davao, keeps on nagging me about finding a "chix" (an attractive lady) while we drown ourselves with tons of booze. the moment we're fucking drunk, he ends up getting me laid in an inn. I'm a tight ass so i can't be screwed without any lube, so i try to find my emergency sachet in my bag. the room is dim (as it usually is) so i try to fish inside my bag for the lubricating jelly. i finally grab something that
feels like a sachet, so i squeeze it out and apply it on my partners d***. He screwed me up
with his tool but before we get into moderate pace, i find my a** burning hot, i turn on the
light and found out that the sachet is an anti-dandruff menthol shampoo. i abstain having
sex for more than a week since then.


how about something special: of course, to my loving boyfriend (to whom i'm committed almost two years now) "pa-safe" haha! he went to a seminary for his board exam in an in-house review. It's been almost a month since we haven't make love at that time so we can't do "something" until he goes out of the seminary. finally, once the review is over and the
board exam went through, we lit candles in the room, filled it with aroma (eucalyptus
essential oil). and we had a frenzy sex on the floor.

.......................

right now, i'm still not sure about my 10 others to get tagged. I'll just keep my list open. Until then, i'll just update this post.

Monday, June 16, 2008

ultimate knock downer

message history

you've exchanged the following messages with just$^#^ - note that only messages that have not been deleted or deleted in the last 5 days are shown:
16 Jun 2008, 06:33


liyo: hi my big crush..

=)

just$^#^: hello still awake at this time?

liyo: yeah, since i just newly woke up..

how 'bout ur case? haven't had any sleep yet?

just$^#^: my dear di pa ako inantok 4 hours diffence kasi eh

liyo: hmn ok.. that figures.. well, i hope getting some sleep won't be a struggle for u.. hehe, i know how pestering it is..

if u have some problem with that, i wish i could give u a soothing massage, so u could sleep easily.. hahaha

gud day to u mr.

just$^#^: are you a good masseur? i have troubles in sleeping

liyo: i could say: "i am a good masseur"

=)

hmn, there might be a lot of factors that could caused u sleeping problem..
and mind u, there's also a lot of remedy for that too..

haha.. nice sunny day outside.. i wanna go swimming..

just$^#^: and what particular remedies for that pls tell me

liyo: those could be:

**sipping a chamomile tea (w/c is pathetic yet effective)
**drinking a full bottle of wine with me.. hehe
***try to make ur room darker than usual, turn the temp low, then spritz some aroma in ur room (aroma oil, incense, etc)
***swim 40 lapse in a 100m pool

or have a tedious fuck then a good massage afterwards---that's the ultimate knock downer..

there u go.. =)

just$^#^: thanks my dear...dapat may consultation fee ako sa iyo...hhehehh whats ur name? ---$^#^ here

liyo: liyo

Friday, May 30, 2008

French Gypsy Jazz



was invited by Ms. B..
Russ, chai and I tagged along..

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The meaning of soup has been lost.



Gabriel Celaya's "The Meaning of Soup"

The meaning of soup has been lost.
Life moves slowly, with a warm, oozing tread,
It smells like river mud, like cows and slow earth.
The woman under a man knows that smell.

An odor as nourishing as good soup,
A nutritious weeping, a few patient days
(Here �s where we eat, drink, breathe, and make love.)

Must I explain? Is there anyone who doesn't know this?
Life is a heavy humus, sweet and black.
It has the heat of the loins and insists on shedding tears.

It �s the dammed up river of the woman we love,
The ripe fruit of exhausted hours,
And a job, a house, an impulse, a routine.

Because all of us live and life is just like that.
It �s not love, or happiness, or ideas, or the future.
It �s just a hot, thick, dirty soup.

(Translated from Spanish by Robert Mezey and Hardie St. Martin)

......................



it's been awhile since the last time i read newspapers---to the extend i really don't have a firm grasp of what's currently happening around me. Last Sunday, Vera brought me to her niche in Jagobiao Mandaue, where ABS-CBN station is located. To my delight, i saw loads or should i say tons of Newspaper dated ranging from this year and way back year 2007. i just miss reading Newspapers specially at the Lifestyle column.

Flipping through the pages it makes me wonder why I doesn't have the same enthusiasm as i had before in the UP library when i once an avid patron. images of triumphs, deaths, failures and successes flash as i flip through the pages. But still, I don't feel any relevance or oneness with what is literary happening around me. I'm wondering if I'm totally encapsulated with my own issues, struggles and my own dreams.

