how bitter it is that all I can do now
is wait and wait
even when all feelings inside me are like scenes of dusk
so far, this is my latest: Kafka on the Shore
i've read the first few pages on my way home from work. i'm stuck in the dusty jam-packed road along Banilad highway and it itches me to flip even just the cover.
i'm glad i still have this appreciation to books as what i had way back in high school when i first started to like reading. i even give justice to every novels that i've read which is to finish them in a coffee shop.
finishing this book, gave me this temporary moon struck. although this one, compared to his other books, have this vague or let say weak resolution in the end--- but threads of unspeakable memories disgorged out from the labyrinth of my being just the way his other works had an effect on me.
Everytime that i come across to this book in my room (dusty and wrinkled); the book, the plot together with its characters, always reminds me of a seaweed washed away on a shore. Once a part of the vast community of weeds, it has been uprooted and remain alone with its journey to wherever the current pushes it. This lonely floating weed might have came across with magnificent creatures and wonderful seascape until it finally reach the shore and retired with the emptry shells and pebbles on the sand.
It might look so dried up and battered, but imagine the experience this seaweed went through compared to those remained deeply rooted.
There are countless times when i struggled to sleep to the extend i psyche myself to doze off.
i drool my eyes over and force a yawn. voluntarily have this prolonged breathing 'till my heartbeat slows down then i faintly said to myself:
"oh no, i'm getting sleepy now... oh.. oh my... my world is spinning and i'm swallowed in a whirlpool..."
---but usually, it doesn't work.
(a post from my micro journal dated July 10, 2005)
to Julio, my human thimble...
*i kept on looking at the wall clock, checking how much time i slept, what can i do at this hour, or what should i do to maximise my free time. i kept on looking at the wall clock to know how much remaining hours left before I'll go to work.
*i realized there's no brewed coffee that could really perk me up in town, it needs an extra shot of espresso to lift me up---is it because i got higher tolerance to caffeine now, or most coffee shop around the city are getting bland due to continuous price inflation?
i also noticed that a mug of coffee is more or less 25% more expensive compared last year and the quality of coffee they serve is not really that "Hmn..."
come to think of it. a Php 99.00 worth of caffeine filled beverage is 90% water---it seems i'm paying for experiencing the place and not i'm purchasing for.
*I wish we could have huge libraries in town (just like the ones in Japan) wherein one can browse 24/7 and can even drowse off and take a shower. I really have this bad experience in a public library located along Osmeña Blvd. that the assigned librarian at that time won't allow to turn on the lights (even if the room is really dark that you need an infra red eyes to read) since her daughter is watching a cartoon program using the library facilities---such a way to use government taxes!
talking about taxes, i got around 3k worth of tax deduction for the last 30 days---such amount could be purchased a(n) MP3 player for my younger brother whose bugging me about it since last xmas... tsk!