28/02
-went for a walk and went to marina warf (beyond mirador del carmen) and simply watched the sea on a moonless night. It's a new moon and i can only wish I was with someone i love. wondering if the lighted seashore just across me is minelva where minelvaguy resides.
-i like brayaan but i still miss minelvaguy.. i dunno why. And i am having bouts of jealousy (even with the scene of his gr profile with another guy who has the same loc and same minutes offline) , maybe I got it from my father---he is such a jealous type.. msged minelvaguy and asked him if he did meet someone, and he said no, he was sick with "anginas" hopefully it's just a colloquial spanish term for tonsillitis. i felt stupid but at the same time relieved
-savouring this lovely scent of the seville oranges in full white blossoms on a crisp, cold lingering air.
a promise of spring.
27/02
-watched nosferatu 2024 and 1922 version back to back
26/02
-went to Marbella, a day tour in its old town and beach walk
-soaked in it's beauty and felt as a tourist even i don't have extra to spend on fancy restaurant. I have with me some baon, toast drenshed in olive oil, buttter and my special seville orange marmalade. plus my home made pasta ala pobre. ate it at a wonderful spot with its beautiful sunset and promenade. Now I understand why it's called Marbella = Beautiful Sea.
-a magical night, met brayaan, a Venezuelan. He is a cutie latino with huge cock. Beautiful smile and eyes. His nose is beautifully arched, have to kiss him sideways so it won't bumped into mine.
Made love with him at the parque de enamorada, on top of the cliff. Had beer and talked with him while looking at the patronata de recaudación . Found out he is just here in Spain for 3 years, he got here when he was only 22 and he is turning 25 this coming July 10
Hope to know him better.
We laughed and kissed in between talks. Felt comfortable and lovely with him. I really had a great time.
23-25/02
-heart broken for the first time here in Spain with a Cataluñian guy (minelvaguy) i dunno, i like him so much but there's so much hindrance: he is not yet out in the open ("Im bisex with hetero life"), my renewal can't be in the same region, meaning i have ho leave Andalusia for the next academic year, he seems to be a player, im in this familiar feeling of forcibly being hurt so i can forcibly move on, rather than further and furthers fall for him and get shattered.
-went to Fuengirola to meet with fellow Pinoy community, dive into Pinoy putahe. And able to do my first legit massage gig, 30eur per hour. Not bad!
-disappointed with Fuengirola guys, one supposed to meet in a cruising area near fuente de la aparcamiento who stood up on me, then with this latino who is so paasa
-felt frustrated, so it triggered and joined my first pnp in Spain, this one with guys in Mijas, just across Fuengirola. Tried my first cocktail of me#€, gb#, nasal k€t/c@c@ and vi@gr@ altogether. Felt so hi and h@rn#..
Join these two tall blocks and had fun but didn't have enough.. not bad and at least i am not totally wasted. Just enough to numb the pain with minelvaguy. It wasn't potent enough so the sensation is short live and so is the recovery. Unlike my usual which usually takes 3 days to recover. This one, just one night sleep then im back to normal
21-22/02
-can't get over endless summer syndrome,
Sophie colon is marvellous
-met again with Lucas, he is looking guapo as usual, specially when i saw him in san pedro, there something about Spanish guys when you see them out in the sun.. but i guess he is seeing someone else as we don't have sex much often, and our sex is just routinary. I don't feel anything special about him either..
-excited for the semana blanca, although i wont be out of town, but i guess i have everything i need: nice solo house, wonderful beach, radiant sunny weather here at costa del sol
19-20/02
I've been stressing out with my future lately, like how I should be able to stay until summer. How can i stay longer here in costa del sol since i am attached with my fuck buddies and i am also falling in love for the guy from minelva..
Well maybe the gift of life comes along with constant worrying, pain and losss
-just got my renewal recommendation from profe/directora Inma and i am so touched how she strongly recommended me and she wish i can stay in this school but again, we cannot renew here in Andalusia.. so I have to go somewhere else..
-went to my favorite spot in cancelada, an empty land that overlooks the mountains and the sea . If only i had the money, i wanna purchase this location and stay here.. i cried as i got overwhelmed with uncertainties and the beauty of impermanence
18/02
-"even if you're just filling in, you have to be prepared.. you'll never know who might be in the audience." "You know, Love isn't everything "
Watched the piano teacher and those two quotes stabbed me deep
17/02
-woke up with a vivid dream. Being with Imelda Marcos in a shared uber, she asked if we can have the trip ride for much less.. then the rider not letting go of me, even if i was able to pay my fareshare.. then he raped me. He is a man with syphilis but good thing i was able to escape. And i woke up.
-was too tired with class and was still had a mild headache from too much sex last weekend, but minelvaguy asked me to meet with him again.. i said no, but he insisted since he wont be available the coming days and weeks (semana blanca) so i said yes and here we go again, a roller coaster ride of wonderful love making. I really like him. His scent his body his kisses.. he is my ideal man. Just Thinking of him makes me horny and feel the lovebug. He let me see his pics when he was 19 and gosh he looks like a handsome actor who can appear on a movie screen.
16/02
-still can't get over with the minelva guy. He reminds me of good long sex when I am high with zaeed or with p.james. but this time without any chem.. it's pure passion and intense love making
-felt jealous when the minelva guy asked if we can have a threesome with some other bottom guy. Well better be like this as again, he is married. Weird, i felt like nicole kidman on her portrait in babygirl. Tried to ignore him but he kept on msging me.
-met melacomes once again, i really love his musky scent, his huge dick and handsomeness, too bad he didn't fuck me. So i swallowed his cum and then proceed with sevilla guy who fucks me hard and deep. Met lucerito, his black cat.
