-im used to watch the last sunset of the year some other places, but this year, simply seen it reflected on the leaves of the trees right through my window.
-since i have work, i simply resign with the idea it will be just a quite night. so i set my tools inside my room and maybe welcome new years eve silently. with wine and marijuana. but chai messaged and off i go to her place before the clock struck midnyt
12/30
-went to greenbelt to meet russ
had brunch at simply thai
-in our convo, we able to discuss about treatments and eventually, our diagnosis.
-from milk brother to blood brother
-had my RF therapy and renewed my session for another year
-lack of sleep, but i felt my day didn't slip on me this time
12/29
-we had our team's virtual year end party and and won 600 😅
12/28
-watched paul eggar's the witch.. was so disturbed i have to watch something joyful, and watched breakfast at Tiffany's, audrey Hepburn's portrayal at first i thought so phony but at the end it was completely marvelous.
12/26-27
-was suppose to meet with aris for pnp but he was with someone else
-also seen jake with someone else along university ave
-i felt terribly disappointed and jealous
-i suffered and bore so much pain, until i came across with thich nhat nhan and learn the art of suffering
-also learn mindful ness practice, the four pebbles: flower, mountain, still water, space.
-met ace again and had dinner with him. had great sex for 3x succession with him.
-watched Emmanuel riva back to back: from amour to Hiroshima mon amour
-found out mt selium is actually thriving, saw a new leaf budding. it gave so much happiness and hope.
12/25
-spent xmas eve with family in pasig.. we had our msge for 2020 and had a group hug
12/23
-spent night with ace from KNL, he treat me with strawberry ice cream while watching the lighted jeepney in UP and had dinner across UP church.
just like the first we have a good time in bed, its really more of love making rather than casual sex. we continued watching shutter
-able to make saeed have a taste of his own poison (made him feel what i feel when he turned me down with our supposedly pnp session) it was well crafted that i can sense him fuming. i got it from my father, thats makes me love my father and adore him even more. thanks Pa!
- while taking a shower, i realized i am a self made person and i dont owe anyone an apology or have to even meet their expectations. even to my parents. i made it to university and able to get a job from my own determination.
i really dont give a damn with anything and anyone.
12/22
-this is so weird
i have this sudden impulse to draw or sketch but the whiteness of my sketchpad is strikingly frightful.. i wish i bought a black version or the sepia colored pad, maybe through my experiences, i am beginning to get anxious on starting from scratch.
-sincy my selium, my bedroom companion, is dying, sketched it on its remaining days.
12/21
-watched amour (2012)
-able to personify my anguish for saeed as the year 2020, ever present, ever tempting yet ever frustrating. he is tall yummy and all but cannot deny hes a lousy top.
12/20
-celebrated our youngest sibling, john2x bday
-bonding with mamu, LeAnn and of course the baby, xinxin
-its also a prelude to our xmas together as kuya carlo will be joining his family in Valenzuela. me and papa had this wonderful duet, singing xmas songs.
12/19
this was my saddest moment this year.. i cried walking in the rain
late that evening i supposed to meet saeed for pnp session but he is unresponsive. rather than sulking i went jogging outside and met random fuck at the lagoon, not enough i went to university ave and saw this manly guy. was able to bring him in my room and he happened to be good in love making, he also have ahuge dick. we had wine dinner, watched unfinished movie shutter and then gave him a back massage. his name is ace from KNL.
12/18/20
-had our last day of class this year for educ 181 and had our mini virtual pre xmas get together.. i can sense a damper kind of energy
-felt depress because my plea to wfh was considered but not approved
-sad and lonely, bulacan guy was both surge of excitement longing and pain at the same time.. hes inconsistent and playing hard to get, so better blocked him as it caused me to be miserable
12/15-17
kept on procrastinating about my thesis proposal
-sent complaint letter to SSB for apprehending me wrongly
-able to get my up diliman id finally
12/14
-suck uro and got fucked by him, i always like him even 10 years ago without his beer belly.
-able to suck 3 cute guys, one of them is a horny curious straight guy.
-solve na ako for 1week na hindi ako nkapagsex.. gosh
-im getting excited for the holidays..
-the scent of morning dew and cold breeze.. i love it..
12/13
12:30am
met the hunk guy while walking his dog, was able to play with his nipples and fucked by him, hes such a hard fucker.
he fucked me by the tombstone near University entrance
4:40am
oh gawd
two hunk men with huge dicks
wasak pwet ko
watched when marnie was here.. the character reminds me of cha ferrer
12/12
watched antonio bandera
in Pain and Glory
12/10
-im throwing away kevin's momento (mento's) and his curse as well. goodbye ex lover 😂
12/09
-accept
12/08
able to finish queens gambit
12/07
exhausted but not totally tired
had rf facial with ms. miles
started working my face with tretinoin
my face is a mess.. still feel conscious insecured with the hunk doctor/derma i hooked up with (sarrosa, capitol hills). he is 40 but his skin is stunningly vibrant.
12/06
went trekking to mt manalmon at mt. algo.. also went caving
felt recharged.
was so stoned, i thought the general is flirting with me as he keeps on striking me with a wicked smile.. went somewhere across the river I thought he would follow but he didnt come. i felt silly.
12/05
i have this feeling i will be married to a black man.
today feels like about losing
i am driven with that anger and jealousy at the same time ( failing qa, no more performance bonus, idea of doc hottie fucking someone else) watching queen's gambit s1 ep5 juiced up those feelings
12/04
-i have to wake myself from having nightmares, and the moster? system issue
so weird
12/01
-final demo done!
yey
