-enjoying my spanish class online and of course, having gab as my happy crush.. i felt kilig each time we have an activity.. i love how his eyes sparkle when its his turn to ask me something or everytime i i ask him something in spanish.. i wish this moments would last.
-process my school docs in case i will push for full time teaching either in baguio or somewhere in the province. teaching here in manila is at the very least of my option unless someone special be the ultimate reason i will stay. ahaha. cheezy..
-all these times, i do still miss noel. i honestly still craving for his armpits and the way he make love to me. i dunno why all of the sudden, he does not return my messages anymore. i could only think that, he is indeed, not ready for a relationship or I'm really meant to be single. well, as always, im comforted with the idea that i am happily married to myself and im fine with it..
this reel stumbled on my feeds and i felt embraced:
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/NxiJx7FBqFQyYUoE/?mibextid=xfxF2i
01/28
-talk with maxie bella and we talk about family and our future plans.. im glad we have this usual talk even if its over
the phone since im very weak in terms of long distance friendship. i hope i can do this with vera as well once i come i. term with this kind of setting and to also be with her and her family in norway/Europe someday.
-get in touch with my mother and was so impressed how she really strive to maintain her health even in the midst of her body ailments.. may God give her long and meaningful life.
-had my facial and massage. i felt im claiming back my beauty since i had a terrible depresion after my visa denial
in japan last year, February.
hopefully this year, my com
penation is much greater.
-do my usual late night walk in maginhawa after dinner, pastry cravings and coffee. simply walking aimlessly, with my favorite songs, under the moon, on the dead of the night
. i felt so alive.
01/27
-finally watched the boy and the heron! first time to watch a hiyao miyaki on the big screen which was always my dream. was super ecstatic in every frame. mygehd, felt like im i. the immersed in the world of
art for the entire span of the film. although it didn't moved me as much as my favorite (e.g. ponyo, kiki's, my neighbor totoro's) but definitely i am amazed by its significance and wisdom..
-felt like im in an emotional/
psychological storm. been dealing with lingering love hormones and excess sex energy again. which i thought was already diminishing.. im not sure if i would consider it as a good sign in terms of my youth. was able to manage it by simply writing it down and meditate on what is present, self compassion and gratitude.
01/26
-since the full moon is still lingering, i can't help to inquire with my tarot card, and this time, from the perspective of someone else. and since i am so head over heals with gab, i tried to lure his love aspecrs via his image on my phone.
and this is the card i drawn for him:
(insert ref: 01/26/2024 image)
i know its weird and might sound creepy, but this was my way to (somewhat) find my curiousity to my crush since i haven't spoken to him or even have real connections with him. its sort of a juvenile sense of wonder. remember those times when you write ur crush name and do FLAMES, to find out if you guys end up as lovers or simply as friends through crossing our the letters in your names. 😁
-can't get over with john galiano's latest work with mason margiela
https://youtu.be/DgMJq67ZOwE?si=w-3y_O6TCWPlQ3BE
i was blown away by the theatrics, the make up and yhe dresses. the last time i felt this way was with late Alexander McQueen 's the horn of plenty.. inceible!
01/25/2024
-so i felt leafing through a different chapter of my life and i a have this feeling of disorient. loss and confused and needing an anchor to hold me by. so im glad was able to have my secret spiritual teacher windy as my guide.
i encounter her during the cacao ceremony i had at soul sierra and we were partner during the eye contact exercise of which you simply gaze at each others uiverses.
all of ur pointers are so on
point
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid07GRCjWKAs5k1ZxtZUHk1MmnDBves8DfCEXvnjA4w4WikcHEWJ3pxY4hLwTwaBhhhl&id=100053568933586&mibextid=Nif5oz
-later that night, witnessed fist full moon of the year and have this primordial urge to reach to my tarot cards (which was given to me by Russ) it's my first time to inquire for myself. i usually have someone else read it for me. bambi beltran, russ and chai were the one's who usually my oracles in this once in a blue moon divination. and this time, i felt mature enough to read it my own.. just wonderful.
01/24
-i thought we don't have a spanish class and i was still sleepy.. but our proffesor appeared after 30mins
-as always, i felt kilig with gab allison with our Spanish class
specially when his turn to ask me the sentence structure exercises as his eyes sparks for me.. awwwweeee ☺️
-been visualizing the love cave in my head, a primordial portiln thats been ages since it was visited. been giving life to it by breathing through it, reaching into the concaves and giving blood. giving forms, giving life.
activate it more with rose quartz and praying it may welcome a new love that lasts.
