-glad to be back home. gosh! never felt missing my place this much.
-planted the purple butterfly pea flower that i harvested from Bacolod. i hope this time it will grow and bloom flowers. as Rhoda's gift did not make it.
-just stayed home and fix my room. it feels like it was all dusty and covered with moss after my 2 weeks out of town.
09/27
-im about to leave Bacolod
msge the part croatian guy snd and he drop by at my place. we had a great sex. while he is still fucking me, i can see myself getting married to him. but it's just on this bed, marriage is definitely not on the table ahaha. i will miss his hugeness.
-saw a very handsome potential bagets just along 12th street, on my way to hail a taxi going to the airport. ba't ganun? nang pauwi na ako don pa nagsisilabasan ang mga yummy.. ahaha
-able to make it at 76 anonas before 1pm and watch respeto.
-spent some time with chai at the nearby cafe. we had a great talk over tequila and palesen. i love how she told me about my statement that amongst us i am the "less ambitious" and she kind of shed a different light that my ambitions are not of a lesser value its just well, different.
-if only i dont have work that night.
-im so tired, and still not in good mood after cutting our training short. was still being put on queue for 4 months now, so did silent quitting.
09/26
-while im spending tranquility here in Bacolod, manila is experiencing a major typhoon (karding).
-im still sore from my 2 hour worth of bliss from natura spa along lacson ave. beautiful space and wonderful service. i had this ultimate package of ventosa and heated banana leaf with coconut oils. just heavenly
-finally tried cafe bobs at lacson, and the interior is really magical. ive ordered samplers of 3rep shot espresso, blueburry croissant, chocolate mousse and cappuccino, and it transported me to dimensions. the food is not really superb but i guess its really about my internal dynamics kicking in. the place is too crowded for a stormy monday night. so i just anchored myself to my spot and let the warmth of caffeine and the toxifying sweetness of my p@stries deluge me to complete elation
09/25
-its a sunday. headed to mambukal for the 3rd time. 1st was a fail. 2nd, explored the whole place with no one is around on a weekday. 3rd, need to experience the japanese ofuro.
able to get there so early that i have the ultimate hot pool to myself. able to experience it while its raining. its so magical.
it was raining hard, so all roving guards were not around, so i went to this "closed" trail going to the womb of a water falls. im wondering why its close, i was in the middle of this legit rain forest and found out by myself it is because there was a major landslide that blocks the trail leading to the waterfalls. tried not to give up easily since i traverse quite far already, i tried climbing the fallen tree and mounds of mud to get across the trail but it is too difficult and this level of risk will definitely costs my life (as one simple mistake of holding a flimsy branch i will slide myself to the cliff unto the rocky bottom of the river. so in resignation, i screamed on top my lungs to the universe. whining all my pain and frustration. in tears, i asked the universe to make me more understanding and giving to just simply give up and let the natural course of fate leads me to where i should be heading. its kind of a truce rather than a demand
.
-there's this cute guy lecturing his nephew. can't help noticing him. with him, im not so sure, is his sister? the mother of the child and the yaya.
-at this point, i am transported to a certain era again. having this anemoia when mariano saw this girl from macau. what does this maria braga posess that mariano fall for? what was her mannerisms, her facial expressions, her candor. how i wish i have that certain charisma right now, that makes this cute guy across my table simply stand up, goes towards my seat and join my table.
09/24
-went to cadiz, my father's ancestral homeland
-such perfect place to watch Bjork's premiered latest video: ancestress
-heading to lakawon island as part of my Bacolod extn.
-super had a marvelous time in lakawon island, although its quite pricey but as they said, every penny is worth it. saw this guy who is so cute, hot and adorable. but haggan sa tingin nalang talaga since he is with his folks and i guess he is straight but have tendency to be curious.
-was so dead tired and when i woke up, i got this msge from a guy locally from cadiz who is staying in the same hotel where i am staying. finally able to have sex from my genealogy of my family tree. retrieving, transferring and interchanging generational ties. such link and submersion to my heritage.
09/23
-finally, after 1 week stay here in Bacolod, im able to meet and have sex with someone. he is 6footer with 8" cock. he is part croatian. really had great sex with him and i had a tremendous explosion while he came inside me, twice. gosh that was a good sex. never had this for a long time.
09/22
-jog around the capitol lagoon
-fresh buko juice frm the coconut is only 20 pesos. done yoga flow right below the blossoming ylang2x tree and manyan tree.
-had a really restful sleep.
09/21
-i really need to wash off all the frustration i have with Bacolod, so i have to make it to mambukal. the place is not so huge but marvelous. wonderful spot to walk and dip in the pool underneath the trees with giant flying fox and sailing birds.
for some reason i felt recharged specially with the hot spring. first time to see a steaming and boiling spring.
the moment i dipped myself into the hot waters, it seems i got back to my mother's womb. so recharging and comforting. with it's healing powers, i felt relaxed and renewed.