-ale blanco msge me again, as always, he didn't push through, so finally blocked him. Not worth the fuss.
-definitely one great weekend
15/02
-had one of the best sex encounter so far. A Cataluñian guy who is residing in minelva. My kind of muscular bear. 31 and he has a very beautiful huge juicy dick. We met at 2:30 and ended at 11:30pm. He came around 5x! And me 2x. Its a long session without taking anything. Just wine, good coffee and cuddle/sleep in between. Felt all my frustrations in sex got diminished.
14/02
-met ruben just after midnight.. he works in tikatano restaurant and he is hot. Around 6' with a long large dick that looks cut when erect.. i like him so much. He fucks me all night long and bareback.
-a long call with Russ.. talk about the rules that we just created that doesn't really have to be there. Able to come up with a good title: the metaphor of an orange in the mind of a pantomime
-AI vs emotional intelligence, watched babygirl.
-got disappointed with ale blanco as he said he is coming but again, he didn't. Kinda felt low
13/02
-had a great time with profe Enca's class. Also got amused with boys play time with other boys.. its so gay but i know these guys are just playful.
-just keep on day dreaming. Since I don't have other work and just simply take my free time. I wish i can stay like this forever but i have to earn more money for the summer break.
-had a call with Max and we catch up
12/02
-able to submit the supporting document to Miriam.. i hope it would suffice for my academia position. 🙏
-finally able to see the full moon after waiting for hours after sunset in my favorite beach. Done the melancholia kind of moon bathing.. this time, i felt it's not the end of the world, but it's only just the beginning
11/02
-Ignacio is very supportive of me as he is willing to provide me a supporting document to get me into academia. Omgee, I'm getting some flicker of hope to overcome my financial challenges.
-taking my sweet time as i felt that i will be busy in case i will be accepted for the academia. If I get accepted, better.. if not, i will be fine. Come what may.
-watched feathr feature for siargao.. it makes me miss the Philippines a bit but at least it's giving me hope that our country is getting into sustainability. Well i could only wish the government could support and provide major contributions as well.
10/02
-Was about to take the bus back home when i realised i left my wallet in my room. I have a one on one classes to catch in 3 hours. Able to walk from canceleda to Estepona in 2.5 hours! Thats 12km! Crazy.. but the shores from cancelada going to Estepona is soooo stunning ! It is called the Golden Mile for a reason! I never felt tired walking as the view is so breath taking!
-i was able to make it to my classes with andrea and ana on time! And able to earn 30eur for the two hours session. Treat myself with some good food afterwards. Oooof! What a day?!
09/02
-told russ about me having this mental breakdown. I am aware of it but not sure if i am dealing with it correctly
-watched trine dyrholm portrayal as the main cast in the movie queen of hearts.. i am so impressed with her performance (back to back with the girl with a needle)
-finally went out of my bed. I need to shrug off my blues away.. do my usual walk to my favorite shore and see the sunset. As mimiyuh put it, it's a promise of tomorrow.. I am also amazed how the flowering trees are now starting to bloom. A promise of spring time 😍
08/02
-felt low as i encountered another issue on having a work with academia.. i felt sad because i thought it's my means of financial breakthrough as it offers more than i could imagine (1100eur) on top of my 800eur monthly stipend from being auxiliar de conversación.. although it is back breaking task but it's the only way i could pay off my loans asap. But i dunno, they are still consulting it over with their paralegals..
-experienced and survived my first ever sobre mesa.. after a wonderful get together dinner with my coordinator Ignacio and his wife: Isa, then my landlady Maria with her partner Carlos.
It was a wonderful moment.
07/02
-every day really feels like a new day. How many times have i said to myself this one of those moments i really feel alive? regardless if i have this unsecured residence permit or rent money for the upcoming months.. for now, i have enough.. breathing, living sufficiency
06/02
-learned my first (official) flamenco moves from my student named Claudia who is under the mentorship of Anna Guerrero. It feels so special as all these time I only learning it from youtube.
-went to the shore.. feels like it's been a while since i visited my vicinity shore here in Estepona.. and im growing to love this shore more and more and even able to dream owning one of those marvellous beachfront mansions.. cubist houses that looks like the one in Picasso's
05/02
-watched rotten in the sun. Reminds me of my summer frolics in puerto galera and sta fe where i had all this cruising and sex by the beach fun.
03-04/02
-watched mister lonely and then the girl with a needle. Two heavy films but somehow it gave me some hope in dark times.
02/02
-tried to go back to estepona earlier for my class with Isabel but it was cancelled
-simply relax and have a chill Sunday.
-meet c. Sevilla guy and i just realised he is indeed gwapo and has a nice light musky scent. We had a very torrent kissing and sex. Later someone else joined us, a contact.. we did a threesome while being sandwiched by them. It was kinky and hot as my main guy was in ski mask, me in sleep mask while the other guy fucked me behind. It was like a eric video kind of scene. As the other guy fucked me bareback and burst inside me. While c. Sevilla guy nourished me with his milk on his big gigantic genital
01/02
Enzo's birthday
-spent it in Nerja with Enzo and Lyza
-one of the best coast in costa del sol. We went to Anahí restaurant for breakfast and wow.. the view reminds me of bag of beans in tagaytay but instead of a lake, we have the view of a sea by the cliff.
-roam around the town but mostly we've simply sunbathed by its picturesque shores. It reminds me of puka beach of boracay and borawan for its clear waters and rocky cliffs.
-cooked for lyza and Enzo and i love it when they loved my cooking
-also shared with them my home made seville orange marmalade
-had this crazy ride on a bus going to Rincon as it filled with youth heading to the feria. It was so packed and filled with energy and excitement. First time to make mokong on a bus. Ahaha as we went backdoors.
