Friday, February 27, 2009

possibly maybe (Bjork: live at the riverside church)



for the boy who owns these lines:
"ill keep on thinking of u while in the road"
"i really appreciate having u in my life"
"just promise me be strong"

for the boy who broke me to pieces

dream 26/02/09

I've dreamt about Africa. or rather, that's what my mind told
me in my dream where i'm at. I see tepee house made out of
detailed/graphic animal skin. then there's this branch
used for a bonfire, I grab two branches and hold it one top of the other (like X)
and it makes me fly across the sea.
the sea is so clear that even through its depth, it
doesn't turn green or blue. its as clear as the water in
a glass where u can see right to the bottom. and at the
bottom of the sea I can see dragon like sword fishes.
they are huge, like whales. but they are much leaner
and fascinating. more of an orb fish wading at
the bottom of a wave less sea. they look a bit threatening but they are
not moving. I want to go back to the shore to get my phonecam,
itching on taking photos of them.

as I went back to the shore, I walked
into the village trying to find my phonecam.
on one of the tepee house I've noticed that
they're having a sort of production. I rummage through
their work and I see this ugly looking miniature of an
African jungle. its so ugly that I decided to break it
into pieces and throw it away. but I never knew that
its a work in progress and Bjork is the one working on
it. She's making a sample of her idea and she's
working on it with the production team. But now, her
work is gone. She saw me broke it. She's fuming and she
chase after me. Just the way she get furious with the
interviewer in Bangkok. But I was able to run in time.
Bjork and the rest of the production team ran after me
(most of them are Africans and some of them are oriental looking)
I hide in one of the tent houses.

instead of panting, I find my self very calm. the occupant of the
place happen to be Russ, and he's feeding his pet with
huge pellets, he drop it into the aquarium. i'm wondering
what are his pets since those pellets are too huge for
a fish. gazing through the bottom of the tank, I found out
that his pets are marine frogs. they are special
kind of frogs. it's my first time to see this kind of specie.
these are albino frogs, so instead of rough scaly hides
they have smooth and milky skin. since russ' aquarium
have pink under lighting these frogs look ghastly pinkish.
and they eat on the pellets without gusto. they just
spit their tongue then eat and eat without enthusiasm.
russ is telling me something but I can't comprehend
what he's talking about. I just keep my eyes on those
frogs then I woke up.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

the elephant vanishes (murakami)




my hunger for Murakami goes on.

after dropping at the Powerbooks and seeing new Murakamis on the shelf. my fingers can't wait to skim through on one of them and that very moment,
i got The Elephant Vanishes.

It's another Haruki Murakami's collection of short stories. on the record, this would be my 10th book from him. at the back of the book this blurb goes:

"...Murakami makes this collection of stories a determined assault on the normal."

so somehow every short story could spice up my usual routine of going to a coffee shop. my cup by then would dance with my coffee and the smoke from my cig make love with the afternoon breeze.

although murakami's style is already registered in my system but not all of the stories hit me as the others. i can't really say that i like every piece but i do appreciate all of them---and apparently, my craving for a good read is satiated that keeps me afloat for a moment.
the top five short stories that i personally love in this collection are the following:

* on seeing the 100% perfect girl one April morning
* sleep
* the little green monster
* the second bakery attack
* barn burning


there's no one here




due to schedule change, i got my 1 hour break in such a later time--- at 11:30 pm. craving for something to eat i went to our next door kitchen, Ayala Terraces and the emptiness welcomes me.

There's no one here. The lights are still on but most of the establishment are empty. even the Gilligan's and Bo's coffee shop turned their door sign to "close" and the usual crowded outdoor mall now looks quite deserted. (the reason behind might because it's Monday, 2nd would be due to consecutive holidays and most people are tired or financially drained)

hmn, ok..

although minor hunger pangs bothers me but i smiled with the idea of this place void of major stressors.

i feel so at peace, floating even.

a lighted a cig and took photos around, since i'm dying to capture the aerial architecture of the Terraces way back it was newly opened to the public, but used to be discouraged by the annoying crowd.

still find it unusual, regularly the place is crowded until wee hours after midnight. but duh, let me just put my earphone on.



Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits -
I hope you have found
a friend.

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.


Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.

I know who I want to take me home.

I know who I want to take me home.


Take me home...


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

no reply

to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not


hmn,
should i send a message
if i haven't received any response
to my last message yet

antoson ko


taliwala sa uwan
sa kinalasang semana
sa Pebrero
magpakalunod ko, antoson ko---
hulaton ang kainit nga
ikadalit sa panahon sa umaabot nga kuwaresma

taliwala sa imong paghanaw
magsakit ko, antoson ko---
magpaabot ko sa imong pagbanhaw

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

lately,

i feel so uninspired..

Friday, February 20, 2009

earlier,

i was trapped in an elevator.

Deadmau5 And Kaskade - I Remember


i can't help but close my eyes every time the DJ in y101 plays this track...

i love it.

strange, but its true

imagine yourself without a cellphone.

pause.

hmn, ok...

now, got the idea?

well, i have one but i don't consider it a proper cellphone.
i have this not so prehistoric w800i, i bought it more than
2 years ago with my first official salary. one of the
Walkman phone hybrids of Sony Erickson. and since our Olanggo
excursion
last November 2008, i consider it half dead, sort
of paralyze. or let say decapitated.

i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ON THE SCREEN, i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.

it started with recharging my phone before i slept. and
after waking up from my 8 hour beauty rest, i found my
phone seemingly lifeless. i consulted a phone doctor first
thing that morning, and he said it needs to be reprogram.
since it was overcharged--- as what he says.

how much is reprogramming? it will cost 500 bucks. ok. reprogram it.

the phone doctor reprogram it, and my phone is resurrected,
but just quite, since it got another illness. this time my
phone is blind. it only flashes a plain milky white screen. how
can i see the main menu, my messages, my contacts, my mp3
lists, my photos?

the phone doctor advises to replace the LCD. how much is
the replacement? Php1800. oh no way, that's too much. i rather
buy a new cellphone.

its already 4 months passed by. i still don't have a new
phone.

i don't know why, maybe because I'm aiming for the latest WSeries or this 5 mega pix cyber shot camphone. however, i don't have the cash, if only i got credit card, i'll swipe it right
there and then just the way Kenji in samurai x slain his villains mercilessly.

well, i can still make calls, and can receive inbound
calls. the thing is, my close contacts were caught off
guard when i answer their call saying: "kinsa ni palihug?
(whose this please?).

"Haler?! Liyo, si ______ ni!"

i cant read my txt msgs. i can feel my phone vibrates though.
and each time that happens i wonder who just remembered me.
my sexual conquest also declined because of it. spur of the moment dates are now the rarest case. got to run to the nearest PLDT or Globe payphone booth to make contact with.
i've memorized my significant other's number than mine. every time i try to reload, i need to fish out my organizer out from my bag to take hold of my number. its quite inconvenient that sometimes i walk out in frustration.

i've become ostracized from the matrix.

one of the good thing is that i can sleep properly. i don't get jittery about txt msgs that i may anticipate about. no more butterflies in my stomach when opening my inbox if somebody whose interesting txted me. i can't blame myself or anyone if i didn't make it on their meeting, birthday, party or whatever functions/get together that my contacts had.

downer: can't take proper pics.

brighter side: but i can listen to my mp3s. and can locate the FM radio station . im quite familiar how to maneuver the joysticks to lead me where my mp3s are like a blind man reading through a braille.

