09/30
-had my first cita for a house viewing in cancelada.
-first time to take the bus/commute via Avanza
-met this woman, named maria. knowing that i am a newbie, she help me how to commute and even chat. she told me stories about her family and even her ancestors. wonderful lady. very warm and beautiful inside out. took pictures of us together.
we parted and bade her my first good riddance in spanish: "un placer hablar y viajar contigo. es una adventura marivilossa"
-finally meet the guy in calle lima pero no suerte. he is very unsure about me taking my offer. back to zero.
-was super super stressed so im praying for a good f***. my prayers were answered with *melacomes pls see reference. darn he is too good to be true but he is real and he's already waiting for me outside my hostel. we did it in one of those hidden patio at the old town of Estepona. just one or 2 blocks away from verenara hostel maybe i can take a picture of it during day time. since it is very remarkable for me. he is my first Spanish d*** mi Buena mano!
gracias!
09/29
-been travelling backwards, arrived 1am from MLA, then depart 4am in SG and then heading to Istanbul at -5. first time i haven't seen the dawn coming. instead it keeps on going dark, then getting towards back to the past internal light. i felt myself re-calibrating.
-my body clock is already messed up, no need to adjust and suffer more with jet lag. changed my internal clock to CET time in mid air.
-btw, the food in turkish airline is sooooo good. i am now a huge fan of turkish delights (not the candy but the way they cook their food specially the waffles and desserts!).
09/28
-the day that I've been long waiting for has arrived. this time i felt all my tears had run dry. i suppose not to have my fam go with me at the airport cause i might cry but they insist. i felt a heavy dull pang on my heart after i hugged them tight, then seeing my kuya, avy and specially my mama leaving me at the airport.. trying to keep her image as it fades with the crowd.
-made it beyond our local immigration after series of questions! the rest must be easy.
but wait! in SG i drop by in T2 instead of T1 by mistake. had a little panick attack as i might not able to make it to Turkish airlines. well good thing there was still one last shuttle before they call it a night (it was the last few minutes before airport closes past midnight). this flight is really for me!!!
09/26-27
-visited chai dau, my grand finale. i guess all "not good byes, but see yah" with my chosen few should linger with her. i had my treasured paintings (one from denisa reyes, the naranja. and then the francis bacon esque james neish painting from russ. as i have different set of gifts for her. murakami's the killing commendatore and then a surprise gift, , as both of us will see it for the first time.
she showed me her "wine" the italin _____ maschiatte? the one by don lucio.
and she told me her story of her trip to Italy as she drank not just the wine, but the flavour of the place itself. as for me, when i have the chance to do it, then i must reinkindle myself with my recollection of sumire's experience when she travelled with Miu
-when the clock hits midnight, we dance with the rain drum.. the same ritual we kinda had in olango when we were there with bambi and russ as we celebrate our own magical moments.
09/25
-visited jazel Kristin and have my snake plant for 5 years (since i got in, in Diliman) adopted by her. told her the story that the mother plant had witnessed my hot encounter at the lagoon while trampling her(mother plant), as a redemption, i got one leaf and have it planted into a baby snake plant. now it was with me in my kwarto for 5 years and saw all the men i've been with. so i passed it to her to also witness her own intimate rendezvous. we dubbed the plant as: Saksi
09/24
-impacking is one of the hardest thing to do. i decided not to check in any bagages since i have very limited time to transfer from one airport to another. i have three terminals to go through, , naia, tianggi then istanbul intl airport before i land in costa del sol in malaga. so imagine, im trying to put 20 years of my life in QC in a baggage which has to weighe only 7kg.. it's insane and overwhelming. the mari condo inside me wales in tears everytime to i have to say goodbye to a piece of clothing/memorabilia that really put a lot of sparks of joy in my heart.
-went to my usual go to carenderia in area 2 and sent my pre loved clothings to their staffs, booth as a parting gift and early xmas presents
-had my usual me time (of which ive never done for a very long time). started with my derma, ms jonay and we had our usual chickas and dramas. she was updated with my journey so she wish me luck and cheered me to really go for my dreams. i hugged her goodbye.
-then had an hour and half body massage, the one who handled me is neither irene nor joanne. they are handling other clients but atleast i have that ultimate tapak tapak as ending.
