a crime scene

let me explore what’s sitting there at the end of us:

an investigation of these sullen walls
which hangs tentatively
between space and time.
a mere memory that still remain recognizable as it is,
frozen mental pictures stripped to its barest bones,
clings on to the last moments of its previous sentiments
against the overwhelming emptiness of your heart,
these images are far from a barren desert.
utterly, it is this inaudible and unnerving absence of your insensitivity
------the bygone spirit seeped from a vacuous core
---------that blends in a new heightened relevance
to these singing, screaming and chanting
splashed riddled colors of black, layers and layers of tears
that would have previously gone unnoticed.
where have you been to?
what were you searching for?

now, can I turn on the lights and try to look what is left behind?
by many self induced pains written on scraped interiors.
silhouettes of hopes, unfinished ornaments and dangling hymns
turned into ghostly reminders of what it used to be.







x

clear

was it me
was just the idea of it
was it I? in love?
or was in love for the idea of it
on and off, flashing lights
confusing signals, an electric shock
a defibrillator, yes, you said STAND CLEAR!
it was like being dead and alive and dead again
lost souls lost souls hovering on a flatline tone
wading in between
heaven and hell a repetitive motion of cleansing sins
of nonsense penitence of what went wrong or what was meant to be wrong
in a sea of submerged yawning heads, there are two tombstones
one crazy night
when our hands clasped
off, we went to the moon
and I find myself standing there
all alone

for Zoei

was jogging around UP ikot around 3am to drive my inner demons away when I came across with this table in the middle of a road. Like hey? I was thinking this might be another set up for a random event in UPDil or in our case in Cebu we have this “MindWorks”


but my mind is toying another idea, about what it could be like having someone who won’t mind asking me for a dinner date in the middle of the road? I thought it could be really sweet of that person who doesn’t give a damn with the rest of the world just to be with me.


That notion was then faded off the moment I saw two people who happens to be the organizers. They actually set this table up to attract passersby for their upcoming event. (and yes, I must say, it’s quite effective) but at this hour, 3 am I thought I was still dreaming.


Anyway, they inform me that they wanted to invite everyone to a concert for a cause. It is for Zoei, a child who have a heart problem and need an ample amount for an operation. I was quite touched with the story behind this, I was like: here I am, having a heart problem (confession: I’m currently depress) and I’m fine if the end of the world is near but there’s this child who have a real heart problem and she needs help so she could still stay in this world.


It was quite sad "and yet" moving.


I hope this message will get viral and people will flock on the venue as this benefit concert for Zoei happening on the 16th of March, at Area 05 Superclub on Tomas Morato. That is a Friday and ticket will be at Php350 (w/c got a complimentary tequila shot) not bad to your heart as well.


There, hope to see you for Zoei.




X

false awakening

photography: russ ligtas

location: denisa reyes' pad at busay, cebu

x

of searching the end of the rainbow

“I’m getting possessed again, darling” Raya muttered one time between taping, while filming Jaclyn Jose and Coco Martin for his film: Next Attraction. Watching it, also put me on that certain kind of being “possessed”.

Raya Martin’s signature style is totally different and could put you under a spell. In behalf of his most audience (indie film enthusiast or not), there’s this feeling of uneasiness every time you watch his works, but it usually get rewarded starting from the subtle epiphany between the duration of the film then at the end of it when one can or may say: Whoa! That was it? Awesome!

This is my second Raya Martin film after Buenas Noches, España. I think if these kind of experimental films will be presented with the panelists, one would question: what frames (its duration, its visual elements, etc) are enough, what are too much, or what are too less?

I admit, I’m neither a film expert nor a film student, but I’m quite amused how the new breed of cinematographers jump into new techniques and new approaches on presenting their crafts and I must say that Raya Martin is brave enough, for him not to compromise from what is extraordinary.

So I consider myself as a convert---or let say some sort of a huge fan. So I was thrilled Sine Bahaghari showed this film 2 weekends ago. I even wondered if Raya himself was around by then, and confirm it from one of the organizer, Bern, who said he made it there in Chef's Bistro but it was hours after the screening. Unfortunately, at that time, I was already heading to Lights and Space Contemporary for an Art exhibit.



