Saturday, March 28, 2009

gikapoy pa ko,

mo undang sa' kog kambras sa imong dagway
kay mao ra man gihapon,
dili ka mapanas
sa akong alimpatakan
usa ka patik sa akong panit,
lagum, nagngulngul sa kasakit

gikapoy pa ko,
ako' sa ning ilabay akong pala
moundang sa ko'g kawot aning yutaa
diin ilubong ang atong miagi
nga kanunay buhi, ug bout mubangon

gikapoy pa ko,
ayaw sa ko padagana
kay dili man gyud tika madakpan
dili mapasakitan, dili makalimtan, dili mabawsan


pakit-a ko sa imong kandiis
pakataw-a ang imong mga mata
ug, sa kadiyot ayg ginhawa
gusto ko anang angola
kinsa mani?
naa may laing
nagpahipi diha sa imong kilid
naunsa mani siya?
daw kasukaon ug kakuyapon sa kaluspad
kaila ka ani?
dali tan-awa

"ambi daw
butangi! mura manig imong kaluha.."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

let time stand still

the moment we first met---
the moment
when you and I
held back grains from running out
in the hourglass of eternity

(photo taken in Dumaguete)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

to sobriety

yeah! yeah russ!

"Paranoid Android"

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking and squealing gucci little piggy
You don't remember
You don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man
Off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name?
I guess he does....

Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me

TThat's it, sir
You're leaving
The crackle of pigskin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children, God loves his children, yeah!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


i got it now.
and darn---
why just now?
i no longer exist
can no longer be seen
ignored and forgotten
something that seemed relatively unimportant
a wisp of smoke
thinning towards a starless sky
i never thought i could be that inconspicuous
to you: a mere passerby
walking across a universal pavement
one hazy December night
oh, when was that really?
well, it wont matter
what's the point anyway
plain silence crashing over me
through a placid sad screen

a placid sad black screen
blackest black of a black ocean
where i used to swim with you
sending love notes to you
dream, breath and feel alive with you

but i think it's time to sail on now
sailing on to a much darker distance
much farther from where u step back

let the whisper of the wind tell
stories of a boy who once
became my prince

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Ting Things - Great DJ

i can't get enough of this video,

i'm hooked!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
sa kalibunan
bahala mahisaag
bahala masamad
ayaw kabalaka
mahiplagan raka

dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
hangtud maalimungawan
bahala gihapo
bahala gihutoy
basta kay padayug lihok
sayaw, sayaw, sayaw

hangtud masinati nimo
ang kalinaw sa imong dughan


nasayud naka'
nga sa kanunay
gilamoy ang aso
sa demonyo
sa imong spirito ug
sa huna-huna
padayon ang pag aligotgot
niniing bagtok
kung dugo
nga nibukal
sa kalagot sa imong
unya palihug,
tangtanga na nang imong mata
sa akong mga mata
kay wala naku malingaw
sa imoha

pauli sa imong mama!


i came to my own defeat
swallowing my own words
tasting the same bitterness that
i try to feed you
saying sorry
would take me down to my knees
it makes me twitch in agony like
kneeling on shards of glasses
or be sprayed with bullets
why would it be the case
why would it be the same scenario
again and again
to anybody, to anyone
to whom my heart belongs
wouldn't it be nice
for me not to think twice
to come up with the realization
that i would never be entitled
to my own chastity

Monday, March 09, 2009

Bjork Bachelorette Live @ Fashion Rocks

hail Bjork..
hail Alexander McQueen..

ako si maria elena

kanunay nag inusara
pipila na ang akong nabana
apan sila: tanan nanglarga
ninglarga didto sa kalibunan
ug ako gingkalimtan
taga hapon, sa dihang pagsalop sa adlaw
mosalum ko sa akong kamingaw
ang mga lumot sa kagahapon
mo pilit sa akong panit
ug ang katugnaw sa kasubo
mopakurog sa akong mga bukog
gusto ko mosidsid sa kinalawman
ug dili na motunga pa
gusto ko nga lamyon sa kangitngit
ning akong gibati

