karo

i see

Now, I understand.

why Yen left

With me

If I were Rapunzel,

I already cascaded my hair down

For you to climb up

With full hope for

You to save me

But u didn't take it

Have I only misheard it?

Have I mistaken it?

From your intermittent "hellos"

And from your searching eyes?

That you want to be

With me

Or I must say

U were too blind to see

Signals for help

Unnoticed

It keeps you from getting here

With me.

Haven't you heard me?

Singing?

A coded lullaby

Of my secret longing

To have you

With me

So here I am,

On top of this tower

Alone, on the brink

Of desperation

An effort gone to waste

Tasting my own bitterness

I have nobody

just having my usual stroll in Ayala when i over heard their conversation.

the one in red said:
we got to find the porthole where it leads us back to our dimension, we need to hurry..
or else, we'll be forever lost in this crazy era.

the one in green:
yeeeeh,, aaaayyyyeee dddooonnt laaaaaykk eeeet hhheeerrree, cooooz theeey tthink wwweerrree sssoooo diifrnt, buuuuut thhheeyre theeee ooone whhhooosse wwweeeird.

and then i said to myself, ahh ok..
like yeah, whatever..

tell me, please

to tell you honestly,
I'm tired of waiting
waiting for you to say your name
to tell me how was your day
or ask me about my day
to tell me how's it going
to tell me about yourself
or ask me about myself
all you got to say is hi
and hi
and hi again
and again
every time we have the chance
to pass each other's path
why was that?
is that all there is to it
is that all there is to say?
its quite been a long time
we've been eyeing each other, but
we remained complete strangers, still
roaming around aimlessly and
entangled with wordless mystery
of what am i to you
do you like me?
or not..
tell me

waiting for lunch break

I'm so hungry. But I can't eat not until our break 30 minutes from now. To let time pass by and ignore my grumbling tummy, I wanna write what I've been through lately:

* Today is Monday, I'm back to work. In my office, I reminisce what I've done last weekend. I got an early weekend as I failed to go to work last Friday simply because I can't make it. We just finished the creative writing workshop that day and the distribution of the certificates happened around 5pm, and my work is at 4pm, well it's my first ever writing workshop so I can't miss it. So decided to be absent and spent more time with my fellows.

* The same night we went to Dr. Ted's place. It's also my first time to drop there. I've always heard it from Russ about Dr. Ted who's an art patron here in Cebu and have ample art collections w/c mostly done by Raymund Fernandez, who happens to be Dr. Ted's close friend and who happens to be our mentor. So that's why I manage to drop by at the Doctor's place as Sir Munds invited us over for a drink.

* We had two kinds of Spanish red wine and a bottle of ______ (was it chardonnay? can't remember) to compliment the dried fruits from Vietnam

* As what I have heard from Russ' experience, once you got there, it's mostly talk talk talk; w/c is not bad at all. As I found ourselves sharing opinions about just anything. But mind you, it's the most decent conversation I ever had as I'm in the midst of a doctor and two professors.

* Because of that, I got this gnawing feeling to get my bachelors and pursue for further studies. I dunno, if that's what I really want...or I might be just caught up with the idea.

* After that moment, maybe due to lack of sleep, intense heat (we are experiencing el niño here in the Philippines) and so much wine and deep conversation, I had nose bleed. Literally and metaphorically speaking. So I decided to rest as suppose to go to the bar with Ian and Gia.

* Saturday was my payday, I usually go to Watson's to buy toiletries and vitamins as suppose to go to grocery. Hmp!

* Vera and Thomas were around, so as Russ and David. Leaving me as the only single guy around. We had beer at Kukuk's nest then I lead a circle story telling by reading Murakami's "Meeting the 100% Perfect Girl one April morning" from my laptop.

* After we finished reading the short story, we went to Celestial Garden. We stayed from late in the afternoon 'til early evening.

* On Sunday, I stayed indoors and watch part of Pacqiao's fight, then had brunch with Russ at Kukuk's. After that, the gang decided to go out of town, so we went to a beach in Danao where we trespassed ages ago.

* I thought Julio would be there, but he's already back in the City.

* Returning back, we had a stop over at SM where we met Vera's mom whom we had a hitch ride back to Kukuk's by her car.

***************************

oh boy, just great.. it's lunch break!

gotta eat now!

abi naku

nahilayo na gyud ka
tag-an pa ko

nahilayo na ka ngadto sa dapit
nga dili na gyud nako makaplagan

abi naku,
naa ra ka pirme

gapaabot
gasunod sunod
gabarog barog

dinhi doul kanako
apan sa dihang nahunong naku
ug gusto na unta motagad kanimo
ang imong imahe, nga ka-usa
naa ra diha,
kay gatusang ka dupa na
ang kalay-on
usa ka ilusyon
nga akong makit-an
pero dili na gyud naku
makahiuban

wouldn't it be nice?