-then had my haircut with senior stylist mark.
-i am thinking i might not able to do this self pampering often in spain as it will cost a fortune. . so better to have them while i could have them all in less than 1000php.
09/23
-everyday, i wake up with a sort of heaviness on my chest. maybe because, i wasn't able to go to my hometown in cebu before im leaving for spain. (don't have enough time, stormy weather, and the fares are way too expensive) so my mom and i decided not to push for cebu this year.
went through my old pics and see those moments i spent there last year with family. how i wish i could make "tuslob" one more time in those crysrtal waters or even wade through the visayan seas via a motor boat . sigh..
or maybe its meant for me not to see it for some time in that way i will think of my hometown even more and it will love it more when i get back. specially my way of retiring is to have a hostel, a garden resort, an oasis by the beach.
09/22
-cried my heart out. this time it is purely because of pain and upcoming loneliness. it really pains my heart that in just a matter of few days i will be miles and miles away from my homeland.
also a release of all the anxiety that i had been through as i finally had my visa and my flight ticket.
it is totally clear that i will out of the country very soon.
-went to shaw to get my 1year worth of meds and had a last long look of the place as i will never know when i will be coming back.
-had my usual shilloh's cassava cake at shangrila and coffeee, as who knows when will be the next time i'll be able to taste my favorite dessert.
-saw a cute guy at the mrt who kinda looks like noel. i will miss riding edsa mrt for sure.
-had a quick stop at mrt quezon centris, saw the smoking area/balcony where i usually make tambay when i came here in manila to work during 2010.. walk around centris and reminisce my first few years as corporate, as a yuppy.. smiled with the idea that finally this time, i can now live a life as cuerpo real
-worked on inner happiness
09/20-21
-spent time with my fam in pasig. we were suppose to have dinner outside as a way to celebrate for my visa approval. howevere its really a stormy weekend. so we simply had some take out and dine in the comfort of our mini dining area, aleast we able to eat together.
-kuya and i later watch a netflix movie, bad boys 5. i love how will smith's sidekick got this will power the moment he survived from heart attack and was reminded to simply fight and live life without fear...
oh will smith's "half mexican" son here is super hot.
i dunno whats is his real name.
-hug and had a kiss from mamu. hugged my pamangkin avvy and sincerely thank my kuya for all the help he gave.
09/19
-commemorate russ through smell. lighted his incense gift and have his usual aroma waft through my room.
-my mom was right, she advised to just simply relax.. as my nerves get into me again, my visa will arrive later today and the 100k pesos questions will be finally answered. 100k worth of giving up my corporate job, taking a loan from my kuya, going through the requirements and paperworks. this is the moment to find out if all those undertakings is meant for me to take it to another level or it is not for me to take at all. thus, come what may..
-finally able to receive my VISA, and it is APPROVED! gosh such a relief!
-went to POEA to process my OEC only to find out that i am exempted since what I have is a student visa directly from the spanish education ministry.. i am glad that the FB group for the auxiliar de conversacion de filipinas is very supportive and informative.
-i think im just getting too hard on my self so just have one small wins at a time.. and just simply savour this victory so i join the gang at Syquia at shogo's
-we had good food and great sake! also tried jazel kristin's milk liquor from mongolia
-the entire workshop fellows from the "move-meant"workshop was there except lem. so i decided to have a post workshop activity and performance. we had geric and bea joining us with Liz (anthropologist from england) and Arbol, architect (from japan)
-it was a wild and awesome night as Geric the el bimbo man dj'ed and spinned us with his retro music.
-received a group hug from the gang as i made my exit and realized its a way of making despida for me. felt very touched and special.
09/18
-full moon. although it was a cloudy and stormy night, but there was a quick intance when the full moon graces herself, as if leaving a remarkable assurance, don't worry im just here. simply marvel its splendor and let my anxieties swallowed by its brightness
-finally finished the anthology: kinds of kindness. it is totally epic. all three shorts definitely got hold of me. a momentary distraction yet a lasting comfort that life and people do fucked up.
09/16-17
-back to reality. have to be in qc for my visa delivery. the releasing seems to take forever. was expecting it within 10 working days. but it's already way more than that since i had it submitted last aug28. delayed processing means delayed purchasing of plane tickets, means more expensive rate. duh, whatever, as long as it is approved then money shouldn't be an issue.
