Thursday, January 31, 2008
Then spent a day in Dumaguete to visit Yen in her new home with her new heart. Russ and I happen to met a person who we thought a great catch but we remain cool when we realize he is just a great companion. We sip coffee at Cafe Maria and spot a hot Caucasian strolling along the boulevard. A naughty smile painted across our faces.
2008, it is a new beginning. 2 + 0 + 0 + 8 = 10 In numerology there's only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0. original numbers should not repeat itself. so 2008 is going back to zero. going back to scratches.
so i plan to do something for this year. to do something relevant and if not a breakthrough but at least a sort of breaking free.
so i quit from my work, after staying one year and four months in the company. Staying more than a year in one company, same group of people, same environment is quite a while. I built good working relationships with my colleagues, i knew my cms log in and password by heart, and my locker is my constant closet. In short the company became a part of my system for all this time. If not due to ailment i might have done good riddance to my co worker and seeing my company crush for the very last time, but what happen is i just vanished like a wisp of smoke by an air ventilation in a posh restaurant. But it doesn't matter. In the end it's the same thing --- i resigned.
That was January 15th.
Then Sinulog came, meet new faces. Julio and i had a heated argument. Supah drunk alot of times. Flirted, hooked up, then break up with a couple of old time crushes. I also had a 15 minutes conversation while walking over a cold drink with a banker who work in a prestigious bank in Makati. both of us thought we are in our first step of courtship but its just plain curiosity that run through our veins. It end up me saying: It's nice to meet you.
I had my first ultra sound images of my internals, 3 tubes of blood gathered from my left arm and spill some urine for lab tests. I had a liver problem. Hey, I'm a health conscious freak! I do exercise, i watch what i eat and take vitamins. i take care of my health more than i take care of my baby girl (hehehe kidding i just wish i have one)--- i felt betrayed by my own body.
So i had a lot of time for myself as i undergo recovery. I read Murakami's Wild Sheep Chase, i also have his "Wind-up Bird Chronicle" I'm recently on the 2nd book of the trilogy, then a short story entitled "All God's Children Can Dance" which i finished in just few minutes inside Powerbooks. So i have enough literary insulin after all those reads.
Moreover, i spent the last week of my first month in Bohol with Julio. His great grandma died at the age of 101. It's seeing a century old woman put into rest after series of civilization came to her wake. We stayed 5 days in Calape. We also visited one of the oldest church in the country: Baclayon Church. Stroll around Island City Mall at Tagbilaran and bump through tourist filled mall. After the burial, at last we had a proper intercourse.
After not seeing my insulin providers (Russ, Chai , Vera, Yen) for a long time. i got this desperate need to see them again. I first met Vera, then Russ. We played word games and laugh 'til our stomach hurts at Turtle's. We're suppose to meet chai but my night turns sour specially when a French guy who don't have a Filipino culture traced in his DNA meddle with my family dillema. But we happen to meet Chai at Kukuk's where she spill the beans. After everything-will-be-alright-hugs and rub at the back i couldn't help but smile. They're more than anything to me. They are my home. My anchor.
Now, as i'm about to end my first month of 2008, my body aches due to last night's performance. But my soul aches more for its own adventures and unfathomable journey. I still can't fully grasp those things that happened. but I will always stay as a wanderer. Relentlessly searching.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
spotted these two lost goats along banilad road on my way home. they were like brothers whose itinerary might have misplaced by their owners. i would smile to see goats in the fields, or even in IT park but along the highway? that's cruel.
i couldn't help but to take picture of them. it might be an adventure in their part, no one knows. so let me capture their "moment". i got this in my photo files in a while. as i keep on scrolling and review this picture, it seems it's speaking to me.
i felt i were them. i felt I'm also lost in this chaotic world I'm trying to exist. it might be a surge of temporal confusion i might say. but now, i felt misplaced---but i'm trying to enjoy it.. like a bee trying to gather minute nectar from a crazy looking flower or in the situation of these goats, they might be so excited to go home and tell their kins how magnificent the city is but its actually nothing compared to their home field.
all i have to do is wait. wait and follow the current where it suppose to go. As the character Corporal Honda (wind-up bird chronicle; murakami) state his Nomonhan experience: "when you're supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb up to the top. when you're suppose to go down , find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. when there's no flow, stay still. if u resist the flow, everything dries up. if everything dries up, the world is darkness."
i know somewhere, there's a greener pasture out there..