Flight B20278

it's all about the pilot

said the anonymous man beside me

you'll know it

how the plane make it to a landing

when it's shaky, it's a man

when it's smooth then it's a lady

how can that be quantified?

i said to him silently

accelerating lights passed my window

filtering what is real

from the city full of whims and delusion

what does it takes to be fully aground

when your finger tips are bursting

i hope it's gonna be a lady

my mind told me

crisscrossing my thoughts

of the unseen pilot

here goes

the destination

devoid of notion

well, i'm bound to get lost

so it won't matter anyway

even if the plane lands safely

or it will crash, leaving

hands gripping

on seats

what's inside the fridge?

I'm moving out, and have no choice but to sell my mini fridge.
I got a prospective buyer at the office and she asked me for pictures of
it. so here i am with mah mini cooler

































so there you go, less food, more alcohol and beauty products... hahah

and i love my cool vintage shades!

just watched Disney's Alice in Wonderland

watched it with Julio at SM in 3D
it was originally made in 2D then later
processed into 3D, so most of the viewer find it distracting than amazing.

as for me, it's my first time to experience
a 3D Film on the big screen so i was fully immersed on Tim Burton's surreal adaptation of
Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

I'm quite visually impressed (not to mention loving the designer's dress of Mia Wasikowska through out. Even the small blue dress created by the Mad Hatter and of course the Red Couture dress) and left pondering on the quite adult version of Alice on this film.

The message was quite profound to be understood by the young and grown ups alike.
Overall, I do love the film and recommend it for everyone.

paddling,

my back
against
the tiled base
of the pool,
i can see
the melted moon,
or whatever
that was left behind,
swallowed
by a dark cloud.

about me, at the age of hmmm... 24?

First and foremost, I love simplifying things down. As much as I appreciate the complexity about just anything, but I love the beauty encapsulated in simplicity.

I spent most of my childhood years in Bantayan Is. where I usually spend my afternoons watching sunset than watching TV.

these how I see things in a nutshell:

*riding a bike is more fun rather than driving a car.

*if I'm sad I usually go to a bus terminal and take a random ride than spend my whole savings to shopping

*I appreciate a mere "smile" than a million of "thank yous" when showing gratitude for a favor done.

*be more spontaneous and able to accomplished a lot than being so organized and left those planned

checklist undone.

*to accept things as it is, and brave enough to let go.

(however that's only what I keep on telling my myself, in the contrary, I could easily get attached and it's really hard for me to let go)

*I'm prone to see things in a lighter perspective yet always brace myself for the worse.

*I think it's because the blood type running through my veins is B+

*I love science but could only listen to you about it. I only believe through faith and muses on creativity.

*I appreciate life even how confusing, painful and tiring it could get.

this is my core:

*aim quite sensitive, easy to get happy but could easily get sad.

*have a tendency to be bi-polar

*I have the gift to comfort people but I can't help myself when I get hurt.

*my zodiac sign is Aries and somehow it kinda describes me

(but doesn't mean it defines me)

*I'm kinda emotional, sensual and spiritual

*I'm both sociable and a loner

*a famous artist/mentor told me this before:

"Find to see the beauty that is lost in the world"

And I'm bound to accomplish that mission

what I like/love:

*I'm into visual and literary surrealism

*I love sunset than sunrise

*open space, big windows, high ceiling, outdoors

*nature

*listening to Bjork, Tchaikovsky and Snow Patrol

*I love to be alone as much as I love companions

*I love Olympic sized swimming pools

*I love to dance, it's the only thing I can do better (than singing, writing and whatsoever)

*I love to love and be loved (just like everybody else)

and dislike/hate:

*I hate it when my body needed some sleep but my mind is restless

*I hate denials and fakers

*I cringe when I see blood, and road kill (I always see dead cats on the road lately)

*I don't like being bored as much as wasting time

*I don't like being stuck in a traffic (unless if I have a mp3 player or a novel)

*I hate bossy people

*I hate getting hurt and don't have the chance to get even

on vivienne westwood's s/s 2010 collection

i just can't stand it,

not to look at her

those pouty lips

with a slapped tinge of red

pale looking skin

---a frozen porcelain

it stand out

like her hair, brushed up

electric wires of bronze and

golden circuits

she walked along the highway

of worldwide spreads

those thundering bolts

claiming every inch of her

walk walk walk

she does the catwalk

and those eyes

such incredible pair of eyes

pierced into the unknown viewer

who could have guessed

who could have known

she was born

under the daylight

or shivered by a lunatic sight

yet she has indeed,

the spotlight

amidst

the sea

of darkness

having my usual doze of murakami at gustavian on a sunday evening

"after the quake" is a collection of 6 short stories which was Haruki Murakami's
response to Kobe, Japan earthquake in 1995. Was published originally in
Japanese in 2000 and then Jay Rubin's English translation was released
in 2002. Murakami insisted that the title of this collection should be
in small caps. All stories conveys a message of emotional vomit
which was caused way beyond after the physical tremor reaches the main
character's psyche, leaving them utterly empty and in despair.

