04/2021

04/30

-a very promising day

04/29

-remembering Vera

-was planning to go russ' place to celebrate for her but got some hesitations due quarantine protocols

-i remember the time when we created a video dedicated for vera at paco

***

-almost lost my phone together with my cc as i dropped them, i was like rummaging through the dark corners and grass fields i stayed.. my heart was pounding hard while trying to accept i lost another fortune, my contacts and my photos.. my memories and have them lost all to forgetfulness.. good thing the guy i am flirting with just before i realized i lost my phone found it with his flashlight and we end up having dinner. on me. gosh.. another temporary heart attack

-we talked about his current "unlabeled love life" which reminds me of what i had with arturo and he got angry when i laughed so hard with his stories and told him about the painful realities and simply have to accept it. Eventually, as what i've been though, it will make you tough and even appreciate life even more. I realized i used my pain for arturo as my fuel.

-when i got home, my phone's screen is slowly turning into a pool of darkness

04/28-30

-staring blankly at the moon

04/27

-can't get over with Zhang Ziyi's performance in The Banquet, and have the full soundtrack, including Tan Dun's Only for Love and longing in silence  play endlessly for more than a week.

04/26

-thoughts: from this community fridge in NY, the community pantry in

maginhawa, and then the community bday celebration disaster

-experiencing: analysis paralysis

once again. 

04/25

-carri's bday

spent it with great food, good drinks and great companions. had fun

04/24

-finally after weeks of abstinence and mecq curfew, was able to jog and

several sexual encounters, two of which i got anal (frm atom araullo look

alike and one hunky guy by his car)

i felt rejuvenated.my sexual powers 😅🤤

04/23

-taking advantage of the promo wars between grabfood and foodpanda

they got this 40% off promo plus 30%off on pickups, feasting on nomu, rodic's and Friuli's almost everyday.

-found out dan had a virtual/long distance bf? 

i dunno.. dream discarded

04/22

-having this communication with dan marcielo, kinda having kilig with him. morning and night

-jog while raining

felt refreshed specially during these summer months

-i have this favorite spot near a rivulet, lying while feeling the rain on my skin, and a damp humid summer night. plus the sound of the flowing water makes me feel like im a retreat spa.

immensity overload

a divine journey

04/21

-felt sorry with gerald valero's loss with his brother's passing, i

remember the last time before we broke up, it was his brother who met us in

the airport. 😢

-felt terribly sad, i have khatyas b's chopin preludes 28 no. 4 on the loop.

04/19

-going through my old photos in FB tagged by friends (which i usually don't

display in my one wall) made me realized gosh, i lived a wonderful life.

-i am overwhelmed how after 2009 since my fb account was created, i

definitely gone through crazy and beautiful memories.

-i am so much filled with gratitude and contentment to the extend i am so

ready to die (knock on wood)

-ligo sa ulan.. it felt so magical and resetting

04/18

-spent kuya bday mostly at jess' place in Valenzuela..

04/14

-i felt my days are slipping by again. also i felt i dont have that

connection with people, as soon as im flashing that smile it easily

swallowed by something else. i felt this long stance on social distancing

makes me less of a human 😢

-rewatched 500 days of summer and relive that good tracks

04/13

-Jon Santos podcast made.me validates that we are now being comfortable

being uncomfortable:

https://youtu.be/O_xzXbYxv5c

-for some weird and random reason, marvin dumrigeu's comment on my post

makes me kilig ahaha 🤭😚☺️

04/12

-spent so.much on food

- someone asked me how am i doing, i told her ecq.part2 made me lazy and

apathetic parang naging numb na ako sa pagiging masaya, or malungkot.. from

being excited or being bored.. i just feel nothing.. is this ok? ahaha

-i had a potential date but he was too coward with the UP guards with all

the protocols within UP campus

-i guess il end up a spinster.

04/11

-tbh, the government and its officials made me sick compared to the actual

pandemic (incompetencies and corruption)

-hard to breathe specially if something negative, bad news hit you. 

anxiety ridden

anxiety attacks

-have to remind myself to stretch, breathe and put the monkey mind in silence

-this saved me frm my long time grudge for those who

have done wrong towards me:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/nikita-gill/2017/05/when-someone-hurts-you-remember-one-day-they-will-hurt-too/

04/10

-had a great time hosting our q1 townhall with Joshua Bautista.. my 2nd

time to be liya michelle during the virtual event.

-watched studio ghibli's porco rosso. there's a part in there, the cloud of

dead pilots in their last flight, that insinuate afterlife is beautiful.. i

was wondering if it generally consist the japanese collective consciousness

thus they rather choose death than live a hellish way of life.