-still meandering and even reliving about our baguio trip. i guess one way to linger with the experience is to bring something with you from that trip, some in/tangible things that i brought with me are: the lavender citronella insect repellent scent that sticks to my sweater, some yogi and sleepy time teas, and
a couple of drip coffees. savor them one moment at a time and it brings me back where i have been.
09/15
-gave lala and jazel some morning bed massage as we revel our time last night. it's also my way to relive my ideal morning with family to snuggle in bed.
-we had pressed coffee from the airbnb pantry and some pastries geric brought from great taste.
-later we joined mona and kawayan's pack at the upper grounds/slopes (as our airbnb is literally on a slope of a mountain). their coffee is really good. way better than rebel's. i declared it was even more "rebelios". we were greeted by numerous lucky dogs and the de guia's mascot: hakaw. the now 6 year old boar pet pig.
-we greeted lissa happy bday and saw amihan for the first time (i read about her from lissa's memoirs) as she fed some leftover kunchintas to hakaw
-we later went inside kawayan's studio and then mona's. really wonderful to be inside baguio's power couple and see their prolific work amidst the sea of tubes of oil paints, brushes, canvasses, books and references. one thing that stuck in my mind is their picture together when they were still a young couple.
-we end our visit with trampoline and make pagpag with our long jumps! we walk ourselves out from the de guia's lane woobly and sweaty.
-went ahead from the pack and got to be back to manila to face my realities, again.
09/14
-always wake up ahead of the pack and simply enjoy my window view. in my room way back in UPDil Campus, my window view are Santol, kaimito and Mango trees, while here in Baguio, its all pine trees. as usuall i totally get up when the sun finally caress my face as if kissing me to say, you have a wonderful day ahead.
-tried mocha and pan au de chocolat at rebel, well my diy mocha with nanay guilang's tablea is way way heavenly than theirs. but it's ok, im on top of the clouds, in baguio city, literally.
-went inside ililikha, and i it wasn't as magical as i imagined it to be (as what i saw from the movies) although one of the highlight is i was able to eat a guava that falls underneath its rabbit hole of a place. maybe it will grow in me in time.
-had some smoke from geric's stash and it gave us some weird trip. but we were able to laugh it all out specially with jazel kristin's joke
-eat our hearts out at great taste
-then the party we've been looking forward to: vinyl night at canto's
turntable really have that certain charm. its very organic and lingering. i had goosebumps when kabu de guia had his opening track from the pinoy classic jazz collection: bahay kubo
we dance the night away as we make salubong lissa's birthday. and when jazel and i say dancing, we meant pure crazy energy full blast dancing. it was totally fun. the place is packed with baguio's artists. we have mona, kawayan, padmi, axxe, abi from the probe team, and the likes. well my eyes are only fixed with this tall bi spectacled bear across me. i was super enthralled as we there's a lot of intances that we locked our eyes together, however later, i found out, at it appears, or as it seems, he already have a bf. his partner is on the other side of the hall and saw him giving him a kiss.
ok, im done.
sophie's voice (2brokegurls) rang on my head, don't stop until you had enough. well, i had enough.
jazel, lala, geric and bea still went to bcs, while me and coach lem call it a night and we head back to our airbnb. i guess we are the ultimate diwatitaz. sleeping before 12midnight.
09/13
part 1
-woke up past midnight. had a weird feeling that im inside a coffin while im on my bunk. i was able to sleep again around 2am
-meet jazel kristin inside missionary or rather station hill (i dunno why i kept on calling it missionary) its classic charm no longer entranced me. least with their over priced breqakfast. it has lost it, sadly, even with the firefly lightings, it is lackluster.
-my only consolacion with the place is the view outside, the wind and the rushing of the pine needles.
-finally able to meet the whole diwatitas gang. lovely to see jazel kristin, still beaming with her mongolia show. lala monserat with her upcoming maria osaka.. talked about my spain visa related stress and found solace as i had bouts of anxiety-driven health issues, same with the de jesus-cruz power couple: geric and bea as they talk about geric's discomforts of which im praying its just a minor gastral issue. lemuel arrived late so we have no time catching up with him.
part 2
-arrived in our air bnb for 3D2N stay: two trees.
