Thursday, December 29, 2011

gratitude

























went to Camp John Hay in Baguio to bring good tidings to the late General Douglas McArthur


season's greetings!








went to Nueva Ecija for the first time to experience pasko sa nayon. Had misa de gallo and nuche buena with Rain Rosales, my bessy Jon Mengua and his family.




i had this shot donning a gift from one of the carolers. as i always sing along with them. she gave this hello kitty x minnie mouse headband as she became my instant friend.



i just love it. thanks!




Friday, November 18, 2011

aorta

when you're smack dab in the middle of it,
you don't have a clue.
you may feel you've been referring to its roots:
entangled,
but have the urge to hold fast,
to appear, closely
to move vertically
never dare to be pulled out
submerged in awareness of existence and confusion
wrapped mystery inside an enigma
The highest emotional state you can feel
as a human being
or at least, a living organism
to be completely intrigued;
lose all your wits and be half crazy
thinking of love and hate as parallels.
frustration and infatuation as parallels.
the core beauty in its force; served as a
delicacy and destruction.
embracing contradiction as noble
falling into a pit
hesitating,
yet anticipating
-the-follow-the-dots puzzle,
where a seemingly random,
accidental spread of points
turns out to have a definite pattern.
psychic bonds
a connection
a sort of mania
stressed in anxiety exerted in emotional conflict
a level of heightened spirituality,
or human understanding
to push it forward
It's painful,
painfully sweet,
ˈsækərɪn
riddled for a collective outlet
a universal Consciousness
sliding into a
single trunk.


x

Thursday, November 17, 2011

be my boy

played
on repeat
a mixtape
even when
the sex is taken out of the equation,
there's an audible murmurs of affection
this track has an amazing ability to
guide us through a dreamscape
a series of banalities
obscured in our own words
shared everything
in common with our feminine tendencies.
nurturing and protecting
it is about the intimacy of a lover,
a lover. a boy
who has his mind set on his and his alone.
he understands his body
he understands his needs,
he is not demanding
instead he is giving and wishes to further
worship him,
he is smitten
and taken with him
obviously,
for somehow, he is he
he, as a boy.
in love
with a boy




x

Sunday, November 06, 2011

The Dø - Too Insistent (Official Video)




i'm loving this track and the video. love the concept and the imagery.

melancholic yet beautiful


x

Saturday, October 22, 2011

glad to see you, Cebu ●‿●



at dolce vita with mango marehs. photo by =)

i've got to see you
see you
see you in cebu

glad to see you, Cebu



x

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

mango



mango square, the heart of cebu. it's been a while since the last time i sang & danced with you. make love to me later

Monday, October 17, 2011

sedentary

sedentary leaks, sedentary squeaks
languid and disheveled
what have happened to you my little dear?
What are the things that come up to your head?
poison, broken promises, threesome, hands that smelt of burnt cigarette
pistols, candy wrappers, left over table wine, voltage, an unpaid bill
paper bag, neurons, winged cloud, murmurs, licking bodies, lip gloss
blood stained tub, dancing shemales, antibiotics, and Scottish widows
imaginary phone calls, changing numbers, asking details, age, sex, and location.
a room for two, fresh juice and needles,
eyebugs and bullets.
lackluster eyes,
what are they piercing at?
immobile,
yet you’ve seen yourself passing by
different times and different dimensions.
for you, the world is just a paper cup
raise it and it will be filled.
but how many times will it remain empty?
still waiting and fading away.


x

Thursday, August 11, 2011

kill

kill them kill them all before they will kill you the things that you own might end up owning you
kill them smoothly yet swift and sweet not as a self deprivation, but as a form of self preservation
kill them weather it's an object, a person or a place as the moment they own you
there's no more magic there's no more wonder
it's an uphill scherzo of spiral staircase
without definite dead ends

killing them could lead to something new


x

me in highschool and college






Thursday, July 28, 2011

ang sekreto sa pangutana

unya,
aduna pa?
aduna ka pay nakit-an sa imong pag laroy laroy
sa kalasangan
diin imong gipakatulog
ang imong mga sekreto?

nahikit-an ba?
kung nahikit-an, nahinumduman pa ba?
o nakit-an kining mga sekreto, pero
sa kalimut?

nawala ang imong kinahanglan
unya kinahanglan nimo ang imong nawala
unsa pa may laing nagpabilin?
ang mga pangutana
kung kanus-a kini ma tubag?
o ang mga tubag, nga kinhanglan pa ug sumpay-sumpay
nga pangutana?