04/09

the ones who greeted me personally are my friendly neighboring dogs and its

pure genuine and no stain of anything.

had my breakfast at my special spot, a bench in a grassy field filled with

flower bearing narra trees, with its golden showers of minute yellow petals.

its a quite breezy summer day, nothing much but sheer gratitude and

complete peace of mind.

less expectation less frustration

had emily kings: first time. play on the loop

04/08

i felt old, and having that feeling that i have to settle down.. but part

of me still wish to do things i can do before.. partying, flirt and have sex

i felt sad, as my bday falls again on a ecq quarantine, i counter react it

with food from friuli tatoria, had some putanesca and tres formageri and

drown it with chardonay

usually i do self compassion fist, in that way, self pity is not that

terrible. gosh

the moment the time struck midnyt, i took a bath, lighted a candle and had

some incense fills the air.

04/07

-do work out at the outdoor gym in uphk

-just make tanga, and watched the foliage out frm my window

-if only, i could have spent 3 years of quarantine in bantayan island.

04/06

ecq part 2 is in full force

simply work at home, savour the mundane quietness

-ive overheard a physician one time, that Spanish flu pandemic lasted for 3

years. we are on our first year yet we are too adamant to deal about it.

-ecq made me feel low and social media posts are terrifying. so i usually

just veer away from it as much as possible

-one quote i encountered is 

"life isn't about waiting for the storm to

pass.. its about learning to dance in the rain" 

-vivian greene

04/05

-its been three weeks since my operation so i tried to make do with someone

and gosh, i bled. msge max what to do and she said just do oral for the

meantime. i was scared

-watched between maybes by gerald and julia.. kelan ko kaya ma meet gerald

ng buhay ko? lols

04/04

-grocery with mark paul and mamu, we have so much great food throughout the

day with john2x and leanne's cooking

-watched the hostiles and i care a lot

also watched eerie and kuwaresma.. nothing beats horror movie with family

(with baby xin2x and kuya carlo)

-went biking until rave forest, its been a while since i get there and went

biking.. iba..

-bond with mamu at night, i like it when we have this usual talks before

sleeping, its very comforting

04/03

going to mamu's

to make bawi since she was sick last time, and i was so dead worried. im

glad she's now doing ok. although she is still get pissed with papa

specially when hes drunk. i dunno with my parents, i am actually good with

my own, my parents are sometimes source of my stress instead of the other

way around. maybe that's why i might end up a spinster.. 😅

-gave mamu a massage, since her knee is still not doing well. im glad she

was able to attain a good night sleep.

04/02

just spent my holy week friday working out on CHK outdoor gym

sleeping, gosh my 12hr sleep was attained

watch the assistant (2019) i love how it was just building up and then wala

na.. nakakabitin. so anti thesis of most usual films

04/01

- i had a new crush: proud race' rick rasos 😁🤭😅

03/2021

 

03/31

-woke up with a happy dream, im in a gathering, a celebration of sorts,

then my ideal guy appeared to greet me. as if im blushing. then i join vera

russ and chai for a salo2x

03/30

-i got worried bec my mother had a flu, got re connected with my niece as

well, chloe but i am really more of actual conversation Rather than online

-ecq made my going out really limited

-my surgery is still bleeding but im.done with my medication. i cant wait

to do things what i usually do.

03/29

-hooked with mtv following for bretmanrock with his sister and friends. it

made me remember my early 20's vibes/energy.

-i reread my blog 15 years ago and i was totally a bas ass and sentimental

bitch who is so fucked up yet ready to conquer the world. laughs.. such

memories.

03/28

-sent my pinball murakami and whale fin plant to russ as my belated bday

present

-also greeted my favorite brother, markpaul happy bday and sent him some

treats. i am so generous today.

03/27

-had my ff.up check up in FEU, and the thought of seeing dr. ritchie

mendoza makes me kilig.. i saw him and he is as cute as ever with his loud

voice. msged him in viber just to say hi and thank him for what heve done..

but it appears that's all there is to it. another love hope lost again.

-since it was declared ncr to be put on ecq again for a week, went around

trinoma, sm north and ayala.. yes bitch, i went malling. and got my skagen

watch that ive been dreaming of since 2010. gosh 😅

03/26

-i'll be back for work this coming monday after 3 weeks on medical leave,

it feels like my long break is over.