-im suppose to be working in the office but called in sick to at least let me work remotely. im so glad my new boss is so chill and considerate.
09/20
-fuck!!!! my ticket got forfeited and i felt defeated. my boarding pass got denied and they found out im not my brother and my fake ID mismatched.
never in my life i felt so frustrated. i dunno why Bacolod is dealing me this way.. im so bored with this sleepy town. fine Bacolod, i dunno if you have something to show me. i will stay for another week.
09/19
-so finally i got the energy and motivation to wake up and simply hop on the bus and go to mambukal resort. had this thrill to have my head outside the window of a speeding bus and see fields of sugar cane. was so hyped and all smiles to get inside only to find out they are closed today, Monday for sanitation, what the heck?! Bacolod is giving me a lot of frustrations. i dunno. its not really for me. im so disheartened right now. mabuti nalang masarap breakfast ko. specially their rice, anywhere, is good quality. but still im so sad. it appears that the masskara is just really, simply, a facade. underneath its just myself, being sad.
-played raul sunico's piano version of matud nila on the loop going back to bacolod city
-went to the ruins and drowned with its splendor. got drunk with wine and there's this sessionista who is so cute, good song choices and have a great voice . he sang i hope you dont mind, someday, and fly me to the moon. gosh.. he reminds me of KF.. sigh
-ran across dark field it was kind of dreamy as there no light and can simply outline the blade of sugar canes across star filled sky
-feeling that its my last day here in Bacolod, i bid farewell to my suki who grill the best chicken inasal first time for a long time i sincerely received "halong" from someone
09/18
-for some weird reason, i felt depressed, unable to get myself from bed, maybe bec of what happened earlier
-drunk msged KF via viber of which he didnt reply, so i deleted it
-so miserably drunk, i think i really should stop alcohol completely? to think i only had one bott of soju and 2 botts of palesen from 2 different bars. cista and mo2 ice.
no luck in finding cute guys. not my kind of crowd
so im missing manila.. weird.
-saw a guy who kind of watching me but he is kind of careful as it appears he is with his partner. oh well
im not a home wrecker so im leaving
-behind her eyes series still haunts me, such a wonderful series. kalowka
-suppose to meet a caucasian, he is in his early 20's so he with his parents, too bad his folks wont let him go out since their flight will be tomorrow morning
-im so fucked up and so lazy. my ideal sunday was spent inside my hotel room. good thing i flourished it with so many as in so many leaf cuttings and blue orchids so it feels like a cozy paradise for me for the 5 days stay i have here in Bacolod
-im itching to go to mambukal, the ruins, cafe bobs and have this turkish bath at majikspa but my body clock is still sleepy during the day and awake at night. fuck fuck fuck!
-found myself at the edge of the capitol lagoon, where i see fishes so many that they swam on top of each other, reminds me of Taiwan, but instead of carp we have tilapia here. yo ease my sadness, i feed them some found kakanin, channeling from my heavy broken heart to their mouths.
09/17
-bacolod's street inasal are insanely good. and they dont use ketchup. very good.. ahaha
-there other putahi are so good as well. Bacolod for me seems to be the bicol or Pampanga version of luzon, where the seat of great culinary takes place
-worked inside a coffee shop across the lagoon. cant wait for tonight and have a great weekend
-finished behind her eyes, such a mind fuck series?!
09/16
-jog along lacson hiway, capitol lagoon while having monsoon rains
-passby uptown to downtown
-prayed at the cathedral and this time i did not pray for KF but for my family. to give my parents and my siblings more time and to live and retrieve what was taken away from us: the long lasting bond, quality time and having the comfort of eachother's company. i also acknowledge and forgive markpaul, who supposedly have this trip but he backed out and made me do this to save the plane ticket.
-was about to go back but lost my way, met a kind midget and show me the shortcut way back home. im so blessed
09/15
-woke up and went to the airport early, but our flight was delayed
-arrived bacolod still early for my check in so i roam around and went the museum
-was mesmerized with the collection
-became chatty with the curator and found myself teimg her that, while sothesby/artbasel/metropolitan musem/moma showcase big-time artists, but its more commercial. rather than in provincial museum, artists have real stories to tell
-it was such pleasure to see nune Alvarado's artworks again and this time, from his hometown. i remember when i work as a curator in Luna and made to study nune and his artworks.
-when i went upstairs, to the ancestral/archive section, something creepy happen
expound: AI detects group photo
-called max to calm myself down as my innards went squirming with terror.
-first meal in bacolod so splurge and had dinner at gina's with their fresh seafood
09/14
-its my first trip to Bacolod tomorrow, im not so sure why i get so hyped and cant sleep.
before i felt forced on this trip since this is supposedly for my brother who didnt use his ticket.
