tambaloslos

nilabay nasad ka
nilabay human sa tunga ka tuig
nga nawala
nawagtang
nahanaw
didto sa sitio
diin ka nag paregistro
nikandidato ug pagka kapitan---
tigdumala niining akong kasing-kasing

daghan pa kaayo kag pasumbingay niadto
mga plano ug mga plata porma
unsaon pag uswag sa atong paghiuban
kay ako:
usa ka lumulupyo
sa baranggay gugmang giatay

mao na intawn, ako ni boto
sa imong ngalan akong gi kulit
sa ticket nga daw sa loto
kung makadaug, ako adunay premyo.

apan, unsaon taman
ikaw na lagi ang nidaug
apan ako nag pabiling pilde
nagpahipi didto sa daplin,
wala na gyud ilhe

ug ikaw ninglabay
nga daku kaayog ngisi

yeehaaa!

Marlborough Black launching at the Loft
with Gia and Ian... and me, just the photographer behind..
hehe

moginhawa sah ko

standing about 2000 feet above sea level one early morn.
i've been here in this spot for several times already and i always
have this song from bjork humming in my mind:

"Hyper Ballad"

we live on a mountain
right at the top
there's a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain
every morning i walk towards the edge
and throw little things off
like:
car-parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever i find lying around

it's become a habit
a way
to start the day

i go through this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

it's real early morning
no-one is awake
i'm back at my cliff
still throwing things off
i listen to the sounds they make
on their way down
i follow with my eyes 'til they crash
imagine what my body would sound like
slamming against those rocks

and when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?

i'll go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

a passerby

excuse me mr.,
before you leave
let me tell you something
that i think, you must know
that again, you blew it
you fire starter
you suicide bomber
ripping yourself apart
eating your tongue
and sipping your newspaper brew
spitting out,
i thought you have nothing
but only pure intentions
nothing but disarrayed constellations
of damp towels, of yellow arm band
buffed and swelling muscles
click!
in a snap
a shot
you stepped back
an empty space
between crooked shadows
a lifeline
a cocktail of pathos
sleeping,
drowning,
fleeting,
so after all these waiting
now tell me,
are you still coming?

hmmm i see,

anyway,

thanks for dropping by.

waking up beside the bartender,

saying:
hey, i think I’m gonna be drunk tonight
i don’t care what style
could it be German, Canadian, American
Cebuano or how about Inuit style?
duh, who cares?
as long as i know how to hold my liquor
as long as i could chug it straight from my mouth to my head!
as long as i could hear u scream
in a dream, in a narrow screen
filling
connecting
penetrating
into this hollow hall
of endless hole
into a nightmare
into a fairytale
of chaos and love making
of quarrels and love making
of hissing and cursing, that always end up to a
steamy hot love making

i would love that
not just a pity fuck
i would like the idea of that
toying with the imagination
of you flying across continents
landing into my pool of beer

then i get drunk
and u get drunk
you! you! you!
damn you for spilling the beer!
then you say sorry
and you say you love me, then you kissed me
closing my eyes, and then
i feel weird, some kinda strange

and then I'll ask you silly stuff, like:
"If a llama crosses the River Thames,
can a monkey in Madagascar traverse the Indian ocean
on the back of a whale,
while tap dancing to a seagull
playing the accordion?"

oh please, stop it my stupid mouth
i said to you, to myself
stop! my head is spinning
my head is puking
my head is screaming with your head
they are fighting
but they are lonely
silly monkeys
still fighting, stupid monkeys
until the next morning
until the next day and the next night and the next day
tah teh tah tah
until waking up beside
the bartender, asking:

one bottle of beer please.

back off!

nah,
it would be a waste of time
nah,
i got low tolerance with bullshit
nah,
you still don’t get it

you better back off
don't you understand?

Donc, marre des:
- mythos,
- profiteurs,
- menteurs,
- alcooliques,
- drogués,
- psychopathes.

Si vous êtes dans une de ces catégories, voir toutes à la
fois, ce n'est même pas la peine de venir me parler.

Das müßt Ihr schon selbst herausfinden !

a borderline douchebag

hello mr.
hello there.
hello, how are you?
yup' i am doing fine
yup' i'm a little bit horny now
uhuh, so whats your plan for tonight?
oh' so you got a connecting flight
from singapore to cebu---tonight
oh i see
hmn, ok
too bad, your always on the sea
of clouds, of tickets and intermittent flu
i never knew about that
That's why your wife divorced you.
i see, uhuh, no way'
'cause, Clearly you are a borderline douchebag.
A week with me...
you'll know your place.