-watched the series: Lucifer

i like the line where the psych said people doesn't have power over us, but

we give it to them.. so we need to get it back (thinking about the case of

Dave and Saeed)

03/25

i will start a 3 day

social media detox

i wish i could do a yoga retreat but during this quarantine, this is the

least i can do

03/24

its drizzling, had coffee while walking while doing my laundry, i still do

multi task even if its been going three weeks since im having my sick leave

from work.

i just realize, its been two weeks since my last sexual encounter. i guess

my wound is kind of healed, went to the lagoon and university ave for

cruising, met this guy named josh, he's a UP alumna, he's cute and my type,

kind of arturo's charm, smelled his pits and savour his manhood. its been a

while since i swallowed someone's cum.

03/23

watched series of online webinars and forums, one notable discussion i had

was with a prof. from Sevilla Spain and the presentation became a

debriefing of colonial mentality under the Spanish while discussing the

history of Philipine architecture.

03/22

-watched pricess kaguya

my take on it is that u dont have to refine urself to have to goodness in

life.

it also about decisions bestowed upon by parents or by society. i should go

to where i will be the most happy.

03/21

after almost a week of being admitted in a hospital with dextrose, i felt

my body fluids and senses went back to default, so the moment i got home,

my usual hot cacao and cinnamon smells like heaven.

03/20

seen julio's picture in bantayan and it brought back memories while we are

still together.. i was young and i was so in love

gosh, that was almost 2 decades ago.

but there are things that u can simply remember and cannot bring it back.

03/19

zone out

03/18

-had my operation done

-its been a while since i was in an OR, my last was 2017

so i

"wasnt able to attend russ bday i had my surgery

a"

even my initial journal entry was induced with anesthesia

later on when i had my senses kind of got back, i watched cesar hernandos

film gayuma..

03/17

-finally got admitted in FEU hospital and my surgery is scheduled tomorrow

morning with doctor capulong.

-was about to do my online class and when prof may lyn cruz saw me im in

ER, she was kind to defer it for another time

-again meet Doctor mendoza and he finger me once more. God knows how much i

have a huge crush on him.

the moment of pain came-inserting of dextrose.

-watched patay na si hesus

03/15

-i felt uneasy to do case study works while nursing an infection. a surgery

prolonged by swab test.

-its a difficult day

03/14

-met carri and spent time at juanitos and side street cafe

-she invited some strangers in our table and had a very good conversation

03/13

-simply got cozy in the room and listen to the rain..

-met michael, whos frm up bliss bldg 14, had a great convo inside his car

while we had take out coffee.. we end up at his place

-got sad and frustrated with dave, he has a lot of fuss. mag sakit lang ako

dughan. im not even sure if he is really my type. i guess he is not worth

pursuing.

03/12

-might bec im missing rihanna for too long, now im starting to listen and

back tracking azelia banks 212,wintour,misscamaderie

03/11

its really a difficult week

-thesis proposal

-fistula surgery

-prt test

03/09

-had a teleconsult and i have to undergo surgery

-i guess i really need a break

i am exhausted

03/04

ive never felt so old

im tired and sleep deprived.

(thesis and one major class, anthro179, planned and unplanned culture

change)

good thing i meet a fuck buddy, 26 year old biggie. in sex, one become

ageless.

03/03

inspired by brenda fajardos vision in art education, to think she was my

teacher in art stud the moment in entered UP diliman.

 

the irony of painkillers and mental health care

one of my attending nurses had a quick chat with me while she's giving me doses of medication through IV. 

i usually do casual talks and sometimes, crack a joke just to deviate from the pain (ironically, pain killers had this burning sensation through your veins) until it subsides.

We are somewhat at the same age and she quips that she have a son who's already a teenager.

"teenager?!"

ding! ding! ding!

flashbacks of memories and scenarios flooded my mind. as much as have so many happy memories i also associate it with teenage angst, vulnerability and depression---even way before the pandemic.

so imagine with all the complex and herculean tasks at school plus all the restrictions during the lock down, how can these present-time teenagers can manage?

once she left, i was pondering if i already have a child how can i make sure they are mentally and psychologicaly  prepared specially during these challenging times?

I guess everyone is not exempted of having bouts of stress and depression. I am just lucky that the sea is my playground 😅, find comfort with my (private and primitive) art 😅, plus i am surrounded with people who have indepth understanding and compassion.  as they say, misery loves company 😅.

read:

Teen depression linked to how the brain process rewards

This article somehow validates this and remember these pillars toward caring for yourself or your loved ones' mental health:

“Be exposed to a good environment, healthy experiences, (and) enrichment.”

