Ewan bakit drawn ako sa spot na to.. maybe because naalala ko yung film nila aga at anne, yung "when love begins"..

Gusto ko yung linya ni anne na:

“It’s not enough that you accept me for what I am. You have to accept me for what I’m not.”

Today, william has to say something:

passive

i have this

passiveness,

that i don't strive

to know too much,

as it will take

so many space

for imagination.

missing binondo

Upon reading this snippet,

from the symptoms of a self-realized person

i am

exalted

bowing in reverence

visited an old hindu temple several years ago and it's embarrassing when it's just now am starting to realize and fully embrace the divinity it brings.

#Ekno E A*

gnashing

have i known
its coming from you
all the holes
that pierced me through

crashing

these tell tale signs
of past sexual conquest
whose faces
and physiques
reduced into viral leek

exploding

a nuclear reaction
of uranium-235
a fission
of lust and lust alone
splitting into millions
of fissile elements
bombarding me to the core

dissipating

i wouldn't know
if you are the one
who need to say i'm sorry
or should i be the one
who says:
it's never been easy

both dismal
and morbid
palettes of orange
and blue
a portrait---
decaying down to its bones

let me
mourn with the notion
drop dead in defeat
assuring
not to pulp beat me
and spank
the hell out of me

estranged; twins

floating
in the same amniotic fluid
naked
kissing
falling in love
and see life
through rose-colored glasses?
emotional,
crashes?

happy,
so happy,
we could literally die
ends up doing
a lot of harm
so we decided to go back
to the forest

the same forest,
the same mother
as twins---
in strained relationships

most often,
entangled
roles have reversed
intertwined
and confused
as newfound flame

that’s not the only issue
that grows
that we can tame

so we hibernate
in purity
and solitude

as you may now
drop the phone
and leave me
all alone
please respect me
as your brother

claiming you know
but allude to the fact
that it’s untrue
hey, we've only just met'
unsympathetic
to the needs of the world
servicing only the philosophy

implied by our own nature

as gypsies traveling
by the sea
of emptiness
we both have embraced
the same loneliness

emphasize the fact that this flame
is nothing like it seems
Sure there’s many people
that adore you
and want to be around you
wherever you go
but in fact,
this is an isolated case
do experienced it,
firsthand.

always remember,
we always be the same
but different
---passed as twins
but more than strangers

the irony we find
in our life experiences.
the way we presented
on the outside
an antonym
of what we feels
of how much time
to learn about us,
intimately,
you may not feel
the same thing anymore.

as we agree to disagree
we fight,
we flee.

last sunset of 2018 seen in bantayan island
photo by: tria ducay

11/2018

11/06/2018
After watching lars von trien nymphomaniac, i felt more normal.

11/11/2018
I have episodes of missing zaeed and wanting to relapse after watching "the weekend" as tom cullens looks like him and when they made love after having cocaine.

11/14/2018
I still have no work and my last pay is diminishing, pre occupying myself with my tiny room improvement.

10 D.C.

i always pass by here and at first i thought, this is twitter's head quarters
but no, it's a confectioner

at closer look, it reminds me of contis at trinoma.

so i said to myself, i better try this place.

each time i passed by, i found myself jokingly saying to a friend that: if only they could make a better version of mango brahvo, then i would say good bye to contis.

but I haven't seen or tried one that could beat  mango brahvo. 

when i finally get to 10 DC, i tried their dark and white chocolate cake and it automatically becomes my favorite. looking closely to their cake designs, to be honest, is kinda "lack luster". 

In comparison, the cakes displayed in starbucks, err the fast food house of coffee and pastries, are even more pleasing.

for me, white DC's cake, on the outside, looks like a fusion of anita's bakeshop meet goldilocks.

one time, me and tria picked up a cake for our dear friend's wedding in talisay, but my eyes were fixed to this cake: He's mine, err i mean "it's mine".  ^_^

the staffs are good and the ambiance minus the view outside (left side if your facing the counter) is dreadful. Their pastries doesn't look tempting, but the taste, it's heavenly.

recommendation:

better have a seat facing the floor to ceiling window towards the walk or the one facing the japanese restaurant. And it is better to have your coffee at 9am when you have the whole place for yourself.

toby's estate @ ortigas

with maxie bella in panglao

With Max and Mengua at Mövenpick resort mactan

Red turtle

went for an early morning swim and immerse into the calmness of the water, devoid of the nuisance vibrations from motor boats and other sea bathers.

skin diving, i braved the itchy stings of jellyfish larvae bloom and glide into the glass like waters of moalboal until i felt something is watching me.

a gigantic sea turtle.

it was so at peace with the sea, or should i say, with silence--- a total opposite of me as i have turbulent fears, not just with the abyss that serves as our border, me with the half dead corals while him in the deep breathing waters.

i froze for a moment. now i get it, the power of silence, respect and enamored with it.

i tried to linger with the rare encounter and grasp the incomprehensible interconnection.

then it reminds me of the japanese-french-belgian co-production animation: "the red turtle".

it reminds me with the realization of what is the most important in life and be aware of its several cycles; then swim, dance, born, breath, love, die and reincarnate with it.

as if the turtle has already accomplished its mission, it swam away and fade into the blue. leaving me floating in immensity.

for the first time in a long while, i'm so overwhelmed that i wanted to cry and let my tears fuse with the salty waters.

re: "letters from the closet" 8:56 AM veraLeigh said..

"i was wondering 
if i have denied myself 
for something 
i can't put a name on, 

for so long 
a time 
already that 

i have gradually destroyed 
the yellows of my days - 

the suns, 
the stars at night, 
or even the yellows on roads 

and plains, 
specks of candy wrappers 
maybe, 

or wild flowers displaced 
in the city sides 

- 

all of them gone."

-veraleigh lasam
thursday, june 23, 2005