After Dark (murakami)

Quite nocturnal, i just find it hard to sleep at night. I'm much comfortable when the sun comes down, it would be less hot and the world seems to be much peaceful. as much as i hate being stuck in a traffic jam, i hate walking along dusty road. that's why i like walking alone at midnight (even until dawn). streets are always barren and cold at that time.

it's the time when the puff of smoke from my cigarette turns into a mini cloud and it trembles with its own lightning. It's the time when lamp posts talk with their own shadows. When goats, after a whole day of munching grass, will find its way to trash bins and eat garbage. It's also a time when stray cats try to ask you some stupid questions like: "where have all the fishes fallen when they rained down from the sky" with their nonchalant eyes when you passed them by. furthermore (according to a friend) when you remove the walls from all the houses around the neighborhood, you will see people lying in their sleep (most, if not all) like corpses in an overloaded morgue.

on top of all, midnight is is the best time for me to deviate from the chaotic strings of crowd on a usual daytime.

originally published in 2004, "After Dark" by Murakami, a book that reveals about alienation and social withdrawal. furthermore (as of personal point of view) it captures certain surreal moments when our ever wandering consciousness relentlessly evades our subconscious mind.

...half awake half asleep

A novel where mundane thoughts and banal happenings turn out to be fascinating, while some readers might find it mysterious or whimsical.

it's my 9th Murakami, I red handedly grabbed it from a book shop and have a plan to return it back one of these days.

paghinoktok

ani-a kana sab
naglingkod murag bato
ang mata gatotok
didto lusot sa ding'ding
sa imong kwarto

kanus-a paman ka
mahipukaw sa imong gamatang pagdamgo?
diin imong mga tiil ug kamot
galutaw sa imong kalibutan
nga hagbay ra nihunong
susama sa lingin nga orasan

asa paman ka padulong?
mu-ikyas na sad ka?
imo na sad kung paapason
gikan sa dagat sa Siquijor
ngadto sa langub sa Aprika

matinga nalang ko
nga sa dugay mong
pag-statua
mukalit lang ka'g pagdumdum
sa pag-ginhawa ug
nanghuyos imong baga
human sa lawom nga pagpanghupaw

hahay,
ali na dire bah
haw-as na diha sa
imong atabay
maglakaw-lakaw ta didto sa bukid
bahala na kung kita magaras
bahala na kung kita mangasaag
basta kay mangita tag dalan
padung sa tumoy sa imong kalibutan
hangtud mangahulog ta
didto balik sa imong atabay
diin ang kangit'ngit gitusok
sa gamayng buslot
sa imong paghinoktok

ay, mauwaw ko...

ayaw ko tan-awa
bati kog nawong
adunay daghang buslot
ug butlig-butlig
nga gimpang sablig
sa akong nawong

ayaw totoki
muborot nya nag samot
muhobag, mamula o
basin pa, moboto'
murag bomba

i hope dili ka
ma-turned off
ayaw kabalaka,
mawala ra ni
human sa akong pag-regla

kaybaw baya ka,
nga bag-o ra ko ni-daga
kaybaw baya ka,
nga daghang kahibulungang
nanga'hitabo sa 'kong
kalawasan nga nagpabiling
misteryoso sa pagka'karon

so please
bear with me...
I can show you other things
if you like...
or, if ganahan gyud ka og
adventure, pwede nato
palungon ang suga

kay sulti nila:
"adunay mga sagradong matang
ang makaplagan sa kangit'ngit"

basta kay ayaw lang gyud ug
ka-turned off ha...
kay ako,
pwerte baya ko'g
kaibog nimo
maski ang imong ilong
murag palwa.

bugdo pa sa Monay

gatindog sa akong atubangan,
gabarog ug ga'panting
ang imong himsog na kalawasan

ambi naku kay didto ra ka
mo possing sa stage ug murampa
pero pwede ra sad diay
dinhi sa kilid sa akong katre
dinhi sulod sa akong kwarto

beh, patan-aw sa imong braso beh
oi! kadagko susama sa akong paa
beh, patan-aw sa imong chest beh
oi! kabugdo murag monay ni manong Tinong
beh, patan-aw sa imong abs beh
oi! ka flat, murag gi palo-palo sa
usa ka daku nga baratiya


kalami nimo ingkiton: kagumkum
kalami nimo tilapan: tami-is ug parat-parat
hmn, let me see your face
oh my gosh---you look like Jericho

ok..