Intawn,
malouy.
Unsa pa may laing nagpabilin
Nga dapat nimo isulti kanako?



x

Monday, July 18, 2011



i've been standing still
across your window
standing still
amongst empty tables
standing
waiting
watching
you from afar
while
you keep on shining
here I am
gathering mist upon my weathered eye
they clump up, build up
into purple clouds


x

Sunday, July 17, 2011

passing by the red light district

greys and i planned to watch the Eiga Sai 2011 entry Departures together. we went to Shangrila an hour early to watch the 11:30am schedule only to find out that it's already fully booked and the chance viewers queue is a mile long. good thing there's another schedule but it will be at 9:30pm! so how should we kill the 10 hours in between?

so the mission began. operation kill the boredom.

I introduce greys to bibinkinitan. my favorite stall in Shang where we had a bibinka and kape barako. talk talk talk with our obscure love affairs over smoke. then we went strolling to SM mega mall gallery where we passed by with this art exhibit. i forgot the name of the artist but i can still remember the theme: Red Light District





























the huge scale post modernism paintings and kinky installations sparked our curiousity to come inside. we had a quick chat with the curator and we were supposedly invited for the opening then have some cocktails with the artist but we are running out of time for the Japanese film fest screening.

with some luck and over stretched patience, we were able to get prime seats and watched the award winning Japanese film on the big screen.




photos by Greys Compuesto



x

Thursday, July 14, 2011

it’s all about the motion




walking
running
flying
then at the perfect time,
dancing.
it’s all about transformation,
darling
may it be from within.
but then,
there’s a need for migration.
just like the birds from Siberia
they’ve got to land in a warmer terrain
may it be by bus,
by ship
or by plane.
all of us are
leaning towards the flyway
being transported from one place to another.
the science of inventing and reinventing oneself.
It’s a motion,
leaning towards
survival.






photo taken at Ms. Bambi's place in Olango
make up done by Mecca

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

are you still there, mr. einstein?

cause and effect might have become erratic
the lineage of time might have lost its mind
a universe that coincides within a universe
simple as a pebble washed within the river of happenstance
our fates might have crossed in a much different way
but just like a pendulum of a clock
left hanging in mid air
time this time becomes viscous
an impending crime
swimming against the current
a salmon heading to its birth place to die
was it in a dream
that you were what I’m dreaming of?
then that time,
that universe,
is ours to find.




x

Monday, July 11, 2011

I may die tragically or may die peacefully, but when I die, I want to die beautifully.

It’s through a radio station when I heard this song about dying beautifully. In my mind, I was thinking of a girl walking passed through EDSA and all of a sudden was hit by a speeding Subaru in a tessa prieto valdes ensemble and she swivel into a vogue like pose to her death. Hmm, that would be beautiful. However there might be something more of “living” to consider, to project a significant contrast for dying.

So it coined the question: how to die beautifully? In a universal perspective of something close to beauty: love, dying beautifully would be having a lover’s embrace, a child’s “thank you” or a best friend’s farewell before someone’s last breath could make that death more satisfactory. But when fate is cruel and the shadow of death cast upon someone, just like an unexpected thief in the night, how could anybody make that first and final moment a meaningful one?

Excuse me with this grim topic. You may exit now but if you must, please do go on.

There is this premonition by my close friends that I will die in a car crash. Although I may die differently. May it be drowning, bleeding, suffocating. Or let say by bombing, in an earthquake or tidal wave, or it could be as simple as to die in my sleep. But the thing is I will still die, sooner or later, as everyone else will also die. Although I would like to hate or fear the idea of my impending death but as early as possible I already told myself to accept it as a part of one’s journey. A pit stop of an itinerary.

So to die beautifully, my idea would be this: While I’m still alive, I would do all the drama, the love and the hate that one should feel. It’s a generic story that everyone is having. It’s the same plot in a different location, different language, different people but same topic: live life. Certainly in tears, in laughter, in rage, in passion, tah teh tah tah. And the moment I die, I would care less how it goes. Even if there’s a cinematic vision of seeing pages of my history flashing to me in a nick of time. I would learn to embrace it just like a long lost friend.

