12/2023

12/31

-estaba jodidamente drogado , 

voy a f.club.. ha pasado un el lugar es muy diferente compara desde un lugar primera.. tiempo desde que llegue alli.. 

y después, encontrar esta cuuuute guy, pelo de rizado, muy vellodo. muy sexo.. lo vio /lo noté en "sky bar".. soy swerte cuando me vio y hicimos clic de inmediato.. 

Me encanta la emoción de que intentemos encontrar una habitación a través del callejón oscuro. y finalmente encontramos un lugar, Dios mío... es tan sexy...

y su polla es grande... y su olor... sus axilas... nos besamos tórridamente y hasta me pidió que me sentara sobre su enorme polla desnuda... eso estaba jodidamente caliente. Estaba un poco borracho por lo que le costó mucho mantener la erección, pero ese momento que tuvimos ya fue un momento destacado para mí.

Teníamos un acuerdo de que nos volveríamos a ver más tarde esa noche, cuando él esté sobrio...

Lo vi cuando el reloj marca exactamente la medianoche cuando el cielo está lleno de fuegos artificiales. De hecho, es gwapo. Ojalá pudiera verlo.

Acércate a él pero está con su amigo.

pero a medida que la noche se hizo más profunda, traté de buscarlo en los 4 pisos, pero no lo vi y pensé que ya se había ido a casa. Me encuentro con un chico top en el sofá con una polla gigantesca que entró en mi boca después de que le hice una de las mejores mamadas. luego también encuentro una orgía en una de las cabañas de nipa en la que está este chico blanco de 9 o 10 pulgadas que llenó totalmente mi agujero... y estos bollos cachondos que me folló y se vino encima dos veces... qué increíble año nuevo. ¡sexo!

y luego, cuando se trata de cerrar, me encuentro con esto

chico gwapo otra vez, estaba consciente porque huelo raro con todas las pollas que encontré, pero me dijo que me uniera a él dentro del ascensor... me dijo que soy gwapo y le dije que él es mi tipo... ojalá podamos Nos volveremos a ver pronto.

12/30

-muy emocionado para ano nuevo y largo rin de semana

-casi no dormir

-llamada max para como esta / va todo.. hablamos y ponerse 

al dia con ella.. la extraño 

12/29

-ver un película, titulada: Carol

que película hermosa..

12/28

-reunirse con agalvarez, ha pasado mucho tiempo desde que lo visto. traje el en lugar mi favorito para joder. en el centro del campo, cerca el alfresco monumento a lo largo de university ave.. bajo el arbol.. la luna es brilliante. extraño su olor. le hizo el amor intensamente. guao, fue una

buena cogida.

12/23

-la reunion con carri, star y joshua quin llegar de malaysia.

la cena en provenciano y toma un cafe a lo largo de maginhawa

12/21

-tener mi segunda la vacuna 

para anti rabies. estoy cansado y sin dormir. yo pido sick leave de trabajo

-gracias a dios, tener suficiente dormir y descansar.

-Noel enviar un mensaje y nos encontraremos, nos el sexo genial.

-nos manejar alrededor university oval con "glow in the dark" christmas lanterns

-un momento magico

-nos besos adiós 

12/20

-john2x compleanos y estoy feliz el es feliz.. tambien estoy feliz visto que mi papa con ellos (john2x y su familia en kabac). mi papá parece bien y contento. 

12/17-19

-me engripé, nunca me había sentido tan enfermo durante mucho tiempo 

-tengo una tos y catarro

12/16

-fin de año fiesta con mi com-

paña 

-finalmemte, un fiesta ultima vez.. despues yo quiro dormir mucho y descarga mi "sociao battery"

12/14

-hacer noche en habitación de russ y lemuel.. quedarse a dormir con lala, jazel, gab, dale y alanis.. no he hecho esto durante mucho tiempo.

-en nuestro camino a casa, dar una vuelta en coche de alanis, cantemos nuestros corazones con beyonce.. ajajaja. 

12/13

-fiesta ala mongo dia en lugar de russ. 

nosotros divertimos. musica, canta, comer, la presentación,

y lectura de tarjetas.

12/11

Recientemente, me cansé mucho de la fiesta. Ya tengo esta fiesta/reunión hasta el momento:

-fiesta chai/despedida de ryan

-dagupan con los anakbanwa

píos

-kaori despedida

-El cumpleaños de Claire.

-desayuno del equipo de oficina

-fiesta del equipo de oficina

-Fiesta del equipo de clase de español.

y luego tengo esto siguiente

fiesta en Russ el día 13, otra con toda la empresa el día 16

Sentí que mi nivel de dopamina ya estaba agotado.

Entonces, ¿qué me queda durante Navidad y Año Nuevo?

Realmente necesito una desintoxicación de dopamina.

12/10

-supér empresiando con heart Evangelista cuando ella habla sobre su el viaje en la moda del mundo

yo quiero tomar nota en ella 

punto en ser filipino:

https://youtu.be/bHBWHGqyJFM?si=dCB9FC3xxX_9BxRp

en marca: 40:00

charm

friendly

pleasant

grateful 

hardworking 

we hardly complain

respectful = winner

12/09

-ultima dia en la classe español con max. nosotros tenemos una fiesta

-despues fuimos en una bar en makati, llema: "default".

muy urbano, muy moderno, 

nos divertimos 

12/08

-acabo de terminar mi la entrevista con ministro de educación de España.

-hice mi mejor esfuerzo pero mi siento it no fue suficiente.

-paso lo que pase.

12/03-04

-fin de semana la aventura en tondalingan.

-la playa, cafe, la copa, lectura

de poesía, y mas.. muy divertido..

-medianoche nadando, despues todos nos sentamos alrededor de la hoguera

-anakbanwa la exposición de arte y la cena (ramen) con congressman Toff de Venecia 

12/02

-viaje a dagupan con jazel kristin para anakbanwa

-enlace con jazel, kaori y lem despues con russ y lala.. 

-encontrar dale, gab y alanis 

por primera vez.

-anakbanwa cermonia de 

apertura.

-el arte en vivo por russ

*****

december mornings

11/2023

11/30

-enlace con chai..

-despues, encontrar sus amigos specialmente en ryan macazero's despida..

(maria gigante, ericka, joshua et al)

-una noche marevilousa 

11/28-29

-nada especial

-duermo mas

11/26-27

-sigo pensando en Noel.

-por una razon obvia, sigo llorando

-nunca supe que me afecteria tanto

11/25

-con el corazon roto

-noel me mensaje que ya no me ven 

11/24

-extrañamente, Noel no me mensaje.

-sé un poco lo que viene

-compleaños de bebe avy.. unir con mi familia sobre la cena.

-me emborracho y canta mi corazón. por alguna razón, yo , canté bien.

11/23

-noel y yo nos volvemos a encontrar.. después de un largo periodo de tiempo

-joder! lo echaba de menos

-de pronto, noel enviame un mensaje y nos conocemos

-ya no es solo sexo, esta vez, hacemos el amor

11/22

- recentamiente yo tiene mucho sueños mal.

11/19

-el compleanos de julio y estoy feliz el es haciendo bien.

-tengo un sueño recurrente que se julio o sobre un la idea cayendo en amor.

11/18

-nada clase en español pero chatar con max con mi compañeras en ayala triangle

-nosotros trajer a condo su Edward, somos fueran divertido sobre copa, comiendo, y la canta vía magic sing

-despues, mi, juza y solenn trajer de cubao y fuimos de rapture. consiguimos emociónado sobre drag queens. muy divertido 

11/16

-noel es enfermo, tiene una ka calentura.. el extraño 

11/15

-es compleanos de mi papa. estoy feliz viendo saludable y muy contento

-videocall via Messenger y hablo mi la aprobación para Espanya.. el cuenta su historia cuando era trabajo en el extranjero en middle east.

-estuvo bueno mumurar

11/11

-elyu el viaje

-mi la segunda vez en la union.

-solo relajarse, no sentí presión. relájate de una vez

-disfruto comer un el restaurante llama icolandia? 

11/09-10

11/08

-supuestamente, necesito hacer mis mandados hoy pero noel me ensaó un mensaje.. 

así que nos volvemos a ver.

tuvimos sexo asombroso otro vez y cenamos juntos. 

él me traer al maginhawa donde un casa con cafetería.. muy hermosa y marivolouso.. nosotros hablamos sobre de artes. tenia un la noche magica

11/06

-encontrar noel, eres de Antipolo..

por donde debo empezar?

iniciamos chatar en el grindr y lo encuentro atractivo. my typo ultima.. alto 6'1, cuuuute, gracioso, sonrisa de un millón de dólares. entonces, en el momento en que tuvimos sexo, y fue asombroso...

