Saturday, December 29, 2012

day night day night

Can barely remember when  i've watched this film,
 it was one of those films that Russ would recommend me to
watch while he would go to sleep since he has  already seen it.


I'm still haunted with the female suicide bomber's mantra.
And the way it hits me was in a form of implication
That no matter how careful you can get,
(less vices, e.g. living a healthy lifestyle, do safe sex, don't go out that much)
we will all die eventually in some ways we couldn't fully determine. 

(whispering) Everybody dies.
Some fall from a window and die.
Others die when an air conditioner
falls from a window and hits them.
Some people drive and hit something and die.
Some people get hit by a car and die.Some are knifed.
some are shot.|some are strangled.
some bleed to death|with bare hands and die.

Some people die when|a neighbor is smoking and sets off a fire.
some people just die from smoking. Some|die from lung cancer.
stomach cancer.Some die from heart attacks. strokes.
People get cirrhosis of the liver and die.Some freeze to death.|

some die from pneumonia.
Some die from heat stroke.|
some from getting bit by mosquitoes.
Some just die from throwing up.|
Some people get bit by dogs and die.
Some fall off a horse and get trampled.
Some are trampled to death|by other people.
Some get old and die.I'v made up my mind.

I have only|one death.
I want my death to be for you.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

almost done

Giving appropriate justice & final ceremonies on the few remaining chapters, 
guess I'm gonna cry now ☹ 

#1Q84 #murakami #cbtl #UPtechHUB

Friday, September 21, 2012

Recollection 1081: Clear and Present Danger (Review)

The declaration of Martial law created a great impact in the Philippines. It happened forty years ago, when President Ferdinand Marcos issued Proclamation 1081 that leads to series of events that totally change the history of the lives of Filipinos.

The events that haunt artists on that era, who had experienced and live under the martial law, are depicted on the tell tale exhibit organized by PIGLAS. The exhibit presented these stories through visual art and literary works of the period.

The exhibit entitled Recollection 1081: Clear and Present Danger (Visual Dissent on Martial Rule), 1972 to 1981 will run from July 14, 2012 - September 30, 2012 inside Cultural Center Of The Philippines (CCP).

I think, one of the exhibit’s goals is to present these incidents from the past to the new generation. As these series of works from the artists, who have from one way or another experienced Martial Law under Marcos regime, portrayed us the spirit of time during that era. This exhibit is also necessary as it would instill history of the struggle and the revolutions that took place. The core values of the Filipino and the collective memories will be presented through this kind of exhibit for the coming years. As per Alice Guillermo:

“Art has always reflected society and the conditions in which people live, at the same time that it has contributed to the process of social and historical change. During the Marcos regime, an observed cultural phenomenon was the emergence development of protest art in various forms.”

It is from this method that that the past is revisited and the present day youth will be educated with their identity as a Filipino. In addition, the exhibit is not to criticize or denounce Martial Law, but merely to recall.

Antipas Delotavo’s "Itak Sa Puso ni Mang Juan"

Getting inside Bulwagang Juan Luna (Main Gallery), one will see rarely seen choice of works from private collections that are dated ranges from 70’s to 80’s and some recent digital works from selected artists. One of the work that one would barely missed is Antipas Delotavo’s "Itak Sa Puso ni Mang Juan", watercolor on paper, 1978, Alex Tee Collection which was really prominent in historical art books.

I’m quite amazed how the works of famous artists such as Bencab, Santi Bose and Ang Kiukok are present on the exhibit. One of the works that caught my attention is "For Hire", (A/P, intaglio, circa 1981, Artist's Collection) from Bencab which I just known that his full name is Benjie Torrado Cabrera. Then my personal favorite would be Ang Kiukok, "Scream II", (pen and ink on paper, 1983) and "Scream I" (oil on paper and collage, 1980, Private Collection). Was also awestruck by Santi Bose’s technique and symbolism on his works which i failed to take picture of.

Ang Kiukok's "Scream II"

One of my teachers in Art Studies, Prof. Brenda V. Fajardo, also had her work become part of the exhibit. It’s entitled Baraha ng Buhay ng mga Babae and she depicts the lives of the women during that time. Being asked how it is to be an artist during that time, she said it is quite a challenge for the artist to voice out their opinions and views during that time, especially if it’s against Marcos.

One of the notable artists present are: Nune Alvarrado, Jose Tence Ruiz, Charlie Co, Al Manrique, Anna Fer , Pablo Baens Santos, Edicio dela Torre, Onib Olmedo, Orlando Castillo, Virgilio Aviado, Renato Habulan, Phyllis Zaballero.

In addition to the works mounted  on the wall, there’s an installation art entitled, "Kinupot” by Edgar Tulusan Fernandez, (wood and fabric, 1978, Ateneo Art Gallery Collection) at the center of the gallery.

I do consider all the artists whose works are present on the exhibit as brave and who won’t compromise on showing their ideas to the public as they consider their artwork as an eye opener, or a simple statement on what is really happening. I would recommend this to the youth of the present who like me, weren’t born yet during that time. It is a guide and a reminder.

Indeed, even on this present day, revolutionary art is the one of vehicle or a form which political, social and cultural incidents could be viewed. Finally, this reunion of old artworks plays a vital role in supporting national identity by providing us a visual presentation of what had been, thus bringing us back to our roots. Here, the organizer collects artworks which clearly depict first hand stories of featured artists under the martial law and make these speak for itself.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Walang Kukurap

Based on what I've witnessed, this is a must see play.
Definitely a whole new level of experience on Philippine theater.
Good thing it's still on 'til Sep 30. If you're around manila, you can still catch this.