Bravery aside, I could see death now not as an ending. But as a new beginning of something else.



x

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

(live)lihood

It dawned on me that I’ve come a long long way in earning myself a living.

I’m too shy to ask from my mother for my daily allowance when I’m still a grade-schooler. I’m aware that my father is working abroad and his salary is more than enough for our family’s monthly expenses but the act of "asking" made me uncomfortable. I have 4 siblings and my mother is way too busy to notice each of our individual needs. So I tend to manage by my own just to get by.

I was in grade three when one morning, I went to the neighbouring bakery and I found four 20 pesos bill on a road. It was like a childish dream picking up money in nowhere. but I already know that I’m having a huge amount of money (at that time) half of it I bought something I can’t remember, and the remaining 40 pesos I bought 2 packs of fruitos. I sell candies to my classmates. As my capital increased, I also sell other kind of candies. I’m a business boy at a tender age of 9!

Since then I don’t ask for baon (and I can’t remember my mama give me some as again, she’s this too busy a housewife) I don’t know when my career as a candy peddler lasts. But when I reached high school, of course I should have my allowance. But I save some of it for my hobbies. I usually buy magazines and sometimes go to the mall for computer games. But I usually do Cross-stitching. lol. I was even featured in a local cable network for anchor threads (although I usually use DMC threads on my work) and was able to sell some of my works to one of our teacher who liked my craft. Then in college, as a self supporting student (as reality bites) I’ve been into varied part time jobs. Some time it’s for the experience and connections but sometimes it’s for the money. So I could buy things that I like and for my daily fare. Those jobs include: summer art workshop facilitator, An exhibit curator, A children saver’s club usherer, choreographer for an end of the year school program, backdrop designer, being a masseur, personal tutor (math! As in Algebra, no kidding!), fashion accessories designer/ consultant, art teacher in an international school and recently I’ve become a payroll software specialist, then as a billing analyst and now, I’m working in a collections dept. my gehd! Imagine how many people, companies, buildings and kilometres I’ve been through until I’ve reached my desk and write this?

I’ve been dreaming of working in a place/town/country for 6 months then transfer to another to explore different places and different people. I’ve done that a couple of times. In fact, right this moment, I felt I’m long overdue with my current job as I’m staying in the company for almost 3 years now (although half of it spent in cebu, and now I’m here in manila). One of the reason why I overstayed is mainly because of the no frizz nature of the job yet above average wage. And my yearly appraisal is too good to decline.

But still my mission is on. So hopefully by early next year, I will venture to a different country. Or else, I’ll stagnate. Life is too short and there’s so much to discover. Aside of calling it a mean of income (sic), money is not what I’m after all this time. It’s all about the experience.



.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

panamilit

Pahawa na,
lakaw na.
kay hinuon,
sa akong pag piyong,
ikaw ra man gihapon
ang akong maka hiuban.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

today marked my 1st year here in manila.

I could still remember the reasons why I migrated here in the capital from the queen city of the south. I’ve lived almost my entire life in Cebu. Spent my high school and college days there and worked for four years in the same city. Though I travelled every now and then but my home city seems to outgrow me and I feel too comfortable and too familiar with it.

I wanna be on my toes again. I want to explore those places I kept on hearing or read in the newspapers. I wanna visit those places I’ve seen in TV or from the local movies. I also want to be in a place where nobody knows my name. The idea of anonymousity really excites me. So I decided to work here in manila as it so happened our company just expanded a new site here and they need tenured employees. So my transfer and my 2 weeks hotel accommodation were shouldered by the company.

My goal of finishing my fine arts course in UP Diliman also brought me here, but until now, I wasn’t able to enroll myself due to work, weekend escapades and yes, due to procrastination.

Instead, I keep on jogging (or sometimes smoking) around UP IKOT as it’s only 5 minutes away from my rented place. And I got familiar with all the halls and I’ve been in and out in their UP cine adarna for film screenings.

If you’ll ask me where all my earnings goes to, it went to bus and plane tickets as I consider travelling as my occasional dose of morphine. Since I’m here in manila, I wanna explore the rest of Luzon. So it would justify my travel or working in abroad as I already explored and fully experienced the wonders of my own country.

