Tuesday, March 05, 2013

On Tue, Mar 5, 2013 at 6:08 AM, liyo.denorte@gmail.com wrote:



it is very therapeutic for me to walk after hours. hours when

there are less crowd and the night is cold enough for me not

to be drenched in sweat.



i'm fond of leisurely walks specially when most people around

are already asleep, i think it was russ who told me once

when we are walking along escario in the middle of the night he

said if you remove all the walls, you can see thousands of

people lying down at that very certain time, from then on

every time i walk during those wee hours, it makes me feel

walking in a dreamy state.



2am is an ideal time for me, maybe because my work usually

ends that time and my wakefulness is on full swing but i just

like the idea of kinda having the whole city for myself and

not able see any trace of beat laden sidewalks from a long

day worth of human livelihood.



***



But hey, manila is a place for constant livelihood.

this place is meant for leaving ur fins, ur scales, ur beak

ur feathers and say hello for becoming a full pledge human



here human are meant to be a part of an orchestrated drama of

consumerism, advertising, giving, becoming, winning,

loosing, dreaming and waking up hopefully, to that dream.



but most of the people here need to or chose to be all wide

awake, and sometimes they all knocked up to extend they

forget about what they are dreaming of or do they still have

a dream to begin with. Just as a split second of katangahan

when u suddenly left ur keys inside ur room,

they all forgot and lost that dream .



All, all of those dreams were all locked up.



in my almost 3 years here in manila, i learned that horror

long before i started to get curious and searched for a proof

that midnight cats can really talk---long before i learned to go

near the automatic swing door even not until the train or the

bus came to a complete stop. every one is on a hurry,

even though u just stand in there but u'll eventually carried by the wave of crowd

as the invisible hand of an omnipresent clock is ticking, that keep on

banging everybody's head so loud. but what makes the people

going is that manila offered so much, i mean A LOT



from lust, love, romance, promotion, degree, fame, anonymity,

sadness, indifference to nothingness.



manila now makes me think of the guy in paranormal romance

who admitted that he's fake but he redeemed himself by

defending the notion that he is not selling bogus apothecary

but what he is selling is "hope"





***



the fact that there's so much things to experience but so

little time makes me think of myself gearing from having a

leisurely walk into jogging then running until it appears

an image of me running and hopping on gigantic dominoes made

up of different endeavors, banal chores, interests and

affairs.



no time to stay on one domino for good deal of time, as the

other one is crashing by. exhibits and film festivals here

and there but there's no time for coffee and write blog about

it as i cannot focus on my assignment and i cannot give 100

percent on school as i will get too tired to work due to lack

of sleep and wasn't able to finish readings and i have to

finish my 300 pesos worth of meal in 10 mins as i might not

have enough time to flirt, to get hurt to be committed and to

love fully and romanticized for what happened on the weekend,

so i could talk and report that to chai over the phone but

certainly i will missed skype session with vera, and cannot

afford to go to taguig again to smoke weed with russ as i

will get late to work and messed up with my dAy to day

transactions with my clients and so on and on.



gone are the days i can savor my leisurely walk and enjoy

every drop of awesome goodness of life as there's not so much

time for it. if you want time, then you will get late and

miss a lot. so you have to stand up, squeeze urself out from

the crowd, and make sure u get the next trip. my question is

(as u guys always have these questions at the end):



kagustuhan ko ba to o ginusto?



that makes me tap myself at the back and resigned with the idea that

even if i'm exhausted with this fast paced crushed as u step dominoes,

it will eventually consolidate into one but for now i have to keep running at

all times and have to be awake, maski yung eyebags ko bumuboto sa galit,

So i can "fully" experience this ever so wonderful life? As in duh.



truly, life for me is “yeah?”, wonderful.

but all these times, i must tell you,

all i want is to walk again so i will realize what i am running for,

as the restless people in the streets need to sleep so they could remember

or to simply, keep their dreams that they have long forgotten.





Dear vera, chai and russ,

Mayng buntag



sail on,

liyo

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