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Here's what i come out with:
nagpuyo mi sa igbaw sa bukid
didto sa taas.
adunay nindot na talan-awon
gikan sa igbaw sa bukid.
taga buntag mulakaw ko ngadto sa tumoy
ug mulabay sa mga gagmayng matang
parte sa sakyanan, botelya ug gamit pang kusina
ug maski unsa nga naa sa palibot.
nahimo kini nga bisyo
usa ka pamaagi
para sugdan ang adlaw.
muagi ko niini
sa dili paka mo mata
para makasinati ko ug kalipay
sa kalinaw nga akong gibati
dinhi sa taas, uban diha kanimo.
sayo kaau sa buntag
wala pay nangamata.
nabalik ko sa akong pangpang
naglabay nasad ug mga matang.
naminaw ko sa mga tingug niini
samtang nangahulog kini paubos
akong gisunod sa akong mga mata
taman sa kini nangabangga.
gihanduraw kung unsa kaha ang
ugong sa akong lawas
sa kini nagbundak-bundak sa mga bato.
sa dihang kini mo tugpa
ang akong mga mata,
gapiyong ba kaha o gabukyad?
muagi ko niini
sa dili paka mo mata
para makasinati ko ug kalipay
sa kalinaw nga akong gibati
dinhi sa taas, uban diha kanimo
Thursday, January 17, 2008
i'm 20 minutes late.
i'm shuffling my closet on what to wear.
i found a perfect polo but jeez! a sleeve had been ripped.
let me fix it. where's my sewing kit...
there you are, but darn!
it fell and smash itself on the floor exploding my DMC thread organizer into a fireworks of colors.
but wait a minute let me take a photo of it. there you go..
now i'm about an hour late.
around 70% of my possessions are made up of paper.
i got tons of notebooks, wads of papers, receipts, high school letters, workshop sheets, unfinished poetry drafts, sketches, old artworks, journals, letters from my parents and long since gone friends and acquaintances. I have envelope fill of school forms, application letters, subject prospectus, form 5, and registrar's copies of so and so..
also keep a variety of magazines, reader's digests, novels, old newspaper clippings, a suicidal note from my father and two dusty yet new looking bible.
i sort the stuff need to be kept and those that needs to be burned. as i open one of my mini notebook from papemelroti i read on some of the line that my nonsense confusion struck me way way back then. On one of the random page there's one thing that caught my eye:
a razorfish bookmark!
hey, that was summer 5 years ago that i caught this upside down swimming fish when i tried to make it as a pet yet wasn't able to survive.. this one sort of saddened me so i want to keep it and use it as a bookmark. it is half a decade ago since i'm able to preserve this weird looking yet an amazing creature.
i slowly put it back and closed my mini notebook.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
flower beds in our minds, the three of us: Vera, Russ and I ride towards the higher altitudes. After the ride we found ourselves lost in a well made-up village...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines."
- Grey's Anotomy; Meredith Grey
it's undeniable that boundaries don't keep things out, they embrace us in. As long as we are into the story with no expectations of what should gonna happen, only then when we are able to see the glory of what is happening.
stuck in traffic, i hear the loud banging of drums and the saccharine sound of trumpets as some of the sinulog contingents have their street dancing congested the road along Escario towards Jones Avenue. Instead of sitting inside the jeepney and wait, i scream "lugar lang" then hand over my fare. and just a stride, i found myself with these marvelous people, closer than ever! i don't need to have that media / official photographer's badge to claim the middle of the road set my camphone to click, click and click!
here folks, these are just the scenes that will amaze us this upcoming mardi gras..
see you in the streets and let's stump the river beat...
viva pit senyor!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
on my way out from work, got 5 misscalls from veruschka.
liyo: vera! Asa ka?!
liyo: When pka duty vera leigh lasam? Anha ko dha? Log out nku..
veruschka: gawas ko sa balay 2pm
liyo: Ok.. Nan.aw tag movie na..
veruschka: i'm buying food what do you want.
liyo: Happy! Happy peanuts!
veruschka: Bigger, im n countrymall
liyo: Den the whole pack.. I insist for happy peanuts... i'm sad and at lost
veruschka: Ok. I found ur happy now. Even looking for that happy is difficult. We're all perpetualy being played upon by whatever cosmic god there is.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
it can't be "Noh". the Japanese highest form of musical drama is too profound to consider this random performance as such.
it so happen that after the "rigor mortis" photoshoot, i work on few minimal dance movement without any music, instead i use my own breathing to put a sense of rhythm.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
fascinated with the idea of stiffening of the body after few hours after death, i'm quite eerily amazed on how muscles contract in random and bizaare ways even after death. i talked this with Julio and we see a possible photoshoot with it.
with sprinkles of influences from Eiko Ishioka's collaboration on bjork's video: cocoon; plus Mongolian medieval warriors make-up ---here's what we've came out with.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Lots of lovin'
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