-still cant over with Cari's crying when his brother in law, whom she have fond memories of and very dear to her, passed away. have to console her in person.
08/30
-im somehow relieved with my depression, was able to 1 month worth of laundry.
-it feels good to feel good again.
08/29
-watched joshlia's i love you hater, but the quote that struck me the most is from sasha (kris Aquino)
"You cannot force someone to love us, but we can only force ourselves to keep on loving—kahit na nagmumukha ka nang tanga. Kahit nasasaktan na tayo."
08/28
-started not to message KF, as i felt im the only one who kepts on msging him. that he is forced to respond on my daily msges. i want to determine if he have the guts to say what he wanna say to me without me initiating a conversation.
- went to starlight, because im tired of watching internet movies at home. also i just wanna hear people singing. or simply i just wanna go out. re meet this guy who knew me. he said we met at F so i later recognized him. we shared table and between drinks, he asked me about my place, i told him it was a mess because im in "a mess". specially my sheets are not washed for almost a month since i want to retain KF's essence on it. he said he find it sentimental.
08/27
-its a weekend but i dont feel any excitement, instead i want to wallow underneath my blanket and pillows, which are not washed since KF was with me. almost a month now.
-another episode of sadness and depression. i felt so lazy and dont want to do anything or be with anyone.
-but i have to walk to eat, have to go to philcoa at the death of the night as there's no more eatery in our area.
-passed by a cutie along univ.ave who reminds me of langga.babe (see ref) and then also meet a hot encounter at jolibee philcoa, gosh that was so intense.
-i got so muddy and dirty, tried checking rapture if its already open and found out a similar place called spectroom along stanford st. i had fun and crazy time as usuall. and seeing people from yesteryears makes it nostalgic. (malate era, cubao era)
08/26
-i got so giyang that i have to contact jade and zaeed. even tried to find new source.
-later i realized it was a broken heart cloaked in drug craving.
-as i associate coping with broken heart with partee n play.
08/24-25
-eat out with claire and yka at yellow cab visayas. fun times
-weekend is approaching so i asked KF what his plans. he told me he will work overtime on Saturday and a gig on a Sunday. as much as i understand and give him the space he needs, i felt sad since it's going 3 weeks we haven't seen eachother.
08/23
-inform russ that bjork will be performing in Japan! and hopefully we can see her live, together.
-was screaming inside and will definitely do whatever it takes to score a ticket. what better way to visit my "ultimate" asian country with my most favorite artist. its like hitting two birds in one stone.
08/21
-monette's mom passed away. went to their place in manda and visit her with baby tyrone and her partner, echo. first time i played card (tong its) for the whole night. it makes me feel like tang wei in an Ang Lee's film. although Tang Wei played mahjong. Mint and I somehow gone through the years passed by and somehow assured her that her mom is in a better place knowing she is now have a lovely family of her own.
08/20
-its rainy Saturday
bed arrest and cant even drink coffee as it should be avoided for atleast 5 days from extraction.
re watched, "Love, Rosie"
and AJ and the queen
-watched local eps of Darna, Music and the beat, broken mariage vow
08/19
-having this bad dream of programming error? which leads me to psychologically and physically crashing. need to reboot myself, i usually press that nodal point between my eargate and temple to achieve dead ears for atleast 60 secs
-KF and I were msging again, he doesn't know i feel shitty all these times. i wish i can flip through the pages of julio and i when we were together, trying to grasp on those days when i was able to make it work. as if a recipe i need to recall. i dont remember how i did it or just meant to happen.
08/18
-totally sad and sort of preparing myself for another major heartbreak from KF since he is not msging back.
-had my tooth extraction and crazy how the dentist ask me if i want to keep extracted tooth so she can clean it. well its been with me for 37 years.. but no, i have to let it go.
-still have duty tonight
-work with a heavy heart and heavy jaw.
-listen to Morissette amon's naririnig mo ba ako on the loop
08/16-17
-try to be optimistic at work even ms. minsy who ive starting to know in my new team just resigned. we had despidida at max. i became an instant decorator and emcee with claire.
-got kilig with tan, my new office mate. ahaha. but hes just too young for me.
08/15
-Daryl msged me again. was surprized it was him. blocked him for the reason that he is a user and can't keep his promises.
08/14
-felt sad about kf not msging me anymore.. im not sure if he is just having fun at the bday party that he attended with his sister or if we are completely over. like he is in the verge of ghosting me
-slept a bit but woke up with the bright full moon at russ' Syquia windows with the view of manila bay
08/13
- was suppose to watch Pamilya Ordinaryo at CCP for cinemalaya tribute for Eduardo Roy Jr kaso its too early and i need quality sleep.
-still heading to manila. will be meeting Russ in Syquia instead
-we prepared mocha with mj leaf as garnish
-had some drinks at rooftop of rue bourbon
08/09-12
-ive havent seen KF for a long time, its running 2 weeks since the last time ive been with him. i am starting to terribly missing him. although we msge once in a while but its totally different when i am with him and talk to him in person
-kept on watching the broken mariage vow. mesmerized with jodi's acting skill, she makes a very hard and heavy character looks easy. the plot and twists cause me to binge watch. there were times i am not able to get enough sleep since i got so hooked.
-totally blessed with my current work, i have so much free time.
08/08
-gosh, felt the genuine love and super good vibes with the latest Bretman rock mtv following season 2 with her sister
the one on therapy also kind of provided me insight.
the finale lingered with so much reverberation and created so much emotion ripples within me
08/06
aling puyo
moment by moment
aki ari
08/05
-went to Cinemalaya opening night
-one of the worst flood ever
-stuck in manila
-no choise but to worked on a cramped bus since its running 3 hours and i need to finish some work items. imagine standing with my laptop while approving death claims? crazy..
08/01-04
*needs revision
-reminiscing my date with KF
im not sure if it turns out to be ok specially we clash in terms of views. and he got turned off with my views as UPian (he is apolitical and his deeply seated christian idealogy)
*he is not pro revenge while me i am so eye for an eye tooth for a tooth person
