time to wake up

getting around and round in KL

indo malay food trip!

Generally, one of the signature experiences in visiting a foreign country is their food and how they prepare it. most food stalls that we went to in KL are their street diners and at times, in their usual mall restaurants. Through research, the Malaysian peninsula consists of 3 main races, Malay, Chinese and Indians.


In our 4 day stay, we tried their selamak in Old Town white coffee which also serves their recommended milk tea then we went to an Indian restaurant near pavilion which mainly serves hot and spicy dishes which also serves rose petal milk to subdue the spice. Then we also went to their little china town for their stir fried Chinese style squid and beef stew. Finally, we also tried an Indonesian restaurant and had a taste of their local dish.


'twas definitely a diffrent kind of food trip for us!

may the memories of you rest in peace

two kinda broke, kinda drunk, kinda gurlz

Halloween afterhours at inferno supah club and today x future with maxie bella

CRV,

ey guys’

i'm glad we are, in a sense, all ok.

inline with russ' list most of them (if not all) were checked if i consider them as a checklist

i should be grateful for all the things i've been through

it just that sometimes, i tend to forget them

especially the holistic trauma i just had recently

so it's all about claiming them back.


given with the liberty to pick the top three lines  that i embraced the most, here they are:


27. I am confronting myself and this world every day and choosing life

choosing warmth, choosing light, choosing love


3. Realized I am one lucky son of b*tch.  4.all of us are, vera-liyo-chai-me


12. Embraced my eternal soul


and here's a one-line that i'm afraid of losing:


7. MAGIC. I believe in magic again.


ur emails sent last weekend somehow extended the "weekend feeling" on this monday shift, but there was this thought that keeps on bugging me recently and i hope u don’t mind me telling u this since, again, you guys are the only one who can deal this kind of thoughts and conversation.

recently, one of my close friends died of pneumonia a week after his 28th bday, that kinda shook my inner core. he's one of those friends who are in a way spent good ol’ times when “we” chai-liyo-russ-vera are not together, flashbacks of happy faces, laughter + good music in the air and vivid scenes flooded my mind then, in a snap, it slowly seeps in like that moment when u feel ur body is drawn into dark murky water when ur about to sleep. He’s gone. the idea of having infinite possibilities of good times has now come to a halt. And in a snap, i thought about the four of us, in a way still relieved that we are still alive.

And I haven’t cried so much in my life at that time.

 something faded in me since then, as if my shadow turned a little less black. retrieving those good memories, as, methinks, that all the good times that i am supposed to have are now numbered. a ballistic motion. that's why my opening email is about us going to catmon.

i felt that it was one of the highlights of our companionship/friendship that can never be erased from our collective memories.. and i have this thinking that our next get together, for me, it would be just afterglows since i have reached the primetime with u guys the moment I’ve been with u on the 10th year of our “friendship”.

i have this feeling i can only share with you 20 years of my life, because i only have less than a decade to live. call it paranoia or whatever but something in me and the universe tells me i will die before i turn 40. although i asked the universe to give me up until 50 and nobody will die from us in the line of 30's but we can never be sure of anything.

i can remember some of us having this "committing suicide" attacks

i have this "i think i'm gonna die soon" attack

and i have no one else to talk about it.

it would be nice if the four of us are together and will talk about this endlessly over beer and cigarette so some of you will personally say: "ingani mani gud ley.." , "kaybaw ka, mao ni ang sakto.."


and you all know how i love listening to your opinions, as it matters more than reading wikihow online.

But let’s chill. I haven’t lost the will to live, it just that I feel I’m in the dark

And forgetting that once I’m a light bearer.


I still have this inner voice, though less louder than before:


..i still have this spark that i just need to turn back into flame.

i'm not completely turned into ashes.