nya, mag-unsa naman ta ani---
mag'pa picture?

ode to the celebrant

like a sunset over the lake..
just maybe,
it may seems that
the sun that sets
is the dying flame that wave the rays
of my heartache's arms.

basking

yearning

of a long gone love.
that once sprung up
but chooses to kiss
the tinge line across surrendering
and be forever drowned
in the cold murky waters..

how i yearn for the "could have been" moments
toying around of your vague images
and reach into solitary painful orgasm

how i miss that certain glow
that sparkle from your smile
that gives warmth into my core

but you let me sink into your horizon.
and forever be fading
leaving no trace of memory nor flicker
from your blanket of reverie

as i make my way towards the empty hollow
soon i'll be numb
soon i'll be old to feel what was was
however,
i chose not to forget

how i yearn for the "could have been" moments
toying around of your vague images
and reach into solitary painful orgasm
how i yearn for the one who greyed me out into shadows.
who---

keeps me in the dusk.



-originally posted and edited 09/10/2004

August

...was a very sad month

August 01
-i've been waiting and i'll keep on waiting

August 03
-went to russ' place in Banawa
-watched Sophia Coppola's "Lost in Translation" with chai
-the three of us stroll at Ayala and settled in a coffee shop
-borrowed some money from chai (since all my savings were depleted after a month of being a certified bum)
-i'm broke
-we went back to Banawa and we had dinner

August 05
-7 am, haven't slept last night. sleepy and most jeepneys are full. I unintentionally get myself into a bus that's heading towards my boarding house in Talamban, not knowing it is a private school bus. i slouch over as students keep on staring at me. i keep my cool and pretended that I'm a school teacher by reading through my book. the moment i exited, i just simply quips to the bus driver "sorry and thank you"
- when i got myself out, i can't contain what i feel, a mixture of embarrassment and exhilaration. "whoa i got a free ride in San CArlos school bus"

August 06
-Stayed at Julio's place in Danao
-watched my Best Friend's Girlfriend". Watch the entire film in silent mode since the audio is busted, i read on the english subtitle instead.
-swoon over Richard Gutchierez and watch it for the second time when the audio terminal went normal. For some reason, I appreciate the movie more with only the subtitles than the audio is on.

August 07
-watched "One more chance" a movie presented by Star Cinema.
-mushy it may seems but i did cried over

August 08
-as Beijing celebrate the Olympics Grand Opening, I'm running to find a paralleled significance of this momentous day
-I'm heading towards Cebu from Danao to meet Russ and Chai. Both of them are still in Mactan for a wedding when i called them.

-while waiting for them to arrive back in Cebu City, i need to talk to somebody. I dialed Julio's number and thank him for everything. i let him know that i'm grateful for him and he's a wonderful person.
-we even reminisce what we've done on 07/07/07 when now it is 08/08/08.

-keeping the tradition, went to the UP ground and join the annual "UP Cookout", able to get inside free!

-i haven't seen a lot of familiar faces

-Chai performed with her band "Balde ni Allan". Russ and I were touched when Chai recognize our presence as one of her "cheshire cats" before she sang her first song.

-we proceed to "Out Post" and jam all night.

August 09
-movie marathon at Ligtas' residence with russ' mom
-watched "Elizabeth" (Cate Blanchett)
-then get twisted with "Magnolia" (Julian Moore, Tom Cruise, et al)
-Gone to meet Russ and Chai. Went to IT park, get wasted and become professionally wrecked individuals.
-we realized: Giatay ang among kinabuhi (as of the moment)

August 10
-attend "Sugbusikat", local bands feat Balde ni Allan, Fastpitch, Urbandub and more.
-Hang out with Russ, Chai, Apiong, David and Mona at MEPZ soccer field
-listen to the rock bands as i puff my cigarette. the smoke rises and turn itself into a dark cloud, without hesitation, it crawled itself into the sky and swallowed the moon.

