it is very therapeutic for me to walk after hours. hours when
there are less crowd and the night is cold enough for me not
to be drenched in sweat.
i'm fond of leisurely walks specially when most people around
are already asleep, i think it was russ who told me once
when we are walking along escario in the middle of the night he
said if you remove all the walls, you can see thousands of
people lying down at that very certain time, from then on
every time i walk during those wee hours, it makes me feel
walking in a dreamy state.
2am is an ideal time for me, maybe because my work usually
ends that time and my wakefulness is on full swing but i just
like the idea of kinda having the whole city for myself and
not able see any trace of beat laden sidewalks from a long
day worth of human livelihood.
But hey, manila is a place for constant livelihood.
this place is meant for leaving ur fins, ur scales, ur beak
ur feathers and say hello for becoming a full pledge human
here human are meant to be a part of an orchestrated drama of
consumerism, advertising, giving, becoming, winning,
loosing, dreaming and waking up hopefully, to that dream.
but most of the people here need to or chose to be all wide
awake, and sometimes they all knocked up to extend they
forget about what they are dreaming of or do they still have
a dream to begin with. Just as a split second of katangahan
when u suddenly left ur keys inside ur room,
they all forgot and lost that dream .
All, all of those dreams were all locked up.
in my almost 3 years here in manila, i learned that horror
long before i started to get curious and searched for a proof
that midnight cats can really talk---long before i learned to go
near the automatic swing door even not until the train or the
bus came to a complete stop. every one is on a hurry,
even though u just stand in there but u'll eventually carried by the wave of crowd
as the invisible hand of an omnipresent clock is ticking, that keep on
banging everybody's head so loud. but what makes the people
going is that manila offered so much, i mean A LOT
from lust, love, romance, promotion, degree, fame, anonymity,
sadness, indifference to nothingness.
manila now makes me think of the guy in paranormal romance
who admitted that he's fake but he redeemed himself by
defending the notion that he is not selling bogus apothecary
but what he is selling is "hope"
the fact that there's so much things to experience but so
little time makes me think of myself gearing from having a
leisurely walk into jogging then running until it appears
an image of me running and hopping on gigantic dominoes made
up of different endeavors, banal chores, interests and
no time to stay on one domino for good deal of time, as the
other one is crashing by. exhibits and film festivals here
and there but there's no time for coffee and write blog about
it as i cannot focus on my assignment and i cannot give 100
percent on school as i will get too tired to work due to lack
of sleep and wasn't able to finish readings and i have to
finish my 300 pesos worth of meal in 10 mins as i might not
have enough time to flirt, to get hurt to be committed and to
love fully and romanticized for what happened on the weekend,
so i could talk and report that to chai over the phone but
certainly i will missed skype session with vera, and cannot
afford to go to taguig again to smoke weed with russ as i
will get late to work and messed up with my dAy to day
transactions with my clients and so on and on.
gone are the days i can savor my leisurely walk and enjoy
every drop of awesome goodness of life as there's not so much
time for it. if you want time, then you will get late and
miss a lot. so you have to stand up, squeeze urself out from
the crowd, and make sure u get the next trip. my question is
(as u guys always have these questions at the end):
kagustuhan ko ba to o ginusto?
that makes me tap myself at the back and resigned with the idea that
even if i'm exhausted with this fast paced crushed as u step dominoes,
it will eventually consolidate into one but for now i have to keep running at
all times and have to be awake, maski yung eyebags ko bumuboto sa galit,
So i can "fully" experience this ever so wonderful life? As in duh.
truly, life for me is “yeah?”, wonderful.
but all these times, i must tell you,
all i want is to walk again so i will realize what i am running for,
as the restless people in the streets need to sleep so they could remember
or to simply, keep their dreams that they have long forgotten.
Dear vera, chai and russ,