Reading newspapers made me think of sipping a soup without really knowing what it is or what it should have been.. it's like sipping through the obscurity around me.

Monday, May 12, 2008

balak gikan sa usa ka masahista

ihukas muna imong sanina:
ihukas tanan mong kakapoy,
kagoul ug tanang kasakit.
ipa-himotang imong nag-aguroy nga lawas
para ma sinati nimo ang kalinaw

hapa^, dayon ginhawa ug lawom
samtang akong mga tudlo
mo-silhig sa imong panit
diin mulanog ang liboang orchestra
nga nag daguyduy sa imong mga kaugatan.
daw kuwerdas sa matahum nga biyolin
mukatay gikan sa akong kuku
dayon mo'kitiw-kitiw sa imong dugo
hangtud mapadpad sa tumoy sa imong pilok

tang-tangon ko ang pugita
nga ni tuok sa imong tangkugo,
ug ang mga sisi^ nga ni pilit
sa imong mga bukog
aron mahingkawas ka sa kabug-aton sa imong gibati

susihon ko ang matag
grano sa imong buhok
subayon ang matag dagom
nga nahisaag sa imong ulo
mo dapyos akong kumagko
gikan sa imong agtang
moliko agi didto sa likod sa dung'gan
dayon mokanaog sa imong liog
padung ubos sa imong abaga,
padayon ug paubos
paubos,
paubos..

hangtud kalit mupasaka sa aping
sa imong sampot
mukanaog balik sa pa'a,
didto sa batiis
hangtud sa gagmayng tudlo sa imong tiil

hapa^, dayon ginhawa ug lawom
salig sa akong mga tudlo
nga mu-silhig sa imong panit
diin mulanog ang liboang orchestra
nga nag daguyduy sa imong mga kaugatan.
daw kuwerdas sa matahum nga biyolin
mukatay gikan sa akong kuku
dayon mo'kitiw-kitiw sa imong dugo
hangtud mapadpad sa tumoy sa imong pilok

Friday, May 09, 2008

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay




inig buntag
gusto kong mubangon sa imong tupad
diin akong dughan
nagpahipi
sa imong abaga
gusto kung hinayhinay ug gawas
sa habol ug sa imong akbay
nga maski sa kabog-aton sa imong mga bukton,
dili ko mawad'an ug ginhawa.

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay
aron ang imong pag-hagok magpa-dayon
ug kalit modapyos kining mga hamis kung batiis
sa imong balbon nga paa
hangtud nga mahinkawas ko sa imong
nagpahulay nga lawas.

inig buntag
gusto kong mubangon sa imong tupad
susama sa usa ka liso
nga nalubong sa yagmok nga yuta
kalit nabis-bisan
kalit na-initan
mutorok, mutobo ug mamuwak

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay
aron masinati ko ang puro nga pagkakaron
usa ka matang dili naku ma-kumkum
diin ang kagahapon gilamoy ang kaugmaon
kay ang tanang kasanatian
usa ka pagdumdum na lamang

Thursday, May 08, 2008

fine, mark me absent then. I'm going home.



one thing that i despise most is setting a wrong expectation. my shift supposedly starts at 4am, however for some reason it was slided to 2:30 am without me being informed the previous day.

on my way to log in to my station, i was still confident that i got a lot of time for me to pull up my tools, since i still have 30mins before my supposed schedule. But the moment i opened my quick comm page, three of my DevSpecs bombarded me with their rantings.
......................

DevSpec1: Liyo, you are too early for tomorrow's shift

Liyo: we have our shift starts at 4am right?

DevSpec1: noh? it started at 2:30am

Liyo: i didn't know that there is a schedule change, if there is then it was not well/properly announced. i can't blame myself if I'm late in the production if i was not informed about the changes.

DevSpec1: you're always been late all throughout this week
(she's wrong i was late for this week only once)

DevSpec2: So it was our fault?!

DevSpec2: How come your teammates able to know it..and logged in on time

Liyo: first, i'm not them. second, i didn't received any cascade about the sudden change of schedule. i was even here as early as 00:15 midnight but nobody dared inform me about the schedule change. So don't tell me i just wasted my time waiting at the pantry and any cafeteria around instead of working my ass off on the floor.

