letters from the closet

"the choices we have is not wether to be gay or straight.
for the majority of gay people,
we are God who made us to be.

the real choice is between denial and embracing who we are.

the real choice is between living
life in the shadows of walking proudly in the light.

the real choice is between
a slow death and an honest life."

-adam bouvier

miniscule

there's this moment
of sullen darkness
black leaves
against black skies,
black tears from black eyes.
there's this coldness
that seep through me
of dead longing
such of a once lush
withered tree.

and there goes your presence
traveling through a distance
carrying with you
the drops of rain
that drowns my heart.
how could i be in anguished?
how could i be in chain?
how could i be coated with hope
from endless mires?

you step along on a wet pavement.
murky waters splashed by your heavy soles.
have you ever feel me melting?
have you ever feel me dying?
then, the river of yearning
that hopes
that wishes
to intertwine us together
keep flowing,
and never again
be silenced by a hush.

and by that moment
i seep myself unto the ground.
let all that bleeds within me
be absorbed by the harsh land.
it was in that instance,
in that very moment.
when you think of me
as if,
im just a grain of sand.

if you forget me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

-Pablo Neruda

17:45

its been a rainy day.
the campus is filled with students taking refuge under tambayan's shelter.
some were chatting, lots gone into a deep oblivion,
while here i am, pleading to the rain to wash off my deep sadness.

it seems everything turns into fog..
so blurred and so murky.
i sipped a hot choco with russ eating something while chai taking coffee by the steps
i took two brownies in the canteen in a five fingers discount manner
still i hunger for something i can't grasp
i just feel so sad..
and i badly miss nikko.

i saw him earlier..
walking by the alley.
having fast paced step, drench and gone by the corner..
my eyes darting on the same point
i wish i could run myself dry
search for him
and be closer to him..
yet my feet plastered to where i am sitting.
to a place i feel secure yet
to a place of being uncertain..
"what if.." starts to haunts me
and it bleeds me not to see him again that day on..

17:45
dusk is comming
from translucent to opaque tones
everything pass me by..
the colors
the smell
the people
but not the feeling.

minutes gone to hours
we seclude ourselves at e-bay
their coffee sucks compare to bo's
i even sip it without cream and sugar..
completely black
completely dark

and so am i..

powerless

sitting by the balcony..
nibbling my last papaya slice..

i just felt, i got no more power to write..

patzz

patzz!

blood of artistry runs through her veins..
such passion
such love

writer,
web master,
thespian,
visual artist,
immortal..

never underestimate the power of her thinking..

(patzz, rock on!)

made in brazil 

dylanricci 

dylanricci 

dylanricci 

dylanricci 

darth

i got still hangover with the 3rd Episode of Star Wars:
The Revenge of the Sith

josh wald

he once became manchic's face of the week...

www.manchic.blogspot.com

yohji 

Yamamoto

yohji yamamoto

McQueen

www.alexandermcqueen.com

kate moss for Alexander McQueen

crazy bag by john galliano

visual overload

i got a class with PJ aranador at FAME,
he talks and mumbles everything from fashion trends to fashion forecasting..
the difference between art and design and all..
we even watch a flash presentation of the fashion highlights from year 2000 to 2005..
my eyes seems to explode due to visual overload..

my fellow classmates were from different design companies all over Cebu, some of them were the prime designers, apprentice, sample makers and even company owners such as "Genia", "Satria" and the likes..
making me the only "still student" who have no experience in the design matrix..
well, it gives me the feeling of being a sponge---absorbing whatever new lesson to learn.

our one and a half day intensive class end up with a task: to make a concept board.
we have to make a specific silhouette, that totally bask our design products, and be able to portrait a clear theme or atmosphere for product endorsement.
i really find it cool..

we discuss among ourselves our finished concept boards and receive constructive criticism from the panel of designers..

PJ select the best concept boards and im so amazed that im one of his few picks..

well..


=) such luck!
lol!
but really, i guess i have to turn this spark of creativity within me
into flame..

art beyond lust!

got to visit this web page!
<www.dylanricci.com>
wonderfully crafted photography..
for nude portrait and all..
art beyond lust..