For details please visit: Tanghalang Pilipino's Walang Kukurap

Sobrang namangha ako, saludo sa lahat ng bumubuo nitong dulang pantanghalang ito. taos puso po akong nagpapasalamat.

Neo-Filipino: Anting

I’m quite lucky to have a piece of contemporary ballet presented by CCP and Ballet Philippines.

It is a four part movement where narratives are depicted through interpretative dancing. It is quite impressive how magical traditions (in Filipino context, which could be either good or evil) were portrayed through a variety of plot, indigenous rituals and theatrical manner.

(a stolen shot, as it's not allowed to take pictures inside. it made sense as the whole performace is too beautiful to be captured by a camera)

Each part has original musical scoring in which different choreographers gave breathe to the graceful and skilled dancers.

post performance photo inside CCP taken by Russ Ligtas

For details, please click here: Neo-Filipino: Anting

Friday, September 14, 2012

Riel Hilario at the Art Awards 2012

One could say that one has seen and experienced something for the first time when one will completely loses oneself to place or a moment. Riel Hilario’s “Perro Amoroso” x “It was a paradisical state: The body was allowed to be a body” completely caught me off guard when I saw his installation pieces scattered inside portion of Ateneo de Manila Art Gallery for the Art Awards 2012. 

The first installation (Perro Amoroso) consists of a portrayal of a domesticated dog with a face of a woman, with other elements such as dismembered hand, a shoe, and another body which appears to be a headless canine. On his artist’s statement:
Perro Amoroso is an attempt to portray a pet dog, if she were given a human persona (and a face).  In this case, my objective was to explore the relationship of projection that exists between pet and owner, and between canine with its territory, then bring these to a symbolic expression of a portrait.  In my presentation, the dog Frida becomes a being, almost human in sentience, who is watchful yet relaxed, assured of her place and her significance in the household.”

The second series of variable sized wooden sculptures entitled “It was a paradisical state: the body was allowed to be a body” coherently features odd looking hybrid creatures, with several bureaus which contain either a ball of dried grass or just left empty. A winged muse stands beside an almost leafless tree perched upon by birds with human faces. Perhaps it was a dream that took the artist to this premise or the snippet of dream molded and pieced together this idea for him to carve wooden sculptures which are both disarming and disorienting.
Getting the artist’s visual cues from the two creatures with written texts on their bellies: Locus Amoenus + Perdido Eden, Riel Hilario might be presenting a visual that expresses to oppose the ideal (place): Eden is the locale where Adam and Eve do not live within process of time and mortality, but here we feel that they are saying goodbye to it –with an urgency, like instant self-expulsion.

These images forwarded a particular position in these ever changing times, where traditional sculpture does not remain as it is. The idea of reality reflects reality is now submerged with subjective truth and personal interpretation. For that, it presents a new dimension of familiarizing of what is real and unreal, what is good and what is evil, bordering towards subconscious that originates from personal experiences, readings and historical exposure – ultimately giving us a different perspective as to how we could participate or react on these altered truths. 

This is now a tell tale of three dimensional pieces dug out from our collective memories; hence it surfaces our association with our individual beliefs and values, provoking our own judgment, and calls for evaluation of this enigma. By doing so, this becomes an impetus of a hush hush discourse inside our heads or may well be deliberated with friends around a coffee table. On the whole, the piece itself does not demand a tug of war between opinions but rather urges us to stand and remain within the uncertain, which does not necessarily entail any sort of redemption.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

daddy, kelan ka ba uuwi?

(at green halo, cubaoX. photo taken by greys compuesto)

Sunday, August 05, 2012

home bound

the non stop raining here in manila is killing my social life, 
my sunday, might be bound to interact with these again

halika, mey ibubulong ako sa yo:

Saturday, July 28, 2012

self declared holiday part 1/2

Consistency is the key. That’s what I always get from my boss to do something greater than what you’ve already achieved. I did well on my job, and I’m also trying to get well with my studies. But with extra curricular activities in between, there are times when you need to get off from that ideal pathway and run around the fields. It’s the time when everything I’ve piled up inevitably crumbles and then I say: come what may.

It started after series of exams and paper works on my 2nd month in the academe that I felt it’s taking its toll on me. Not to mention the work related stress i got from the office. So I said to myself, or the “myself” said to “I”, whatever the sequence is:

I need a break.

And this kind of break entails not going to work nor attend my classes. But there are times when you need to live a life that should be lived without those invincible strings attached. So here are exactly how i commence my self declared guilt ridden holiday and the culprits:


Russ came here in manila for his national youth commission training and for that I made my Friday and the whole weekend clear of any appointment for the idea to be with him, my best friend, whom I’ve never seen for more than three months and couldn’t be certain when will I ever see him again. So in short, I need to see him and already filed a leave for that matter.