i'm quite shy with my phone nowadays. when someone asks my number or save their number with my phone, i always tell them its low batt.. hahaha

sorry guys,
now i confess, i got a defective cellphone in my pocket.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

numb

numb
i want to be numb
fossil like deity
on a prehistoric slum
i'll drop my bow and arrow
and lay still
vacantly watching the moon
swallowed by the earth's shadow
let time pass its own pace
while being
coated by film of dust
eventually being erased
by centuries worth of sands
i no longer existed
the me before
has long since vanished
I'm long since forgotten
no one dare put it into record-never been written
a charred husk
blown by the mischievous gust
fading into oblivion
into the fire, being tossed


numb
i want to be numb
scraping my knuckles
till it no longer bleed
biting my lips,
i wonder
whats the use of getting hurt
when the one responsible
does not even acknowledge it

at 2am




my end of shift would always fall between 1am or 2am, depending if i came to work on time or late. but usually I'm fully awake around these times. even if its my day offs, my body clock can't seems to be modified.

what can you do in 2am? when most of the establishments are close, lesser public transportation, your close friends are snoring---and the heaviest scenario is that you are alone. its like on the TV series, The Twilight Zone. where there's a sense of hollowness, threatening and deep deep darkness. a vacuous dent in your waking life.

so i end up mulling things over and how to make these "vacuous" moments productive. i get tired of reading novels, youtubing or listening to DJ Franz on Y101 at these hours (although these are my post midnight habit i can't hardly break). eventually, i will slip my sneakers on and headed to the highway for a jog at 2am.

uhuh, at 2am.

the world is less polluted, roads are scarcely populated and peaceful. I feel lighter as a sly cat running under the moon. bomber man in bonus stage. a moving vertical line in a series of horizontals. although some insomniacs scratch their head when i pass them by. i could see through their bubble thought: "unsa na diay orasa? sayuha sad niya mag jogging oi.."

at 2am, I'm jogging myself to exhale.


me, as a sleeping pill

around 1:30am russ usually receive a call from an untraceable number, and he knows for sure that's me whose calling.

can't remember when this post midnight routine started. all i know is that russ have a problem sleeping at these hours and he need an ally to fight off his inner demons. and I'm quite familiar with his enemies so I'm quite capable on how to tame them..

russ, in return feeds me. he prepare the food himself and I'm quite impressed with what's on my plate. one night i have Italian pasta, on the other night: sauteed mushroom in quick melt cheese.

and as lucky liyo can get, he will have wine in his goblet on starry nights. we usually laugh at how fucking miserable life we "currently" dealing with---specially regarding our professional status, our bank account and of course our individual love life. as cheery it may sound, russ then feel sedated and starts to hit the sack. me in the other hand end up watching his recommended movies.

these are the list of movies that he let me watch recently that i could still remember:

*atonement
*pride and prejudice
*cocoon
*the dark knight
*Sylvia Plath
*blindness
*milk
*curious case of Benjamin Button
*vicky cristina barcelona

and just tonight,
*slumdog millionaire

in between of my whoas, awws or sobs, i could hear russ snoring. and that's always been the case.

********
the moment the movie credits float on the screen i will ceremoniously turn the monitor off, exit from russ place, walk alone in the middle of capitol area at dawn and try to have myself some sleep too.

Buenos dias.

Monday, February 16, 2009

liso


iyang mga mata mokipot
dungan sa pagkumot sa iyang kamot
didto sa akong dughan
sa dihang mutapad ko kaniya.
maipit ang akong hawak
sa iyang bugat nga tanday
ug sa dihang iya nakung gakson
ako: motingsi sa kalipay

mura mig mani
duha ka lusok naghiusa
usa ka bunga'g ugat
makaon ug matanom
apan inig turok
mahibuwag lang gihapon

kanunay, mahayon ko ang uwan
ngano paman gibisbisan
maayo ra unta to kadtong usa rami ka liso
sa hagbay nga panahon, sa ilawom sa yuta
kami lang gihapon

karon, niturok, nangalingsing ug nangalarot na
ang among mga bukog
among mga panit
nahisagol sa abo sa kilumkilum
apan ang among ugat nidutdut
sa kangitngit
diin mga liso sa among pagbati
kawton aron mahikaplagan