11/1-3

-el fin de semana largo

-dedica para solo relajarse

-encontrarse abugado (manlytop.ch) y ponte tranquilo en la hotel ava. tuvo que irse después tengo el habitación todo para mi. esta caliente y contrarse un 6ft hot arab, mucho sexy y encontrar en hotel diamond. dios mio, e es gigantesco y su el pene ea enorme 

anthology of dreams: 2023

 11/08

one of the most vivid dreams and most tear jerker

saw julio
he is angry
he makes habol /apas
went though slides and all on this
mountain top resorts
tried to get away
pero nadakop/nasakpan  ko
i thought he will kill me or
punish me but all he wants is a to have a drink with me..
julio is with someone (might his new bf) he ordered this magical drink like the one in harry potter beer golden jelly
julio then become gerald
then it was him who cursed me me
i said sorry
i said im really sorry
that i am eaten by my conscience.. that i hurt him...
we walk through magical mountains then turn into magical beach with my magical favorite  tree (dead tree that was cut in
up mangrove) filled with Firefly lights under purple sunset
we walk holding hands through the crowd who are playing by the beach saying we wont forget this moment until we reached a hut, thats where he is staying just to haunt or hunt me.. 8k beach side.. i came in and see this spacious room with marvelous comfy bed. i imagined him with someone else or he will follow me inside but he didt...
i told him im sorry
we didn't have a proper closure
i said sorry again and again
before i wake up.. subconsciously aware that i am slowly slipping away from this dimension (dream) i got two shards of broken mug clay rubbed eachoother so i would stay longer on that dream to stay more with him to tell im sorry again and again.. until i i slipped off to wakefulness ... writing this.. crying (hagulhul)

08/25
dreamt of my grandma..
she is so stunning with her
pearly white glowing translucent skin.. struttling with her wrinkle free like almost capiz shee level. she is bringing a big and she want me to fix it for her. its a cordoroy handbag meshed with tattared nylon, and i vividly see my dmc golden threads to redeem the damage.  she is beaming and happy as she knew i can fix it for her. when it's done and as she's about to leave, i said "see you"
she muttered like "you're halfway there" with a smile.. im not sure if its means im halfway to my ultimate self or im halfway before my own death. im 38. so that leaves me a life of 76? i dunno as she's already left and im awake. i woke up teary eyed.

08/07
dream about chai, we tried our usual bonding but ends up her trying to show off her "acedentures" its an oral device that goes with ur teeth and mouth vocal that makes ur voice whole. and then i blurt out about tune, she corrected me about it as it is about something so high faluting..
in my dream, i end up pissed about her and walked out.

05/01
-went gr and i happened to meet Nikko who invited me over for slamming. i was so hard and so ready for hot encounter with him but he .   appears having a heart issue so i suggest him to be taken to the hospital. and with angry look he said no since it will ruin his public image. then came his landlady who happened to be my landlady in philcoa then..

04/25
-it was sort of a Apocalyptic dark and i was room mate with marvin dumrigue and we noticed that its already 12noon but there's still no sun. and all of a sudden it emerged as a marvelous sunrise. at mid day. the whole place turned into a beach. with lots of people. i went into the usual town by the beach in my recurring dream. its a town not by the sea but appears to be "on" the sea. but instead of stilts its concrete. then i went to this huge abandoned boat where u  can climb up to its sail and make pasol for bigger fish. i can see someone already set a
pawn, series of them, like kitang on the rope and suddenly i have my brother macmac behind me. he talked about him not able to get back to our hometown in cebu and i just advised him just to become better where he is currently staying.

03/02

2 series

-performed with russ, but there are so many things i brought with me but i dont know what to do with it.. then finally we started.. but the music I am expecting is different.. totally different for what it should be.. we end up dancing with spice girls track. then gloria dance with me and she turned to be like the daughter of gloria romero daza.. then our audience becomes a wedding guests and one baked the most beautiful and tastiest bread ive  ever had. it was flat bread but with the undertaste of a cassave and the look is like archaic spacehip with minute golden etchings as design.

-i was in a middle of a hike or leisurely walk. i was walking to this mossy slope not knowing it was a deadly cliff by the end of it. a trench in top of the mountain thousands of thousands high and down below i almost cannot see the depth of a rocky landing. i am slipping to my death and good thing a guy saw me and attempted to help me with a bamboo split, but it was crumbling in my hands, i grope on it but it simply crumbling inch by inch  and then another guy help me, he is semi kalbo or buzzed cut not muscled but not lanky, with the right amount of fats. he came and hold me by the hand and lift me. when i was on a safe place i cried so hard. really really hard as it was really the end of me if they didn't save me.  i wanna thank both guys specially the buzzed cut guy but there are so many people surrounding us now who witnessed their heroic deed and some elderly went to check where i almost fall but it was nothing but a balcony and in fact there were so much space that i should have been ok. they even went to it and dance to that floor as if to mock me.

02/27
-dreamt of  dave, the 6'2 guy.. gwapong gwapo ako sa kanya but i wouldn't make it obvious. he is pursuing me and i do not budge. but when he tried to veer away, i went missing him.
-having this recurring dream of waters of madridejos. the water when i was young was so clear and nice to swim with but when i get older it become dirty. now on this dream, its becoming clearer but not as cleaner.
-dreamt of Julio of how we broke up at valentines day itself. then of this couple who said they missed having big belly as you grow much of belly fat when ur in a relationship. dreamt of snr pizza. but its an empty box

02/13
-dream of travelling in japan, finally. im. in a
train. the tain have this amazing. conveniemce store where u even have etched stone with crystals as flooring that emerge from snow. it has two floors that looks like a sleeping quarters. was super amazed but my luggages were lost. i was with Melanie and she left me. now im lost. saw these group of people with nuclear deformity, they look like with elephantiasis with blobs and craters and they look ancient, with this parasol hat and they were morenk kind of japanese. then someone informed me that my companions already left. then i tried retrieving my luggages only 1/2 is found but when i check it isnt my kanken bag. then there was this pinoy lady saying napaligaya ba kita? i said yes but in reality im not. then i woke up

01/21/23
-dreamt about being with chai. chai is in her most positive vibes. like super happy. joyous. definitely in her elements. she is also with her friends notably saw robert bagares. we were in this post event party where we are suppose to be drinking something like a rhum. but someone put a anti-alcoholic poweder in my drink. my cup even look thwarted. as if it intend to lessen the potency of fun. then they tried to move to a different place, i tried to catch up with them but i got lost.

10/2023

10/30-31

-no mucho en el lunes pero el martes, asistio a mdme B en la casa syquia. hace mucho que no ver mdme b pero un momento yo veo ella (tal vez por diez anos?) como si fuera ayer. todavia puedo sentir el dolor.. una pieza tan pasada. lloré mucho

-despuez el arte en vivo, encontrarse mucho nuevo cara, especialmente jiezl y lala.. lo 

pase muy bien con ellos.

10/29

-fui a russ' lugar. 

-pasé con russ y cowrie.. tome cafe, cena y entonces juego baraha: "exploding kittens".. muy simple pero nos divertimos

***

-fue McDonald's quirino para chill pasar al tiempo.. entonces 

tenia un mensaje de chico en taft residences. mi typo, morreno y mas o menus masuculado con gordo.. (ref: taft.guy) nuestro sexo fue genial. pasamos la noche abrazaron mientras me encanta el olor su los sobacos 

10/26

-fantasear sobre julio, recoradar un momento nosotros al pasar contigo.pqra mi, el es muy guapo.. me creo enamorado otra vez.

10/23-25

-ha sido los dias tan ajetreado, 

trabajar para el requisito pot auxiliar españa y ocupado en la oficina. estoy cansado!

10/22

-un momento hermosa con carri.. derma, masaje, cena, cafe y ver un pelicula: a very good girl.

-fascinaba a nosotros, un pelicula tan excelente!

10/21

-clase en IC

-hacerse amigos con jill, solennne y juzwa sobre cerveza en nuestra spacio favorito

10/20

-mi madre compleanos y mi 

primaria yo no compartir fotografías ni mensaje via social media.. queiro ser sagrado.

celebrar con mi hermanos y 

la cuñada y mi sobrina, avvy.. 

nostros cantar von videoke y comer sobre cena.. 

estuvo muy divertido y significativo 

10/19

-experiencia tengo hambre y nada... como casi nada.. mi 

pensar esto participar el sufrimiento del mundo specialmente el gueta en 

palestenia

10/18

-contrarse con carri.. hablamos de los planos en opicina. nosotros alcanzamos tambien sobre de helado de fresca en The Hub

10/17

-he estado ocupado recientemente. tengo mucho obra y tengo mucho reflexiónar sobre

por ejemplo:

*mi applicacion para España

*problema de financiár

10/16

-frase para hoy:

 tu siempre olvidame

10/15

-una dia para mi

-dedica este tiempo para derma facial, el corte de pelo y masaje el cuerpo --- yo siento renovado.

