Saturday, August 30, 2008


...was a very sad month

August 01
-i've been waiting and i'll keep on waiting

August 03
-went to russ' place in Banawa
-watched Sophia Coppola's "Lost in Translation" with chai
-the three of us stroll at Ayala and settled in a coffee shop
-borrowed some money from chai (since all my savings were depleted after a month of being a certified bum)
-i'm broke
-we went back to Banawa and we had dinner

August 05
-7 am, haven't slept last night. sleepy and most jeepneys are full. I unintentionally get myself into a bus that's heading towards my boarding house in Talamban, not knowing it is a private school bus. i slouch over as students keep on staring at me. i keep my cool and pretended that I'm a school teacher by reading through my book. the moment i exited, i just simply quips to the bus driver "sorry and thank you"
- when i got myself out, i can't contain what i feel, a mixture of embarrassment and exhilaration. "whoa i got a free ride in San CArlos school bus"

August 06
-Stayed at Julio's place in Danao
-watched my Best Friend's Girlfriend". Watch the entire film in silent mode since the audio is busted, i read on the english subtitle instead.
-swoon over Richard Gutchierez and watch it for the second time when the audio terminal went normal. For some reason, I appreciate the movie more with only the subtitles than the audio is on.

August 07
-watched "One more chance" a movie presented by Star Cinema.
-mushy it may seems but i did cried over

August 08
-as Beijing celebrate the Olympics Grand Opening, I'm running to find a paralleled significance of this momentous day
-I'm heading towards Cebu from Danao to meet Russ and Chai. Both of them are still in Mactan for a wedding when i called them.

-while waiting for them to arrive back in Cebu City, i need to talk to somebody. I dialed Julio's number and thank him for everything. i let him know that i'm grateful for him and he's a wonderful person.
-we even reminisce what we've done on 07/07/07 when now it is 08/08/08.

-keeping the tradition, went to the UP ground and join the annual "UP Cookout", able to get inside free!

-i haven't seen a lot of familiar faces

-Chai performed with her band "Balde ni Allan". Russ and I were touched when Chai recognize our presence as one of her "cheshire cats" before she sang her first song.

-we proceed to "Out Post" and jam all night.

August 09
-movie marathon at Ligtas' residence with russ' mom
-watched "Elizabeth" (Cate Blanchett)
-then get twisted with "Magnolia" (Julian Moore, Tom Cruise, et al)
-Gone to meet Russ and Chai. Went to IT park, get wasted and become professionally wrecked individuals.
-we realized: Giatay ang among kinabuhi (as of the moment)

August 10
-attend "Sugbusikat", local bands feat Balde ni Allan, Fastpitch, Urbandub and more.
-Hang out with Russ, Chai, Apiong, David and Mona at MEPZ soccer field
-listen to the rock bands as i puff my cigarette. the smoke rises and turn itself into a dark cloud, without hesitation, it crawled itself into the sky and swallowed the moon.

August 11-13
-look for a new job
-process my application, took exams and talk bull shits
-had my final interview after 5 years of waiting
-lost my wallet, (this my third time losing my wallet within this year)
-i lost my identity
-I'm totally broke and pathetic
-why is this happening to me

August 14
-went back to Danao
-take refuge from Julio's place
-had coffee at Tweet's place with Sheen (my bf's sister) and Julio.
-we watched Kung Fu Panda and learn the hidden meaning of the golden scroll

August 15
-invited for a dinner with the Soriano's family friend, my first time to attend one with my bf's family
-had some shots, sing along with a karaoke
-sing my heart out through the night

August 18
-I asked Julio to go out with me and walk along the seawall in Danao and watch the moon. He seems half listening and continue on what he's doing and i waited for him outside but he's busy with his online account. so much time passed by,So i left him. Instead of going to tne beach, i went back to Cebu city and watched the moon alone.
-I'm depress

August 19
-all alone in my room, drowned with my own thoughts, I'm dying

August 20
-went back to Danao, be with JUlio but even with him, i still feel alone
-Julio seems to be so cold towards me
-he don't kiss, the "lambing" mode is gradually fading
-he don't make love to me as what he usually did before
-for some weird reason, i feel sexually deprived and depress

August 21
-I'm a floating rubbish

August 22
-traveled back to the city
-tried to process my requirements for my new company
-gone to russ' place in Banawa and watched porn with him
-we talk about our previous "sexcapades" and all those gay stuff
-of course, we also talk about matters of the heart
-watched "Silk" (Keira Knightley...) with Chai and Russ
-i find myself crying, for it reminded me of the stupid letter that i wrote for Nikko 5 years ago.