August 11-13
-look for a new job
-process my application, took exams and talk bull shits
-had my final interview after 5 years of waiting
-lost my wallet, (this my third time losing my wallet within this year)
-i lost my identity
-I'm totally broke and pathetic
-why is this happening to me

August 14
-went back to Danao
-take refuge from Julio's place
-had coffee at Tweet's place with Sheen (my bf's sister) and Julio.
-we watched Kung Fu Panda and learn the hidden meaning of the golden scroll

August 15
-invited for a dinner with the Soriano's family friend, my first time to attend one with my bf's family
-had some shots, sing along with a karaoke
-sing my heart out through the night

August 18
-I asked Julio to go out with me and walk along the seawall in Danao and watch the moon. He seems half listening and continue on what he's doing and i waited for him outside but he's busy with his online account. so much time passed by,So i left him. Instead of going to tne beach, i went back to Cebu city and watched the moon alone.
-I'm depress

August 19
-all alone in my room, drowned with my own thoughts, I'm dying

August 20
-went back to Danao, be with JUlio but even with him, i still feel alone
-Julio seems to be so cold towards me
-he don't kiss, the "lambing" mode is gradually fading
-he don't make love to me as what he usually did before
-for some weird reason, i feel sexually deprived and depress

August 21
-I'm a floating rubbish

August 22
-traveled back to the city
-tried to process my requirements for my new company
-gone to russ' place in Banawa and watched porn with him
-we talk about our previous "sexcapades" and all those gay stuff
-of course, we also talk about matters of the heart
-watched "Silk" (Keira Knightley...) with Chai and Russ
-i find myself crying, for it reminded me of the stupid letter that i wrote for Nikko 5 years ago.

August 23
-i had my contract signing and officially pick myself out from being unemployed
-once again, i become a glorified corporate slave. I've got nothing to feel but to be grateful, it's a privilege having a job nowadays.
-tag along with russ after each of our own unsuccessful sexual conquest
-we had coffee at Bo's and burry my nose to Murakami's "Norwegian Wood", I'm about 3/4 of my old Norwegian Wood when i lost it in this same place,. and now, to give justice with my second copy, i'll make sure to finish it here in this cafeteria.
-met Vera, after 2 decades of being assigned to Dumaguete.
-we catch up with the things that we need to talk about and we end up walking around Cebu business park smoking cigarette. it felt like the old times. past midnight

-Chai joined us afterwards. we chat around the deserted mall. Vera has this affinity towards anything about egg. she craved for century egg, boiled egg, male's scrotum 'til finally she settle for a "balut"
-Russ wasn't able to joined us, nag warlah mode intawn
-the three of us later proceed to "Alejandro's"
-warlah sad ming tanan
-gibaktas from ayala to capitol area with glee, like three little gurls excited to go to the beach.
-i walk vera home and spend some time with her---just like we used to do.

August 24
-russ showed something that I'm ought to reciprocate a "dare for a deal" in the future
-watched "Ken Park" with Chai
-then Apiong came along with a bunch of CDs---we're having movie marathon
-we watched "Girl in the CAfe"
-after midnight, i get sleepy and need to have some rest for tomorrow's training
-i went home financially, emotionally, and sexually deprived.

August 25
-my 1st day of seminar as a corporate asylum resident
-we have this usual getting to know you session, we are ask to state our name and say something about ourselves. when all of my colleagues were done with their turn, i found myself saying: "hi everyone, my name is Sophia, and i'm a ballerina"
-not a memorable day at all
-not until midnight, i got an ultimate rendezvous with a beautiful stranger
-and he happens to be a Canadian citizen. Boy next door appeal with soft fluffy hair. But i know he's not for me to keep. He talks and cuss like a pornstar
-can't wait to tell russ about it, but I'm too tired to do so
-i slept in my room with mix feeling

August 26
-Gone to Russ' place and watched "Better Luck Tomorrow"
-we found the asian guy cute (Ben Manibag)

August 27
-I'm late for work for the second time
-i got my first coaching log in three days!
-we have a native speaker for our language trainer. He's from a Filipino descent, he grew up in the states---and, he's darn hot.

August 28
-i wanna call julio---but for some weird reason i didn't.
-i miss him alot but i think he don't miss me at all.