-veo as bestas! definitivamente una película magnifica.. nunca supero la intensidad.. bravo!

-tuve una dormir larga

10/14

-comenzado hoy, voy a escribir en español.. para practicar mucho y aprender rapido.

yo se es deficil pero tratare hacer mi mejor..

-estoy una nivel en espanol entonces voy a encontrar mucho hizo algunos errores y 

la gramatica incorrecto.. 

-precentacion el artista

featuring bencab. mi primera discurso in español

-fui a shangrila plaza para veo spanish film festival 

-vi el olivo, una película sobre un arbulo antiguo, que siginifica, como sus profundo .

como ellos la lucha para cobrar 

un 2 mil años arbulo.. estan las ecsenas recodarme sobre una mujer quin escalaba un arbulo 

y quedarse por salvar el bosque.

10/13

-heading back to manila with mamu. saw julio as we are heading to sta. fe port. he looks cuter and he's back to his usual handsome and charming form, as my eyes transfixed to him at the very moment we 

pass by at eachoother..

weird to say this but i got kiilig and i felt the same love feels when we are still together.. ahaha.. i dunno.. 

-was welcomed by my brother mark paul and kuya carlo. and then back to my boardinghouse to continue working.. such an exhausting day!

10/11-12

-simply immerse with the moment. me and my mother will be going back back to manila in a few days. definitely it was a marvelous stay. a needed break. a needed diversion. i miss my room so much in diliman.

-make sure to bond with xin2x, my beloved nephew, im so glad he is very intelligent and 

participative about life. also had great moment with leanne and her family. will definitely miss them

10/10

-saw the cute manly baker again. was super kilig he is so captivating, i even had a glimpse of his abs and that trail of a mini bush from his navel down to his..

10/09

-usually do dawn walk and buy hot bread. saw a cute manly baker. its been a long time since i have this probinsya crush 🥰

-although i haven't confirmed it frm him but at the age of 73 he have a new girl friend. im happy as someone is taking care of him as he and mama are somewhat civil and separated. its one of those kalit kalit moments, while i am taking care of baby ali by the field as i let her see the cows and the goats. he joined us and i was able to have a talk with my father, but its about his friend in mindanao, who only with a carabao he manage to develop his land into a self sufficient and wealth generating ranch. reminds me of pearl s Buck's the good earth. got so inspired with how he manage to plant coffee and graze goats around his 16 hectar Marlboro kind of ranch.

10/08.2

-simba bantayan 

-treat them at kermits

-xin xin bday

-family bonding

10/08

woke up at the middle of sugar beach. 

its one of those "panata" i should make every now and then. only if i'm not so concerned with my skin (necnec bites, sunburn) i could have done this much often. finally able to see and witness the beach in its full glory. 

its dreamy, 

ghibli-esque pink sunrise 

and almost princess mononoke kind of still water. 

i felt replenished. my soul and body definitely got replenished.

wasn't really able to sleep well or did i? numerously awaken by the advancing waves on my feet, an insect crawling on my skin, the splashes of the rain on my face. the morning dew coldness/dampness. but boy oh boy, all those time im awake i got to see the passing of a satellite, a shooting star, a light show of an upcoming storm. the momentary tableau of the gigantic passing clouds, the moon, the stars, the galaxies, the wonders of a billion star accommodation.

***

i guess one of the beauty of sleeping by the beach is like u get rubbed with the sands and  be cradled by the waves. 

in time, all those piercing edges will soon get kinder, all those roughness will smoothen like sparkling pebbles.

***

10/07.3

-its my 3rd day on the beach, and its weird, i still feel not in sync with my body and with my soul. my body is in this island but my soul is wandering with the turmoil of the city. 

-spent more time at the beach rather than in my cot. i decided not to extend my stay at the hostel and challenge myself again to stay at shore instead. i remember the banig days i haf with chai, her sister nikki and ferds. we spent 3 days in sta. fe with the banig, no tent! just under the palms! and also my days in moalboal, for 5 days! 

-so finally, with just my scarf blanket, i stayed by the beach and just stayed there, soaking myself into the nature i felt more and more accustomed to my fears and the beauty with it. it took so much time for me to unwrap and tear my comfort zones and really see into the core. the core that really glisten more with nature. the one that flashes with the lightning, that dances with the rain drops and sings with the breeze.

10/07.2

-finally meet someone for sex. see ref stafe. oct2023

he is 23 and in his prime time. one of the wildest. i have other options but he is an ultimate choice. at first i thought it will just be only oral but he got so kinky he turned my back and enters me from behind. we did it near the denr post. by the beach. we burst like crazy. it 

was so fun. i still even get so horny after he left i came twice.

10/07.1

-its midnight 

and i woke up in the middle of a dream.. category: bad dream

i was watching an episode and was wanting to watch the rest with someone?, i even asked him.. but his face is so blurry but the feeling is as intense as an arturo 

desperate level. i cringe for myself having to feel that way again. gosh. when was the last time i felt madly in love? that was 2014, almost a decade now. i cannot get back to sleep after that, plus someone tried or mistakenly open my hostel door and say sorry (i know its a hostel but im the only one booked for the entire day) my mind acting weird lately. im not sure because of the coffee or the medication or the mind itself. went to the beach with half moon hanging by the sky. and splashes of stars. total dark sea and can only hear the crashing of the mini waves

its high tide as my dark thoughts outpours and overwhelms me.

-its just like one of those characters in murakami when his protagonist iron his shirts to calm him down. so i end up washing my clothes and had some hot milk.

10/06

-woke up early in the morning and watch the sun rise at kota beach. its been a long time since i seen one

-had a good coffee and went to the ruins and snorkel. saw a family of clown fish. im so happy.

-enjoyed the early morning, not much tourists in this island, i have a tiny bit of paradise to myself

10/05

-arrived in sta fe

-had a good nap and wonderful massage. asleep well at night. attained a regular cycadian rythm. i really need to go back as a day person. never felt so hewlthy and alive for a long time.

10/04

-able to see papa and amzed how healthy he looks. told him about my accomplishments, future plans and dreams. fekt very hopeful.

-went to kodia eco park and just get lost into the mangroves

-went to my new discovery cove and talk with russ until dusk about him preparing to new york and me, preparing for spain.

10/03

-my body gave in and got to call sick. was given 4 days rest

up to Friday.

-re watched y tu mama tambien.. was amazed as how elite and even the spanish netflix, a view from my window

kind of pattern from it in terms of fluidity and sensuality.

-i kinda feel having a break. after the grueling months of not able to take any trips starting when i enrolled myself to Spanish class and taking the lept exam.

10/02

-so exhausted from the trip cebu hagnaya bantayan. still have duty later that night. i could have filed a leave but got lots of important appointments to take..

-seing my brother and his family is worth the troubles. . they welcome us, me and my mother with such joy and warmth.. hearing my nephew xin2x laughs as we had dinner takes all the exhaustion away.

10/01

-flight to cebu with mamu

-dinner with robin, chavee and baby ally.. it was a great feast. my able to solve my craving for cebu lechon.

-roam around cebu and then ayala. able watch zack tabudlo live

-finally had massage at thewi thai massage. it was super good.. i fell asleep multiple times 😂

-met this guy uptown now 23, see ref oct2023 cebu. i wish he could have shared his private 

pics.. he is so hot.. we made out where my glory days way back i stayed in cebu last 2018. near shell where the infamous aviary were located (aviary no longer in business) i already came when we got busted by other trippers. he is not yet done so we kept on walking until we found a parking spot near urgello.. crazy i thought we couldn't make it but he was able to cum inside me. it was soo good. he gave me the labacarra we use to wipe 😻 it and kept it as a remembrance

10/08

woke up at the middle of sugar beach. 

its one of those "panata" i should make every now and then. only if i'm not so concerned with my skin (necnec bites, sunburn) i could have done this much often. finally able to see and witness the beach in its full glory. 

its dreamy, 

ghibli-esque pink sunrise 

and almost princess mononoke kind of still water. 

i felt replenished. my soul and body definitely got replenished.

wasn't really able to sleep well or did i? numerously awaken by the advancing waves on my feet, an insect crawling on my skin, the splashes of the rain on my face. the morning dew coldness/dampness. but boy oh boy, all those time im awake i got to see the passing of a satellite, a shooting star, a light show of an upcoming storm. the momentary tableau of the gigantic passing clouds, the moon, the stars, the galaxies, the wonders of a billion star accommodation.