The distance from manila to my home town (bantayan island) and my home city (cebu city) surely intensified my longing with my friends and loved ones. Good thing about it is that we learn how to value communication and make sure to have quality time when we are together. And one thing that I look forward in catching up with them is that I have a baggage full of stories to tell.

.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

a mental walk








years of years of pieces
a reconstruction
a whole new wing dedicated
for a single moment
coherences of more than thousands
of words, of hopes and smiles
let the picture sing
as the after dark
won’t fade its twinkling lights

age marked paper
flashes its ability to preserve---
to capsulate an eternity
a remnant of memory and time






(for julio, whom i supposed to celebrate 5th year anniversay on this date)



Monday, June 20, 2011

shi(f)t happens

I had a series of neon lighted events during this week. One of those was the French film festival 2011 in Shangrila Cineplex. Then the “I’m too drunk to recognize if it was kylie minogue or not” moment in society lounge, of which I was still able to request for her video “wow” via myx music channel, then when russ arrived here in manila for a collaborative art exhibit opening in Picasso gallery.

But one thing that haunts me is when greys and I were about to go home as we encountered a man who is in the verge of desperation. He is a foreigner, I’m not certain of what origin, as his feature is very European but his accent is kinda American (maybe a US citizen of Irish decent) but one thing for certain is that he badly needed help.

He narrated his story of how he lost his wallet after their soccer tournament at Quirino grandstand. He already went to the police station to report the terrible incident but after hours of hours of investigation it didn’t made any difference, as he still need his wallet back. He also told us that he has a bus ride to catch (bound to Zambales). So he’s been wandering around Makati to seek assistance from strangers to raise enough funds.

To tell you honestly, I wasn’t able to help him at all as I already spent my pocket money and my atm is not with me. While Greys, I’ve just realized, is hobophobic. As she became stiff like a statue while I asked her if she have any extra cash, so she wasn’t able to react accordingly to the problem at hand.

I apologize to the man and bade him a silent wish that he may be able to find a way out of this pit.

That happened two nights ago. I’m wondering what happened to him after that fruitless encounter with us. Did he able to make it to Zambales? Doesn’t he have any friends/contacts here in Manila? Was he able to get help or not at all in the middle of the harsh city. How is he now?

This made me ponder what if this will also happen to me (knock on wood). what if I made it to a different country only to find out that my whole luggage is missing. I don’t have cash, no documents, and worst of all, no contacts?

Will I just jump off to a nearby bridge and wish I’m dead. Or, like the desperate man, will wander around the city like a vagabond asking for bread.

It really scares me, at the same time challenges me what’s really my full capability as a survivor (as I think I am one) I also wanted to know what’s my limit. I know shit happens as well as shift happens.

If you were in his case, how will you manage?


.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Vagabond








The 2011 French film festival entries here in Manila was dominated by reknowned French actress Sandrine Bonnaire whose films that I’ve watched during the whole festival were Elle s'appelle Sabine, La Cérémonie and this film I’m writing about: Sans toit ni Loi

My interest with this film sparked when I’ve learned that this was released on 1985, the year that I was born. So I’m quite curious how things are going on when my cognition still haven’t pervaded my whole being.

Watched it in Shangrila Cineplex alone. I even ditched work and get reprimanded by my boss upon knowing I was gone from the office more than my lunch break sched. But the film is worth watching and it’s way different if you’re going to watch it on a big screen.

The wide shots, the plot, the style, the sullen imagery and the intense yet subtle character of Mona totally made me focus on the film from beginning ‘til the end.

The film reminds me of Jack Kerouac’s “on the road”. Although it’s been ages since I’ve read the book but I could pinpoint some parallelism with Kerouac’s novel and this film. it was presented, that being on the road is travelling on a path between freedom and loneliness. It hit me and it felt like an unexpected nemesis punched me in the stomach.




.

strange strangers


















It’s one crazy weekend when you find yourself hopping from one event to another. My dearest ball of yarn, Russ, went here in Manila for a performance stint with renowned Cebuano artists at Picasso Gallery in Makati. Me and my date (a lady friend) Greys tried to figure out where exactly the venue is, as this part of Makati is a strange place for both of us.