August 29
-XO? performance night at Tapas Lounge "Purdoy"
-chai had her "theatrical poetry"
-russ have his coin operated performance art
-while i died with Sir Raymund Fernandez human sized Alpiler
-then the three of us has this impromptu performance sharing a bottle of beer 'til its last froth while Sir Munds play a jazzy rendition of "My favorite Things"
-we end the night watching "Jeux d'enfants"

August 30
-another impromptu performance for the VIVA Excon (pre-launching) at the Casa Gorordo (after the mistress of the night herself, Ms. B., convinced me)
-i dazled everyone with my contemporary ballet performance together with Sir Javy's bongo wearing my old tutu.
-naboang ko sa akong performance---sige ra kog katawa sa dihang makahinumdum ko sa akong gibuhat
-i wish i could grab pictures of my performance.
-same night, i met Leo, (yes, another Leo who happens to be a towering 5'11" and a ramp model)
-we spent the night together filling up our individual imperfections

August 31
-it's a gloomy sunday
-smoke 2 sticks, got dizzy, slept, and failed to took my dinner.
-When i woke up it's already 2am
-unable to go back to sleep. I'm hungry but all diner are already close. i got a lot of things i wanna do but due to this scenario, i just shrug with frustration. it seems my whole world is in complete paralysis.
-i wish I'm on a shore right now, so i could drown silly thoughts that keep swimming in my head.
-instead I'm trapped in my room with nothing else to do, my mind keep wandering around until depression struck me.
-i cried until dawn

08/2008

im quite nocturnal, i just find it hard to sleep

 

at night. I'm much comfortable when the sun

 

comes down, it would be less hot and the world

 

seems to be much peaceful. as much as i hate

 

being stuck in a traffic jam, i hate walking

 

along dusty road. that's why i like walking

 

alone at midnight.

 

streets are always barren and cold during

 

midnight. one time i find myself walking along

 

Talamban area puffing a cigarette. i passed

 

by...

 

....................................

 

August

 

-was a very sad month

 

i'll keep on waiting

how bitter it is that all I can do now

is wait and wait

even when all feelings inside me are like scenes of dusk

-Yukino Houjon

empress of Cheshire Cats

Chai

huka ra sha

aduna koy mga pangandoy
sa matag-adlaw
nga kanunay kong gi'panalangin

mga matang bahin pinansyal, seguridad
kalinaw sa among pamilya,
ug labaw sa tanan
mga matang bahin sa gugma.

i'yam-yam ko ang
psalmo byente-tres
aron dili naku makalimtan
nga ako:
wala gibiyaan

mga pangandoy sa matag-adlaw
baktason aron makamtan
ug hinaot sa matag lakang
dili mahisaag ug dili mawagtang

*huka ra sha
ba ra ba
yah ree sharee
shante kave salve
ba ra ba



* i also have this tendency to do "tongues" specially for things, feelings or whatever idea which are too deep or too intense to put into words..

descanse en paz

Liyo: Ver; which do you prefer, happiness or peace?

Veruschka: Peace


(a conversation with Veruschka way back in our college days)

7 lives left

russ found this card on a river, he picked it up and gave it to me as he said: "leo, you have 9 lives"

i simply smiled and this thought came across my mind: i already died twice

the right to be folly

Art raises its head where creeds relax.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

vera went to carmen

...

washed away

currently, i find myself only digesting works from murakami. i've a lot of attempt to read other books authored by somebody else but i have a hard time trying to keep my pace on finishing the whole book. for that, two years had passed and all the books that i can mention are short stories and novels done by him.

so far, this is my latest: Kafka on the Shore

i've read the first few pages on my way home from work. i'm stuck in the dusty jam-packed road along Banilad highway and it itches me to flip even just the cover.

i'm glad i still have this appreciation to books as what i had way back in high school when i first started to like reading. i even give justice to every novels that i've read which is to finish them in a coffee shop.

finishing this book, gave me this temporary moon struck. although this one, compared to his other books, have this vague or let say weak resolution in the end--- but threads of unspeakable memories disgorged out from the labyrinth of my being just the way his other works had an effect on me.

Everytime that i come across to this book in my room (dusty and wrinkled); the book, the plot together with its characters, always reminds me of a seaweed washed away on a shore. Once a part of the vast community of weeds, it has been uprooted and remain alone with its journey to wherever the current pushes it. This lonely floating weed might have came across with magnificent creatures and wonderful seascape until it finally reach the shore and retired with the emptry shells and pebbles on the sand.

It might look so dried up and battered, but imagine the experience this seaweed went through compared to those remained deeply rooted.

where have all the sheeps gone?

There are countless times when i struggled to sleep to the extend i psyche myself to doze off.

like:

i drool my eyes over and force a yawn. voluntarily have this prolonged breathing 'till my heartbeat slows down then i faintly said to myself:

"oh no, i'm getting sleepy now... oh.. oh my... my world is spinning and i'm swallowed in a whirlpool..."