DevSpec3: That is still not excuse.

Liyo: fine, mark me absent then. I'm going home.
(exited from quick comm page and walked out)

.........................
for me, the fact that i am officially late is alright, i can accept that. even though my DevSpecs, my TL, our Production Head failed to do their task on informing everyone of us. (aside from their claim that everyone was informed, but in fact there are three of us who was not informed so I'm not the only one whose late and they put it all on me.) Moreover the way they treated me on the communication page where our interaction is in the midst of my whole teammates is so improper and unprofessional. they make me feel so small, and i don't like that. they should have called my attention and talk about it in a one-on-one discussion. they should have allowed me start my daily task and give me proper sanction afterwards.

for that i shrug it all off and curse the hell out of them.

i really have this urge to scream and diffuse whatever disappointment i felt. so i hurriedly ran my way out the office and made my way home to my room. On my way, the urge to go to a beach consumed me. I went to the south bus terminal with only limited cash in my wallet and took the first bus which roared off.

That bus is heading towards Barili.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

humana ba ang kuwaresma?

humana ba ang kuwaresma?
humana ba ang kainit sa udtong tutuk
nga ni silaw
diha sa kahitas-an
niining baybayon
diin nangaliki
ang mga patay
nga kinhason

humana ba ang kuwaresma?
humana ba ang imong
sekretong pagtukaw
sa katuyuang lawasnon
sa dihang ang atong mga lawas
niligid sa lapok sa biga

nawagtang na ba
ang kusog sa imong mga braso
sa pag'gakos kanaku
susama sa mga sanga
nga dili na maka-kumkum
sa mga layang dahon
nga kini hagbay ra nga nangapalid
ug nikunsad daplin sa ugat
ni'anang kahoya.

nahupas na ba ang akong kahumot,
dili ka na ba musampit ug:
"purya pungag"
tungod sa pag-ulbo
sa akong karaang katahum
susama sa mga buwak
sa flores de Mayo

natapos na ba ang tanan
nahanaw na ba ang kainit
sa imong pagbati
aron lamang kanaku?
wala ka na bay laing katuyuan
kundi sa pag-pu'pu sa akong mga udlot
dayon nilabay ka human,
kalit gibiyaan ako nga nalawos.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

completed

it's just like fulfilling a mission, it has to be done.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

mag patag'na ka?




The idea of interpreting past, present and future is so divine that no mere mortal can do it. But i wonder what differentiate us from the divine and the mere mortal? Nothing but an obscured classification. So here we are, after the XO? meeting for an upcoming art performance, we had tarot reading session at turtle's.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"you are never fully dressed whitout a smile"



to veruscka and to the universe that she owned this day..

Sunday, April 27, 2008

post midnight idiosyncrasy

it's darn weekend and I'm stuck in the washroom trying to dry off my beer-sweat-soaked- cigarette-reeking shirt.

darn, last night was a blast'

Saturday, April 26, 2008

ug sa dihang nangabasa'




I just stayed in my room for a good couple of minutes (from two day domestic life in Danao) when my phone screamed and Russ, whose on the other line, told me they are heading North. Russ has his random urge to go any place again, and Vera and Chai are already tagging along with this spur of the moment escapade. Ok, so I asked where?

and Russ told me they're heading North, to Danao.

I just came there and I'm slightly exhausted from the trip. But I can't erase the idea of missing the moment with them, so without a trace of hesitation in my voice i flash the green light.

Ok go. Fine..

We are like little children who went out for a trip without any plans in mind. One thing that excites us is the beach. since its quite a moonless night and the place could be deserted, to dare for skinny dipping is a must. We can't wait to plunge into the dark water. But our anticipation were drenched as heavy rain drowned the entire region. Even though we are still miles away from our destination, we are already beaten wet.