***

i guess one of the beauty of sleeping by the beach is like u get rubbed with the sands and  be cradled by the waves. 

in time, all those piercing edges will soon get kinder, all those roughness will smoothen like sparkling pebbles.

09/2023

09/30

-attended my 2nd semester for my Spanish class. this time we are having Max as our teacher. he is a 30 year old guy from Mexico. he is half mexican half filipini. and for me, he looks a bit like sergio in marimar 😅. i totall missed my closed classmates specially from the Los quadro dedes. solenne, jill and vlessie. i cannot contain my excitement to see them again.

-we parted ways with some of our classmates and we have new ones. there are two new faces and 1 happened to be from UP Diliman as well. his name is joshua. originally from UP Tacloban. he joined with us at ayala triangle banchetto, mcdo and later at pobla in our favorite spot, el kuarenta y cinco. (its a tindahan that sells a meager 45 pesos for palesen. compared to 500 a drink in most of the places we went to. plus its in between the ultimate clubs in pobla.. so the place is a sure winner. we instantly click with joshua as he is such an opinionated guy. together with marvin, jill and solenne we talk all night long before my flight later at dawn

09/29

-feeling giddy for my upcoming cebu trip. its been a while since the last time i traveled and i am financially ok.. 

-finally done with my laundry

my rooms smells awful specially after my partee session with ehan mark as both of us sweat a lot, now i know how marx feel about his 

place in nova after partee. as much as i want to keep the smell of ehan mark, but i have to let it go and start in a clean and fresh slate.

-as usual, i loooove having the smell of new laundered bed sheets and new cleaned room. i simply stay in my room and make my mind wander as i enjoy the comfort and the beauty of my own personal place..

09/28

-back to full blast on my spanish lessons and was on my 

imperfecto, the softer and lasting past and pretireto

09/27

-chai's bday

sent her a msge but i know she might have a lot of greetings.. just simply let her know that she's always in my mind and in my heart.

09/26

-got inspired with this video about the art of being you by Caroline McHugh

https://youtu.be/veEQQ-N9xWU?si=eU9_k273y2dLGsTt

09/25

-i felt back to my elements.. after 1 month of gruesome

lept application, review and twking th3 exqm itself im back to my quite walks and nature trip inside UP campus 

09/24

-the day of the licensure exam.. i dunno if its because of the customized mocha i mafe, but i felt so exhilarated. adreniline is rushing through me. made some simple yoga accept whatever happens and thank God i reached this far and also took part of this opportunity. i felt grateful 🥰

-was super exhausted after the exam.. we started 8 and finished at 6.. my right arm i hurts like hell from shading.. although there are some cuties i pass by byt dont wanna talk after.. also meet the co up diliman iska taker from chk.. it was heart warming small chat.. -i thought i could chill after.. jusr wanna go home and sleep 

09/23

-anxiety attack is real. 1 day from licensure exam and my head is spinning. ive done enough review, cant take it anymore. i might get crazy like clinically. atleast i can relate to most of the professionals now, its no joke. now i cannot sleep. 

-continue reading sands of time and re encounter the story behind guarnica. search about it further and realized irs morbid narratives

09/22

-already have my let exam confirmation and my room assignment. although it wont be in up diliman, but im excited to see my name and it will be near UST, at arrelano University.

-my pre exam jitters now kicking in.. my insomnia taking place. need to calm my nerves down. able to see this helpful reminder:

09/18

-went around Up since it wa closed for 2 days for the law bar exam, my licensure exam for professional teacher will be next weekend. so i went down memory lane and went first to Malcolm to bigay pugay to francis monfort who is my inspiration to take educ in up Diliman the moment he took law. then went to college of education where i have so much memories as i look into the main entrance, the lobby, the windows outside. crazy memories pops out as i look at the whole facade..

then went to beta lane to visit merwin mendoza's epitaph and ask him to wish me luck.. im teary eyed with excitement, thrill, sadness and love.

its been a decade since i stayed in Up diliman and il be leaving this place very soon.

09/17

-watched Kill Bill 1 and 2 with family.. kuya carlo, sis jess, baby avyy and mark paul. 

-someday, i would love to visit the most beautiful windows in the world:

https://twitter.com/culturaltutor/status/1702834149281743233?s=09

specially the ones in asia and europe. it would also great to have a study about them and 

pursue it as a masterclass.

09/16

-so i have new friend from my Spanish class names jill.. and she just turned 25 last August.. i saw my picture with her and made me wonder and go back how i was when i was on my 25th year. that's the time when i moved from cebu to manila. i scrolled to my blog and fb posts. my poetry my random craziness.. gosh such crazy wonderful moments i had and shucks! its been 13 years since then.. what a lifetime?!

-despidida with Marina Luz, our Spanish teacher from Columbia.. we dine at el 

chupabara? at the heart of 

poblacion, amazing moments.. then we went to spirit library where we had a glimpse of tony labrusca, then we went to run rabbit run bar.. 

later at night me, jill and solenn had a beer at ministop where we can simply see the city sparkle..

09/11-15

-re immersed to Alexander McQueen . they are right, sarah Burton's current works made you dream and be hopeful

-LET review.. review.. review for the upcoming bar exam!

09/09-10

-re meet mark garcia, this time we had partee session. he is kind and generous enough to sponsor everything, from the item, our drinks our food.. it was an ultimate bonding for two days where we able to even talk and kind of date. it was the sweetest.

-found out he have a spanish lineage, that's why he got body hair and Spanish size/looking dick 😅

09/06

-refocus at work, have great improvements at work, good measures and good signs, need to review for my licensure exam. rebonding with my colleagues. just enjoying my day.

-talk with mamu, talk about markpaul if he can go with us to cebu, and about xinxin's vision of papa. and we plan going to xinxin's bday in October 

09/05

-just past midnyt, i thought i would end up sexless this long weekend but good thing nova guy arrived in maginhawa and msge me to meet up again. as usual i really love his musky scent and his body hair.. made love and had sultry session by the tree near the soccer field. we had an intense orgasm together which is marvelous. went home still sniffing my hands as to remember his scent and all of him.

****

-i woke up refreshed and went to russ' place in syquia. we catch up and i talk about my preparation for my plan to move/migrate to spain. the story of the death of the dead tree in the middle of up lagoon. as if all these pushing me for a new chapter, a new place..

 listened with his spousal visa turmoil with dane. the delays of his migration. he also talk about his worries and letting go of his apartment, his things.. 

as always we do this while he is preparing a hearty meal for me, while sipping a good coffee and some kakanin that i brought..

-really good catching up and release of tension and we cap it with the premiere of bjorks victim hood while stoked in mj. it was mind blowing experience that end me hours of being knocked down. i felt immensely recalibrated and hopeful. 

-we both become so emotional and thankful for such wonderful bonding

09/04

-woke up crying. dreamt about my younger brother im not so sure if its robin or john2x and its about leaving them alone. its the attachment that i haven't felt that strong since my father thought us to be independent and im ateady living by myself at the early age of 13 (i moved to a boarding house as i turned high school)

-found out from my sister in law that my younger brother john2x cried as well as my nephew, xinxin saw my father in their room but my father is not living with them currently. i only hope and pray that God will give papa more good health and more time to stay with us since i want him to see him see us in our most full potential.

although im trying to be ready for papa's passing since his mikd stroke but deep within me im wishing for him to stat with us much much longer.

-my long weekend was kind of a bore since i usually travel when long weekend strikes or do a parteenplay. just remjnd myself that what i have is more than enough and im fine.

09/03

-my body clock is so fucked up.. wasnt able to sleep from last night and i dont want to

 spend my weekend just lying down struggling to sleep.. so might as well take the most out of it. had derma, massage and coffee at the french baker, talk with max and told her about my 

Euro plans and ask her to pray for me.. i could only dream of having them to visit me as well. im really hoping and praying that it will be materialized by 2024.. 🙏

I've been seeing somebody else's dream coming true.. i hope this time, it will be mine...

-ive been eying for a partee session since its a long weekend for me but to no avail. in the end i got frustrated with potential partee and play that didnt come to realize.. but remind myself of what i had earlier as i felt rich and pampered after my wellness recalibration and as my daily horoscope mentioned, i need to focus on my spiritual needs.

09/02

-saturday spanish class at the Ayala triangle. it appears this really one of the reasons that i get excited and motivated even though i haven't slept much and its raining hard. i also love spending time with jill and solenne and how they take heed over my advices and it warms my heart to see them smile with gratitude for having me.. i felt such a big sister to them, guiding them how to become an ultimate bitch 😅

09/01

-able to see the supermoon..

how i wish im on a beach or something it would be much superrr..

