-i can feel
that
another leaf,
budding.
07/30
-i promise that i will work hard and be at my optimal version from this day forward. (puasa/prayer)
-went through a day without
a meal. i am amazed how your mind surpass the cravings of the body. and how intentional you've become and your goals, your wishes and your prayers are more fervent.
-was able to attain ketosis , felt light and felt this immense clarity, i guess i have to this often.
07/28-29
-bond with chai. we had our first pee bonding near oblation.
-she wrote a dedication for me and took this photo:
-wallow with the energy left by the hopeful graduates and the wishful parents/family
-capped the night at masukal bistro where we challenged ourselves to open and read an unread old/long forgotten msge.. me from vera's, hers from russ'
-gone through extreme nothingness. even if i could have asked favor from someone,
i went through it as if it's an ordeal sent from above, an opportunity to test my strength.
07/26-27
-feeling low and bored lately and simply just do some motion to create lotion in my body. i guess im still recuperating with all the pnp sessions i had lately. will definitely have myself detoxed and aim for a healthier and blooming self.
-also check my horoscope maybe this is just one of those mercury retrogrades. will simply consider these days as midyear madness and assure myself i will get through this and better days are coming.
-went through a lot of youtubing lately, specially short films.
07/25
-typhoon carina intensify
-nothing to do and still kind of down, used the remaining stash i left. good thing marrt msged me and finally meet him. indeed he is my long time crush. although i already figured out that most of his pics are filtered, he is handsome nonetheless. i just didn't expect that he is more of versa bottom than i expected him to be. but still had a great time specially with his cute companion. well a better way to sober up and simply pass through the typhoon.
-finally accomplished my clearance at duke energy and can't wait for my last pay to be funded in my account. i will use it as my trip money to bantayan island with mom.
-im glad to know my mom is safe in her hometown in samar for their annual fiesta and reunion with her relatives.
07/24
-re read kafka on the shore (both the english and Spanish version) and felt a certain nostalgia on it and find myself on a similar situation.
being jobless for the 2nd time and having no boss feels like a run away. i have dwindling or almost zero funds at all but the experience is so exhilarating. im able to explore and live the moment as much as i want to. at this rate, im loosing around 40k/month of salary---but able to sleep well, connect with interesting people and living the life is something that values more than that.
07/22-23
-its a stormy weather. tropical depression it is. recupperate from my pnp session with prince james. up until now, my body, my heart and soul was in a whack. i guess its because of the heavy feeling of not seeing him again. it feels like a separation from a certain clandestine affair. feels like it didn't just broke my bones but it also broke my heart.
-randomly meet philline at nomu's and we talk our heart out over coffee. still got affected with her, sharing a friend's death via suicide. something might have triggered in me that i want to imply that we have to be strong for the deceased. also went through youtube vids with the rising number of suicide cases both in japan and in South Korea.
finally able to read this comment that goes something like: "since we are experiencing the lowest
of low of our lives when we are in suicidal thoughts, then we should give ourselves atleast 10 years more so we can also able to see ourselves at our highest of high." that comment provided me hope in myself and in humanity.
-also seen chuck, i wish we could bond but i still feel the jitters from chem use last weekend. he definitely understand and remind to take care of myself.
07/20-21
-parteed with prince james. went to his place in sta. rosa laguna. it didn't quite went well. maybe because i was tired with my trip and also he is higher than his usual dose. well, there is no such thing as perfect session. but one thing for sure, he is always be my highlight of my pnp buddy. i think, just like saeed who is already in canada, there will be a point in time when things goes into decline. as to officially end things up. prince james and i known eachother since summer of 2022.
as if a premonition, he mentioned earlier about its not really a good time to push for this session since its about tp be full moon, meaning: it's time to let go. well, i travelled so far from qc to laguna so there's no turning back. plus things that are meant to happen is bound to happen. as we lay down in bed, i told him that i will be moving to spain this September (as he goes to Australia this august) so this might be the last time we will see each other. it was really a bittersweet kind of farewell. i think thats how it is, he feels bad and i felt sad. definitely it was an end of some kind of affair. it's an end of an era.
a letting go.
07/19
-rhoda and i had this weeklñy session once again where we went to the freedom park and see sheeps. it feels great to confide with her my troubles and confess to her that i just lost a job earlier (duke energy, as i intend to keep it until my flight in september) and how beautiful when she simply put it as an answered prayer
an answer that might not appear as what i expect it to be but definitely an answer that works in my favor. so now i have so much time to work on with my papers and have time reconnect with my family and friends before i cannot be with them for a long period of time.
