05/01/2020
05/19/2020
-saw and talked with an old flame yesterday, while im just doing my morning walk sa academic oval. aside from the fact that he is currently in a relationship, wala na talagang spark at wala na akong nararamdaman sa kanya, di talaga kami meant, but grabe yung influence nya sakin..
nakaka miss ma in love at masaktan ulit..
im not specifically a masochist but i love the feeling of being hurt as much as the feeling of being loved. mas nagiging motivated ako kapag broken hearted---i become more productive, a risk taker.. when broken, i feel more driven & alive
-labor day, and im here working inside my room
-double pay, it is
-first time I spent my 1st 30 minute break by taking a bath =)
usually, I fix myself a brewed coffee and then walk around the UP techno hub lagoon and feed the ducks (I greatly miss them, especially the silly all-white couple, my favorite pair)
05/02/2020
-first time in a long time I felt the weekend is a weekend since the ECQ was implemented, I felt every day is a weekend for almost 2 months ^_^
-done my grocery, splurge as I still can't get a new phone, my saving is diminishing, dammit
-gosh I haven't had alcohol for running 2 months now, divert my cravings with the neighborhoods halo2x and milk tea -to have that awesome high and carefree feeling fixed, i usually prepare myself with my personal panglasa customized mocha
3 chunks of cacao,
2 tspn of UCC classic coffee
1 tspn coco sugar
1 tspn coconut oil
sprinkle of cinnamon
tidbits of dried red chilli
pinch of salt
optional if available
*hot water with sencha greentea and Benguet coffee beans
listen to spotify or watch youtube concert, turn the volume to the maximum, there
instant long-lasting good vibes..
05/03/2020
-watched this short film Arjanmar H. Rebeta
PALABAS (2018) and a full-length film by Mikhael Red, Neomanila, both tackles about extrajudicial killings and I was struck with its rawness and violence,
slept with nightmares
05/05/2020
-way too hot, I even take a bath within my shift,
on my 1st and 2nd break.
-closing my eyes as I take dippers of water, I always imagine im floating on cold spring or diving into a deep blue sea
05/08/2020
-sunset
-flores de mayo---all flower capable plants flaunt their petals
-walking under flowering trees
-it's like a honeymoon with myself
05/09/2020
-finally, it starts raining
sleep all day
got dreams after dreams..
one time I dream about attending a class with chai
inside my room, with a teacher using my cabinet walls as the blackboard
walls are as dilapidated as it could get
-done vinyasa yoga via youtube, it brings me back to my yoga classes in the mountains of busay
mental stillness and breathing journey.
05/10/2020
-watched Mater de la Rosa, a mother's day special tribute by cinema1
I cried with gina alajar's subluminal yet superb performance
was impressed by it and thought it could gather positive responses from cannes
-if I were a mom, I could have been as badass as her (mater de la rosa)
-I miss a very good black coffee (toby's estate level), so I fix myself two scoops of UCC coffee to compensate and had Kelsey lu play her cello via youtube
05/11/2020
-I found this garden of chia near the UP college of kinetics,
we fondly call it santo papa way back childhood days and I have gathered ripe fruits every time I pass by to jog
05/13/2020
-officially two months since the gov’t imposes community quarantine
-60 days of no commuting, no pollution, not stuck in a traffic
-my nostrils are getting primitively sensitive that i can even detect/smell someone's deo a few meters away.. lol
***
I felt expansive after watching this tedtalk session
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo0X2ZdElQ4
it talks about cosmic consciousness
so I thought this is new to me, but to my surprise, in the past, I was in a sense, tapped into it,
(in the word: cosmic)
https://hotmug.blogspot.com/search?q=cosmic
it seems that I am getting back to my orbit--- in accordance to my universal truth.
05/15/2020
-rewatched Sophia Coppola's "lost in translation"
05/16/2020
-rewatched Woody Allen's "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
-its one of my all-time favourites and this has somehow influenced me a lot
especially for the love of Gaudi and Catalan guitar music,
this movie inspired me that if I will be heading to the west, it has to be in Spain
05/19/2020
-saw and talked with an old flame yesterday, while im just doing my morning walk sa academic oval. aside from the fact that he is currently in a relationship, wala na talagang spark at wala na akong nararamdaman sa kanya, di talaga kami meant, but grabe yung influence nya sakin..
nakaka miss ma in love at masaktan ulit..
im not specifically a masochist but i love the feeling of being hurt as much as the feeling of being loved. mas nagiging motivated ako kapag broken hearted---i become more productive, a risk taker.. when broken, i feel more driven & alive
05/22/2020
-watched this short film about sea turtles
and sea turtles remind me of moalboal and bataan
and bataan, makes me remember an ultimate guy I first met in a bathhouse,
whos into diy fitness, he taught me the Spiderman push up to have that ripped side abs
I remember when I went to bataan with allan, he happens to be nearby and he invited me over to their place his folks were out and he showed me around his place where I can see their family photos and photos of his siblings (graduation photo ina toga) wood laminated
on the walls.
he is still fat in the photo but he looks disarmingly handsome and fit that time we met. we make out in his room and I can still remember how he used surgical/medical gloves to finger me, weird, I dunno if it's his fantasy or was it just for sanitary but he was into my asshole and we had great sex.
I can still remember he has the pinkish red nipples and his dick is somewhat creamy pink, he served some carbonara or something like a creamy pasta (a leftover from yesterdays' family celebration) we had a great talk.. Its one of those moments u wish it could go on forever but u know it's just a weekend fuck and I have to go back to manila, back to my reality.