-it is a total mountain escapade. it's like a posh cabin up in the north.
it was owned and manage by lissa de guia, who also lives upstairs, a former ms saigon cast, the widow of the late kidlat de guia and a mother of two. her book, "the people i have been", (a collection of memoirs) inside the cabin bring so much comfort and coziness, much cozier than my assigned bed. her writings about stilllness, her languishing inside the same spot where we are in, provided me a sort of behind the scenes undertakings and characterization of the place, the very same place that totally engulfs me.
***
-went to padmi's bookshop at mt. cloud
-had sandwhich at the cafe nearby where there is this super cute barrista
-walk until we reached session road
-had dinner at vocas
-see mona's nape portraits
-oracle reading, my fave is lala's the conversation between the head (anxiety) and the heart (kindness)
09/12
-paralysis analysis release
-went up to Baguio on my own, ahead from the rest of the diwatitas gang, just want to make sure i have enough rest before i join the pack, or atleast i have more than 3 days up in the mountains, or else its just plain pain in the ass.
-walked down the memory lane, remember the places i went through last 2 years ago. stayed on the same hostel at 3bu and was amazed with the price increase.. well, they also have some major revamp with the place and their plants are more lovely and lively.. saw the stock room and remembered what we did with that igorot cutie who is huge and endowed.. also the countless rendezvous and warm dates , specially with this graduating accountant whom i love to get warmth from his armpits while walking around burnham park.
that moment when i have decided i will move up there. but that course changed when my application in spain was accepted.
-savor the misty air, it might take some time before i can go up there again.
09/10-11
-still overwhelmed with last weekend, i keep on crying
-comfort myself with some episodes from the 2 broke girls. S2 ep10-13, can't help myself lol
-getting anxious again, this time with tinge of frustration as my VISA is still processing and its taking more days than i expect it to be (its been more than 10 days, although it clearly says it is min of 10 working days, i just felt restless). i felt im too hard on myself as i constantly feel the piling anxiety creeping and crippling me up
-watched andrey tarkovsky's mirror and simply got lost in a dreamlike trance. its visual narratives, style and core message, reminds me to keep a child like wonder, not to take life seriously as life itself usually doesn't make sense.
09/07-09
-im not sure if i can write this appropriately
the feeling was still raw to me
-meeting p,james is always a constant risk. i have no phone and no way to communicate with him but deep in my heart i will surely meet him.
a trip from qc to laguna takes more or less 3 hours. i always consider it as an out of town trip. a way to simply forget my day to day life in QC.
tha's why the moment i see him inside his place can't help my heart to feel aglow. of course, i don't want him to see it on my face. mudako nya iyang atay. so we started our usual session. the pmax i took take effect very well and had a wonderful hard on with him while he fucks me went prettty well. its been purely bliss, again and again.. hour after hours. of course, in due course, we got tired and there are lots of time when my legs can't take it anymore. but we are still both horny. sessions with him is like a rollercoaster. i always have it in my mind that there is no such thing as a perfect session. but with him, it was one of the best. i mean, i had saeed and jade in the past but my experience with p.james surpassed them all. with him, it wasn't just wild fun, but its also a domesticated pleasure. his care language is when he usually prepare something for me in the kitchen. well, it's not something grand (it's just some de lata and noodles) but they are still something i greatly appreciate.
maybe that's the reason why i keep up with his erratic mood, OCD, bossy personality and sometimes, his annoying nature.
when i had pnp session, i always make sure that i won't regret it. since 1, its expensive, 2 its taking its toll on my body and 3, it makes me dysfunctional for the next couple of days. it's a total shut down. a restart.
i clearly remember, when i was already asleep when he wakes me up by kissing me torridly. a kiss that i want him to feel how i feel. that he is not just an ultimate pnp partner, but he could also be a partner in life.. we kissed as if we are long lost lovers.. and he came on me. a total explosion.
my feelings towards p.james intensifies as days goes by, but i guess that's all there is to it.
that's why the moment we part ways, i cannot help but want to sniff his armpits for the last time and kiss him. he will always be my ultimate crush. he gave me two limited 60th anniversary edition rebiscos as a pabaon and with a broken heart, i nibble on the cracker on my ride home. the sweetness of the filling intertwined with the saltiness of my tears.