-felt deprived with my old lifestyle, with my card bills, foreign class tuition fee and all, im not able to travel as i used to.. when was the last time i travelled?

-i felt pathetic with my financial capacity, its been a while since the last time i struggle this much..

-although i don't have any love interest but strangely i doesn't bother me anymore, i felt so invested with my ultimate goals.. nowadays, i felt so driven with my spanish lesson and for obtaining my LEpT.

-enrolled myself for the 2nd sem for my Spanish class. how time flies by and i felt there's still so much to learn. its my 3rd month and usually one can get comfortable with on their 3rd cycle or almost a year of continuous learning..  so il just 

take my time and have that ho

pe and determination that someday il get fluent.

08/2023

08/29-31

-i got imersed with noli me tangere, the original spanish version. read it as it is and some times read/listen it with crhome extn and most of the time listen until i sleep with e reader prestigio..

-got engrossed with the old time mostly by the late 1800's and even went through jp Rizal's timeline.

-also got interested with the rise of illustrados and have a liking for pedro paterno.. which leads me to researching for filipiniana historical works

-kinda weird but i find the young pedro paterno as the late bree's bf. then it leads me on going back to bree Johnson's work. gosh i really marvel her paintings.. how i wish i was able to see them being exhibited, imaging bree having a small talk. im really am a post humous fan.

-felt lazy at work but im so lucky that its not as demanding as before. 

08/28

agosto viente ocho

son las otso y dos de la mana. 

este mi segunda escribro.en Español. ademas, hoy es mi dos mes fue impiezar aprendir un idiomatica estrangera.

yo voy mi casa despues mi trabajo. hoy fue double pagar 

porque esta national dia de patria. ver lo mi mucho videos de youtube sobre filipinos quin hablos Español. muy inspiracional y tiene motivacion. yo siento, que es un necesite tenner mas aprendir mas rapido y mucho mejor. mi intention es hablar Español fluentamente y muy suave. correcto mas possibleh.. 

hablar, ecriber , escuchar y navigar mas bien.

intento leer novela de jose rizal 

por primera tiempo. mi leer original edicion de Noli Me Tangere. Esta muy interesante. mi encanta leer todos paginas 

porque trabajar entonses no tiempo leer de fin los todos paginas. mi encanta o yo quiero tener un libro de la noli me tangere en Español. Espero hablar Español mas mucho en no tiempo.

08/27

-my pussy felt lucky today as i met Heej29 again. its as hot as our first encounter on 08/20 i realized he is gwapo with good built and handsome huge dick. 

felt horny even after he parked his car and he followed me up to the back of this abandoned building near 711 epsilon. 

he had this tight bun which i usually got turned off but he was an exemption. he have nice facial feature. and he is gorgeous. i came while he fuck me and later he burst inside me. hot as always.

-went to Philcoa for hot bread but pass by a familiar face along University ave. and 

he appeared to be my pandemic crush from bicol. the one who resides in marikina. he got chubbier but he is my type when his facial hair and handsome manyak looking face. i teased him and he got horny. i end up suckking him and he fucked me hard. he burst inside me while a patrolling security car pass by. i wish we could have talked more and tell him i still like him. 

-finished watching the 2nd

 ep of the latest black mirror: lochside lake? im not totally impressed but not bad. maybe it was too short and the built up was not enough. i wish it was a full length or a series in itself. it has a very good plot.

08/26

-watched a 1946 film entitled: a matter of life and death. wonderful romantic film, an ari Aster's favorite.

-saturday spanish class. start it with jco coffee and donut and enjoy the rainy gloomy day.

-marina just came from bora and she is sun kissed. mi amore bonita! 

-learned that marichie is a cancer survivor and her ultimate love is gay. tanya also spilled some beans with her ex and she seems to have hatred over him. we found out that guy also divirginized her. we wanna know more but her parents are already there to 

pick her up. 

-i end up with jill and she talk about her Indian and French guy. im so happy for her when she declared viva España when she talk about her sex with the spanish professor she met.

-met this Taiwanese guy and had awkward quicky in his 

apartment along sedeno ave in just two blocks from ayala triangle. he is hot and handsome however my Dick is bigger than his.

-pass by valero street and cant help remember about gerald 

08/25

-bond with carri and work at building b. its been ages since i was assigned in bldg k.

-we already on our 4th year in manulife. told him that this may be my final years in this company as i will go back teaching. told her how u find the work easy and the compensation ok but i just dont feel motivated anymore. also told her about my dream about lola consor. pls see dreams entry dates 08/25

08/24

-tangina talaga.. lahat frm entering to exiting, pahirapan talaga sa Updil 😅

took me hours and years but finally able to get my board exam worthy TOR for the upcoming licensure exam. weird to find years of years of sacrifices only summarized in 3 pages..

-the ultimate goal is to deviate from corporate and move back to professional teaching.

- i really thought my nightmare decades ago, about my inconsistencies in OUR (grades /records from up cebu to diliman) will reoccur but im glad i and the universe overcome it. its one of the reasons why i wouldnt like to 

pursue teaching (plus the salary is sooooo low) but i guess this time is the time to go back and continue what i started.

-finally cleared from university and have my tor for prc. i thought i couldn't make it for the application but madam was kind enough, god bless her for rendering OT. felt ecstatic when she finally approved and submit it 🥰

-best of luck for LEpT.

-headed to q.ave centris. where i first landed in corporate world back in 2010

-im so ngarag but felt like flying to the moon

08/21-23

-declared sick. i really cant make it to work since i am exausted and got heavy breathing. was given 3 days SL. the Doctor via doctor anywhere was so gwapo.. 😅

-use the 3 days as to simply rest and unwind.

-i really feel im in a different chapter of my life, going back, i felt the last 20 years was for friends, russversachai mecca, bambi and the gang.. then manila years, then travel across asia.. party/partees  

-i also witnessed my family from being broken to get back again. and i am glad im still here in the Philippines. now im ready to venture abroad.

i felt ive lived an ultimate kind of youth.

-was inspired with Naomi Campbell 's interview with vogue, when she said there are things that will happen when its time and not when you want it. and at times it will take 30 years!

https://youtu.be/iNw7dM5oS1A?si=OC1RxhLmTDhNO96Z

-for some reason, i was also inspired with the Grandma's line from hereditary, that the sacrifices will become pale compared to the reward, ( i know its a morbid parallelism with ari Aster's rituals and beheaded corpses) as im talking about my sleepless days, my persistence on taking educ and plans going to spain. not settling for momentary comforts.

08/20

-still having partee urge from 

prince james from Friday and when i msged the lawyer from shaw and hes up for partee at his expense. i went for it..we met at sogo Quirino. i got a total of 15-10-15 dosage so it was a lot and got so horny 😅

-re meet this isko guy from nova as we made out near 711 back of this abandon building near up epsilon. that was hot

finally able to smell someone's armpit and really made love as i havent done that with the lawyer. it was an intense and thrill filled love making.

-then also met this tall and huge guy and made out at arkivicki. see ref: heej29. it was crazy. its almost 5am when we're done when a security guard pass by. good grief!

08/19

-we have andreu as our Spanish teacher. he migrated to Spain way back when he was still 16 years old. told us stories and some spanish drills. he also invited us for cultural activities hapening in manila.

-just had a short yet sweet food trip with my language classmates at the ayala triangle banchetto.

08/18

-got partee invitation from prince james, the 6 footer guy from batangas however we dont have the item..

-felt lazy for this Friday and haven't done much at work.

08/17

-eunice had her despidida as she is now flying to spain by September. she is my ultimate inspiration so someday i should see her in one of the Pueblos en España!

08/15-16

-asikaso my prc requirements 

from cedula to my tor and gosh.. this is it. i felt like im in a new kind of whirring. 

-start reviewing for the board exam, i felt rusted! ahaha 

08/14

-bonding with mamu, my sister in law, jess and avvy.. 

had simple dinner with them at chowking lucky gold. its nice to let them know my endeavors and how they are supportive. 

said goodbye to them with heartwarming hugs and pure joy.. i super miss them.

08/13

-spent my sunday with mamu and with my sobrina, avvey.. 

-watched frozen 1 with avvvy, she cried everytime we watched little anna fainted during her play time with little elsa. avy appears to be an emotional child.

-watched spanish film: Secretos del Corazon

it reminds me to be a go getter and take risks and life is indeed short and we should take the most out of it.