02/2021

02/ 24-28

Caramoan Escapade

02/23

can't contain my excitement for caramoan

ever since i've seen the Survivor France, I am always drawn to its beautiful island paradise

02/22

-enjoying the rainy days

re listening to yoko kanno (green bird - black coffee - seatbelts solo)

02/21

-well, my weekends are spent watching Alexander McQueen documentaries and videos

-felt this indescribable heaviness and realized it's Alexander's Death anniversary last 02/11, long live mcQueen.

02/17/21

things that are bothering me:

-enrollment, classes i required are closed.

-Dave, for a long time, i never felt this strong feeling for someone again, its like my feelings for francis monfort when i felt this guys is too good for me. but i like him so much but he doesnt like me that much. then i have these other guys who likes mo so much but i dont care much. ewan hanggang kelan ganito. i miss what i had with julio, it was a mutual intense feeling. when it was pure magical and not forced.

02/16/21

i felt like i spent my long weekend (4 days), sleeping

02/15

i felt im.having a crush with Dave (cardiovasc NP frm pampanga) but he turns out to be a douche because i asked him for a coffee date in trinoma but he said "yoko magpark trinoma hassle dun e"

so end up with josh.bagobantay and we laugh the night away with lasagna and pizza. if only josh have a proper job =(

02/14

i was evaded by so much sadness, im depressed

one of the many reasons is that i was so disappointed with my mother and my brothers as they just cant help themselves even after i sent them capital for a business. and i felt ive been dragged down instead of them lifting me up. im praying to god this will end and have our ultimate breakthrough.

-i have potential dates but i even myself is very much irate and not in the mood for "forced" and "foolish" trend for Valentine's date

-always, the only remedy for depression is self love and self care

02/12

went to blanc gallery and cubao expo with sarah tario, catch up with our Art Educ miseries 😅

02/07

meet chai and mark

did cacao ceremony

02/06

meet russ and we wander around old manila

"we are not lost, we are just wandering"

02/01

-watched Spanish horror film "tesis"

caramoan

 

Caramoan

 

cubao X magic

 

01/2021

 01/30

-binondo with carri

-got scared of her bad trip with mj

01/23

-p session with saeed

one of the best session we had so far

hot ng eksena and he is super hard for me

01/22

-watched series schitt's creek

01/19-21

had a training with onshore, liz joe and jenny, felt global with the new batch of claims specialist

01/18

my long weeekend is spent more on sleeping

fully rested.

01/16-17

went to batangas with my colleagues, my first time to see the beach after a very long time.

casa101

puntafuego

island hopping

01/13

watched how to train your dragon, the movie was beautiful.. it take my breath away and if only me and arturo have watched it i could have marry him.

hay arturooo.. di ka.mawala wala 😅

01/12

finals, requirements, and also have to do last minute demo classes. just great!

had this conversation with a client who validated me that i am not a fighter but a warrior.t

amazing conversation that lasted 30mins

also with mother and daughter who were so happy to be reunited.. saying what should i do with a hefty amount of money but i dont have my mother with me.. it was the sweetest

01/11

3sum with maginhawa guy with his friend, it was intense

01/10

sunday night suppose to have 3sum with a conyo guy but he was too coward. life is too short to spend in paranoia

so end up with only one less paranoid guy, weird cause even having sex he is wearing a mask. but he is everything i like, the built, the armpit and dick.. my type. i asked for his number but he said its corporate, but assured me to see him again sunday. well i will be out of town this coming weekend

seen my crush with the dog again, jake. he just broke up with his gf? well i will give him some space. hopefully we can date as well soon.

01/09

-spent the day with josh frm tarlac, it feels nice to spend afternoon sunset with someone

-also slept with him and woke up with him

-but...

01/08

-dreamt about a cocoon/beehive like library..

masscom. were there

asked nikko if i could get a authograph he got a photo of him and signed it with a brown fox letter over

insanely beautiful peeps are there

primotive kind of lib

k- kurses

01/06

-met josh frm tarlac,

6footer guy

got his number and might spend weekend with him

01/05/2020

-had a busy monday prior so i wanted to relax by watching a film, have wine and a joint, was in a middle of the film and was so stoked when sir basug msged me to handle his class. it was crazy.

-able to handle class and taught them about van gogh. im glad to see them once more and able to provide them powerful msge for the year to come.