"Apart from being oh-so-nice to look at, Dylan's pictures are infused with an emotional intensity, that is real, and pure. The images draw you in tenderly and comfortably and you can stare at them forever. They beautifully articulate the male form without embellishment or distraction. These are the nude pictures you'd hang in your main hall which your granny would approve of, and subsequently drool at.
Dylan was very fun to correspond with and we appreciate his taking his precious time out in answering all our questions at length."

from: < www.queerclick.com>

veruschka

www.veraleigh.blogspot.com

one of my friend..
a true one, i must say..
i find her beyond compare..

dramatist,
dancer in the dark,
poet..

deep
and raging..
always a flowing current..
ecstatic
yet mysterious.

i suppose..

a blabber mouth as she is..
though
her mind speak fast than her tongue,
her pen always kiss the parchment,
and she always wonder..

a hopeless case
yet a dreamer..

crimson light inundated her soul.

..and that keeps her moving

tabok sa dalan

photo courtesy from:
www.veraleigh.blogspot.com

bantawan..
tabok sa dalan..
primero dos..
UP masscom..
cinematography..
filmfest..
hail to the 2nd batch..

a new cobblestone for cebuano ingenuity..

come on!

*we're in our 6th session
(Bright Academy SummerArtWorkshop)

*im still surviving =)

*I choose to LIVE to WORK than otherwise..

*update my blog

star mart express

*proceed to star mart after the head banging in the concert..
*formalities with james' circle of friends..
*celebrate the anniversary of my phone, "AKONI" with a pineapple juice.. hehehe..
the same place where i celebrate the dawn of my 20th birthday
*sleepy headed.. the 5 of us (chai, russ, j, ian and me)
gone separate ways..
*but ian and i check in to city view to spend the rest of the night..

MTv Hits Cebu

MTv Hits Cebu
Such a BLAST!

featured bands:

URBANDUB
KJWAN
SUGARFREE
KITCHIE
PAROKYA
RIVERMAYA

aaaaah!!!! Im overload!!!!
it rocks!


earlier...

*watch the INcredibles @ Vera's place
---i should have watched it in the cinema (even w/o nikko)

*got a great call with JayM.

*meet Ian, the one i met at Jade Court and make him my date for the night

*salo2 at Mc Do (with J, James, Russ, Chai, +Vera, and +Yen)

*saw nikko's look alike, the one i made a poem for..
my ultimate crush.. and he noticed me in the midst of the crowd..
at last!!!

*ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!

could i..

a talk with ms. Xsty (regarding to my portfolio: apprenticeship)

Gone to Ayala, chill off..

I saw an ultimate crush..
the blabbering chubby cutie..

I entered Jollibee for him.. and oblige to order something just to be
near him..
i got a strawberry sundae from it..
he looks really like Nikko..
cute, chubby and all...

but he just make his own way..

seated through a glass wall,
i started to make a poem..

.. and it just like
a blabbering mouth.
talking, speaking to himself
aimlessly.
transfixed with the sight,
i just felt incredibly light..

could i ever talk to you
or just simply say "hi"

uh..uh.. not a slim chance

for you simply passed me by
and slip away from my eye
blabbering..
talking
speaking to yourself..
aimlessly.

rather,
could i just have a long deep sigh?

red pursed lips,
bloomed into a frustrated smile.

this day

• gOT my C.A.
• im totally worn out (from the workshop)
• Mei treat me with a milk chocolate lollipop

drowned

got screaming voices in my head!
just like what chai and russ experienced
and its cracking my head up!
shit!
sleep seems to be impossible!
silly voices,
stupid thoughts..

better grab a pen and jot this craziness into my pad..

those silly thoughts might be drowned by the ink.

chuck! 

VH1 "Save the Music"

Watch it on MTv

featured artists:

Joss Stone
John Legend
Mariah
Rob Thomas
Donna Summers
Alicia Keys
Josh Groban

'twas nice..
it serves it purpose..
then
the closing..

Mariah: I'll be there..

it reminds me of the Bo's Cofi guy..
i wonder..
how is he?