01/22-23
-catch up with mint, and told her about my worries about my mom and ask her to pray for her as she have this weird nodules around her breast. somehow it really comforts me when there's someone who listens. i also pray for my inanak, baby tyrone who have asd symptoms.. so we end up
praying for each other.
-feels like my reality before is no longer my reality now. just like what shogu reminds us the other day that the river is not the same river as you step on it twice.
my reality before:
partying all weekend
constantly chasing on thrills
egotistical demands
my reality now:
leaning towards more with family, good friends and centering.
01/21
-went to syquia with jazel
-jazel and i had a wonderful talk on our way to syquia. had a wonderful chill afternoon at russ'. had coffee, pizza, ice cream and , black pasta as groove to all saints and watch a trippy woody allen movie: purple rose of cairo..
-later, we watched maria maria and bond with gery, the cinematographer
-proceed to my brother's plaxe in pasig for their fiesta and bond with fam
01/20
-magical mornings with lala as i tour her to my favorite spors in my neighborhood, inside up campus..
-later jazel kristin joined us and we had brunch together
01/19
-jazel kristin's exhibit at gravity art space. reunited with russ, lem, lala and shogu.
-able to talk with them immensely after the post xmas. incident when i was knock down by raul's thc vape.
-also hubnub with baguio based asrtists, laughed with dex fernandez and catch up with my upcebu faso classmate, roniel compra.. just wonderful
-lala slept over at my place
01/18
-do my usual morning routine after shift by walking around up ikot, have my usual combo, boiled baba, fluffy pandesal with bacon cheese and egg with hot milk as i enjoy the cool weather, wonderful and feel good sunshine. it calms me down and it makes me sleep well..
01/17
-continue with my spanish class and i felt im getting better every session. also felt my new classmate, a crush of mine, as he is very responsive to what i share.
-still in touch with my original batchmates and we super miss each other
01/16
-ending my 3 day leave with just simply sleep longer, read murakami, eat and ponder about things.. one thing that bothers me is my show money if ever i get accepted for the LAP in spain. im trying to figure out how to earn borrow the minimum 200k for show money.
01/15
-1st day for my spanish clasd, its my 3rd cycle.. very interesting classmates. i have a crush with one, his name is gabriel and he or his family apparently own the cathedral cafe in intramuros. i wish he can invite me for dessert at the rooftop 😅
01/14
-spent some time with family. watched a24's sharper over
pre midnight snacks.
-roam around cubao and simply walk with good music
01/13
-meet noel. he is around teachers village and im glad i msged him. suppose to invite him to ababu but he already had dinner so we end up just simply spent some time in my room for a steamy sex. god, i missed him. and it really feels right to have him inside me. we both came so it's all good..
as usual he drive me off to KNL and we have this brief catch up (of which i adore) before we kiss eachoother gnyt.
01/08-10
-not well and tired, call off sick
-spent three days worth of
having lazy days.. to simply reflect on what i've been through and what i am now capable of..
-did my nightly walks in maginhawa.. food trip and cofee.. and listen to my murakami ebook Sputnik sweetheart and able to finich it while meandering aimlessly in all alone, in the dead of night...
-also went to marikina and saw this remaining carnival lights from the previous xmas. the ferris wheel reminds me of miu.
01/07
-its dawn already and i really cannot sleep.
-bond with my mamu and niece, avy.
-went back home and i have a msge from my indian crush, he is inviting for a partee n play. as much as i want to decline but cannot resist
-went to makati and able to meet this hot indian guy. (ref: Indian.pnp) he took care of the hotel and i took care of his shots. it was a marvelous experience. i kinda remember zaeed with him (my half Lebanese fubu) and he is so hard and humungous, he came on me twice. that was amazing.
01/06
-reunion with yka and claire at vertis north
-went home to pasig and brought some gift to mamu and watched magnifico with mark paul and with jess. i cried
a lot.
01/04
done with my laundry, i felt i can conquer the world.
01/02-03
-lazy days
-realized im really making my family affairs hidden from social media as they are the ultimate sacred thing in my life.. xmas bonding, singing with my brothers, hugging my family very tight while they are alive and kicking.. it makes me overwhelmed with so much happiness.. and i always tha k God for blessing us with the gift of family...
01/01/2024
-complete reset
-simply lost in my mind and be in sync with the universe