But he’s on a 2 week training program that he cannot get himself out of, so I have no other option but to use my leave credit set on that day (Friday) and good thing I got this invitation from a new found friend named Mari Santiago who invited me for Cinemalaya opening in CCP. Where we watched Babae Sa Breakwater as a tribute to the recent passing of Mario O'Hara 

from left to right: jose estves, aj rollon, richard sorriano legaspi, sir Ricky Lee, Sigfried Barros-Sanchez, claire agbayani, benjie razon, timo magalang, Mari M. Santiago and yours truly

Still, Russ cannot be reached the day after so my Saturday night was spent with Mari and her nephew at conspiracy. Was supposed to attend an artist talk at the nearby café but I was too late and too tired to attend so I skip to the beer and talk session instead which we were joined by a psychic, named Bong. But the highlight of that night is when I unexpectedly saw my school crush who happens to be part of a band playing that night. And he plays the electronic guitar. That’s like 1000 pogi points for me. They play this electronic/ instrumental /progressive genre that made me stand up and dance at their back, as we stayed outside. It was 7th heaven for me, how much more if we had the chance to talk and all. But I think he’s straight and he already has a girlfriend. But what I felt is otherwise.


On Sunday. I watched Intoy Syokoy sa Kalye Marino. on my own

self declared holiday part 2/2

Was suppose to meet with Markus, but I think he is with his ex bf so I spent a weekday with Angelo (and I call him angelito as he reminds me of JM de Guzman of Angelito and Intoy syokoy) the way he likes me made me like him. But I still think of my school crush and sometimes, I still think of Markus.

Two things that make Angelo a winner is his ala indie film face, and his voice. He’s part of a chorale in one of the school here in manila. While we were cuddling, I asked him to sing for me and he did. I forgot the title but it sounds like and he sings the like of boyz2men

Was already late for work when he has to go, I was too tired to get off from bed and was too lazy to prepare for work. So declared it as my personal holiday.


July 25, 2012

Finally Russ came out from his NYC related programs and he is heading at my place, and with his bf, Lem. We had breakfast and then we went to Trinoma where we had this weird tasting jelly beans bean boozed. Good thing, upon scoring some tickets for the Dark Knight Rises, we went to Gelatissimo for some ice cream to take advantage of their buy 1 and get 1 free scoop promo. As usual, I go for pistachio flavor(ite) ice cream =)

We then went to CCP to meet Mark, Denisa Reyes and her nephew, Steffano. When we got in, we were just on time for the Cinemalaya Shorts B and was blown by the first entry: Ang Paghihintay sa Bulong of which I voted for the best short film category.

Then we went to Oarhouse within Malate and had a lengthy talk with other film enthusiasts and made it to the last people who closed the bar.

Russ is flying back to Cebu the next day. I also need to wake myself up and remind myself to go back to the right pathway. Enough running around the fields, for now.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

trying to figure out Leandro Locsin's aesthetic principle

                             photo taken by Lemuel De Leon at CCP

Saturday, July 21, 2012

isang liham

kinakailangan pa ba ng
bigkis ng sining at agham

upang maintindihan ang
iyong mga nakatagong liham

na wari'y sumasalaysay
sa himig ng yung pagkukunwari

kung saan tumitimbang
ang mga sari saring

aspeto ng kaunlaran at kasukdulan
sa kwentong tila walang patutunguhan

isang liham na di matapos tapos
di maipasok sa bote at

di maitapon
sa dagat ng katiyakan

Sunday, July 15, 2012


Well, it’s the moment when you caught him looking at you. Or was it him caught you looking at him. Either way, our eyes had that spanking yet silent greeting: hey there.

I wonder who’s with him in the crowded club on a Saturday night and found out he’s with other two companions and they seems having a lot of fun. While here I am, on the bartender’s bench, taking refuge with my drink and the music. It’s those nights when you itched to go out and just fuck the hell of a week worth of stress caused by daily livelihood. A toast for the weekend.

I might not be overly blessed financially but I am blessed with good PR. So going alone in the club is not a big deal for me, I usually come out with a newly met companion. And it’s easy for me that way, an easy ticket to be singled out.

So I thought looking at him looking at me, is a go signal. So we had this casual toast and cheered. We introduced ourselves then had this chit chat between sipping drinks. Eventually he introduced me to his best friend and his best friend’s sister.

Um ok, so lets party.

We had fun and were dead tired after the dawn. Then we end up going to his best friend’s place where we stayed overnight. We cook dinner, had karaoke and watched TV. The usual domestic kind of life which I totally miss.

There was no perfect moment but there was some romantic tension between me and Markus. While we were alone, he said he likes me and yeah, obviously, i also told him that i like him. we also had this stolen kiss moment. But I noticed he and his best friend are quite too “close” more than a best of friends could be. Well, me and my core friends Russ, Vera and Chai do hugged and all. But we don’t cuddle that much and do those sleazy stuff. So now I question: Are they just “best friends”?


Apparently, I found out that he lied. Or let say he lied 50% but still it’s a lie. He admitted that his best friend is actually his ex. That they have some issues in the past and they decided to call it quits but for some circumstances his ex is still with him. So i told him he should have told me in the first place so I know my position and know how I should act. But he then explained I might get turned off or something to that effect. And he doesn’t have any intention for me to get into trouble. His ex and his sister were actually fond of me. They were fun to be with as well. but I can’t imagine if I’ll see them again, should I just play it cool? And act as if there’s nothing to be aware of.

At this time, i don’t know how to react and what should I feel. No question, I’m a bit confused. oh, let me change that. I’m totally confused.