01/04/2020

-my trend seems to be meeting new sex mate rather than my favorite fuck buddies.

had this 20 year old 5'11 guy as my finale and he is so damn yummey. bagets to the max and he breeds me. sarap

01/01-03

spent 3 days and 2 nightd at finnex and had p session with markee, my long time crush anf finally tasted him. hes huge and hard all through out, burst twice. weird about him is that he can make fire frm his hands, he can call spirit and even let me speak with my sister charice. im lost for words.

then meet this real estate agent frm valanzuela, he burst 3x.he reminds me of ken as he is also frm aklan. very horny and he made love to me nicely. also had great conversation with him all throughout and even asked me if we become partners.. it might be just a spur of the moment but lets see.

on my 2nd night came this ex freelance model his fuck is intense and no joke he burst 4x. grower and my ass had a wonderful time. its just that i felt im too exhausted and overdose my mind is getting wasted. i can still imagine on the after rush he looks like a demon with super white teeth, since he is moreno and the light source was the mercury light frm the window. it was a crazy staycation i had for new year. and im super contented. so much to compensate the too many restrictions of traveling outside with alot of health protocols

01/01/2021

-had a great night with chai and mark.

-had great food and emotionally charged conversation.. chai is now reaching back to russ.. i am teary eyed with happiness and hopefully they come into complete reconciliation

12/2020

  

12/31

-im used to watch the last sunset of the year some other places, but this year, simply seen it reflected on the leaves of the trees right through my window.
-since i have work, i simply resign with the idea it will be just a quite night. so i set my tools inside my room and maybe welcome new years eve silently. with wine and marijuana. but chai messaged and off i go to her place before the clock struck midnyt

12/30
-went to greenbelt to meet russ
had brunch at simply thai
-in our convo, we able to discuss about treatments and eventually, our diagnosis.
-from milk brother to blood brother
-had my RF therapy and renewed my session for another year
-lack of sleep, but i felt my day didn't slip on me this time

12/29
-we had our team's virtual year end party and and won 600 😅

12/28
-watched paul eggar's the witch.. was so disturbed i have to watch something joyful, and watched breakfast at Tiffany's, audrey Hepburn's portrayal at first i thought so phony but at the end it was completely marvelous.

12/26-27
-was suppose to meet with aris for pnp but he was with someone else
-also seen jake with someone else along university ave
-i felt terribly disappointed and jealous
-i suffered and bore so much pain, until i came across with thich nhat nhan and learn the art of suffering
-also learn mindful ness practice, the four pebbles: flower, mountain, still water, space.
-met ace again and had dinner with him. had great sex for 3x succession with him.
-watched Emmanuel riva back to back: from amour to Hiroshima mon amour
-found out mt selium is actually thriving, saw a new leaf budding. it gave so much happiness and hope.

12/25
-spent xmas eve with family in pasig..  we had our msge for 2020 and had a group hug

12/23
-spent night with ace from KNL, he treat me with strawberry ice cream while watching the lighted jeepney in UP and had dinner across UP church.
just like the first we have a good time in bed, its really more of love making rather than casual sex. we continued watching shutter
-able to make saeed have a taste of his own poison (made him feel what i feel when he turned me down with our supposedly pnp session) it was well crafted that i can sense him fuming. i got it from my father, thats makes me love my father and adore him even more. thanks Pa!
- while taking a shower, i realized i am a self made person and i dont owe anyone an apology or have to even meet their expectations. even to my parents. i made it to university and able to get a job from my own determination.
i really dont give a damn with anything and anyone.

12/22
-this is so weird
i have this sudden impulse to draw or sketch but the whiteness of my sketchpad is strikingly frightful.. i wish i bought a black version or the sepia colored pad, maybe through my experiences, i am beginning to get anxious on starting from scratch.
-sincy my selium, my bedroom companion, is dying, sketched it on its remaining days.

12/21
-watched amour (2012)
-able to personify my anguish for saeed as the year 2020, ever present, ever tempting yet ever frustrating. he is tall yummy and all but cannot deny hes a lousy top.

12/20
-celebrated our youngest sibling, john2x bday
-bonding with mamu, LeAnn and of course the baby, xinxin
-its also a prelude to our xmas together as kuya carlo will be joining his family in Valenzuela. me and papa had this wonderful duet, singing xmas songs.

12/19
this was my saddest moment this year.. i cried walking in the rain

late that evening i supposed to meet saeed for pnp session but he is unresponsive. rather than sulking i went jogging outside and met random fuck at the lagoon, not enough i went to university ave and saw this manly guy. was able to bring him in my room and he happened to be good in love making, he also have ahuge dick. we had wine dinner, watched  unfinished movie shutter and then gave him a back massage. his name is ace from KNL.