---but usually, it doesn't work.

(a post from my micro journal dated July 10, 2005)

Adele singing "daydreamer" on Jools Holland (live)

to Julio, my human thimble...

recently

*i kept on looking at the wall clock, checking how much time i slept, what can i do at this hour, or what should i do to maximise my free time. i kept on looking at the wall clock to know how much remaining hours left before I'll go to work.

*i realized there's no brewed coffee that could really perk me up in town, it needs an extra shot of espresso to lift me up---is it because i got higher tolerance to caffeine now, or most coffee shop around the city are getting bland due to continuous price inflation?

i also noticed that a mug of coffee is more or less 25% more expensive compared last year and the quality of coffee they serve is not really that "Hmn..."

come to think of it. a Php 99.00 worth of caffeine filled beverage is 90% water---it seems i'm paying for experiencing the place and not i'm purchasing for.

*I wish we could have huge libraries in town (just like the ones in Japan) wherein one can browse 24/7 and can even drowse off and take a shower. I really have this bad experience in a public library located along Osmeña Blvd. that the assigned librarian at that time won't allow to turn on the lights (even if the room is really dark that you need an infra red eyes to read) since her daughter is watching a cartoon program using the library facilities---such a way to use government taxes!

talking about taxes, i got around 3k worth of tax deduction for the last 30 days---such amount could be purchased a(n) MP3 player for my younger brother whose bugging me about it since last xmas... tsk!

escape

i thought beaches are sizzling only for the month of March, April then MAy.. But we had our Company GA at MAribago Blue Waters just this early June. Ok fine, whatever. so i went and savored the moment.. click here are some of the snippets..

....

i really don't know if i could consider myself as an escapist. i also need further self evaluation to measure how serious i am on dealing with my personal issues. But i usually do spur of the moments just to break of from routinary living.

* last May 31. just to end the month, i went midtown on my lunch break at work. Had my hair done, grab an ice cream and went window shopping in a span of three hours---without my supervisor knowing it. i get the best laugh when i returned to my station.

*I'm suppose to wait my turn in a certain diner, the server was so freaking slow. while she bustle around the kitchen and had her daily buzz, i munch on their pika-pika (servings of lumpia shanghai, chicken lollipop and a piece of brownies). when she come back and i payed my order, i gave her a warm smile as i told her "keep the change"

*i had this spanish/german/filipino crush not so long time ago. we sort of date before. but now, he got a new boyfriend. one time while strolling at SM northwing, i got a sight of them together. first i just shrug it off and smile as they passed me by, then my cool faded as my inner triumph vanished. i hide to a nearest establishment and it so happen it's a "dollar restaurant". i feast myself on a piece of cake which cost 1 week worth of fare allowance. darn!

back to zero

i munch codes and numbers every day.

i got to type my passwords everyday and change them once in every 45 days before i could access my online tools. I got to deal with billing disputes from my beloved customers and calculate their balances that are long due. i memorized all the pricing and discounts together with the proper codes that need to be attached to apply the necessary features. i'm quite familiar with my own monthly bills too and billing statements. I'm an artist in my own little way but i do believe I'm also good in math.

i could digest all of the numbers but this one choke me up:

i lost my phone number.

i got it with me for four years. four years worth of contacts and four years worth of treasured messages. at first i thought, its just another number. but every time i reload my airtime minutes, it took me a moment to jot down the number, i need to grab my phone and search for it. if somebody asked me what's my contact number---i just grimace and ask their numbers instead just not to prolong the agony. I can't imagine how many messages that was intended to be sent to my inbox will get lost in mid air. its like going back to being mediocre agent and not able to read through the matrix... instead of finding meaning i only see series of 0's and 1's. lost in a broad weave of modern communication---it's going back to zero.

until, my recent orgasm (yes, it was) i came up with an idea.