Saturday, July 14, 2012


ibulong mo
ang pangalan ko
sa mga libo libong
nawawalang spiritu

himayin ang mga daing
nitong mga paa
kung saan saan na
upang masulyap ang tamis
ng yung pagtingin

inaasam asam
ang muling pagtagpo
ng ating mga braso
ng ating mga anino

sabik sa haplos ng yung pagsisinungaling
mga ilusyon na nagpapaliyab
sa aking mga mata
mga ala-ala o haka-haka
na minsan,
tayong dalawa ay nag-iisa
isang saglit ng kahapong
inanod na ng limot
o di kaya,
di mo nais makita

uncovering manansala

The Arts and Sciences Mural
(Vicente Manansala)

The mural which is located inside the Lobby of AS Building in UP Diliman couldn't be missed by any passerby as it totally consume the whole portion of the wall that could span of 14 meters long and 2 meters wide. It consist of a human figure in the center, juxtaposed with several turbulent figures of different objects such as a clump of dark clouds with lightning, a pair of carabao, an abacus and a test tube. All these are situated on the left. While on the right side, one can see a compass (for drafting), a study of human form (madonna and child), an hour glass, a lamp, a violin, some dead woods, a hall or a portion of a building and a mushroom cloud. These are all painted on this huge wall in a particular order that could give a sense of balance or unification towards the central figure which is the full anatomy of a human figure, in between two shrubs (of sampaguita), that looks like it is thinking or in the midst of contemplation , which I must also add, on the upper left portion of it is a weighing scale where the human heart and a human brain is weighted equal by the human eye.

Assessing the primary figures and the central theme of this mural, makes me think of the human interaction with different kind of immediate resources and the multilevel discipline in the fields of art and sciences. Every objects are metaphors that could lead us into it's own visual queues such as the madonna and child could pertain to fine arts, violin is to music, the hall and the drafting compass is to architecture or say, theater. And for sciences, test tube could be for chemistry or biology, the abacus is for mathematical calculations and so on. All these interrelated to the man's ability to acquire knowledge while inside the academe.

Moreover, the whole piece reminds me of Salvador Dali's surrealist paintings where the concept of time and space melted into a dimension that employs extensive symbolism. Each object has its own subject matter which the artist uses to portray this scholastic idea and yes, an ulterior purpose of this artwork why it was painted inside the AS Lobby. It's like passing by a tombstone and there it is written the name of the deceased, and if by chance you can remember or identify that person, then a train of thoughts or random memories would sprout in a snap of a finger. So as this mural presented itself for the human eyes to see, for the human heart to feel and for the human brain to think. An artwork that serves as an emblem for the the whole building itself. A caption. A prologue of a story. A reminder. The sole purpose of art.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012


If only I could fly to Cebu to experience this. Even here in Manila, it's very rare for anyone to see an intimate performance art like this. I have witnessed and experience some of the artist's past performances and I could consider myself lucky to be imbued with his cathartic narratives. For those who can and for those who don't need to fly, then i encourage you to land on this:

MDM B.... NIYAAN IS RUSS LIGTAS | Show Dates and Details

Show dates:
July 11 - Handuraw Events Cafe, Gorordo Ave., Lahug
July 12 - Alternative Contemporary Art Studio, D. Jakosalem St.
July 13 - Bantawan Sugbu Theater, 91 Visitacion St.
July 14 -Cafe Elysa, Zamora St. Pari-an District

Door fees: Php150/regular | Php100/student
Limited seating capacity | reservations suggested
For reservations| inquiries contact: Ms K 09178592930
For updates|information log on to or or follow Russ at

Thursday, June 28, 2012


one of my subjects for this semester is Art Criticism. I'm quite intrigued with this class as i was able to learn a different kind of "seeing".

we have this first assignment of making an art statement and a formal analysis of a certain work and we were given the liberty to choose one of our previous works.

so i chose this sketch i that have from several years ago and i come up with these two different perspective of narrating it.

 sedated (2005)
ink on paper

Formal Analysis

It’s a drawing of a lady with closed eyes. It used ink on paper as its main medium. Black ink against white paper. Original size is 4” x 12”. Actual lines and implied lines are drawn to create the primary form which mostly in curvilinear and free flowing however uses a lot of crosshatching for shading. Since a ballpoint pen was used, most lines are thin and delicate yet for contours; it uses thick and dark outlines. The technique is more of surrealism rather than naturalism as the artist contorted the image of a woman with big eyes, thick lashes, long neck and swirly hair, which is still very dynamic yet very relaxed and organic against on a two dimensional art form.

In terms of design, it’s very asymmetrical and having an inclination to informal balance. It is completely non proportional and the emphasis is more of the leaning position of the head which gives a diagonal orientation. The elongated neckline was pulled by a huge swirl (which has so much weight on the entire artwork) which occupies so much of the space on the lower right side giving the upper left side more unused space or emptiness. Since it only uses ink, the color and shading is monochromatic. With the light falling from upper right to lower left, that gives contrast and shadows on the form, which provides more volume to the different parts of the woman’s body that envelopes the whole portrait.

Its main components are the upper torso, the elongated neck and the head. A portrait of an individual who has an outlandish hairstyle, with this imagery, it has no association with any historical event, allegory nor mythology. Its most distinctive feature is the outline on the facial features, the position of the shoulders and the hairstyle. Because of the minimalist approach to material and technique there’s no variation than can be depicted as this has a solid representation of a lady in nude.

All these added: the characteristics of the line, the color and orientation; it gives a unified and stable yet arbitrary composition in the midst of asymmetrical scheme, of which, one could look into a relaxed and very meditative image.

Artist Statement

My drawing attempts to portray the idea of a person’s need to be calm. To be totally removed from the chaos and confusion of everyday life.

Having the interest for zen philosophy, minimalist music and monochromatic art forms, I have used ink and paper as the main medium for this work. Where there’s not much color and visual noise reflected, using only the stroke of the pen to convey a certain state of being. With an inclination for surrealist movement to attain a dream like ambiance, in which the viewer could reflect one’s desire to attain a certain level of meditation or self reflection.