-there's so much vibration, i cant sleep even after doing the sleep yoga. this is strange. my last coffee was even before midnight. deym
-went to security bank to claim my atm card. google map shows they are until 6pm went there 4:35 only to find out they are only until 4:30
-want to release my frustration via the 200 pesos massage and they wont accept gcash i rome around aurora and when i finally able to cash out and spent more money, i get back, only to find out they are done for the day even if its still 2 hours earlier than their cutoff.
im so furious i scream on top of my lungs!
was so stressed and mad with everyone. i end up for a much expensive massage which accepts gcash.
but the better version of me simply remind myself that stress creates income, and income is help for those who needs it. help is kindness. kindness is love.
09/13
-able to discuss and talk with doc d. im glad our session went well. it was fun and its really a matter of taking it lightly. she even motivated and wish me better opportunities in the future such as full bright scholarship. ahaha i really laughed and just also wish mag bilang anghel sya sana
-its pure happiness when boss Lynn approves my immediate VL. now i can travel to bacolod without time constraints
09/12
-trying to get rid of KF out of my head, but i still miss him. even Denver didnt get on his way. i am hopelessly in love with KF
09/11
-i felt deprived so i splurged.
went to trinoma and make it as my avenue to walk with great music. i felt working out inside a mall
-tried this japanese restaurant at the sky garden and was amazed with the serving. had 3 refills of tea para masulit ang 600 ahaha
-went drinking to skydome and then went to timog. walk through memory lane and remember my yesteryears. and even saddened when Farenheit spot was demolished
09/10
full moon
date with denver
we will have dinner at technohub, and its either kennys or tokyo2x. was confused where to eat, both places i have sad memories, kennys with what was his name, the guy from romblon? ahh det.
or at Tokyo2x, with KF.
so i have to ask myself, who am i to replace now. its KF so we will eat at Tokyo2x
also brought denver at Starbucks. its his first. i love seeing people having their first. just giving me that certain spark.
we made love at my place and he came twice. cuddle with him all night long. he said my place was nice. im loving my fresh sheets and lush plants that i brought inside.
he have to go home early so walked and talked under a full moon.
09/07-09
-heard bjorks latest single: atopos for the first time at kennys technohub, its powerful track overcome my bitter memories in that place.
-soak in the sun
-there's something in the air, crisp and tangy. a blossoming future
-never felt so alive once again, as if i just retrieved back long forgotten senses
09/06
-rewatched
my sassy girl
cried on this as well but not as hard as windstruck.
-took a nap and dreamt of having my plants growing lush all over my room. and my room was bigger as if im in spanish or greek taverna with vines over my ceiling. i felt happy when i wake up.
-still 2am so i went to neopolitan and meet this moreno cutie named ______ he is my first fuck in this area
we later had breakfast at mcdo. i like his smell and his eyelashes are so lush. he is gwapo. kissed him thrice, after he fucked me, a stolen and before we part. i love kissing him. he is such a talker and hopefully we can keep this connection. im not so sure about if this could last tho since he is still on his last of year of SH years. but who am i to gauge someone with his academic background? bahala na. come what may
-planted the seedlings that brings back my childhood years
09/05
-found myself taking care of someone who is super drunk along the gutter. he vomited so i also end up vomiting. ive never been so drunk like this. i felt like im 15 again, cursing and vows not to drink anymore.
-my world is still spinning even when i get home, vomited again and cried so loud as i am
totally in pain with KF. now i realized he really matters to me but it appears i don't matter to him at all.
-me crying like a baby are tears i've been holding for so long. last time i cried like this was with arturo.
09/04
-i thought im done grieving with KF but the sadness is taking over me, once again after i rewatched:
windstruck
-its officially one week now since the last time i messaged KF. i just want to check if he will also take the first step on msging me or inviting me for the weekend. but there's nothing.
-went to spectroom and drink my sadness to somehow drown my sorrows over alcohol.
-was super drunk as in super super drunk. and rave like i usually do before. i missed it! gosh its almost been 3 long fucking years! since the last time i dance like no one is watching.
09/03
-Carri's brother in law was cremated. they had their memorial mass and she invited me over to their place at sitio Ruby. join manalo, xtian, Carlo and a newly met friend: samira. had fun at their now resort looking garage and then went wild at route 21. cant stop laughing when samira, carri and xtian went nestea plunge without the pool. crazy.
reminds me of chai when she also went like that and she had blood gushing on her head. fun and crazy night
09/02
-had another tooth extraction and hopefully the last. can't bear to lose more teeth anymore 🥺
-my oral rehabilitation plan includes denture, dental restrictions and veneers.
09/01
-eat out at burger king visayas with yka, claire ang mommy lyn with claire's hubby. we rode on their van
-went derma and madam provided me the hifu once again. luvit. she really provides me extra beauty care.