TRUST ME.

i see, uhuh, yeah'
You see,
I'm of the opinion that would be
slightly disrespectful.

My mouth would be good
for making out,
but probably it wouldn't be great
for jizzing in.

Besides, I have a nice mouth...
and deserves more genuine respect
than to be filled with man-milk!

Hmm... I have a sneaking suspicion
that you are not actually a man.

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nangahilom

na ang mga yawit sa babaeng pakan
babaeng nasakitan
sa beynte ka semana nga nakawrasan
sa mga hagit
sa mga ngabil nga nagping-it
sa kalayo nga nilamparos
sa ilang mga barekos nagkabalikos

nangahilom na ang mga daguhong sa mga neknek
nga nikitkit sa panit
mga kwaknet nga bahog anghet
naglupad lupad sa ilok aning
langob nga diin nahikatulog
ang liboang mga gamot

nangahilom na ang mga samad
nga nilakra sa akong mata
nga ni kawkaw gikan sa kalimutaw
ngadto padung sa lapa-lapa
nag ekes-ekes, nag ekes-ekes
nag ekes-ekes, nag ekes-ekes
murag laway sa bukya
nga nipilit sa paa
sa babaye nga nagdangoyngoy
nagbakho sa maoy

nangahilom na
nangahilom na ang tanan
nangahilom na ang tanan
nga nagsamok-samok sa akoa

ambot lang, depende

depende sa kagabhion,
kung lamdag naba o padung kilomkilom
depende sa pagturok sa bugas
kung didto ba nahimugso sa nawong o sa lawas
depende sa dagan sa oras
depende sa panahon
ting-init ba o ting-uwan
depende sa moda
kalma ba o kaha, warlah
ug depende sad sa presyo sa gasolina
kung tag siyete ra gihapon ang sukot
gikan ayala padung abellana

ambot lang kung unsa
unsa man gyud ni naa sa akoa?
wala man unta ko gidugo, o gi-dismenorhea
pero ngano dali man ko sapoton
kung ikaw ug ako naa ray gamay
nga panagbinkil
hay ambot nalang,
depende ra gyud ang ipasumangil.

usa ka babaye

luspad
daot
dakog ngabil
dakog mata
ang aping pula-pula
ang ngipon, yeelo
nya nanigarilyo

bugwak
hooo
bugwak
hooo
bugwak
nigawas, usa ka lawa-lawa
nilutaw, usa ka lawa-lawa
nisayaw, usa ka lawa-lawa
nisuroy ang lawa-lawa

ngadto sa dalan pangadto sa molave
sa dalan nga gikamangan sa mga ugat sa accacia
sa lugar nga aduna sad usa ka babaye
luspad
daot
dakog ngabil
dakog mata
ang aping pula-pula
ang ngipon, yeelo
nya nanikma ug plema

dreaming of malibu

if someone asked you she got plane tickets for three to Palawan and back,
what else can you say?

...darn, yes! sure! go!
...are you for real? hell yeah!
...whoa, slap me please, i think i'm dreaming of malibu..

but yeah, we went and explored Philippine's last frontier

well thanks Kalay and Ms. B (with her BFFs)..
you gals still proved that the best things in life are for free..

tehee' =)

A withering crouch, a pendulum, an infinite motion

00:45

a quick glance
terracotta body

moving
swirling into a fountain

depart
disengage from knowing

white blood cells
quietly tiptoeing into lost thoughts

meandering amongst lost souls
empty bottles of beers

tinkling beside
the glass of water from a teetotaler

empty your mouth
said she:

try to have a taste of smoked salmon
empty your mouth said he:

drink the cup of my blood
layers of layers of dust

mind disembodied
a midnight dance

blue

has not yet been commented on
never been seen
never been risen
it goes inside my lungs
it sits by the nest
where I dangled my air sac
the house of yawning
the place of longing
drowning with hue
the color of silence
blue
the thicket fence
blue
the crooked teeth
of a screaming laughter
of a sobbing ear
leave it alone will you?
leave it to the man
who killed his own shadow
who get lost
with a suspicion of getting back
to a lonely town
where a river murmurs
underneath his feet
blue
is inside my lungs
blue
the lazy haze
sighing
hissing
peeping
into a black hole