It is like a declaration that summer is about to end, since the dusty road now turns into a muddy highway. Once we step foot in Danao, we hurriedly took shelter to a already closed resort. With guilt, we trespassed the place and stayed in one of the cottages. yayks!

the place that surrounds us is quite dark, we only have a glimpse of it each time a lightning flashes across the unseen sky. The cottage is quite inviting and we stayed there for the night. talking, laughing, being scared with passing strangers, getting cold, listening to the rain, sleeping, aimlessly wondering about our own arbitrary thoughts, sleeping side by side on a table but no skinny dipping.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

nagkabalikos

naglingkod sa daplin
sa kapehan
akong gi-ginhawa
ang aroma
sa distansya natong duha
diin liboan ka kilometro
ang nagbuwag sa atong kalag
nga kanunay gilamoy sa aso' sa paghandum

daw suba sa kapait
ang akong tasa
diin ako:

nalumos
nalumos
nalumos

nalumos sa kinalawman sa akong kamingaw

sa ngitngit
misubay kini akong mga tudlo
nga nikurog, nituskig
dayon sa pag-kalma niini
sa dihang nahutdan na ug kinabuhi.
susama sa mga liboang hilo
nga gihomol sa dagat,
nag'wara-wara sa ilawom sa tubig.

maayo unta nga mabaling ka
sa akong mga tudlo nga ginama sa hilo
aron mabati nimo ang mga pulong
nga dili naku ma'ilitok
kay naliso man sa akong dila

maayo unta nga mabaling ka
sa akong mga tudlo nga ginama sa hilo
aron mag'kahi-usa ta
taliwala sa distansya
nga nagbuwag kanatong duha

ug sa taknang panahon
mahibalik ka kanako
ug sa hangtud sa hangtud
'tang duha magkabalikos.

sa pagka'karon dinhi sa daplin sa kapehan,
akong gi-ginhawa
ang aroma
sa distansya natong duha
diin liboan ka kilometro
ang nagbuwag sa atong kalag
nga kanunay gilamoy sa aso' sa paghandum

sa akong kapungot

ako nang gilubong akong kamot
sa kalagot
sa kasamok
sa kapungot

ug sa dihang nahi-abot ka
hala, wala kay swerte
ikaw ang nabuthan sa akong kalagot
ayaw ko basola kung nabusdakan tika
ayaw ko mahaya kung nag-abot ta
karong adlawa
kay ikaw ang nag-pasegrab ani akong
ni-upos nga pasensya

dah, nabuthan ka noon
sa akong kapungot
nawindang ka sa akong kasilag
napaknit imong pagbati
natunok ka sa akong gimpangsabwag na thumbtacks
busa imong gi kamang ang yawe
sa imong luspad na kapalaran

dili gyud ko mangayog pasaylo
dili ko mangayog despensya
kay wala ka masayod sa akong gibati
tulo na ni kaadlaw nga ako nagpailub
gi-kumkum kining pasensya nga nag'awas-awas
bahala ka uroy
kung mangaway ka
bahala ka uroy
kung mag-yawyaw ka

ayaw ko samoka
leche ka!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

alang kanimo

ako nang gihalad ang akong kasing-kasing

akong gihimbisan
gi kuwaan ug hasang
ug gibukyad
sa kainit
dihang ni evapora
ang pisik sa dugo
nga ni kurog
dungan sa paghilak ning akong dughan

ni kinang sa akong mga mata
ang unod nga ni sayaw
sa matag hapak sa kasilaw sa adlaw
sa dihang kini ni kuyos
ug nauga dungan sa pagtaghoy
sa akong kaguol

sakto ra ba sa kaparat?
sakto raba pagka-uga?
sakto na ba ang timbang
sa kabug-aton sa akong gibate
aron matagad mo kini akong gidalit
para lang kanimo

sakto na ba akong gibuhat aron ka makahibaw
nga sa hagbay na panahon
ako: magpabiling mo-alagad kanimo
nga ako: hangtud sa hangtud mo dangup kanimo
apan dili pa kini sakto
aron mo angay sa imong garbo

busa, ipabilin ko kining akong kasing-kasing
nga gabukyad sa mga matang na walay katin'awan
nag-uga sa gugma nga walay klaro
apan tuskig sa pagbati
alang kanimo

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

sa kamingaw

kung ako:
gaminghoy, mikuyos ug nalaya
kung ako:
nakugang, nagping-it sa kalagot
buhok nangalarot

sud-ungon tika sa kamingaw

kung ang akong
mga dangoyngoy
panalangin ug pangamilit
nangapalid uban sa unos
nga gidala ni hanging habagat
hala sige, kilatan tika sa kamingaw

kung kita,
nag-abot sa parula
diin atong mga damgo nag-abot.
apan napidpid sa pangpang
ug nangapaksit ang atong mga dughan

hala sige, ibusdak ko akong kamingaw

didto sa isla sa pagpangamilit
itanom ko kining pangutana
nga sa dugay nga panahon
ni turok, nangalingsing
ug nigamot gikan sa parat nga balas:

intawn sa kamingaw sa akong kalag,
ngano ikaw man?