Unfortunately, wasn’t able to make it during the performance and missed the opening of Contemporary Cebu at The Picasso. But not completely, we were just on time for the cocktails and catching up with the colored folks, both the artists and the attendees. Have seen new and familiar faces. Had some pica-pica and red wine. Serious talk to funny bloopers of outdoor adventures.

to cap the night, we had coffee to a strange place where we end up being strangers to that strange coffee shop.


photos by Greys Compuesto

x

Friday, June 17, 2011

too drunk for Kylie @ the Society Lounge


yoooh choohyce, yoooh moohsahck, maahx


with Sherwin, Ian and Jm


it was crazy. few nights from now, kylie mingue will be in manila for her Aphrodite world tour, and there was this hush hush  that she will some of the bars around the city to chill. so my friend told me who hapens to be the main chef in SL that Kylie will be around this night. yes TONIGHT! so we went to Society Lounge as early as 10pm to make sure we have a good spot before the crowd fill in the house, past midnight came and we still can't see kylie or even her shadows, til we drank too much mojotos and tequila when suddenly a lady butt in that night and the crowd cheered "Go Kylie" but the alcohol already semi impaired my empirical senses and couldnt determine if it was really kylie or some impersonator.

i just played around with my mind with the music and wish the real kylie was really there.  


x

Thursday, June 16, 2011

zero visibility



we both know it’s raining
farther ahead
certainties are already washed and
seeped into the ditches of our failed attempts
how could we still keep on walking
even though these steps are leading us
to the brink of a cliff
how could we both keep on moving
when we know
we will fall into our own abyss
tell me.
You once told me
you’ll hold me for the rest of your life
but while you’re breathing
I felt I’m getting further and
further into the mist


(photo taken along taytay rizal one stormy day)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

a lost panda's day out

















photo's taken by atty. joan dulhao @ banawe mt. province

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A human mold, in a shape of one’s mentality

It was summer of my 2nd grade of elementary years when we moved to Bantayan island. At the early age of 8, I learned how to swim. then the summer a year after that, I learned how to ride a bike. I could still remember my first accident with the bike when I bumped into my grandmother’s sister’s place and ruin their fence (as well as my knees and elbows). Then during high school days, when I moved back to the city, I started to jog.

So I’m quite active all these years. Being physically fit is out of the question, but I do all these activities, apparently, to drive my inner demons away and an outlet for my ever active/restless body. Recently, just this summer. I tried going to the gym.

The idea of body building didn’t appeal to me at first, as I’m not that tall and I might end up looking like an overstuffed sausage. I’m still convinced that going swimming instead of going to the gym is much better. However, when I moved here in Manila, I had a hard time looking for a pool unlike there in Cebu, I had an easy access to their city sports complex (Abellana) where they have this Olympic sized pool. Since our office have its own gym and have so much free time in hand, I started working out. And just like swimming and biking, I learned how to the drill without any instructor.

I first started by reading the manuals, then talking with gym buddies and read some pointers over the internet. Eventually, I get acquainted and familiar with the facilities and the capacity of my body to deal with these toning/buffing machineries.

It’s on my 2nd and 3rd week that I could notice some changes in my target muscular areas. Since my lower torso is already defined, I want to improve my upper torso specially the chest area. Before it’s like a plain field, but now I could see some growing valleys as my chest starting to peak up and expand. But when I miss some sessions, then they sort of deflate and got anxious to hit gym again. It’s an ongoing project.

One time, between a series of once in a blue moon conversation with my Norwegian in-law, Thomas, we had a talk about men who go to the gym. He sort of shares the psychology behind working out. Then I was struck with his idea that a man’s body can be molded out of one’s mentality. He pin pointed that when a man works out with anger; then in effect, his body will turn out to be full of aggression to the extend people will perceive his form as scary and harsh as if his body was molded on how he based his emotion and mentality while he’s working out.

As a reaction to his discussion, I told him that I will work out with cool music. And will always have this positive outlook where the idea of love and sex will constantly drift into me. So in effect, my body will become sexy and it’s very much feasible for making love.
We just both laugh in agreement.

x

Monday, May 30, 2011

within 2 years



today, we were asked to create a vision board. and i came up with this:

*to watch bjork's biophilia world tour
*reunited with my core friends
*dslr
*skagen wristwatch
*fully learned and be fluent with Spanish
*visit angkor wat
*and hopefuly, a condo unit

Friday, April 29, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

puerto princesa










































during the un/holy week with Jm, Sherwin and Raph.


x

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