nakuratan

aduna pa koy mahinumduman
sa sinkwenta ka tuig
nga nag paturok sa akong mga uban
lima ka gatusang kalayo
nga nitilap sa takna
nga kitang duha nagkahiuban.
aduna pay katamis,
aduna pay kaaslum,
dihang kitang duha nagbaktas niining baybayon
gikaw-it niining mga sanga
ang mga gimpanghunghung mong mga sonata
diin ang udlot sa atong gugma
nagsugod pa ug pangmata
apan sa hagbay nga panahon
nahanaw gyud ang mga dahon
dili ko mapugngan nga kini sila akong mahuptan
dili ko mapugngan sa pagkawala maski ako na
silang giuwanan
sa akong mga luha
sa akong maoy ug kalouy
sa pag-abi abi ug pagpangga

nangalaksi gyud
murag nakilatan, nikurog
ug nakuratan
nalaya ang akong panit
nikarat ang akong tingog
sa apdo nga pwerting kapait
mga tudlo nga nabikogan
mga bukog nga gidangdang
sa uling nga nagbaga
sa kagahapong dili mausab pa

sa panahon sa ting' uwan

nag sigi na sad ug pag dagum
nag sigi na sad pag taligsik
sa katugnaw ug sa kamingaw sa panahon
gusto kong tilapan
ang pisik nga nitugpa sa akong ngabil
pisik sa imong tinanawan
pisik sa imong kalami
pisik sa imong pag bati
gusto kung musoksok diha sa imong ilok
ug magpainit sa imong kilid
gusto naku masinati
ang kaharuhay sa imong ginhawa
nga init init sa akong tangkugo
gaksa ko, gaksa ko palihug
ug aron mahunong ko sa pagkurog
gaksa ko, gaksa ko intawn
ug aron mahiluna na ang nahisaag kung kalag
nga gikapoy na sang sigeg dagan
apan sumala pa sa kanta ni whitney houston
ikaw ba magpabilin, o ikaw ba mudagan palayo?

sa pagkakaron,
nagsige pa ug busdak
ang uwan
sa akong mga mata
nga nalumos sa luha.

naunsa,

naunsa na man intawn?
naunsa naman gyud ni?
naunsa man?
naunsa man ko?
naunsa man ka?
naunsa ba?!
naunsa man gyud ha?!
nga nahi-abot ka,
nahi-abot ko,
nga naboang ka,
naboang ko,
nagwarlah ka,
nagwarlah ko,
nagwarlah ang tanan,
nagwarlah ang world,
nga nakugang ka,
nga nakugang sad ko,
nga wala ko kasabot,
nya wala sad ka kasabot,
na kitang duha, hangtud karon, atong mga dalan mag abot.

ug karon,

unsa naman sad imong sugilanon
sa imong pagka incognito
sa imong pagkawala
sa imong pagkahisaag
kung diin diin
nga eskinita
nga hagdanan
sa babaye nga nisaka
nga nagsyagit
nya'
iyang mata naa sa iyang baba
nga naglaway
ug kalamay
nga nagpabukal
sa puwa kong kwarto
diin ako naghigda
nga gisap-ungan
ang akong mata
sa puwa mo nga panyo
diin ginlabayan ug gatosang espada
ug ikaw nisulod
sa usa ka kwarto
diin naay
tulo ka mga higanting insekto
tulo ka mga lampinig
nga naghimo sa ilang balay
gikan sa ilang mga laway
ug imo kong gipriso
dungan sa ilang itlog
ug ako nahimong ulod
nga nahimong kabakaba
nga nahimong langgam
ug nahimong maya
ug nahimong balangaw
sa panganod, nag paanod
sa banka nga akong gimbugsay
sa kalimot
ako nag mugot

tonight,

the need to be sedated

three lost souls find themselves walking along deserted streets of capitol area blabbering about the gravity of the moon against our subconscious clamour for sedation.

cigarettes, ice cream and a sweating coke float are just temporary remedy for this post midnight restlessness.

we thought that it would be great to ride a kalesa driven by a well trimmed shrub horse and bring us to the house next to a lawyer's residence for a missing father. we found a green gate with a white painted signage: it looks to be number 09.

walk, walk, walking, cussing and cursing. each of us have clouds of question marks in our heads.

can't figure out the semantics behind waiting and waiting for something that we desperately want to happen now.

so we end up eating balut, two rounds of it. as we ask the vendor how old is he when he got married, he answers 27.

more smoke, more ice, less beer. loud music.
some hookers pumping on the ledge
the dj was at the edge
beat pumping, people pushing

we're tired. let's get out of this hell.