12/18/20
-had our last day of class this year for educ 181 and had our mini virtual pre xmas get together.. i can sense a damper kind of energy

-felt depress because my plea to wfh was considered but not approved
-sad and lonely, bulacan guy was both surge of excitement longing and pain at the same time.. hes inconsistent and playing hard to get, so better blocked him as it caused me to be miserable

12/15-17
kept on procrastinating about my thesis proposal
-sent complaint letter to SSB for apprehending me wrongly
-able to get my up diliman id finally

12/14
-suck uro and got fucked by him, i always like him even 10 years ago without his beer belly.
-able to suck 3 cute guys, one of them is a horny curious straight guy.
-solve na ako for 1week na hindi ako nkapagsex.. gosh
-im getting excited for the holidays..
-the scent of morning dew and cold breeze.. i love it..

12/13
12:30am
met the hunk guy while walking his dog, was able to play with his nipples and fucked by him, hes such a hard fucker.
he fucked me by the tombstone near University entrance

4:40am
oh gawd
two hunk men with huge dicks
wasak pwet ko
watched when marnie was here.. the character reminds me of cha ferrer

12/12
watched antonio bandera
in Pain and Glory

12/10
-im throwing away kevin's momento (mento's) and his curse as well. goodbye ex lover 😂

12/09
-accept

12/08
able to finish queens gambit

12/07
exhausted but not totally tired
had rf facial with ms. miles
started working my face with tretinoin
my face is a mess.. still feel conscious insecured with the hunk doctor/derma i hooked up with (sarrosa, capitol hills). he is 40 but his skin is stunningly vibrant.

12/06
went trekking to mt manalmon at mt. algo.. also went caving
felt recharged.

was so stoned, i thought the general is flirting with me as he keeps on striking me with a wicked smile.. went somewhere across the river I thought he would follow but he didnt come. i felt silly.

12/05
i have this feeling i will be married to a black man.

today feels like about losing
i am driven with that anger and jealousy at the same time ( failing qa, no more performance bonus, idea of doc hottie fucking someone else) watching queen's gambit s1 ep5 juiced up those feelings

12/04
-i have to wake myself from having nightmares, and the moster? system issue
so weird

12/01
-final demo done!
yey

a merry little xmas

 

11/2020

 

11/29
finally met gr.2
found out he's a doctor/derma
6footer handsome hunk with 7" dick gahd.. i came twice
🤤

11/28
-visit an ENT to remove a cotton stuck in my ear
-had RF session with ms miles
-had an encounter with a yummy/cutie inside gateway, later i know hes a gaypay, i backed out

11/26
ewan bakit.. pero sobrang kilig ko kay bulacan cutie

11/25
-vel john is no longer replying with my messages. kinda felt sad but i just keep on messaging.
-mey again with bulacan cutie, had great sex at the UP Gym overpass. was suppose to treat at sbux but it was close. he complained about walking too far and he hate to be sweaty. i felt sorry but it just that i dont know how to subside his irritation. i guess he havent haf enough sleep.
-had a chance encounter with a hot jogging guy while walking. we go straight to the lagoon and had steamy sex. he's a hunk, tall and huge dick. i felt wonderfully dizzy after. i felt like a lucky bitch again.

11/24
- had a great sex with bulacan cutie and later with aris uyp (my long time fb)
-finally able to do my demo teaching with Grade 4 in UPIS even in the midst of power interruption and connectivity issues.
-also able to finish my position paper with FA 199
-i never felt so productive and exhausted
-slept deeply and values with 2 VLs

11/23
looked into Arturo's fb page and came across his liked movies, and watched "what happened to Monday"

11/22
met Vel John for the first time, and i never been so genuinely/ecstatically happy for a long long time. was super kilig and we met, had beer along a dark road behind emerald, i really find him gwapo when he removed his mask, i really went crazy kapag mey pa face reveal na and the face behind the mask is super cute. so one time he really wanted to pee so we went to a hidden alley and there after he made his business, i asked if i can have a smack. he said ok. so we had our first kiss went to the sky park talked in ortigas park,

11/21
although this sem was really challenging, first ever virtual class bec of the pandemic, but i greatlt learned a lot frm syncronous to asynchronous classroom management

-cruise in univ ave, almost had an encounter with a sixfooter austin wolfe look alike guy but his cowardness is a huge as his built.

11/20
last work from home moment. after 2 weeks being self quarantined (again)
savouring quick naps in my room with my beddings and the light rain outside my window..
im.loving this very moment.