08/12

-we are now mid way of our first semester in our Spanish class.. still i felt struggling with my conjugations but im keeping up. had fun with my classmates. we are all more getting comfortable with each other. que lindo aprender con ellos y me estoy divirtiendo.

-was suppose to meet someone in tecjhnohub but a 

passing car stopped by and he turns out to be my previous encounter. had outdoor fun with him near arki.

-i felt i have so much events in life, but felt im struggling financially.. never had this financial anxiety for a long time. wasn't able to sleep much.

08/11

-early morning walk inside qc memorial circle.. killing time until i can get my cedula at city hall. im preparing my requirements for my let licensure exam. 

-i felt im in for another project.. im excited

-i always have this savoring moment of seing around qc

as i felt my time here is limited. i always have this cycle of 5 years and i felt im about to move out and be on a different adventure. hopefully this time, it will be in spain, that's plan a, 

plan b will be Baguio where i will pursue teaching...

08/10

-team lunch at mcdo visayas ave. had fun with my team mates. then unexpectedly i haf moments with tristan. well i had a long crush on him the moment i saw him at the office.. he was still on training.. but the moment i knew we will be on the same team and we are on the same circle of friends, i kinda patter my feelings off.. as i may end up awkward. anyways, i felt super kilig when we sat beside eachother inside the trike and i felt and smell his body.. i really like him and he is so funny.. i dunno.. im not gonna expect anything more basta crush ko sya.. 😻

08/09

-coffee overdoze and sleep deprived

-finished japanese film fest entry: your bird can sing 

08/08

-i felt like im really deprived of sex 😅 since i had no encounter this weekend. like its very rare for me to have no sex for that long. finally on muy way to office, encountered this decent isko looking cutie at University ave. and he is damn horny as the moment i groped into his fly, he is already erect and huge. i also felt he is lucky about me since i felt fresh and lean with my month long work out and whey protein intake. had an intense moment at the dark sidewalk where i had oral, anal and oral with him until he came inside my mouth and haf all his come. that was so hot and sexy. i get horny every time i rethink about it..

08/07

-i want to be still. learning to be still. that moment when u just have to see the clouds passing and able to witness rain drops againts a sunny sky? i was able to do exactly this today. im glad.

-was moved by cafe muller

 snippet in habla con ella and got inspired by pina bausch message at kyoto prize award:

https://youtu.be/WSvqC3oKiq8

where she talks about finding that commonality amongst us, not the ones that are private, but what we lock inside.

08/06

-went to russ place for karaoke night. dane, lem and jay r were there and we had hot pot and 

pizza. as usual russ and i sing our heart's out. we capped the night with aretha Franklin's gospel documentary.. i had fun.

-went to Seattle's best cubao where i just had coffee and watch Pedro Almodóvar's habla con Ella.

-saw a former spark and fuck buddy, jervy. i can still remember our sex and how huge his dick is. i also remember when, one time he told me i was his TOTGA (i was dumbfounded and later found out its meaning) but i dont know, it just didn't work. i could have been in relationship with him. he is a nice guy. but maybe it was never meant to be .

- pass by university ave and i guess i saw bicol guy from marikina of whom i had a huge crush during the pandemic. i am so horny/libido driven that time. but now i felt i am more tame or rather not into sex since i am more driven to friends, significant encounters and 

personal improvements. or i might just getting old? ahaha i dunno.. but so much changes after 3 years

08/05

-went to burgos street and alamat with jill and solenne after class. its Jill's pre birthday celebration. we had fun and jill and i had wonderful talk after hours. 

-we even walk down memory lane at i'm hotel and she talk about her german guy (her ultimate sexromance) while me with my ex Gerald. then i ride home along the street near dean and DeLuca where Gerald and i usually take a ride home. for a moment, i miss having a boyfriend and in love.

-btw 6'2 guy is making paramdam. i dont know where this will lead us..

 08/04

-cinemalaya opening at picc. this day is near impossible as i woke up late. stuck in the traffic and we almost had no ticket. good thing sara tario and her cousin was patient enough to wait and we got tickets!!! were able to get in and just in time for the presentation of the whole cast 

and the feature film itself: Marupok AF! it was marvelous.

-the three of us had dinner later at sea harbour and was able to catch up with sarah after she deactivate FB for more than 2 years.

08/2-3

-finally have a glimpse of the sun. tried to bathe with it to replinish my vit d. was able to sleep well and retrieve my good mood.

08/1

-its still raining.. 1 week storm and another week for the monsoon weather. its been 2 weeks now since i havent experience sunshine.. i can feel sadness creeping in.. just watched the water lilies at the lagoon.. just be at peace with the falling leaves, the rain and the wind.

random memories

entry #17

the power of mindset. im still on my teens at that time, when cha ferrer and i went to Aphrodite's summer retreat not knowing it was actually a born again or i dunno, a specific chrsitian church program. then, we had this casual talk with the pastor's daughter. we are talking about the latest pop craze and she dismissed them all, since as she said, they are not the songs that glorify the lord almighty. she said it with much conviction. at that time i was frozen in shock and disbelief but all these years i totally amazed and even mesmerized with the 

power of conviction. of which i can totally apply to my principles of which i stand my ground. 

 

entry #16

this was actually recent, and i cannot dare put it on my journal since this is more of a confession 

went to alamat with classmates after Spanish class

and then we proceed to bgc where Jill and i parteed with solenns friends at the distillery. it was totally crazy. i got so wasted like never before. first time to had 

poppers while on the club. it was fun but not a good idea. i end up so sick. im low batt so i cannot book myself a ride. was so drunk i have no recollection how i got to Guadalupe.

i felt i want to be part of the whole city, the messiness and the grittiness of it all. the beauty and the ugly, the rich and the poor, the glam and the slum. so from bgc, i tried to get some few rest along the street of Guadalupe, across the river.. the one near the bridge where homeless people sleeps. i just want to. i wanna try it for the heck of it. and gosh, there's so much kindness as they (those people who stay there) even blanketed me. now im teary eyed..those people have so much kindness that it brought me to tears as i write this. i cannot thank them especially this guy who even got worried as i really look wasted 😂 he want to make sure I'm ok. then i went to have breakfast at the nearby diner and this lady reminds me to breathe with her.. exhale inhale.. i follow her as i struggle with my drunkenness.. im still drunk! until im able to cross the bridge, recharge my mobile at the boni 711 and book myself a ride home. God.. i still have faith in mankind. there is still so much love in this world. 

entry #15

i was still in my early years in college. still no proper job but i have some side kicks so i have some extra money to splurge but not that much. so every penny is valuable. i went to a movie house for matrix. i was so mesmerized that i want to see it the 2nd time the next day. back in that day, i have myself stamped and have it even wrapped in plastic so it wont get washed when i take a bath the next day. with such risk and bravery , i was able to get back the day after by nonchalantly showing my stamp. exhilarated to get inside and rewatch the film tje 2nd twice! 

beaming, when i get out and have my other hand stamped just for the heck of it, i noticed the stamp is completely different from yesterday 😅

blog entry

i felt compelled to tell one of the highlights of my latest trip.

i already told them i am kinda anti-pop but new found tribe is so hyped to visit the latest trending spot in boracay. which is so far away and secluded we have to haggle for our trike fare. so meaning it takes so much money and effort just to come face to face with this "iconic natural attraction".

only to find that it is cordoned.

like what? are we on a beach or in a museum?

my innards are revolting so i go beyond the yellow chain and just simply be the child of the universe and "be with" the wonderful rock formation.

then just few seconds, one of the security guards approached us. oh well.. i am so prepared for this. and told him about the book of Genesis, that God made them all. natural wonders shouldn't be privitized.

of course i let the security guard made his nonsense sop spiels while we slowly vanish. since im done with my mission. with that huge smile on my face.

entry#14

-im now heading to la union. took the partas liners where they had their own fuel tanker. it reminds me of my partee mate who is a son of a bus liner. that day, he took all the money from the bus collections and parteed with me. he have so much money i cannot remember if i shared some at all. we had unlimited dosage of meth and he hired this super gwapo and hunky masseur. he had this fetish for underwear. i remember how he manage to

keep the masseur's underwear for an escurbetant fee. the masseur was so into me that he want to get back however as a courtesy to my partee sponsor i have to feign disenchantment. my parteemate was also into role

playing and we played a lot of character specially in the cr. he confessed that he took the money when we are on our ride going home. he is somewhere from banawe and España.

entry#13

-04/09/2023 today is my bday, earlier i had my usual bday sex. years and years ago, i went to subic with this guy who doesn't know that it was my bday. we stayed in this inn across the beach. i remembered collecting a handfull of small seashells by shore and have it included in our seafood noodles. that night, we had sex and when we went to the cr, i requested him to give me a golden shower. that was my first time and it was the highlight of my bday. i have no contacts of him. last time i know, he was already with his sister who is loving in japan.