meandering in the labyrinth of queries

Everytime you try to sleep,
what's the usual thing that come's up to your mind?

inside the bus, what keeps you from getting bored?

what is the maximum days does a sperm cell survives in the pharynx?

when a suicide bomber explodes, what's her last facial expression?

if u get drowned,
do your fingers throb and stiffened or do they sway in the water gracefully as they die.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

keeping the tradition

today, i want to be in a place i've never been to yet.

the first few minutes after the clock hits midnight, i was catering to a pseudo customer who needs to change her billing address on her account. I assist her with glee, each words that comes from my mouth send assurance across the airwaves.

when i'm done done with today's work i finally decided to keep the tradition. the year before last year, i was in Olanggo. then just a year ago, i went to Malapascua. Now i want to go to Sipaway island. It is an island located just nearby San Carlos Port in Negros Occidental---located on the western coast of the country.

On my way to the south bus terminal, i pass by Cebu Doctor's hospital and have the urge to go there just to peek on their nursery section. i saw bunch of newly born babies. My eyes were drawn to a baby boy who was born just on the crack of dawn on this day, April 09 2008. Reading the tag on the sterilized crib, his name is Ochea.

Afterwards i passed by at the Basilica Sto. Niño and marvel the old church's grandiosity. the newly woke up sun licking its humongous wall turning the edifice a glowing spiritual monument.
it's just magnificent when u get inside the church you have this floating feeling as if your walking into a higher dimension. i proceed to the annex where u could see the famous little child icon on His reign. Forever smiling. I later then went outside to the patio and light up some candles and murmur my prayers.

The moment i arrived at the south terminal, i settled on a bus bound to Toledo. The travel from Cebu City to Toledo would take around 2 hours and will cost you Php60.00. The operation manager attached a TV and a DVD player inside the vehicle for the intention to keep the passengers from getting bored. Well, i am greatly annoyed. They're showing a war movie and the their speakers are too loud. So imagine hows the effect of each bullet and grenade that explodes. As much as i want to deviate my attention, i couldn't keep my eyes on the American soldier who starred in the movie who happened to be so darn hot. So there goes my sexual fantasy, as bumpy as the road we pass by.

Finally, we arrived in Toledo. I scored a vessel ticket bound to San Carlos. Too tired and sleepy, i dozed off while on board. The bustling of the passengers who can't wait to get out wake me up. So i'm officially here in San Carlos. I could hear most people speak in Hiligaynon. I asked a tanned ship crew when will be the last trip way back to Toledo. And i also tried to speak with the locals on how to go around the area. I even found myself pressed to speak in Tagalog since most locals speak in Tagalog when i tried to speak in Cebuano... ahh ok.

Now, i got the whole place to explore. Sipaway, the island that i would like to go to is just nearby. It is around 10-15 minutes boat ride from the wharf. I'm very enthusiastic to go around places and would love the idea of staying for days. However, due to time constraint (for the fact that i still have to work later this night) that plan is improbable. Plus, my facilitator's threatening voice keeps on ringing on my head during the first few days of training keep on ringing on my head: "You can't afford to be absent nor be late. It will certainly lead to termination"

that very notion cringes me.

Unfortunately, i stayed in a place-i've-never-been-to last just for a few minutes and have no other choice but to go back. The ship crew just sway his head when he have me as a passenger again as i wrote my name in the passenger's manifesto going back to Cebu. Atleast, my first mission has been accomplished.

making my way back to the city makes me feel like forfeited. I tried to cheer myself up but i was totally consumed with disappointment, just like the mountains outside my bus window being swallowed by the advancing dusk. the sunset already passed its prime, from splashing power red on the sky to washing it to melancholic purple. flock of birds chirping their way to their nest. i feel tiny drizzle drops on my skin. they are so minute that it seems to be confused where to fall. and the last images that i could recall is the scene when i pass by some fading shores, i was thinking that they're giving up their luminosity for the meantime so they could glow back the next day.

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