I have been tagged. The rule is to list ten random facts about one's self and to tag ten others to do the same. it's been more than a month since i was looped with this literary scheme chain but i have a hard time coming up with something to write.i had read quite a lot of "i-have-been-tagged-entries" from random bloggers to my close friend's blogspot. for that, i already have this notion (once you were tagged) of writing something you haven't tell the world about yet or any peculiar events in your subconscious or waking hours. i give that a thought but i guess, i'm quite verbal about the inner side of me and i also wrote any peculiar moments that i had. So i found myself pondering what to write.

until, just my recent orgasm (yes, it was) i came up with an idea.

how about writing something i'm very much intimate at the same time secretive about.
something i can't dare talk randomly to any random person. so i'm going to write about my
sexcapades.

this might be very vulgar, but i think i'm brave enough to go on with this post. First, i
honestly keep on thinking about sex. Given a pie chart about my brain activity. I got 10%
thinking about work, 10% about my future plans, 10% about my passions and aspirations,
another 30% about random rationalizations and 40% about sex.

and it so strange I'm not writing about it and not talking so much about it. so let me have
these 10 random guide questions to fully expound this matter:

who was your first sex and how young are you at that time: a 6 footer, 25 year old policeman
and i was 15

what makes sex interesting: i'm able to know more and explore more about the person through sex.. It's like exploring a different planet when you suddenly collide and experience the big O.

so far, what are the professions you already have hooked-up with (worth enumerating): a barista, a designer, a film director, medical rep, doctor, supervisor and a gym instructor.

tendencies: versatile, but more likely to be a fucking bottom

preferred positions: the basics; i love the missionary position, but i get horny with the
doggie style. (tehee)

type: tall, medium to chunky to moderately chubby body built (haha!), i like skinny heads or
with clean /prim hairstyle and of course with phD (read as in gay lingo: pretty huge d***)

fetishes: beer belly, clean yummy sexy armpits, black briefs.

out of this world sexcapade: i met this bisexual guy whose girlfriend is a swimming
instructor (where i usually swim, uhuh!) and he brought me to a resort on top of the
mountain for a date. we settled on a cottage hidden along the narrow pathway to the cliff.
with nothing else to say, i rub his back as he kept on looking at the cityscape. all of the
sudden he grasp my hand and pull me into a hungry kiss. we make love by the cliff. my world
literally went upside down as he lay me down on the picnic table, entered me crazily to the
core, and had a synchronized trance.

something funny: a drinking buddy from davao, keeps on nagging me about finding a "chix" (an attractive lady) while we drown ourselves with tons of booze. the moment we're fucking drunk, he ends up getting me laid in an inn. I'm a tight ass so i can't be screwed without any lube, so i try to find my emergency sachet in my bag. the room is dim (as it usually is) so i try to fish inside my bag for the lubricating jelly. i finally grab something that
feels like a sachet, so i squeeze it out and apply it on my partners d***. He screwed me up
with his tool but before we get into moderate pace, i find my a** burning hot, i turn on the
light and found out that the sachet is an anti-dandruff menthol shampoo. i abstain having
sex for more than a week since then.

how about something special: of course, to my loving boyfriend (to whom i'm committed almost two years now) "pa-safe" haha! he went to a seminary for his board exam in an in-house review. It's been almost a month since we haven't make love at that time so we can't do "something" until he goes out of the seminary. finally, once the review is over and the
board exam went through, we lit candles in the room, filled it with aroma (eucalyptus
essential oil). and we had a frenzy sex on the floor.

.......................

right now, i'm still not sure about my 10 others to get tagged. I'll just keep my list open. Until then, i'll just update this post.

ultimate knock downer

message history

you've exchanged the following messages with just$^#^ - note that only messages that have not been deleted or deleted in the last 5 days are shown:
16 Jun 2008, 06:33


liyo: hi my big crush..

=)

just$^#^: hello still awake at this time?

liyo: yeah, since i just newly woke up..

how 'bout ur case? haven't had any sleep yet?

just$^#^: my dear di pa ako inantok 4 hours diffence kasi eh

liyo: hmn ok.. that figures.. well, i hope getting some sleep won't be a struggle for u.. hehe, i know how pestering it is..

if u have some problem with that, i wish i could give u a soothing massage, so u could sleep easily.. hahaha

gud day to u mr.

just$^#^: are you a good masseur? i have troubles in sleeping

liyo: i could say: "i am a good masseur"

=)

hmn, there might be a lot of factors that could caused u sleeping problem..
and mind u, there's also a lot of remedy for that too..

haha.. nice sunny day outside.. i wanna go swimming..

just$^#^: and what particular remedies for that pls tell me

liyo: those could be:

**sipping a chamomile tea (w/c is pathetic yet effective)
**drinking a full bottle of wine with me.. hehe
***try to make ur room darker than usual, turn the temp low, then spritz some aroma in ur room (aroma oil, incense, etc)
***swim 40 lapse in a 100m pool

or have a tedious fuck then a good massage afterwards---that's the ultimate knock downer..

there u go.. =)

just$^#^: thanks my dear...dapat may consultation fee ako sa iyo...hhehehh whats ur name? ---$^#^ here

liyo: liyo

French Gypsy Jazz

was invited by Ms. B..
Russ, chai and I tagged along..