My goal is to retrieve that certain moment when you are at ease with the universe, it could because of my early childhood years when I grew up in an island, always caught up with scenes that are visually paralyzing such as watching sunset while taking my tea by the shore. Those visual inputs are retained and later transmitted in a form of a nude lady on her solitary moment which is going through a passage of nothingness.

All these being said, I consider drawing as an activity that let us escape or to unclothe ourselves with the things that bothers us like anxiety, stress and frustration. It’s about embracing the moment and to be in complete surrender.

Monday, June 18, 2012


Was totally in scherzo these past few weeks. Day after day, I’m anxious about the requirements and the underpinnings of enrollment itself that needs to be done on a very limited time. Let alone the physical constraints as I still need to work full time.

I couldn’t just imagine the hell I’ve been through from accomplishing my pre registration forms to proudly waving my form 5 with a certification from the Registrar’s office that it’s fully paid. the feeling of “oh this is new!” specially my introduction with CRS which you can see your student profile and the available courses and its description online. It made my stay in UP Cebu as if it was a time of the Dark Ages. Then was able to understand and literally experience “UP ikot”. The tiresome pilgrimage of going from one hall to another. From Vinzon’s hall to Public Health, to College of fine arts then the OUR and vice versa (specially if something went wrong or something lacking)

the blanket of exhaustion finally took off when I’m on my 2nd week. As I already know my room numbers and I find my hidden gardens where I can just have my brewed coffee and smoke. I kinda like Mondays and Saturdays in UPDIL. It’s very nice and quite. Compared to the days in between when it’s full of either the blabber mouths or the disturbing geeks, of which, sometimes, I could also be temporarily transformed into one of them. I think I’m very much of a person who camouflage with my environment. Because of that I also found new friends.

My first friend is Marriane. She’s a transferee from Ateneo. We become friends because of her unusual boots. She’s like a modern character on one of Kafka’s book so mabe that's why i become fond of her at first glance. And she smokes as well (she prefers Winston lights which Francis also smoke and he’s also from Ateneo). She’s fun and has an inclination to be a lesbian. i was even mystified with her female crush and able to come up with a slogan: "Donna Go, Please don't go" But she confirm she’s bisexual (as everyone else is) she also got cheeky girl friends whom I would love to kid around while I grab them by the hair. It’s so fun! It’s just that I couldn’t remember all their names.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Since I met Bryan, I usually spend my weekends in Antipolo. It reminds me of Busay in Cebu. Where you can see the city below. But compared to Busay, Antipolo is already becoming of an urban area than an escape from city living. Fortunately, Bryan’s place is located in a cul-de-sac of a certain subdivision up there. So they have this veranda where you can see a view of the nearby mountains and the “remaining” trees. Together with his friends and their “mommy” we spend the whole day drinking coffee or brandy. Playing cards, talk, sing, smoke and if the moment permit it, Bryan and I do some cuddling. That went on since we first met, on May 19.

Tomorrow is Bryan’s bday. And we had a very bad fight last night. So I’m declaring sort of a cold war against him. We are supposed to be together in Antipolo but I decided to get loose of any relationship responsibilities and took flight on my own. So I went to Shang Cinema as it’s having the last day of French Film Festival for this year.

It’s been almost a month since the last time I rode the MRT. I only take the train during weekends when it’s my day off from work. So I’m itching again to wander around the metropolitan--- ‘cause every time I’m inside a train, I’m always caught up with the idea: ”today, there’s something gonna happen”

I really thought I wouldn’t able to catch even a single entry for this film festival as my weekend was already plotted. But for some reasons, the Art Universe is not willing for me to give up my annual traditions. Was constantly present since French film festival intertwined with my interest with foreign films. It was as long as I’ve known Cine Europa

Last year, most films are starred by Sandrine Bonnaire, while this year, it’s the director Olivier Assayas which films are featured through out the festival. Was planning to see his (L’eau Froide, 1994) and (Irma Vep, 1996) but I cannot afford to be absent from my classes and from my work. So I was presented with this take it or leave it film: Roses à Crédit

Strange enough, it’s the least of my choice for this year’s runner ups. But the film was at first sweet, then eventually it became provocative, and intense yet in the end, it was so melancholic.

It was an anticipated tragedy coated with mellifluous romanticism and presented beautifully by the main character Marjoline (Léa Seydoux)

For me, the plot is not that interesting. A woman who becomes enslave with the material world is very cliché. But what I was impressed of is with the film’s style and technique, the supporting characters, their dialogue and the acting. It’s like a run of the mill break fast meal consisting of bacon and egg but it was served visually and emotionally striking.

After watching it, I decided, that film made up my French film festival experience for this year. I didn’t line up for an hour, for another entry, scheduled that day and came back face to face with my own drama while being tickled and choked with my own solitude while wandering within the entrails of rain drenched lonesome city.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012


Just don’t give me any false alarm
And I won’t panic
I won’t run to you to save me
Nor will I scream your name to see me.