 

*hugs*


sail on,
liyo

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and then you wrote:

"i don't feel anything special about you anymore."

transitory

Just recently, it's almost every day that i ride the mrt from qc since the day i was assigned in mckinley. unlike before, i usually ride the mrt only during weekends ---and not during rush hours. now i realized how hard it is for those who need to commute during these times. but one thing that i like riding the mrt is the randomness of your co passengers. and i admit i really like it when i chance to ride beside a cute guy.


all of us has this "my type" kind of guy - earlier he happened to be right beside me. i was listening to jlo's "first love" when i noticed he is fixing his hair on the glass window. in my head, i wanna say: "lemme fix that for you". he was smiling and saying something and i thought he was responding to the voices inside my head, i took off my earphone and he is actually talking to his colleague on his other side. i really like his eyes (which is my weakness), his side burns and a subtle waft of his underarm deo while he is toying with his hair.

i could melt right there and then. i could only wish we were commuting sweethearts who are heading to our respective offices in makati together, having an early morning chat while ignoring the pressing crowd inside the train. but he is a station further and as soon as the sliding doors opened where i need to exit, my wishful thoughts snap off. i did my final glimpse of him and in my head i could only say: "goodbye babe, hope to see you again."

sleepless nights

locked

in your embrace
I could only watch the moon
staring at us
Far away
-from its lonely sky
I could only feel your breathing,
Your skin against mine

If only
I could see ourselves together
If only
I could borrow the moon's eyes
Just for some time
and see myself
where I want myself to be

forever

a night at 1335mabini



Had an awesome night last night. It's been a while since I submerged myself into the art scene. With 3 floors worth of paintings, photographs, minute coral like pieces, video installation and performance art, 1335Mabini is the place to be for some sighing reflections and self redemption.

Photo by Ali Aldaba

Reinstatement

One thing I love about cine adarna, is that it's almost entirely empty on a hush hush weekday screenings. Its like watching in a cinema all by yourself.

This film brought me to a series of sensual reverie. Jean-jacques Annaud keeps the passion & eroticism in full force. It never fails to flash the big screen with artistic shots and little surprises if you are a keen observer. Plus, there's a smooth succession of scenes from one event to another. I am fully impressed.

moreover, jeanne moreau voice over has this magnitude of attending a poetry reading session that leads me wanting to read Marguerite Duras' novel which this film based from.

The ending brought me to tears and swelling lungs just like that moment when you are panting and trying to catch your breath after an orgasm.

It made my day for it seems to be a very long time since I had a good one.

It's something that I'm wanting to do so badly. Most of these kind of events are scheduled 2nd half of the day, which my work sched also falls. Since I'm on a preventive suspension due to an upcoming case in the office I have this chance of going out--- escaping from the stench of corporate world and reinstate myself to the universe that I once found myself revolving: under the acacia trees, having coffee and ice cream. being alone inside a movie house, jog while seeing the sun sets and immerse myself with the things I love doing.

€€

Hope

There is this one conversation that I could still remember. A constant reminder that when we are feeling down and troubled, there are other people who are suffering much worse than we are. Specially the patients and their family in PGH or any public hospital around which are more down and troubled than we do, people who are in their worst case scenario. So we should still be grateful and feel lucky.

above all, please don't be weary, there is hope.

Locked up

I think everyone of us has a miserable lady inside,
but we keep her shut all these times.

When was your last time?

Not to ward off the notion of promiscuity but one of the guys that dated once asked me when was my last sex, I know it just happened recently but i was struck with the question and took me sometime to answer it. then i just found myself telling him that I can't remember as I consider sex as not a tangible matter that you can count or something you can put it on your shopping list, it is an inevitable coalescence of two elements: fate and good fortune; fate as opposed to faith, a religious act.

he just smiled and we make love.

suddenly and most of the time, i miss you



photo by Chai Fonacier, during our fuck you world summit last december 2013



I miss our late night talks

late night movies when we had your whole sala for ourselves
I miss us crying while Claudine is also crying over aga muhlach
The way u read my blog in the past and then comment on it
as if we’re not gonna see each other almost everyday

I miss ur texts saying: “padung na ko”
if all we know, naa pa ka sa kwarto, nanudlay ka pa sa imong buhok
I miss u
Sobra

How I wish I can see u again this june, when im going back to cebu to attend mecca’s wedding
Before it was ur wedding with thomas
i can still remember it
‘twas in august
04/08

It’s for forever

at the distillery

missing you is like
plunging into a dark wine
nothing can be seen but
to feel the purity and rawness
of the intricacies of our endeavors
giving blood
to a mud
creating thousands of caricatures
of our stories that were left behind
unfinished,
and never ending
always forgetting
the design of my mouth saying:
i must have you, you must have me
sealing it with
perpetual expectancy
drunken with the time and space between
so let it seep in
let me sit
and talk with it
revel on things that makes me ponder
on the idea of forever
make love with the bottle that
rejects the limitation of it
and make a vow never to take
the entirety of emptiness
as space allows for reflections,
in time,
there is refinement.