-greys able to accomplish all she is set to do this week for her study leave in Taiwan. this entire week, we were able to
properly catch up and able to hear insights, both ups and downs, of being a UP Cebu faculty. also able to absorb the dynamics of art affairs (on going and upcoming) in cebu. im so thrilled that there will be a UP cebu sattelite school that will be opened in bantayan of which (soon) will coincide my dreams of putting up a hostel/haven for future art residency program. puhon puhon puhon!
-said goodbye to grace but will see her again soon in August.
07/18
-greys and i watched iranian film: "no prio appointment" at the upfi. able to see jon olarte once again
with his gf: breza.
-breza and i had an instant connection and later our gang went to a bistro (near ministop magingawa) where i find myself having a round the table story telling with my new found chicka babies: saltybaby and her bestie)
07/17
-went to mono8 with greys and meet the directress, gwen bautista. also meet jon (jose olarte/ jj.zo) and was mesmerized by his works. he able to let me experience his works on its final remaining days. for that i graced him with a performance art. together with greys, gwen and her assistant, we had a very intimate digress performance art night. we capped the night with beer and popcorn. ending it with my "dead ears" exercise as we reset ourselves.
07/16
-received a letter from Ignacio Rodríguez giving me warmth as my coordinator at my school of assignment in Cancelada: Tomas Hormigo. i felt releived and delighted!
07/15
-grey's arrival from cebu. i will be hosting her for a week.
-attend the MFA thesis defense of Nomar at the CFA new building with greys compuesto, raymund Fernandez, sio montera, chris bajade and our special guest: chai fonacier! also first time to see face to face my bfa thesis advisor, doc D!
-it was a marvelous day of chatting, having coffee and and we capped the night at Sarah's, an ultimate old school kind of night. just marvelous!
07/13-14
-went to pasig to be with my mom. my kuya went staycation with his in laws.
-movie marathon eugene domingo's Becky and badette then the barber's tale.
-also watched nora aunor's bona
-youtube binge watch with mamu on pinoy living in spain. how their grit and determination able to have them survive all odds.
-got loads of pasalubong from jess from her auntie who came from japan.
07/12
-friday feels however my funds are limited. 15th falls on monday, such a damper! simply had my favorite malunggay pan desal as i had my morning walk around our neighborhood and then do simple yoga in sunken garden.
-i hope we will have a wonderful weekend.
***
-di na nagparamdam si rony. which is good since i really don't want him or myself get attached to each other since my remaining time here in QC is dwindling
-later in the evening, i walk along university ave and got mesmerized with the fireflies. they are back
-although im already tired, but i got msge from this tall guy who kinda looks like saheed. so he is my kind of guy so i didn't have any second thoughts of meeting him nearby uptechnohub. i later brought him at the arburetum forest and there! we had a very intense and fiery outdoor fun
damn it was so sexy, him with his white long sleeves, huge cock underneath his jeans. it was as if taken from a movie. i should create a series for my cruising as this journal is not enough for all the lurid details
-his name is john so i named him john.biggie on my phonebook. as we walk and talk going back to technohub, he mentioned about a failed supposed meet up with an arsehole, so im glad we able to do it instead 😁
07/11
-meet this fubu i had before (maginoo cor matino st) during the pandemic where we usually do it inside a parked jeepney. he is still cute snd hot with his handsome dick.. later we had threesome with his buddy. i was the enslaved bottom and really had a wild encounter with them at clixs hotel
-went to the dentist at lantin dental at malingap. the clinic is far better off compared to my usual clinic at sjs dental. their equipment is so modern and had a view of my entire mouth. it is funny when myself, dr lantin and her assistant
saw a pubic hair on my teeth.
i tried to suppress my embarrassment and laughter 😅🫢
-bond with rhoda and we talk while walk along maginhawa
had a great time with her as we did our usual meaningful talks.
-meet rony once again for a cuddle. we reminisce about what we did last weekend (pnp session) and he teased on doing it again. we end up talking inside my room and then later ride on his motorbike to have dinner at momarcs. had a wonderful night with him. we kissed eachother gnyt.
07/09-10
-use my free time to learn my Spanish lessons, swim at University pool across the church. and also maximised my hmo.