The meaning of soup has been lost.

Gabriel Celaya's "The Meaning of Soup"

The meaning of soup has been lost.
Life moves slowly, with a warm, oozing tread,
It smells like river mud, like cows and slow earth.
The woman under a man knows that smell.

An odor as nourishing as good soup,
A nutritious weeping, a few patient days
(Here �s where we eat, drink, breathe, and make love.)

Must I explain? Is there anyone who doesn't know this?
Life is a heavy humus, sweet and black.
It has the heat of the loins and insists on shedding tears.

It �s the dammed up river of the woman we love,
The ripe fruit of exhausted hours,
And a job, a house, an impulse, a routine.

Because all of us live and life is just like that.
It �s not love, or happiness, or ideas, or the future.
It �s just a hot, thick, dirty soup.

(Translated from Spanish by Robert Mezey and Hardie St. Martin)

......................



it's been awhile since the last time i read newspapers---to the extend i really don't have a firm grasp of what's currently happening around me. Last Sunday, Vera brought me to her niche in Jagobiao Mandaue, where ABS-CBN station is located. To my delight, i saw loads or should i say tons of Newspaper dated ranging from this year and way back year 2007. i just miss reading Newspapers specially at the Lifestyle column.

Flipping through the pages it makes me wonder why I doesn't have the same enthusiasm as i had before in the UP library when i once an avid patron. images of triumphs, deaths, failures and successes flash as i flip through the pages. But still, I don't feel any relevance or oneness with what is literary happening around me. I'm wondering if I'm totally encapsulated with my own issues, struggles and my own dreams.

Reading newspapers made me think of sipping a soup without really knowing what it is or what it should have been.. it's like sipping through the obscurity around me.

balak gikan sa usa ka masahista

ihukas muna imong sanina:
ihukas tanan mong kakapoy,
kagoul ug tanang kasakit.
ipa-himotang imong nag-aguroy nga lawas
para ma sinati nimo ang kalinaw

hapa^, dayon ginhawa ug lawom
samtang akong mga tudlo
mo-silhig sa imong panit
diin mulanog ang liboang orchestra
nga nag daguyduy sa imong mga kaugatan.
daw kuwerdas sa matahum nga biyolin
mukatay gikan sa akong kuku
dayon mo'kitiw-kitiw sa imong dugo
hangtud mapadpad sa tumoy sa imong pilok

tang-tangon ko ang pugita
nga ni tuok sa imong tangkugo,
ug ang mga sisi^ nga ni pilit
sa imong mga bukog
aron mahingkawas ka sa kabug-aton sa imong gibati

susihon ko ang matag
grano sa imong buhok
subayon ang matag dagom
nga nahisaag sa imong ulo
mo dapyos akong kumagko
gikan sa imong agtang
moliko agi didto sa likod sa dung'gan
dayon mokanaog sa imong liog
padung ubos sa imong abaga,
padayon ug paubos
paubos,
paubos..

hangtud kalit mupasaka sa aping
sa imong sampot
mukanaog balik sa pa'a,
didto sa batiis
hangtud sa gagmayng tudlo sa imong tiil

hapa^, dayon ginhawa ug lawom
salig sa akong mga tudlo
nga mu-silhig sa imong panit
diin mulanog ang liboang orchestra
nga nag daguyduy sa imong mga kaugatan.
daw kuwerdas sa matahum nga biyolin
mukatay gikan sa akong kuku
dayon mo'kitiw-kitiw sa imong dugo
hangtud mapadpad sa tumoy sa imong pilok

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay

inig buntag
gusto kong mubangon sa imong tupad
diin akong dughan
nagpahipi
sa imong abaga
gusto kung hinayhinay ug gawas
sa habol ug sa imong akbay
nga maski sa kabog-aton sa imong mga bukton,
dili ko mawad'an ug ginhawa.