It's quite a thin book yet every page is potent enough to bring the
readers in parallel with the central character's conviction and beliefs
even though this collection was written in the 3rd person.
One of the most intriguing entry among the six short stories is
entitled: "All God's children can dance"

It started with a young curious man following a doctor whom he thought
to be his father. Born from a deeply rooted Christian mother, he kept
on thinking that he's the son of God for all these years until his
innards told him otherwise. For me, the author covers or rather
scrutinize the radical Christian faith wherein heavenly teachings can attain one's virtue and dogmatic beliefs are sponged with disillusionment, loopholes and flaws---an absolute
parallelism of what is divine and what it is to be human. yet Murakami
was able to support both clashes so strong that each side is so
convincing. This short story was even adapted into a film by an American director, Robert Logevall.

Yet another Murakami masterpiece..

all god's children can dance..

nagluno

ug karon
sa alas kuatro sa kadlawon
ako nang gihinay hinay
ug paksi kining
akong panit
akong huboon
atubangan niining ga kamang nga adlaw
ang mga matang sa kagahapon,
mahanaw.

gusto naku
mawagtang ang masulob-on kung dagway
gusto naku
mawagtang, ang mga uwat
nga ni patik sa akong lawas
kiskison ko kini pagpamaayo
kiskison maskin manghubag
kiskison hangtud magdugo
kay dugay ko na kining gimbitbit
ug gikapoy nako
aning mga patik
nga sigeg pangablit
sa kagahapon
nga nikitkit
sa akong panit
sa hinugdan nga
ako ga ping-it
sa pagpanamilit

dungan sa mga nangapalong
nga bituon sa kabontagon
hinaot, ako, musinaw

check, check, mic check..

when an apprehensive speaker or a singer is about to say
something on a microphone, a mandatory mic test has to be
done. when you are part of the audience, somehow this banal
gesture would set the environ to be attentive.

somehow, i also need that attention, now.

it's been ages ago since i write something about my state of being.
one of the many many reasons for that (aside from
being lazy and a big procrastinator) is being constantly
preoccupied. there was so many events, from one happening to
another. i got a space for a break though (usually on my smoke break), wherein i could
reflect about what had transpired and write something about
it but as soon as i touch the keyboards, it soon fade out

just like a wisp of smoke vanished into thin air..

that's the reason i usually post pictures instead as it will
just speak to itself and bring back memories which are
hiding at the dark corners of my head. first i had my micro journal then i created this blog
to let me be reminded of things of the past as i'm such a
forgetful person, also to inform my closed friends how am i doing..
thus the purpose of semi personal blog has
been stabbed in this site in the first place.

recently, I keep on rereading my old posts and it makes me
miss writing this kind of blog entry.

I've been here in Cebu as soon as my cognitive response
evaded my senses. although me and my family migrated from
one city to town to another city and another town until my
folks settled to Bantayan Island way back i was in my 3rd
grade. since then, i don't have any long time childhood friends as
we keep on migrating. maybe that's the reason why i love to
be left alone and commune with the constant things around
me, e.g. my dog (my late dog named Sherlock) and my marine
fish pets. i also love spending time by the shores and
spending my afternoon at the nearby lighthouse from our
house just to watch the sun set.

now, im back here in a small city called Cebu and i can't help but to feel so
ancient. i've really seen the city outgrew me as several
buildings spurt out just like mushrooms anywhere i stayed. i
once remembered a certain lot in asiatown IT park that some
2x2 coco lumber were set as a marker from that construction
site, then came the heavy equipment, followed by tons of
metals and cement then a gigantic building is looking at me
like a human to an ant.

to be honest, i've been staying here for so long to the
extend i have this inkling to move out. but i so damn love
this place and this keeps me from going anywhere. people
whom i love to be with are also based here and might be
sharing the same sentiments i have that they decided just to
stay as this is already a better place.

some had already set their anchor and some, just like me, they still bearing it with at our own
sailing boats. Cebu, mind you, is very viable to set your anchor. i wish i could have that notion be plastered on my mind. but no, i'm already saturated with the place and i already made
up my mind, to sail on.



i'm leaving around April, and if it's not for a better
at least it’s for good to my ever wanderlust soul.
the need for a change and new stimuli is always within me,
a craving animal that feast into fresh blood. it might cost me
a lot but at least will give it a shot.

who knows where this turning point will lead me to?
just maybe, it might be, a hermit can say

Dauin, revisited

last night, Russ and I went to Dumaguete for a mission:

to surprise Vera with our ambush visit

Little did we know, she was heading for cebu for a field reporting at the very same time our ferry boat lumbered its way to Dumaguete.
our paths would have intersected in the middle of the sea. unfortunately (or not) Vera and her camera man missed their ship.

so we celebrated valentine's and chinese new year together here in Dumaguete.

she still has to go through with their task, so she left us around dawn. leaving me and russ with her man, Thomas.