11/19
-planned session with zaeed was cancelled. i felt im doing all the tasks.. was turned off at him and dropped it as he doesnt exert any effort at all.
-slightly im starting to like jade, affectionately, like a lover.. but it seems what he cares about our encounter is only with the actual c and not the chemistry.
-sighers

11/18
i felt the last 2 decades of my life was dedicated to flirting and sex.. so i guess this time, i would spend less time for both.
-looked at kevin's profile, the one is caused severe heartache and who make sumpa to me i wont be able to find like him who can love me like he did..

he looks shabby dull and as if he losed faith in the world. i hope both of us become happy,  eventually.

11/16
felt recharged with my family.
had a great talk with my father over coffee, me and my mother bond while doing the groceries..
my parents are both interesting 😅

11/15
spent papa's bday with fam at pasig..
john2x and leanne were great cooks.
amazing vodeoke session with k.carlo, markpaul, john2x and with papa, specially with
his rendition of spanish eyes (lss)

11/14
watched the silent brutality of  pamilya ordinaryo

11/12-13
no electricity and used My Emergency Leave.. i have so.much school assignments but i cant do anything since my laptop is dead so i let laziness took over me.

11/11
walk around UP after typhoon Ulysses passed by..
scene filled with debris and fallen trees
im sending my memories in bantayan, where after typhon, the sea reached an expanded low tide, where u can see disoriented fishes and marine organism.

11/10
had my first encounter with Sir Basug's class and the UPIS students.

11/05
it took me more than 8 hours to prepare a 30min pre recorded discussion/teaching.. gosh..

11/04

chose not to do anything on my VL
just slept and watched woman in the dunes

11/01
pnp with waldo
he is an insurance agent who previously work in SG
it was a long weekend and there's a tropical storm
just listened to his story and feel that domesticated feeling of having a lover.

Dolomite Sand at Manila Bay and Mental Health

 

Sources:

1.       Aguilar, K. (2020, September 07). 'White-sand' Manila Bay to benefit Filipinos' mental health – Roque. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1332269/white-sand-manila-bay-to-benefit-filipinos-mental-health-roque

2.       Miguel, M. (2020, November 18). GOVPH. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://denr.gov.ph/index.php/2-uncategorised/853-compendium-of-enr-statistics-2016

3.       Miguel, M. (2020, November 18). GOVPH. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://denr.gov.ph/index.php/2-uncategorised/853-compendium-of-enr-statistics-2016

4.       . Mayol, A. (2020, September 22). Cebu corals destroyed by crushed dolomite. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1338151/cebu-corals-destroyed-by-crushed-dolomite

5.       Terrazola, V. (2020, October 09). DENR to pursue dolomite project in Manila Bay – Cimatu. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://mb.com.ph/2020/10/09/denr-to-pursue-dolomite-project-in-manila-bay-cimatu/

6.       Geducos, A. (2020, September 05). White-sand Manila Bay to help improve Pinoys' mental health amid pandemic - Roque. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://mb.com.ph/2020/09/05/white-sand-manila-bay-to-help-improve-pinoys-mental-health-amid-pandemic-roque/

7.       Calm through nature. Therapy Today. 2020;31(8):16. Accessed November 24, 2020. http://search.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.upd.edu.ph/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=146131070&site=ehost-live

7.1 Allely, S. (2020, June 02). Episode 5 - There's science to this. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://brainonnature.com/2019/09/09/episode-5-theres-science-to-this/

      8. (www.dw.com), D. (2018). Business vs. environment - Philippines' Boracay Island faces closure: DW: 19.03.2018. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://www.dw.com/en/business-vs-environment-philippines-boracay-island-faces-closure/a-43039362

      9. Gamil, J. (2017, June 06). Cimatu urged: Reject Nickelodeon resort in Palawan. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/902900/cimatu-urged-reject-nickelodeon-resort-in-palawan

      10. Gozum, I. (2020, September 16). Where will rest of P389M go? Group calls for transparency in Manila Bay white sand project. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://www.rappler.com/nation/group-renews-call-transparency-manila-bay-white-sand-project

       11. DPWH, Central Office Manila. (2019). Supplemental Bulletin 1. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://www.dpwh.gov.ph/dpwh/sites/default/files/webform/civil_works/bid_bulletin/Supplemental%20Bulletin%201%2019O00061.pdf

      12. Jalea, G. (2020, September 06). Funds for Manila Bay's 'white sand' project could have fed 80,000 hungry families - Robredo. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://www.cnnphilippines.com/news/2020/9/6/Manila-Bay-white-sand-80-000-hungry-families-pandemic.html