Don’t give me set of expectations
And I would be fine on my own
I would be sitting down
Calm, in this side of comfort

But you’ve give it all away
Dropping incendiary bombs on me
steamy and explosive
you’ve consumed me
On that night
Behind those chained curtains
Of the darkened room
All drenched with fluids

Still, you’ve manage to charred me to the bones
No saving moans
Sweet, sweet jesus
We held hands and we managed
To go to hell and chant
Things of tomorrows

You blurted out pebbles of gold
That turns out to be ashes

Thursday, April 26, 2012

b bl blo blog

On those days when laptop or ipad were not yet invented, I have this “micro” journal. Where in a minute box, I jot in my microscopic notes on what transpired on that day of the month. It is a calendar, a planner and a journal rolled into one. I remembered being reprimanded both by my mother and grandmother (father side) how forgetful I am--- clumsy and forgetful I must add. I don’t know what happened to me while I was still in my mother’s womb but I usually forget some main, if not major, keys in my life.

I religiously make my own chronicles since then. As I fear that when I reach 50 (if I’m lucky enough) and wouldn’t remember anything about myself.

So I write mainly for my self. I could visualize myself when I reach a certain age and won’t have enough strength to wander around, I will be amused on reading and reminiscing on what I’ve been through on my tender years.

Eventually, I got this notion that you got this ghost of a person lurking behind your shoulder who also read your posts, since the world wide web is a universal window of the humanity, I cannot set aside the idea that some way or another, another lost soul would tide by on my cyber shore.

So there are times, when I intend to write something to share or sort of a story telling to a friend.

my posts, as much as possible, should be really personal and never will I blog out of commercialism and advertised a certain product. Unless if i'm very passionate about a certain event or let say a performnace art, then that's the time when i will "encourage" to join us and experience something worthwhile together. I also post some reviews of a certain novel or a film but these are out of what I think about it and how I feel about it. I would never leave any agenda that you should watch/read this or you should buy it. That also applies to the places I’ve been to. It’s more of my personal exploration.

I guess one could grasp someone’s identity not just in a person’s activity or ability but also on how this person thinks and feels about things around him.

The existence of twitter and facebook lead to my blog’s stagnation. Plus it’s quite easy to post status, tweets, blahs and pictures via mobile. And I’m quite lazy and hesitant on updating my blog on what I’ve just declared, it’s as if serving a plain oatmeal using a cup, a bowl, and a plate to the same group of people.

One good thing about blogging is you have the freedom to put more seasoning on it. Unlike the aforementioned sites, here, I can put some fruits and milk in my oatmeal. The kind of idea of serving your ideas and sentiments that really suits one’s taste.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


It’s been two summers when I notice UP Diliman was lined up with sunflowers on its main road to the university. I observed how they grow from seedlings to full blown herbs which most them eventually hunched down as there are instances when the flower is too big for the main trunk to handle. So I got this picture while they are still in their primetime.

It’s also been two summers when I think about pursuing a degree in UP Diliman, since I’m from UP Cebu, I thought it would be easy to enter the main university. So I thought.
There are a lot of requirements that need pre-requirements. One example would be the TOR which needs a college clearance to obtain. And our 2 page clearance is no joke, you’ve got to drag yourself from one building to another and sometimes wait for the signatory to be back from a long vacation.

Plus the idea that I’m already based here in Manila and most of my requirements are in Cebu. Good grace I got my core friend in Cebu, Chai Fonacier, who help me deal with this. Instead of me flying back to Cebu, miss work and spent thousands of pesos for airfare and all.

Then there comes the one on one interview and portfolio presentation which I kinda have fun with, as most of my works are online, so I just brought my laptop compared to what I’ve seen with my other applicants who hand carry their HUGE artworks and present it to the panel. Was able to pass it and after a week, was scheduled for an aptitude, talent determination test and written (essay) exam.

It was totally nerve wrecking and mind-boggling, which I totally miss as it’s been a while since I’m on the comfort of my routinary work. Finally, the result was announced and the universe is with me again this time, I made it to the list.

Still not sinking in and still couldn’t visualize myself as an Iskolar ng Bayan again this coming school year. UP Diliman was just a vague idea before, but now it's vividly coming out of the picture.

Monday, April 23, 2012

half drunk and half disoriented

There’s something with power lines and street lights in the morning. This is a post clubbing scene in downtown Manila which welcomed me after I get out of the bar, half drunk and half disoriented, a kind of outdoor object you want to fix your eyes into while your head is still spinning.  

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Saturday, April 14, 2012

a bus ride

Scenes just outside my window. It’s been a while since i rode a bus to an unexplored itinerary. I’m heading to Zambales for the first time to be with my officemates for a sort of team outing summer escapade. They were already there since noontime and what time is it? It’s already beyond 6pm! It just that I came from a 6 hour talent exam in UP Dil, my hands are still shaky after all those sketching, coloring and essay writing. Well, it’s time to be in a laid back mode again. And leave it to the universe whatever outcome on my tests result. But for now, I need a spiritual treat.

While these images passed by me, all I could hear is Bjork singing Cetacea. With her melodies, these lyrics bathe me like a mantra:

Into pattern
Flowing blood
Giving form

In every part
The whole you see

Into pattern
Flowing blood
Giving form

From the moment of commitment, nature conspires to help you


Monday, April 09, 2012

(un)holy week

Just got back here in the metropolitan after almost a week long stay in Puerto Galera for the holy week.

It’s my 2nd time but I’m still in love with the coast and the scenic view of the foggy mountains. The place is still surreal to me other than a place for the hedonist.

Well of course, no one can erase the idea of partying at night when the beach turns out to be a rave scene where one could be flooded with laser lights and upbeat music while your toes are underneath the sands. So me and my friends didn’t miss a single night hitting the bars that are lining up in the middle of the white beach. Whatever happens during those nights will be left there on those sinful shores.