09/06
-felt lost
it's been a while since i posted a music video on my blogspot. well, this one is my latest favourite. right after i watched the film: "i lost my body"
watched lost my body
stuck inside nomu
was searching for a film to watch
since im in a crowded place
i only have an animated film to watch
and finally able to find something that i can really watch til the end
and im so struck with this film
a different kind of anime mesmerizing other than my usual japanese go to list (hayao miyazaki or makuto shinkai)
it's one of those films you feel that it's griping you by the hand or by the neck and just simply have to watch it 'til the end. every minute details is totally compelling and the smorgasbord of snippets from the story board explosively spins, like when a group of balls hit by the cue ball but still have to fall accordingly in the billiard pool.
09/04
-from tropical storm to monsoon rains.. its been 3 days since we are having this gloomy kind of weather
-went to pasig to spend time with family and watched pinoy movies with them (rewatched 4 sisters and a wedding)
-received another email from Ignacio with the attached beginners guide pack, my school coordinator in Estepona. I am so glad he is very attentive and hands on with my upcoming appointment in their school.
09/03
-reread my "Septembers" from the previous years.. from 2018 up until to 2022 (link: https://hotmug.blogspot.com/2022/09/092022-draft.html)
what chai had said was true, im living my life thrice, first i experienced it, then write about it, then reread and reminisce about it.
09/02
-woke up in a middle of a storm (tropical storm enteng) had a lengthy chat with pjames. he told me it was a good move that i didn't visit him last night as i might have got stranded, well, i told him he might wan't to keep me for good and for forever. nice to start a gloomy day with that early morning kilig
09/01
-woke up still drunk and had a not so bad kind of hangover. and was surprised my body is isn't that sore from my dancing last night. i really had a great time both at spectrum and rapture. i thought i lost my capacity to do bar raving. but there i was drinking, dancing and flirting my night away. it was totally fun.
-chai is in UP Dil so we have to make up with the 2 sundays we've missed. so we started with our usual catch up, random rumination and realisations over coffee and walking..
insert image: chai09012024.1-.2
-i'm about to give in to pjames invite to visit him in laguna at 6pm, i asked only for a sober fun, but he want something else and he is quite undecisive ug walay claro. so decided to call it off and spend time more with chai.
-rewatched russ' the crying water babies again, this time share it with chai. i did shed some tears of fears as i might experience that kind of alienation once i set my foot in spain.
-do some pagpag and went to dagohoy for a beer at our usual waiting shed tambayan. then proceed to masukal bistro where we had our mini/phone videoke (dream a little dream of me)
and poetry readings (aorta, "kamapai?", alang kanimo.)
-met bong and his other psychic circles for a card reading session. gifted chai with her readings and chai, in return gifted me with my much awaited (although im kind of fearful) reading, from Bong..
I never felt this way for a long time, the bistro's music together with the chatters subsided. i was wrapped, inside a capsule, of divinity, it was as if my first reading, with bambi in olango (https://hotmug.blogspot.com/2007/12/unwrap.html)
my phone is busted so i wasn't able to take pictures of my card, but i guess it's better that way, as not to lose their integrity. was able to take note some of them--- though after the session, as not to forget them. but Bong's reading was so clear and so straightforward. i would still be able to remember them no matter what, and here are the key readings:
*Spain, a migration - a right decision
it will be riddled with anxieties but leave it be
everything will be fine
*Health, take good cafe of the upper body, lungs,
heart to the head (mind)
*Finances - might take up until the mid year of next year for me to get hold of it.
*Lovelife - with Prince James, it's not going to lasts,
he (or me) wont be up for LDR
another person will come into my life
there will be a language barrier, but i will be able to overcome it.
-shed some tears as if to wash away my anxiety for this major trip/decision, and also as if to bade farewell to pjames, as this might "that's all there is to it" between us.
-ended the night with wild and crazy talk with dex fernandez and his friend while the bar alchemist spoiled us with his new and upcoming alcoholic apothecaries. really had a wonderful time. cheers to the 1st day of BER months to come..