We then spent our day at Dauin where we drifted along the current.

sunrise at Dauin,

on a valentine's day and chinese new year.. with russ and thomas

sail on, McQueen

It dawn on me now. At first I thought it's just a misnomer or hearsay. But

Yeah, Alexander McQueen is dead.

I received the news from a friend through text on the day itself (February 11
2010) so I went online and googled about it. Positive. And just the following
day, I searched it again and it's officially declared that he's gone. He
might don't want the world (specially the art/fashion world) to be saddened to
his passing, he might really want it in the first place, to die in the midst
of the pinnacle of his career or whatever reason he kept in his heart that
motivates him to turn himself off. but the whole thing doesn't guarantee for
most of the people to be indifferent, cause to put it simply, it was totally
shocking.

for me It's quite depressing, depressing to the extent it makes me angry. I
got three people in my list that I want to see before I die. First, in the
field of music, is Bork. second, in the field of literary would be Haruki
Murakami. And for Fashion/Visual art, it's Alexander McQueen. I even put it
on my profile in Friendster way way years ago. But McQueen is gone. So this
makes me darn frustrated. was even dreaming to become one of his backstage
crew (again, a wishful thinking).

My fascination about him started in my early high school. when I flip through
fashion magazine and mesmerized not with his styling but the concept behind
his collection. and here comes YouTube and ftv. then came his official
website (http://www.alexandermcqueen.com/) where I keep on playing Kate Moss swirled
on McQueen's Hologram finale. and unlike Kate, he didn't went out into
obscurity, instead, just in a blink. he's out of the scene.

that keep's me hanging. I feel like riding a Ferris wheel but the whole
machinery gone into full halt when it reaches halfway to the top.
no. no.. no please.. no... those are the words that I keep on muttering when
I knew about this. granules of time is flowing by and I hate the fact that I
don't have the power to just pinch some that I really want, then rub it
between my thumb and my point finger, to feel it,

even just for quick moment.

lemme breathe

taken by yours truly

taken by julio soriano

...

in silence

"So that's how we live our lives.
No matter how deep and fatal the loss,
no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us
--that's snatched right out of our hands
--even if we are left completely changed,
with only the outer layer of skin from before,
we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence.
We draw ever nearer to the end of our allotted span of time,
bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. Repeating, often adroitly,
the endless deeds of the everyday.
Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness."

- Haruki Murakami
(Sputnik Sweetheart)

♥

go, make a wish

can you still remember your childhood wish?

all across seven seas

i don't know

if it's necessary for me to travel all seven seas, but i know he's right there,

waiting..

waiting just for me..

as much as i'm waiting for him..

ok,lemme start this way

i'm always
and always be:
at the loser's end.
i must admit that
i keep on dating men
not from this town,

and i have this tendency
to get attached, deeply, and knowing
that they are not staying
here will always end me up:

at lost

like a dead satellite,
drifting, getting lost in my own vacuity
an empty shell,
hallow as a dried up well

so, here u are,
giving ur number.
that's all i need to know, man
cause, after ur stay,
communication or whatsoever future
circumstances between us
will eventually fade away
so letting me know
that this number is temporary
as ur based from the other side of the world
is downright
unnecessary.

no offense meant,
just trying to save myself
from further pain.

i hope u get my point from here..

sa inig takdol sa buwan,

akong anino gagukod dagan diha kanimo..

like a dead satellite

drifting, getting lost in my own vacuity..

CCP, here we come!

this is CCP, shot this 5 years ago, just passed by when i had my designing debut in PICC Manila.
I said to myself that one day i will be there, inside, performing.

and now, together with team balite..
under the directorial debut of Ms. Bambi Beltran
with her short film: Agokoy, Agokoy, Ugma na ta mag Asoy (a cebuano riddle for DREAM)
will be featured for both full length and short film category for “Cinema Rehiyon: Alter Nativo (Films From The Other Philippines)” w/c will be held later this month in CCP.

It's quite surreal and cynical as it is, as i've never thought my crazy collaboration with the film would bring me this far. which for me, is totally AWESOME..

like, HELL YEAH!

I would really wanna go, and i would really make it a point that i'll be there when the film hit the big screen in CCP. I'm crossing my fingers and my legs for us (the film crew and cast) to be there when it happens.

So yun, mag tatagaleg nanaman ako.. haha
kasi, pang totohanan na talaga to eh.. lol

anyway, i must tell you that it's already a heart warming experience when we had our production in Olango for a weekend, let alone heading to Manila for the main event.