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay
aron ang imong pag-hagok magpa-dayon
ug kalit modapyos kining mga hamis kung batiis
sa imong balbon nga paa
hangtud nga mahinkawas ko sa imong
nagpahulay nga lawas.

inig buntag
gusto kong mubangon sa imong tupad
susama sa usa ka liso
nga nalubong sa yagmok nga yuta
kalit nabis-bisan
kalit na-initan
mutorok, mutobo ug mamuwak

mubangon ko sa hinay-hinay
aron masinati ko ang puro nga pagkakaron
usa ka matang dili naku ma-kumkum
diin ang kagahapon gilamoy ang kaugmaon
kay ang tanang kasanatian
usa ka pagdumdum na lamang

fine, mark me absent then. I'm going home.

one thing that i despise most is setting a wrong expectation. my shift supposedly starts at 4am, however for some reason it was slided to 2:30 am without me being informed the previous day.

on my way to log in to my station, i was still confident that i got a lot of time for me to pull up my tools, since i still have 30mins before my supposed schedule. But the moment i opened my quick comm page, three of my DevSpecs bombarded me with their rantings.
......................

DevSpec1: Liyo, you are too early for tomorrow's shift

Liyo: we have our shift starts at 4am right?

DevSpec1: noh? it started at 2:30am

Liyo: i didn't know that there is a schedule change, if there is then it was not well/properly announced. i can't blame myself if I'm late in the production if i was not informed about the changes.

DevSpec1: you're always been late all throughout this week
(she's wrong i was late for this week only once)

DevSpec2: So it was our fault?!

DevSpec2: How come your teammates able to know it..and logged in on time

Liyo: first, i'm not them. second, i didn't received any cascade about the sudden change of schedule. i was even here as early as 00:15 midnight but nobody dared inform me about the schedule change. So don't tell me i just wasted my time waiting at the pantry and any cafeteria around instead of working my ass off on the floor.

DevSpec3: That is still not excuse.

Liyo: fine, mark me absent then. I'm going home.
(exited from quick comm page and walked out)

.........................
for me, the fact that i am officially late is alright, i can accept that. even though my DevSpecs, my TL, our Production Head failed to do their task on informing everyone of us. (aside from their claim that everyone was informed, but in fact there are three of us who was not informed so I'm not the only one whose late and they put it all on me.) Moreover the way they treated me on the communication page where our interaction is in the midst of my whole teammates is so improper and unprofessional. they make me feel so small, and i don't like that. they should have called my attention and talk about it in a one-on-one discussion. they should have allowed me start my daily task and give me proper sanction afterwards.

for that i shrug it all off and curse the hell out of them.

i really have this urge to scream and diffuse whatever disappointment i felt. so i hurriedly ran my way out the office and made my way home to my room. On my way, the urge to go to a beach consumed me. I went to the south bus terminal with only limited cash in my wallet and took the first bus which roared off.

That bus is heading towards Barili.

humana ba ang kuwaresma?

humana ba ang kuwaresma?
humana ba ang kainit sa udtong tutuk
nga ni silaw
diha sa kahitas-an
niining baybayon
diin nangaliki
ang mga patay
nga kinhason

humana ba ang kuwaresma?
humana ba ang imong
sekretong pagtukaw
sa katuyuang lawasnon
sa dihang ang atong mga lawas
niligid sa lapok sa biga

nawagtang na ba
ang kusog sa imong mga braso
sa pag'gakos kanaku
susama sa mga sanga
nga dili na maka-kumkum
sa mga layang dahon
nga kini hagbay ra nga nangapalid
ug nikunsad daplin sa ugat
ni'anang kahoya.

nahupas na ba ang akong kahumot,
dili ka na ba musampit ug:
"purya pungag"
tungod sa pag-ulbo
sa akong karaang katahum
susama sa mga buwak
sa flores de Mayo

natapos na ba ang tanan
nahanaw na ba ang kainit
sa imong pagbati
aron lamang kanaku?
wala ka na bay laing katuyuan
kundi sa pag-pu'pu sa akong mga udlot
dayon nilabay ka human,
kalit gibiyaan ako nga nalawos.

completed

it's just like fulfilling a mission, it has to be done.

mag patag'na ka?

The idea of interpreting past, present and future is so divine that no mere mortal can do it. But i wonder what differentiate us from the divine and the mere mortal? Nothing but an obscured classification. So here we are, after the XO? meeting for an upcoming art performance, we had tarot reading session at turtle's.