August 23
-i had my contract signing and officially pick myself out from being unemployed
-once again, i become a glorified corporate slave. I've got nothing to feel but to be grateful, it's a privilege having a job nowadays.
-tag along with russ after each of our own unsuccessful sexual conquest
-we had coffee at Bo's and burry my nose to Murakami's "Norwegian Wood", I'm about 3/4 of my old Norwegian Wood when i lost it in this same place,. and now, to give justice with my second copy, i'll make sure to finish it here in this cafeteria.
-met Vera, after 2 decades of being assigned to Dumaguete.
-we catch up with the things that we need to talk about and we end up walking around Cebu business park smoking cigarette. it felt like the old times. past midnight

-Chai joined us afterwards. we chat around the deserted mall. Vera has this affinity towards anything about egg. she craved for century egg, boiled egg, male's scrotum 'til finally she settle for a "balut"
-Russ wasn't able to joined us, nag warlah mode intawn
-the three of us later proceed to "Alejandro's"
-warlah sad ming tanan
-gibaktas from ayala to capitol area with glee, like three little gurls excited to go to the beach.
-i walk vera home and spend some time with her---just like we used to do.

August 24
-russ showed something that I'm ought to reciprocate a "dare for a deal" in the future
-watched "Ken Park" with Chai
-then Apiong came along with a bunch of CDs---we're having movie marathon
-we watched "Girl in the CAfe"
-after midnight, i get sleepy and need to have some rest for tomorrow's training
-i went home financially, emotionally, and sexually deprived.

August 25
-my 1st day of seminar as a corporate asylum resident
-we have this usual getting to know you session, we are ask to state our name and say something about ourselves. when all of my colleagues were done with their turn, i found myself saying: "hi everyone, my name is Sophia, and i'm a ballerina"
-not a memorable day at all
-not until midnight, i got an ultimate rendezvous with a beautiful stranger
-and he happens to be a Canadian citizen. Boy next door appeal with soft fluffy hair. But i know he's not for me to keep. He talks and cuss like a pornstar
-can't wait to tell russ about it, but I'm too tired to do so
-i slept in my room with mix feeling

August 26
-Gone to Russ' place and watched "Better Luck Tomorrow"
-we found the asian guy cute (Ben Manibag)

August 27
-I'm late for work for the second time
-i got my first coaching log in three days!
-we have a native speaker for our language trainer. He's from a Filipino descent, he grew up in the states---and, he's darn hot.

August 28
-i wanna call julio---but for some weird reason i didn't.
-i miss him alot but i think he don't miss me at all.

August 29
-XO? performance night at Tapas Lounge "Purdoy"
-chai had her "theatrical poetry"
-russ have his coin operated performance art
-while i died with Sir Raymund Fernandez human sized Alpiler
-then the three of us has this impromptu performance sharing a bottle of beer 'til its last froth while Sir Munds play a jazzy rendition of "My favorite Things"
-we end the night watching "Jeux d'enfants"

August 30
-another impromptu performance for the VIVA Excon (pre-launching) at the Casa Gorordo (after the mistress of the night herself, Ms. B., convinced me)
-i dazled everyone with my contemporary ballet performance together with Sir Javy's bongo wearing my old tutu.
-naboang ko sa akong performance---sige ra kog katawa sa dihang makahinumdum ko sa akong gibuhat
-i wish i could grab pictures of my performance.
-same night, i met Leo, (yes, another Leo who happens to be a towering 5'11" and a ramp model)
-we spent the night together filling up our individual imperfections

August 31
-it's a gloomy sunday
-smoke 2 sticks, got dizzy, slept, and failed to took my dinner.
-When i woke up it's already 2am
-unable to go back to sleep. I'm hungry but all diner are already close. i got a lot of things i wanna do but due to this scenario, i just shrug with frustration. it seems my whole world is in complete paralysis.
-i wish I'm on a shore right now, so i could drown silly thoughts that keep swimming in my head.
-instead I'm trapped in my room with nothing else to do, my mind keep wandering around until depression struck me.
-i cried until dawn

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