Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I'm trying to redeem myself from further hurt or attachment

Before I officially start this blog, lemme inform you with this mushy and yeah kinda sad
although I'm fine with it for now statement:

I'm single

It started when Julio and I broke up last august 01 2009, ending up a more than 3 years of boyfriend-boyfriend relationship. And now im threading along the sea of crowd trying to find a new one. But I get tired and I find my self sitting in a café drinking my bitter cup of coffee.

Well, yeah... i'm not really in a hurry or having a sense of urgency of having a new love interest but I think its not unusual for us to have an object to crave for, hence here goes the following reasons: to get inspired, to speak with, to dine with or maybe could watch films together. Or as simple as leaning to somebody else's back and just release that heavy sigh.

So I gave it a shot and went for a hunt. But amazingly or let say "luckily" for the past weekends, I was the one being hunted. I met three random guys. They are also looking for that special someone but sad to say all of them were gone. Or I must say: have to go. No need for the reason behind al these but to simplify the matter, they're just not my boyfriend material.

One is a 19 year old nursing student who's still closeted and afraid to come out. The other one was a graduate of a certain university in California, 6'2 feet tall Filipino guy whose just like a basketball pro, likes to play around with other men (nasty, don't you think?). And the other guy whose name is Mr. Valiant is a balikbayan from Canada.

I declare I kinda like Mr. Valiant. I like his style, his wits and the way he makes me melt over a bottle of beer. We spent some time together here in Cebu. He likes it when I gave him that naughty look. He think I'm smart and easy to get along with (i'm not sure with the former one but I consider them as a compliment) we had a great time strolling around town and ending up in his hotel room. But at the end of the day, I usually cuddle with him and the most frustrating idea came into my mind: I wish he is my long time online crush Vicenzo.

Hell yeah, let's shrug that idea off for a moment. Mr. Valiant stayed in Bora for three days in Hotel Regency, that's located along the sea front in station 2. he wants me to tag along with him. How would it be great if I could just say YES to him right there and then but I also have to weigh my options as I have to consider my status at work. I wish I can just be absent and stroll with him on the beach but I've already have a written warning and another attendance memo would totally lead to termination. So yeah, I gave up the notion of being with him. The idea of three days in heaven but a long month of misery cross my mind as I would end up jobless if I'll go with him.

A week passed by and he's now in Manila. He's off to Canada a few days from now and will live his normal routine. apparently, He's still txting me and I don't know what went into me but I just replied close ended messages.

I think I'm trying to redeem myself from further hurt or attachment towards him and just leave this spur of the moment flow. I will surely miss him though. He's a good man. Will I ever see him in the future?

Well, only time could tell.

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