(...dili na ko gusto mo ginhawa)

apan ang mga hapon
ug pagsalop sa adlaw
daw walay kahumanan
sige rag balik-balik
balik-balik balik-balik


padagkuta ko bai'
pahuwama ko sa imong lighter
ug sigrabe ko sa imong kagwapo
mala adonis mong mga mata
ug porcelana mong ngipon
pasigaha akong ngitngit na kwarto
diin nahikatulog ang akong galimaw nga kalag
gusto kong i-ginhawa ang aso sa
romansa nga ginhayhay sa kahanginan
ug dayon ibugwak ko ang katamis sa
akong kaibog kanimo
yati nah,
dili man diay ni musiga!

paaboton tika

magpaabot ko
bahala na
magpaabot ko
maski magkaunsa
sa makadiyot o sa kadugay
lima ka oras
lima ka buwan
lima ka tuig
ug pipila pa ka bunkig
dili gyud mahisaag
ang akong pangandoy
nga makahiusa
diha tapad kanimo


gigabaan man tingali ko

-gilumot kung tasa
-naupos nga sigarilyo
-ug ngilngig nga kamingaw
nga niulbo sa matag adlaw
ug gabii sukad sa pagbiya nimo

Monday, March 02, 2009

Let Me Borrow That Top

ei russ,

thanx for sharing this video =)

it hits me again

i thought im feeling ok now, trying to tell myself: "i'll be alright"

but the sinking feeling hits me again. like a big wave crumble a sand castle without warning. i had a perfect weekend. i went snorkeling as my new colleagues played poker in our 1st team outing. after that (even if i haven't slept for more than 24 hours) i was able to meet vera, did catch up with each other over coffee. we listened to The Beatles in her U2 edition iPod (darn thing, makasuya!) while waiting for russ and the three of us partied in a dominantly straight club. had booze, smoke and dance as if we are making an MTV video.

we proceeded to a videoke lounge. Russ have a thing for "The killers" but got frustrated since the song book didn't include any of their songs, instead half of it are catered for koreans. (uuuh? what the hell!) He later settled for alternative rock as vera and i went into rock and roll trance. Vera went for Britney while i sang the Quando, quando, quando. As we're about to pay our bill, the lady in the counter demanded for the song book, the remote control and their tetrahedron menu to be returned---in such authoritative voice. what? why can't their staff get it? we are busy said she, with her eyes rolling as a matter of fact. after our frustrations and experiencing a bad customer service, we went back to the room that we occupied and we make a mess out of everything we can put our hands on. the result: as if a storm passed by. I went out for a cig to calm my nerves down, laughing between puffs. let vera and russ manage to finish the counter strike with the lady (i can imagine russ screaming at her, "by the way betch, fuck you! fuck you! FUCK YOU!" just like kelly). Ei russ, im watching the videos now. makaboang =)

after post midnight dinner, the three of us end up at russ' place and watch The Revolutionary Road. i watched most of it bymyself since both of them are sleepy. I think that's the moment when it started. It flashes all my deep-seeded issues. I tried to brush it off. as the three of us parted. i'm preoccupied with the scenes my mind keep on flashing. i need to blurt it out. or else..

I think only russ whom i can talk to about it. but he can't be reached, he's phone is either dead or he turned it off on purpose. i don't know. i just know that i don't feel fine. i want to sleep it over thinking it might fade off. but it bothers me more. it started with a minute pang, then it grows and grow until i feel like bursting. i went out in the middle of the night trying to find peace of mind. with a book in hand i went to a coffee shop in asia town IT park. my old school remedy doesn't work anymore, instead i feel restless and much sadder. i went online to find somebody to relate to but only found horny shallow fags. there was this one whose decent enough to invite me to have dinner with him next weekend. but i want something now. i logged off from that site before we exchanged numbers. i ended up browsing to my fave porn sites. got horny and to wash my pent up gay lust, i jack off over malachi's video.

i admit, somehow it feels good. darn!

so here i am. nabuntagan intawn. It's monday morning

I'll try to feel better.


Sunday, March 01, 2009






(e. e. cummings inspired)

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Bjork! Bjork! Bjork!


As Time Goes By