Meanwhile, me and my friends also got some new experiences that we haven’t tried last year. One of these is this floating bar. It was a random cruise with this free boat and we just found out we were docked to this ocean haven. And hey, 500ml beer is only at 60 pesos, not that bad! Was able to meet the one of the owner and manage to ask him where he get this idea as I told him he made Puerto Galera a much more exciting place to go for the summer. He said he brought a little bit of Hawaii here in the Philippines as this floating bar (which is really huge compared the one I’ve seen in Malapascua and Panglao. 2 stories water world like dwelling place with jumping board and watery slides straight to the sea. Not a typical splash island resort kind of pool).

t’was totally wonderful.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

It started with this idea:

Long empty stares, long empty stares, long empty stairs (I wanna take a picture with this title)

This would be a post later in twitter once I got myself out of the office. It’s always a constant reminder that my posts are entirely short and as it is. No need for expounding. So blogger unfriendly, as it’s always feed to my twitter and fb account. Gone are those days when I really blurt out my feelings or any sentiments here in this blog. Even random entries to this sort of a there’s-no-one-else friend that you can just pour your secrets out. Blogging for me, before, (or maybe until now) is a treasure box where I can put inside tidbits of my life. That once in a while, I’ll go back, digging my previous whims.

It also found it amusing to go blog hopping and found out how the new generation bloggers (this line makes me feel so old) and how they post. They have so many add ons compared to the previous generation’s “purely words”.

Eventually blog posts morphed into photo blogs, where the user just let the picture say it all. Which I’ve become, the moment I got my first cam phone.

Now, they got this sorta animated .gif and sparkling icons on their pages. Lot of tabs. Less tags. Something like that. Then a plethora of fashion statement. as in: Fashion fashion fashion Fashion passion fashion fashion Fashion fashion fashion passion Fashion fashion fashion passion Fashion passion fashion fashion Fashion fashion fashion Fashion fashion passion fashion Fashion fashion fashion passion

Which again, I find amusing, these changes are quite necessary as a sign of the passage of time. It’s like you can’t differentiate chapter 1 from chapter 2, or 2002 to 2012. without that change in numbers or the figures, it’s all about the signs and symbols. The power of signifiers (the logic behind semantics?)

This year, I want to take Art Education in UP DIL, but I’m quite worried I won’t be able to pass all the requirements before the deadline. UP system is way complicated than I already experienced. But let me just set this aside, but I’m crossing my fingers crossed I could make it cause I can’t wait to be an art teacher once again. I miss my old job!

What I’m excited is our team outing in Zambales, 2 weekends from now, its my first time to be there. Then hopefully my budget is still enough for another Puerto Galera escapade this Long weekend (due to Holy Week)

But for now, can’t help but get lost inside the office, where my mind is way way far beyond these glass walls in the heart of the metropolitan which penetrates through the cityscape as I’m staring blankly to the unforeseen shore.

Monday, March 26, 2012

a crime scene

let me explore what’s sitting there at the end of us:

an investigation of these sullen walls
which hangs tentatively
between space and time.
a mere memory that still remain recognizable as it is,
frozen mental pictures stripped to its barest bones,
clings on to the last moments of its previous sentiments
against the overwhelming emptiness of your heart,
these images are far from a barren desert.
utterly, it is this inaudible and unnerving absence of your insensitivity
------the bygone spirit seeped from a vacuous core
---------that blends in a new heightened relevance
to these singing, screaming and chanting
splashed riddled colors of black, layers and layers of tears
that would have previously gone unnoticed.
where have you been to?
what were you searching for?

now, can I turn on the lights and try to look what is left behind?
by many self induced pains written on scraped interiors.
silhouettes of hopes, unfinished ornaments and dangling hymns
turned into ghostly reminders of what it used to be.


Friday, March 09, 2012


was it me
was just the idea of it
was it I? in love?
or was in love for the idea of it
on and off, flashing lights
confusing signals, an electric shock
a defibrillator, yes, you said STAND CLEAR!
it was like being dead and alive and dead again
lost souls lost souls hovering on a flatline tone
wading in between
heaven and hell a repetitive motion of cleansing sins
of nonsense penitence of what went wrong or what was meant to be wrong
in a sea of submerged yawning heads, there are two tombstones
one crazy night
when our hands clasped
off, we went to the moon
and I find myself standing there
all alone

for Zoei

was jogging around UP ikot around 3am to drive my inner demons away when I came across with this table in the middle of a road. Like hey? I was thinking this might be another set up for a random event in UPDil or in our case in Cebu we have this “MindWorks”

but my mind is toying another idea, about what it could be like having someone who won’t mind asking me for a dinner date in the middle of the road? I thought it could be really sweet of that person who doesn’t give a damn with the rest of the world just to be with me.

That notion was then faded off the moment I saw two people who happens to be the organizers. They actually set this table up to attract passersby for their upcoming event. (and yes, I must say, it’s quite effective) but at this hour, 3 am I thought I was still dreaming.

Anyway, they inform me that they wanted to invite everyone to a concert for a cause. It is for Zoei, a child who have a heart problem and need an ample amount for an operation. I was quite touched with the story behind this, I was like: here I am, having a heart problem (confession: I’m currently depress) and I’m fine if the end of the world is near but there’s this child who have a real heart problem and she needs help so she could still stay in this world.

It was quite sad "and yet" moving.