05/23/2020
-had a lengthy conversation with an officemate who seek love advice.
listening to his story, made me remember what I had with francis monfort, whom I was head over heels in love with
but I was losing my myself so I have to give him up to keep my identity
that time, although I got some regrets, I realized I love myself more.
05/25/2020
-gave chai and her partner, mark, a surprise visit
-after 2 months of quarantine life, I was so thrilled to travel a bit far
-had a long walk up to the elliptical road
and then rode a habal habal heading to fishermall
it was exhilarating being in the highway again
-edsa, q.ave and timog was like a semi post-apocalyptical scene
- was anxious that I am not able to meet her as the number I had with her was an old one
and the voice prompt keeps on saying, the person cannot be reached, please try again later, but it was perfect timing when the guard who's about to change shift with the newly arrived one, was able to personally climb up to 11th floor just to wake them up that I have
-meeting chai and having a lengthy animated talk over breakfast
was a needed normalcy
05/26-27/2020
-im not sure if it's because of my favorite cacao concoction as I had a random chat in planet romeo and met these two guys both from bicol
-first is mark anthony, from catanduanes, he's 32, muscled guy and for me, he has this hot young daddy looks
-2nd, I don't know his name yet but we really had a great convo and he is very articulate and decent, he happens to work as an insurance licensed agent and into real estate. he also putting up a cottage/restaurant business in bicol, he is currently residing along Loyola heights, we are both into movies and exchange flirty/romantic phrases until we end up calling each other "babe" that night. wow, I know, it was fast. message him the day after and asked if he's available this weekend for a meetup, but he said he's not ready yet as he feel he's fat and will meet me once he's confident with his body. I said im fine with it and he is adorably handsome and he's my type, so I don't care if he's fat, but he persists not to meet me.
-I really felt kilig but I am torn between the two of them.
05/28/2020
-met mark anthony in person for the first time
-first I thought he wasn't serious but he called me early in the morning
-toured him around UP campus, we started having breakfast at rodics (nearby Bahay ng alumni) then let him see the oblation and marvel the fire tree blooms)
then we had a quick break in my favorite spot, right across CFA where there's this unfinished foundation for a building right below mango trees. I caught myself looking at him and swooned with his good looks, I said "ang gwapo mo, sarap mo sana i.kiss" it was kinda tense since the main checkpoints with guards is in sight and there are motorists passing by once in a while. but one magical moment, we kiss and gosh, I never felt that kind of kilig for a very long time.
-he had a hard on, I tap on his dick and he doesn't wear a brief
-we end up at wittea and had some milktea, where we talk some more while he's having a smoke
-while we walk, lapitin sya ng mga stray cats, even fed them with his extra food from rodics. i told him that i am considering having a cat as a pet, but i don't want to buy one, i want a new kitten just bumped itself into me and want me to bring it home, and the ultimate sign it is the right one if it's pure back. I will name it: Gigi, inspired with Miyakazi's Kiki's delivery service
-while we walk, lapitin sya ng mga stray cats, even fed them with his extra food from rodics. i told him that i am considering having a cat as a pet, but i don't want to buy one, i want a new kitten just bumped itself into me and want me to bring it home, and the ultimate sign it is the right one if it's pure back. I will name it: Gigi, inspired with Miyakazi's Kiki's delivery service
-I walk him the ylanan gate and he keeps on toying my butt, while I toyed on his hard rock cock
-I wish I can suck and getting fucked by him right there and then but we are nearing the gate and guards are already on sight.
-got this feeling of being smitten.
-he texted me he enjoyed our time even though how hot is and I txted him back that I had a great time as well and added "nabitin ako, sana next time all the way na.. ahaha"
05/29/2020
-woke up drenched in sweat, realized we got power outage as the caretaker of our bhaws was caught by Meralco having jumper
-had breakfast with jerwin (my housemate) and show him the chia plantation and we talk about work, the pandemic, and our landlady
-mark txted me again asking what i'm doing. since we don't have electricity and it's rainy, invite him over for a drink
-it was my first beer/liquor after ecq was declared, that was almost 3 months of no alcohol
-I got the buzz as my alcohol tolerance got low
-mark talk more about himself, about his work abroad and his 3 months stay in brazil, I was mesmerized by his life story
-he's also into arts and do acrylic paintings (he showed me pictures of it and most of them are landscape paintings)
-then the moment when we got cozy to each other and had torrid kissing (gosh even writing this and reminiscing about it makes me horny)
he really has huge biceps with arm tattoo and I can't help caressing his armpits
-until he finally laid down and let me suck his dick and his balls
-we are both kinda drunk but he is rock hard and had a great romance in bed
-wildly he penetrated me, darn, he's a GOOD fucker
-really good that my asshole got beaten raw and I let him come inside me
-looking at his handsome face, I kissed him and have our sweaty bodies bound in a moist embrace
-I miss this romantic steamy lovemaking, something I lack all these years
05/30/2020
-mark texted me about he's phone got busted
and he asks if I got extra..
???
-i understand that being locked down means he is stranded from going back to work
but the more i analyze it,
the more he appears to be a "user"
-i understand that being locked down means he is stranded from going back to work
but the more i analyze it,
the more he appears to be a "user"
and I apparently, i am the one whos not willing to be "used"
-my mind keeps on debating whether or not i should trust him and blame the ongoing pandemic for such fuckup and desperate time
-my mind keeps on debating whether or not i should trust him and blame the ongoing pandemic for such fuckup and desperate time
-until my mind went blank
-then my mind goes from:
-then my mind goes from:
...blankness to the bleakness
.....until it went to complete bleakness
05/31/2020
-listened to lykke li's
"I never learn"
again and again
the whole day