5:00 amruss is for sure asleep now. while vera and i just had our coffee with her mom and then the two of us headed to the beach and happen to caught a baby squid.

red devil, rose

I call it: sighing with burning flowers

nangahiwa, nangabunkag, nagkahiusa

nahikatulog intawn:
naghukas, basa sa kaugalingong lana
nahikatulog intawn:
human sa paglupad
didto sa kagabhion
diin ang biga, nagpunpun sa usa ka dagum
diin gi lambigitan sa uban pang wakwak
ug uban pang taong mananap
nga gi-uhaw sa katuyoang lawasnon
nangahiwa,
nangabungkag,
nagkahiusa.

lami nga sakit nga lami
nga lami, lami, lami!
usa ka saulog sa mga matang
nga guinadili

nahikatulog intawn,
gahagok samtang ang tinai ug itlog
nagsamsam sa otin nga gautog

brinde al verano

at summer sunscreen party 2009
bantayan island
photo courtesy of Bryan

how could I simply grasp the song of summer?

is it too pure?
sighing with the bleached pebbles by the shore

is it too meek?
like the silent scream of the unicorns under the heat

too light
too bright
too grand

blazing sky
placid moon
dancing barefoot on sugary sand

is it as pungent as
the blossoming of mango trees?

buzzing busy bees on glowing flowers,
marveling its saccharine taste

a kiss that erases the sadness,
sitting by the corner of your lips

have it
pour it
sprinkle it

tingling,
as the sun kissing my skin

the moan, while exploring
the sinuous concaves of your pits

hear it
feel it
lavish it

spreading the burning sensation from your hands,
the sacred feel of your embrace

when you thrust yourself
into the deep core of my secrets
piercing my darkness

lifting my arms with closed eyes,
a complete surrender

ang nahisaag kong kalag

dili na
dila na gyud
dili na ko katulog
dili na
dili na mapalong ang akong lawas
nga padung naman unta mo shutdown
apan ang akong kalag diin diin nahisaag
diin diin nilaag
dili na mopauli
dili na mobalik
dili na mosalop
sa pangpang sa akong paghinanok
dili na makig-hiusa sa akong
ginhawa sa akong
pagsalom sa lapok sa akong mga damgo
nga diin gikamang sa akong mga tudlo
dungan sa akong pagpanghuyab
dungan sa pagtugpa sa anunugba
nga nangasunog ang paku
human nakigsayaw sa lamparilya
hain na
hain na
hain nahimutang ang akong kalag
nga gintawag
sa usa sad ka kalag nga nahisaag

learning the art of surrender

when nature wont conspire with your plans,
when swimming against the current could burst your lungs,
and when nothing works no matter how hard you try and try and try---
and yes, until you'll eventually die,


it's time to raise my arms and completely surrender...

magnolia (aimee mann: wise up)

for russ, vera, chai and yen:

let us hold on to each other;

no matter how crazy, lovely, pathetic, awesome, ecstatic, shitty, marvelous, neurotic, stupid, brilliant, sweet, bitter and wonderful our lives are.

rest assured my arms are always wide open and hopefully i could snuggle on yours too.

i love you guys =)


p.s.

walay magpakamatay until 30 please..

at 23

* aside from physical dysfunctions, i was also diagnosed with mental and emotional disorders.

* i've experienced being terminated for the first time =) hell yeah
cause i deserve it.

* currently having an almost three year
relationship, my longest ever

* learn to love smoking

* starting to learn spanish, habla usted spañol?

* been associated with 4 companies within this age,
imagine intermingling with four set of different
colleagues for a couple of months. saying hi then
goodbye

* been to places i never knew existed

* first time to have an online hearthrob and
heartache at the same time

* i've been scolded in a local newspaper for
accidentally using somebody else's props during a
performance art (although it was purely an act of
spontaneity and a performance dedicated for him but
well, shit happens) no matter what, i wont let that stop me from doing art.

* regardless of the issue above, i'm still doing performance art and literary pieces. my cebuano poems are now getting published (such a late bloomer for me, i know) and even do poetry reading during my lunch breaks.

* i almost die from a sea trip

* i still haven't dyed my hair, had body pierce or
had any tatoo yet

* i still haven't killed someone yet.

* i'm in the middle of processing a passport

* and apparently, still creating mess out of myself, still learning to make things undone and start all over again.

* got few days remaining before i end my 23rd year of existence--- and i'm still growing up..

sail on, russ

Russ Ligt
March 18, 1985 - April 1, 2009

you told me your time will be until on your 27th but you did it sooner than i expected.
Good riddance to you russ,
sail on to your red home in space.
All we have of you now
is our memories.
But it will be some time
before they fade.