I hope this message will get viral and people will flock on the venue as this benefit concert for Zoei happening on the 16th of March, at Area 05 Superclub on Tomas Morato. That is a Friday and ticket will be at Php350 (w/c got a complimentary tequila shot) not bad to your heart as well.

There, hope to see you for Zoei.


Monday, February 27, 2012

false awakening

photography: russ ligtas

location: denisa reyes' pad at busay, cebu


Monday, February 20, 2012

of searching the end of the rainbow

“I’m getting possessed again, darling” Raya muttered one time between taping, while filming Jaclyn Jose and Coco Martin for his film: Next Attraction. Watching it, also put me on that certain kind of being “possessed”.

Raya Martin’s signature style is totally different and could put you under a spell. In behalf of his most audience (indie film enthusiast or not), there’s this feeling of uneasiness every time you watch his works, but it usually get rewarded starting from the subtle epiphany between the duration of the film then at the end of it when one can or may say: Whoa! That was it? Awesome!

This is my second Raya Martin film after Buenas Noches, España. I think if these kind of experimental films will be presented with the panelists, one would question: what frames (its duration, its visual elements, etc) are enough, what are too much, or what are too less?

I admit, I’m neither a film expert nor a film student, but I’m quite amused how the new breed of cinematographers jump into new techniques and new approaches on presenting their crafts and I must say that Raya Martin is brave enough, for him not to compromise from what is extraordinary.

So I consider myself as a convert---or let say some sort of a huge fan. So I was thrilled Sine Bahaghari showed this film 2 weekends ago. I even wondered if Raya himself was around by then, and confirm it from one of the organizer, Bern, who said he made it there in Chef's Bistro but it was hours after the screening. Unfortunately, at that time, I was already heading to Lights and Space Contemporary for an Art exhibit.

Since Sine Bahaghari advocates for Philippine LGBT related films, another entry for their one month long film showing, was showcased just last night, 19/02/2012. This time it’s from Alvin B. Yapan with his NCCA approved film: Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa.

Was meaning to watch this film back in the Cinemalaya Film Fest last year but i failed due to hectic sched and the tickets are too expensive (compared to Cinema One Originals) and the screening location (which held in CCP) was very faaaarr from my place. Anyway, this film in general, is beautiful. The plot and the script is a fusion of dissected poetry and fermented dance piece. The only thing that I felt not so impressive is the dance movement itself. Maybe because I’m a dancer and choreographer myself, and can really tell if a person can dance or not. Paulo Avelino's performance as Marlon is forgivable he was meant to be a dance student. But the rest are just too stiff or too controlled. But acting wise, most of them are good. This film is also blessed with original soundtracks and talented local music artists. Plus the poetry in Filipino (for a Cebuano like me) was absolutely mesmerizing.

So I want to extend my gratitude to Sine Bahaghari whom most of the organizer are really warm and friendly. Then to Chef’s Bistro with their wonderful place (very suitable for coffee or beer specially either at their al fresco porch or at their veranda upstairs).

For the upcoming screenings of Sine Bahaghari: Cinematic Expressions of the Philippine LGBT Experience, schedule and location you can click THIS

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

UP Fair 2012

This might sound funny but this 5 day event with various bands and artists is the closest I could get on how to feel like being in Coachella or in Glastonbury. Was an avid fan of rock fest way back in Cebu and so far this could be the biggest gathering I’ve been. Was planning to take a half day leave or to come in late for work to catch my favorite acts such as: Imago, Kitchie Nadal and Moonstar88 but too bad, I just had a memo last night from my boss so I need to “behave” this time. So I just manage to ditched office on my 1 hour break and went to UP sunken garden. And there, I was able to catch Gary V live. And he sang: Minsan Lang Kita Iibigan and Sana Maulit Muli.

Although was expecting some kick ass indie rock music but wasn’t that bad at all. In fact it was awesome to hear Gary V live again, and those two songs are in fact nationally renowned and did pluck some old memories. so I lighted a cig while listening to him sing from afar and puffing with the idea that at least I’ve made it to my first UP Fair experience. I wish I could stay much longer.

But wait, this was just the 2nd leg, I could still catch this Saturday and hopefully would have much much fun. As in, MORE FUN.

Yeah, yeah, here are some of the bands I know that are included on the final leg of UP Fair 2012: Updharma Down, Urban Dub and Parokya

See yah!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

an encounter with the garapataman

Before the exhibit, I came across with this article from PDI about “garapataman”
and before this exhibit; We already have this at CubaoX

me and greys at future x cubaoX with "Gara"
Was quite interested how this cuddly looking sketch of a parasite could be paralleled with our country's current over population. Just like how this tick could propagate into thousands, Dexter Fernandez’ artwork was multiplied into a vast and insanely crowded graffiti and was painted over layers of layers of whatever-kind-of-persona-have-you specie of garapata which {evolves into (get involved with each other) another }. Just crazy.

Anyway, here the pics I captured in this event. It wasn’t enough as what I intended to as I’m stuck with my beer and the chaos inside Ronac Art Center

audio visual presentation (such cool graphics and psychedelic punk tracks)

3d gara collectible, artist's collaboration with secret fresh!

attendees' interactive garapata entries

my own version of gara. bleh!

whoa, this band is awesome. it's like getting lost in the wilderness (so the name of the band)
i wanna check out their upcoming gigs

gagagarra gagara pap

photo taken by jun yamamoto of

To Dexter Fernandez’, congrats dude. Salute’

Follow this blog with bloglovin

Follow my_hotmug

Bjork! Bjork! Bjork!


As Time Goes By