entry#12

-went to a partee n play orgy in makati, along burgos st. there's this new comer guy, the hottest hunk, who suppose to be exclusively for the main host. but he was looking at me looking at him. when the right time came along i approached him and he chose to fuck and breed me while most guys were there watching us by the corner.

entry#11

-xmas day. went to novaliches to help my crush clean his room. but he slept on me. i've spent 8 hours waiting for him. walked around nova bayan, tried a free coffee, watched amy winehouse last farewell docu. had a lousy massage for 2 hours, seen the whole town spent their xmas day while me all alone, waiting for my crush to msge me back.

entry#10

-so my father had a mild stroke, although he is responsive and mobile, but going through with hospital admission brought me so much stress. it was new year. we went to medical city in ortigas and i saw a very old husband and wife who, in very gentle and assured manner, the husband admitted himself while his wife simply accompany him. they must be in their 80s, much older looking than my father. but still very agile and independent from their children (if they have). if they have indeed a children, it appears they want them to be saved from the hassle of being burden of all these medical routines/banalities that goes with aging. 

entry#9

-was sitting with a young lad in a fast diner in baguio. he sort of checking what im eating as im such a heavy eater.. have 3 sets of food while he's a simple lugaw. kind of having sympathy and remember one time when i was still in high school, with less support from parents, i have to settle for one piece of monay as my dinner. gosh. such days 😢

entry#8

-im no celebrity but i do had some sticky encounter with celebrity make up artists. and i usually find celebrity make up artists hot. the people i met were the likes of redd Paule and hernan soriano

entry#7

im in week 4 of dets ghosting

i have this broken heart kind of feeling just like what i had with sedrick.. i remember was only to recognize it when i came to cebu city from Bantayan.. when all of a sudden im not able to see him again. going out of town here in samar is a sure distraction but the nothingness resonates the hole that he left behind. 

entry#6

its a town fiesta at Tria's in Bantayan. won a singing contest, initially it was just for fun and just the heck of it. it was a random entry, and what an awesome song it was: "my way" by frank Sinatra. i grabbed the first prize 😅

entry#5

its funny this memory almost completely slips from me. as i was reminded by russ and this was only retrieved when we had dinner last night. we went to camotes and and then we had two separate lagoons for ourselves.. from russ perspective, we had our momentary moments for ourselves and he thought that we should go i scream out and say no no, give me some more time as i am about to ejaculate. i remeber i love jerking off in nature and its like making love with the universe.

entry#4

i always have this memory with chai while waiting for our cue to perform. its UP cookout night. . its our 4th year and its our 4th time being the champion that night.while the crowd are enjoying the event, we were stuck at the backstage i cant mingle with my other friends and be with my crush that night since we were in this avant garde makeup and costume. i felt this sudden jolt of loneliness. . so it dawn on me and i said to chai, next time i will be part of the audience; marveling, revelling and enjoying the night.

entry #3. skimping shrimps

went to pasig to visit mama and papa and my brothers as well.

passed by farmers market and got these shrimps that are still alive, fresh squid and scallops. the shrimps are still skimping off from the tray even when i got home from the trip. had marvelous dinner with them with my own cooking. such a heart warming memory..

entry #2. role playing

met this guy whose parents are into bus liner business. im not sure if he was rebelding or some sorts but he got all the earnings money (delehentia) for that weekend and he invited me over for a long play chem fun. that was hot a torrid. we play all sorts of role play and he is quite creative. he also invited this very handsome and hunky masseur whom we both feasted on. gosh that

entry #1. white party

attended the annual white party in malate, im on my mid 20's... my friends are looking for me since they have lost me in the crowd. then suddenly they saw me on the projector.. im on stage while making out with someone.. that was intense 😅

07/2023

07/30-31

-im still hangover from last night. i drank way too many. maybe i had so.much fun with jill, solenn and her friends.

-i just want to have a very peaceful sunday.. walk around up and had dinner. its past midnight when i met this eurasian guy who's visiting qc. he is based in france. had sex with him at dona hardin near teacher's village. he is cute and our sex was very wild. i able to eat his cum.

07/29

-went to alamat with classmates after Spanish class

and then we proceed to bgc where Jill and i parteed with solenns friends at the distillery. it was totally crazy. i got so wasted like never before. first time to had 

poppers while on the club. it was fun but not a good idea. i end up so sick. 

07/28

-watched and marveled abre los ojos.. eduardo es muy gwapo

07/24-27

-typhoon egay just let me sleep all day long. just work, eat and sleep.

-had massage, facial and haircut.. my ultimate fresh up 

routine

-finally able to do laundry, nice to smell my fresh bedsheets 

-sang along with amy, dance and marvel my window view while it rains so hard.

-had this comfy cozy moment in my room

07/23

-went to Cari's place and bond with manalo. we do karaoke all day even without the alcohol

-really able to sing well with Cari's wonderful mini usb mic

-meet this guy from Atherton street. he had a very foreign look. had an intense sex with him

-really trying to reach out with rj from bagong silang but just like max frm nova, he wakes up late and there's no chance for us to date.

07/22

-2nd week of Spanish class and finally bonded with my classmates: blessy, Jill and solenne.

-saturday night and what i did is just sleep

07/20-21

-just slowed down

07/18-19

-tried recovering from last Sunday's session.

-watched the full season of

 spark camp. was so engrossed

with every one of them.. very interesting personalities and i love to see how no one is spared to be vulnerable. also surprized with Karl as i thought he is the one who will be left out as he is the oldest but maturity has its own charm. lovely

-finally able to walk around and appreciate the sun on my skin again. 

-re do the perfect contentment in the present guided meditation by purely being. able to recalibrate towards inner peace.

07/17

-our partee lasted even after midnight. and i felt obliged to also have sex with the host and the other guy, who is partly from Bohol. i also find him handsome and sexy. since i dont want him to feel left behind, i also do it with him and even have him burst inside my mouth.

-its monday morning and i still have work later that night. woke up with rj cooking some noodles and hugged and kissed him before l left. it was

really a great session..

07/16

-its sunday and i had this insistent partee invite from this guy from bagong silang. it will be his treat. its with his tropa and when i get there i was welcomed by a good looking guy. his name is rj from 

pampanga. he is definitely my type from the start. so the moment we started, all of my attention is on his. he is totally hot and our sex is spellbindinf. with a tinge of portrait of fire and hand maiden. last time i had that was with max from novaliches, last year in December. rj came on me twice. hopefully we can still do it again in the future.

07/15

-1st day of of spanish class!

cant contain my excitement . it feels different as its my first

post graduate class that really earns certification and hopefully my sure ticket to 

spain. i almost got late and always get astonished with the beauty of ayala district specially inside the ayala triangle.

-we had marina luz of instituto Cervantes as our professor and she is columbian. i made 2 new friends who came in very late

-my doulingo and que hora es pre classes paids off as i somehow

able to catch some of the phrases marina made. as she 

purely conduct her class in 

Spanish. bien trabajo!

-my Saturday night is no longer dedicated for clubbing, as i felt exhausted after the class

07/14

-it keeps on raining for the 

 past few days. just simply get buried in my bed and hibernate

-reread/re listen to kafka on the shore this time by murakami..

07/13

-after 3 years of free mobile internet from my company since the pandemic , they cease and cancel it. now im buying my load and got frustrated how i consume it fast from work, youtube and and social media. now i refuse to subscribe to it more often. so now my 

passa tiempo back to what i love before, novels. i reread sand of times and what better way to traverse spain than Sidney Sheldon's wild imaginings 😅.. it bringing back the joy of flipping through the crisp pages of

papers

07/12

-been able to sleep wonderfully, straight and uninterrupted for atleast 8 hours..

-minimize hooking up and im now starting to fantasize/wishing a constant buddy

07/11

-trying to savour the little things and have that good feeling last long or much longer.

07/10

-enjoyed watching bjork live in 

paris and amy winehouse in 

london via youtube while doing my claims items. i felt productive at work 😅

07/09

-watched the mexican psych thriller: veronica 2017

marvel olga surina's performance. 

-had facial and massage. just wonderful. slept the whole night.

07/08

-reunite with lorraine and monette at bicutan.. gosh it feels like yesterday once more..been 5 years since weve been together

-walk around BGC and along edsa Guadalupe.. got facinates with seemingly floating islets of water lilies streaming along the Guadalupe river

-do simple acapella videoke at home, love to sing: our day will come by amy and cry me a river by angelie jordan.