Sunday, February 15, 2009

itom


itom
itom
itom nga kuku
sa itom nga dahon
sa itom nga sanga nga
nagpaatbang sa luspad nga buwan
itom nga kuku nga
gikambras ang akong itom nga
buko-buko diha sa pag awas
sa itom ko nga dugo
diin ako nalunod
nalunod, nalunod sa
itom nga dagat gikan sa itom 'kong dugo
ubay sa lagum ko nga baga
nawagtangan kog ginhawa
diha sa pagkirig sa akong nakugang nga
kaugatan nga nilibot
sa akong itom nga bukog:
napulo ka itom nga tudlo
didto galingkod sa iyang pang pang
napulo ka itom nga tudlo
nga bout mokapyot sa nahugno
'kong itom na kalibutan


Sunday, February 08, 2009

wish you good luck





i reread Murakami's "Birthday Girl" (one of the short stories compiled in "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman") for the umpteenth time and I'm always struck with the conversation of the girl (who narrates her 20th birthday) with her interviewer . Along the train of conversation, the girl rose a question of which asking her interviewer what would be his wish if it happens to be his 20th birthday. Trying to come up with a single wish, he seems can't find what is there to wish for. And the girl simply quips:

"That's because you've already made your wish"

this year, everyone one of us will turn a year older. or, in some weirdest case, will turn a year younger if you got benjamin button's genes. hahah. the thing is, each of us will probably wish one thing or another if you still have a "thing" for that.

better yet, let us all remain hopeful

good day every one--- and a wonderful year (would always disregard the notion that 2009 is not good for people who are born under the year of the ox---duh?!)

hasta luego

oh snap! are you for real?




first off, it was absolutely crazy!

crazy, crazy, crazy! my idea about this party was three days prior to this event when i got my hands on the brochure that advertise this event. It's in Turtle's nest when i said to Russ: "Hala Russ, I think 'tis interesting, the thing is its gonna be this weekend--- (sighing with a sad face) we don't have ticket.."

tomorrow comes, and as i help russ move out from his flat in banawa. He surprises me with the notion of us going to the party..

oh snap! are you for real? hehe.. we got tickets!and not just tickets---they're VIP passes.. haha! courtesy of BITE magazine (Mona and David thanks..) The thing is I got work that night---but duh... the VIP ticket cost 3x my daily wage so its worth the delinquency i'll be through. I'll just think of it this way: I am being compensated while partying.. asa ka ana?

the party will open its doors from 9pm until sunrise. and usually the floor will start getting warmed up sometime in midnight. it so happen that XO? have a performance night at CNU. the series of performances starts with russ and I doing a contemporary theatric dance floating on jazz RnB progression by sir Winston's upbeat drums and sir Mund's sax and the rest of XO? music pool. then niño set the floor on fire and chai planted an exclamation mark with her beat poetry that shakespeare is dead! russ and i were catching our breath after the cloth wrenching performance. but the adrenaline rush wasn't depleted yet so after we change and fixed ourselves we headed to the CUMS party.

It's morphin' time!

mao to.. nag patuyang dayon mi ni russ sa among gibate.. naglupad lupad mi sa wanang sa sulod sa CICC. with the coolest track from the coolest international DJ, it makes any music played in mango or any not up to date bars around sound crappy..

with russ, chai, chris, joan, niño and other spirited away questors!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

fight = flight

i'll throw my gun into the sea
let any troubles be swallowed

by the hungry mouth of ambiguity
never will i speak to you my dearest friend

try not to say: "let me entertain you,
let me make you smile"

with you, everyday is an encounter with purgatory
redeeming my soul from dark cherubim

removing nails, thumbtacks and tridents
out from my back

crawling against the magnified dictionary
of issues, dilemmas and pain

they are
all, in big caps:
R
O
T

i've thrown my gun into the sea
detaching the cold metal

from my head
vomiting what's construed

and run towards sobriety

Monday, February 02, 2009

depress, do not disturb


never been as troubled as ever with depression nowadays. it would exponentially increase if i'll just stay in my room and fight with my inner demons. so i grab my shades, swimming trunks and goggles then headed to the beach with russ.

with rum coke, cigarette, and sunset by the shore---somehow it calms our nerves down.

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As Time Goes By

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