       13. Perez-Rubio, B. (2020, September 07). P389-M Manila Bay 'white sand' budget could have been used for distance learning - DepEd. Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2020/09/07/2040676/p389-m-manila-bay-white-sand-budget-could-have-been-used-distance-learning-deped

10/2020

 10/27

had ventosa

10/26
missed sir bams meeting

10/24-25
pnp with jade again for almost 24 hours
it was super hot and i got orgasm while he fucked me (while high)
which never happened to me before
it was the best highest level form of sex so far.

i also love it while it rains (typhoon quinta) we just talked, smoke weed and drink hot chocolate . we had a great time.

it just it makes me worried about his eyes due to extreme blindfold and his bruised veins.. i keep on praying he will be ok and recover fast

10/19
watched viridiana, and realized, i was the character who was self punishingly  principled, isolated and frustrated, thats why i cant forgive saeed, yet.

10/18
-visited russ in his apartment in north syquia
welcomed with puto manga sikwate
-had some joints
-talk with lemuel
-overwhwlemed with the giant crabs
-i was genuinely happy

10/17
moments with chenny in que memorial circle, bought some pots and cant help but adore the plants but still dont want to buy. but might made an exception with the orchids
also had moments with him in my bhaws where we repot some of my plants, went to church and attended a mass since gcq started (its been so long since the last time)
-bbq moments

10/08
i was able to reintouch with my 13 yo me

was struggling with sleep and i felt my life is slipping away so i do an inner journey.
did my usual lighting of leaves, smoke filled my room, then did yoga. the moment i had pressed my reset button the near my ears.. i was my 13yo self, deaf ears under water.
its my transition from my innocense in bantayan to the struggles i wil have in cebu city.

it made sense. 13 is my cross road

redefine happiness

oct 1

completely, and in total surrender,
i have now fully embraced the synchonosity in chaos.

oct 2

my heart still had this warm glow, when i finally accepted and declared to one of my core friends, the sea and the rain as witnesses, that i am the least ambitious but i am the most contented.

jugend

 

new gathering

 

a view of anything and nothing

📷 via watchruss.buzznet.com

With Chai Fonacier

09/2020

 

09/28
im really seloso

i guess i got it from my father
was supposed to meet ice luzon
but it appears he already hooked up with someone
i hated him
to the extend i punched him in the stomach when i passed by him at the University ave

but later that night
we saw each other again and explained that he is with his ka tropa
he made out by the bushes under dim lighted moon
my anger dissipates together with my fulfilled horniness
i really like him

09/19/2020
attend my first webinar
with vina and christine
it was affective
in a way it kind of feels like attending a live actual physical symposium

it feels intimate and interactive compared to any diy video

i also felt empowered since it taught us how to be empowered and self determined.

09/13 til.one week
still hurt and felt broken

09/12/20
was hurt with saeed knowing he have to cancel our session for someone else
blocked him entirely in telegram

visiting russ @ syquia

 

first gathering for a very very looong time

 

with Chai and Mark

CoVid shenanigans 

sailing on: towards becoming an Art Teacher

This picture was taken on a trip few days after my birthday and right before the pandemic.

Looking back, the image tells so much about my current situation, foretelling the events that were about to happen.

I'm seeing myself sailing into the untamable sea, of which there are so many factors that are beyond my control. Sailing through the waters, it might get wavy, turbulent and as uncertain--- depending on the weather.

A mentor once mentioned that rather than being anxious of the things beyond us, focus instead on what we can control: mainly our response and attitude towards a circumstance. One can always perceive several things, if this is an ominous trip or an adventure, well, what I consider it to be is a journey of a lifetime.

This journey could be way beyond me but there's no going back this time. After series of self evaluation and realizations, I finally come into decision to become a teacher, to consider it as a career and not just a job, a calling. 

Getting  through this will definitely send me to a distant shore of potentials and opportunities that i might have missed and later regret if i haven't taken this journey.

As a Student Teacher, my goal is to really experience what is really to be in there, not just seeing the boat, but to be on the boat and learn how to "sail a boat". With the help of a skilled instructor (in this case, our coordinating teacher), who can guide the basics and complexities. Hopefully, as most beginners, I can shove off on my own after ample days of lessons. 

I am bracing myself with all the changes and updates,  specially during this difficult time of pandemic. I am up for the challenge and motivated with the idea that the effective teachers are those who can adapt. 

All these being said, what i'm certain about if we get through this, "together",  achievement is definitely in the palm of our hands.