07/06-07

-watched spanish horror film: 

el orfanato

-miss walking by the beach

-it keeps on raining nowadays, just laying on my bed

-friday, meet brent once again, we had samgyup at uptc. gosh he is really tall and cute. so he is 

frm ilocos and talk about his family and how he work here as a nurse in diliman doctors. i wish we keep on seeing each other in the future.

07/05

-after having a great sleep i felt resurrected. i have to regain my life back. able enroll to instituto Cervantes and process my papers in up Diliman. had a great talk with ma'am Gilda and talk about Sarah tario. i hope she will get back and finish what she started in UP Dil.

-talk with mamu and share my great news.

07/04

-wasnt able to sleep for two days. this was the hardest session I had. worst anxiety and grumpiness. everything is think about was negative. i am too afraid for almost anything. tried all means but wasn't able to sleep until late at night. thanks with the help of proper meal, mj, hot milk, magnesium and nightol. i have less body ache and head ache 

07/03

-it might because of the full moon or the idea that i will have a long weekend ahead, i become restlessly lunatic and crave for partee n play session.

finally meer a former flight attendant from grand central residences. it was one of the best sex.

-not in the right mood and not conditioned to meet russ and his friends.. i have to cancel my supposed meet up with them

-went for another round of 

 partee n play at Taguig but id didn't go well. it turned 20cc into waste. but i enjoy watching porn afterwards. i felt

too wasted/toxified and thinking i really need to stop this.

07/02

-finally watched little mermaid on the big screen with mocha at hand. had massage after. it was just complete me time.

07/01

-had my very first dentures in north Fairview (molar dent Lab). i have it straight from a lab technician who already have experience offshore (middle east) i got it more than half the 

Price from the dental clinic (25k vs 8k)

-meet this guy from Luzon ave. had sex and we went for a walk and had food trip at knl and maginhawa. it was a wonderful late night bonding

06/2023

06/30

-nothing much, just simply do nothing. i don't feel anything special lately. 

this video make me realize about happiness tho:

https://youtu.be/GF-xvBXgqa4

06/29

-sang hello dolly and remember how me and my father used to sang it together.

might sing it at russ' together with amy winhouse our day will come and angelina Jordan's cry me a river

-re read/listen to audio book hardboiled wonderland and the the end of the world. and struck with these lines:

"..tuning in on details, on the minute details of the world. snails and the sound of the rain and hardware store displays, things like that.."

06/28

-i felt a tingling sensation in my spine when me and my mother talk about my father's bouts of mental issues specially when he turn from dr jeckel to mr hyde. with such strangeness, my mother recount her conversation with my deceased grandma, the late mother of my father...when my grandma said, my father was tormented (gi daut) by his 

previous lovers (some of them might have cursed him as he hurt them badly, even died in vain.. may God bless their souls.. )

-watched the restored version of himala with mamu. we marvel nora aunor's acting and how cringy the mystery of faith and beliefs..

06/27

-accompanied my mother in 

pasig since kuya carlo, jess and avy went out of town for the holidays. she is suffering frm allergies and hopefully with my 

presence she will be fine.

06/26

-was the huddle in charge and had an activity about perspective. optical illusion. had fun on doing it and was all smiles whole day and had a wonderful time walk around the technohub garden

-visited carri and Jerome's team at building b, i missed our bonding at Zambales 

06/25

-just had a boring Sunday and simply slow down. went for crusing but it wasn't worth mentioning. enjoyed a sizzling

pork chop near maginhawa

-watched an episode of la casa de papel to improve my Spanish vocab

06/24

-had a great time at qc memorial for my first pride in the Philippines. my first pride was in taiwan. the drag queens, the party, the empowerment, it sent spark within me that i can carry it all through out

-was suppose to attend the

 elephant party at timog but it was packed. i love how my co denied walk in guests as they exclaimed: yes! magugulat mama ko na umuwi ako maaga! such a way to humor such dark disposition.

went to rapture instead and just got stoned and enjoy the music kaso it was so hot and i cannot fully dance. might as well sleep 

06/23

-had a conversation with russ over messenger. i tried inviting him over for the pride event i. q.memorial but hes heading to malabon tonight. we talk about our recent bjork exchanges also told russ about ricardo lopez as how intense his adoration with bjork however the intention was not that pure. i also share my plans in going to spain and he wish me best of luck.

 he mention how her songs meant different way in a different time. we also talk her most recent speach at a university in Iceland. Russ told me about how monks passes their wisdom orally. sent my appreciation and im so glad we have each other who we can talk about things with such declaration! we end with all laughs.

06/20-22

-went through bjork's old live 

performances and at this time it was her post-homegenic resonates me. realized that this is the time when bjork is so thrilled of sharing her full potential.

-thought of chai and russ. still wondering if only they are ok then i shouldn't be suffering frm being caught in between. i figured out that's why i dont visit neither of them due to that conflict 😅

-just get lost with my thoughts on

06/19

-went claire's resto: Sol's kitchen and had fun times with claire, justin, sam and the bday boy cese.. sang limang dipang tao for the first time 

06/18

-swam early morning, saw the sunrise by the lagoon.. still a beautiful scenery.

-able to climb the mountain trail at anawangin cove. 

-there is this a certain tree that i hugged for some time, as i havent seen her for a very long time.

-done my usual yoga at the very peak of that mountain, making sure to have my focus as a little imbalance can send me off to the cliff'

-exhausted from the trip slept whole night 

06/17

-went to Zambales with carri, jerwin, jerome and his team

-met a triathlete hunk by the beach, we end up having cr fun. he looks like derek ramsy gosh.

06/16

-met brent , 5'10 23yr old baby face with a body of a man. amazing physique. had sex with him and gave him. a massage after. watched him sleep beside me. he have the most beautiful armpit ive seen. cant help but take pictures of it. (ref: brent1 and brent 2)

06/12

-felt recharged. 

06/11

-dedicated my whole weekend just inside my bedroom. allowing myself to simply do nothing, allowing myself to get bored and try to replenish my excitement/happy hormones 

-puffed some with russ' stash while watching princess mononoke. what a marvelous way to get transported to wonderful world of studio ghibli

06/10

-i reread my previous miniscule entries and this is what i needed at the moment, come face to face with sadness, look at it once again clearly as it is, i burst on crying at day 19:

 https://hotmug.blogspot.com/2008/09/august.html

-had my customized cacaocoffee and with such

 perfect moment, i bathe in the rain.

  

06/08-09

-these days, i just want to be bored and sad. yes, u get me right. i just felt i need it since i am always preoccupied and always happy.. i felt i have overused all my feel good energy and hormones so i need to recharge it or atleast attain a certain balance

-at this point in time i had nurture good interaction with my colleagues at work and really having a great time with them. getting busy at the side by learning spanish and even watch this film: Regressiva

-i also miss writing a proper blog as all do recently is just recounting my days, very formalist rather than a heavy mixture of analytical with heavy doses of emotional and psychological.. i am loosing that sense of abstract, that certain blend of dark swirls of 

nothingness and oneness. im loosing it to the extend i have no proper reflection of it and might have lose it entirely, but i know its still clinging somewhere.. with all the modern day distractions,

maybe i m need to try with all my might to simply sit with it and come face to face with it.

06/07

-felt overwhelmed today. its raining hard and got solace from the drenched birds taking refuge from our roof. and here i am, super anxious of my work, of my finances and future endeavors. i am also too worried as trying to make ends meet then i saw this homeless guy feeding on what appears to be restaurant excess. i felt i have no right to complain there are always others who have much worse sitiuation than i am.

06/04

-still having hangover with

 jap as i think about him first thing when i woke up..

-heading to russ' place to celebrate jay-r's bday.. let's see what's in store for us tonight 

-itv

06/03

-mark abargos invited me over at obar and had a great time. way better than at rapture with mondia.. i mean it was just the two of us (mark and i) and no other strangers who have other personal motives. so it was pure fun although mark is mending a broken heart and i hope me as a companion and listener able to provide him some sort of relief.. 

-met jap, half ilonggo and 

kapangpangan in obar. was kinda drunk already and being with him made me kilig.. had breakfast with him and had morning takk with him. super kilig when i kissed him before saying goodbye.. hope to see him again 

06/02

-enjoyed my time at work as i learn spanish lessons both from duolingo and Spotify podcast.. its way easier

compared to japanese. as Eunice told me, its better to take spanish lesson at Instituto Cervantes as they are directly connected to spanish embassy so i might enroll there rather than in UP European languages since the latter have limited slots 

06/01

-felt inspired by Eunice as i talked to her about teaching in baguio and she is heading to spain as a teacher as well. that gave me encouragement to venture overseas as i felt ready this time.