 

my mamu and i

unlike Papa, you are very patient and understanding. quite emotional though, so i think namana na nako tanan sa imoha. you are the one who is quick to encourage and give her moral support. you're the one who always say:

"kaya ra na, padayon lang"

Thanks Ma for keeping ur faith in God and in our family. i know u always wish the best for me, and most of all thanks for making me ur única hija.

(un)holy week 2014

i can hear the motorboat roaring when it started to dawn on me, i'm going to puerto galera again this holy week. if in cebu, it has to be sta fe, specifically in sugar beach, while here in puerto galera, it has to be

the white beach

it is my 4th year in a row since 2011 when it's my first time to spend summer here in manila. going to white beach puerto galera has become an annual tradition for me as well, it's like a "panata" which i jokingly kid with my friends that i usually get crucified in a more different way.



this is the isolated portion of the white beach, this is the spot where me and russ spent time star gazing last year, some called this the jurasic park, while allan call this: Bona Station.

 

i don't know why i consider going to a sought after beach during the holy week as a penance (long ride, traffic, mob, seat shortage) that we have to go through for this looong weekend as one can always do staycation let say in shangrila or sofitel as the rates are similar compared to the resorts along the beachfront specially during the super peak season. but i think what drive most people to the beach is the crowd itself. especially for those who work out their bodies to flaunt, not just to the nature but to other people to see. i dunno what do you call that, is it a sort of a seasonal exhibitionist?

  

with my mareh, allan, it's his first time to set foot in puerto galera. 

as i noticed in my previous post, i'm so eager about discovering the island, what's new, what's going on. what to expect and what "i have to" experience. this time, it's about just going back to a usual rest house, a home away from home, like going back to a lost aunt's beach house, hiding while the summer sun scorch the city.

with the usual crowd. although nothing beats a spot where u can have the whole beach by yourself.

my first two years was spent with my dulce vitas: JM, Sherwin, Ralph and Ian. when mostly we go gaga with the boys of summer then just simply flirt with them, and just like alchohol you just had a hangover and then simply get over with it the next day. on my 3rd year, it's the time when i'm with russ that i started to wish i'm on a date and have a romantic getaway. i even dated a guy for a night and miraculously, nothing sexual happened to us. then this year, yes, i've dated some guys and had romantic moments by the beach. i even had a sort of long distance relationship with a guy from cavite, and as usual it ended naturally in due course.

..the girl from ipanema este puerto galera

in puerto galera during holy week is not suitable for gay couples as the temptation of being with other hot guys is way too much. so i enjoy celebrating my blissful singleness in this island. if february 14 is like single awareness day that can be miserable for some meanwhile holy week in puerto is like xmas for singles like me. lol

tristeza, the big sadness the heart feels, let it leave mine forever..

  

one thing i also noticed is that most of the crew here in PG are also becoming long time no see friends. i mean most of the tourists come and go but there are some people who you constantly see there every year become your friends. there was even this guy (who works in one of the bars along the beach) whom i keep on eyeing last time i went to puerto while he's playing volleyball and was surprized he approached me after their game, we introduce eachother, change numbers and everytime we see eachother here in puerto galera, we become instant sorta kinda sweethearts. ahaha. another long story.

na anne curtis ako, di talaga biro maging dyesebel!

every year here in puerto galera is memorable if it's not remarkable. there's just too much details to tell as everyday in this dedonistic beach has its own revelation. every year, different happenings, different stories. and here's my latest memorabilia: stings from box jellyfish. aguy!