07/08
-can't get over with my moment with uro last night and kept on watching our sex video. it is true when it rains, it pours. had so much sex nowadays and i thought i lost it.
-went to office in a good mood. was in a hurry but came in late and only to find out i didn't make it to the next phase. i am jobless once again! hopefully my severance pay is enough to tide me by up until my flight to spain 😅
-gone through dabda and reinforce my confidence about why is this happening FOR me. so i took it lightly and simply send my appreciate to my former process/language trainer whom i learned so much from. definitely (this refresher) i will have it as a "baon" for my future classes
-walked under the rain and laugh about it and consider this tormenting rain as a tremendous sign of blessings!
07/07
-finally able to sleep really good.
-later that night, went walking along maginhawa street when uro msged me and invited me to meet him in our usual rendezvous spot. we did along the street, by the stairs and finally at the rooftop. he is the ultimate baby daddy and he is turned into a hunky bear. with sexy armpits, hairy chest and huge dick. we had sex since 2010 and after more than a decade of fucking, he finally fucked me bareback for the first time. it was a wild fuck as he take video of it. can't help but got orgasm while his huge dick is inside me, fucking me wild. he also came on my face and eventually i consume all his cum. one great sex!
07/06
-a complete reset. damn, when was the last time i had this? just do nothing but sleep and spaced out. let my mind wander on its own.
-now i understand why fasting makes your senses on its optimal level. it makes the first smell or first bite much yummy than ever before.
-watched mimiyu's retrospective video on her visit to their previous rented house in baclaran. it intensefy the idiom "di ka makaka rating sa iyung paroroonan kung di ka tatanaw sa iyong pinanggalingan". she also mentioned about there are really bad times in life. im impressed and learned something from her line of questioning:
"why is this happening FOR me? instead of why is this happening TO me"
it is such a great life lesson that things that are happening not to your favor might have some life lesson that entails.
later i also watched her first trip to Europe. i relate when his supposed trip to japan was cancelled due to unapproved visa. but look at her now? going places in business class. it made me more excited for my upcoming trip to the shenzhen area.
07/05
-meet ron or roy? was about to end my day and ordered a meal when he msged. he is super horny and demanded to meet asap. got to take out my my order. when we have sex and i already reached orgasm
he is still very horny and i could also sensed he is high. so i asked if he brought some so i can be at par with him. luckily he did and it was such an unexpected pnp session. his item is good. not my usual dose but it makes me so horny even if i already got an orgasm. we spent the enire day and night together with marvelous sex and companionship. it was definitely a good session and worth all the cancelled responsibilities that day.
07/03-04
-finally had sex! i can't even remember who was my last. ganun ka lala. he is a half japanese guy. smaller than he appears in his pics, i love his pubes, looks beautiful and sexy. he came inside me. we ciiddle afterwards, a much needed body recharge. im energized and recharged!
-first sale high. i just can't contain myself when i had my first ever closed sale with duke energy. with my CSAT im the first in our team to have thid combo even in the training episode. such joy!
-4th of july chill out / refresher session in the office plus raffle. the entire floor got so pump up. just enjoying the moment.
07/02
-its almost been a year since im learning Spanish and gyess what, i just learned future tense conjunction today at heart! thanks to language transfer's Mihalis!
-operating on a 3 hours of sleep. process my personal loan application in pnb, it's weird how i tried to prepare for it for days (with all the agitation and all) but my submission only takes less than 5 mins, now i could only pray it will be approved in time for my visa application.
07/01
-finally sent my acceptance letter to spain! its been ages since the last time i sent a letter via post! the last time was to my father who once working abroad in UAE (i might still be around 8 or 9 yrs old?!) and im 39! so that was 3 decades ago!
-watched marahuyo project ep 1-2, it feels great to feel the island/sea vibes. reminds me of my pubescent years in bantayan island.
-drenched in the rain! savor the tropical rain as it doesn't rain much in Spain!
-filled with so much joy and gratitude
-still thinking of dash.. replaying the moment he suddenly just mutter somthing about the painting we are looking as it gives him the Erasmus.. i muttered as a response to him about an art work entitled paradise of delights (should have been garden of earthly delights) but both of us were so drunk.. the. fantasizing we look at each other's eyes and could have kissed right there and then.. ugghhhh 😅🤭😍🥰