Since Sine Bahaghari advocates for Philippine LGBT related films, another entry for their one month long film showing, was showcased just last night, 19/02/2012. This time it’s from Alvin B. Yapan with his NCCA approved film: Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa.

Was meaning to watch this film back in the Cinemalaya Film Fest last year but i failed due to hectic sched and the tickets are too expensive (compared to Cinema One Originals) and the screening location (which held in CCP) was very faaaarr from my place. Anyway, this film in general, is beautiful. The plot and the script is a fusion of dissected poetry and fermented dance piece. The only thing that I felt not so impressive is the dance movement itself. Maybe because I’m a dancer and choreographer myself, and can really tell if a person can dance or not. Paulo Avelino's performance as Marlon is forgivable he was meant to be a dance student. But the rest are just too stiff or too controlled. But acting wise, most of them are good. This film is also blessed with original soundtracks and talented local music artists. Plus the poetry in Filipino (for a Cebuano like me) was absolutely mesmerizing.

So I want to extend my gratitude to Sine Bahaghari whom most of the organizer are really warm and friendly. Then to Chef’s Bistro with their wonderful place (very suitable for coffee or beer specially either at their al fresco porch or at their veranda upstairs).

For the upcoming screenings of Sine Bahaghari: Cinematic Expressions of the Philippine LGBT Experience, schedule and location you can click THIS

UP Fair 2012

This might sound funny but this 5 day event with various bands and artists is the closest I could get on how to feel like being in Coachella or in Glastonbury. Was an avid fan of rock fest way back in Cebu and so far this could be the biggest gathering I’ve been. Was planning to take a half day leave or to come in late for work to catch my favorite acts such as: Imago, Kitchie Nadal and Moonstar88 but too bad, I just had a memo last night from my boss so I need to “behave” this time. So I just manage to ditched office on my 1 hour break and went to UP sunken garden. And there, I was able to catch Gary V live. And he sang: Minsan Lang Kita Iibigan and Sana Maulit Muli.

Although was expecting some kick ass indie rock music but wasn’t that bad at all. In fact it was awesome to hear Gary V live again, and those two songs are in fact nationally renowned and did pluck some old memories. so I lighted a cig while listening to him sing from afar and puffing with the idea that at least I’ve made it to my first UP Fair experience. I wish I could stay much longer.

But wait, this was just the 2nd leg, I could still catch this Saturday and hopefully would have much much fun. As in, MORE FUN.

Yeah, yeah, here are some of the bands I know that are included on the final leg of UP Fair 2012: Updharma Down, Urban Dub and Parokya

See yah!

an encounter with the garapataman

Before the exhibit, I came across with this article from PDI about “garapataman”
and before this exhibit; We already have this at CubaoX


me and greys at future x cubaoX with "Gara"
Was quite interested how this cuddly looking sketch of a parasite could be paralleled with our country's current over population. Just like how this tick could propagate into thousands, Dexter Fernandez’ artwork was multiplied into a vast and insanely crowded graffiti and was painted over layers of layers of whatever-kind-of-persona-have-you specie of garapata which {evolves into (get involved with each other) another }. Just crazy.

Anyway, here the pics I captured in this event. It wasn’t enough as what I intended to as I’m stuck with my beer and the chaos inside Ronac Art Center


audio visual presentation (such cool graphics and psychedelic punk tracks)


3d gara collectible, artist's collaboration with secret fresh!


attendees' interactive garapata entries


my own version of gara. bleh!


whoa, this band is awesome. it's like getting lost in the wilderness (so the name of the band)
i wanna check out their upcoming gigs


gagagarra gagara pap


photo taken by jun yamamoto of moonkie.com

To Dexter Fernandez’, congrats dude. Salute’

have I been to that place?

I’m staying for more than one and half years now in UP Bliss, which is just few mins away from Diliman area but i found myself dumbfounded when someone asked me: have you tried Chocolate Kiss? Have you been to Rodic's? How about having mang Larry's isaw?

Like, huh? I have no idea.

Aside from UP ikot and the clusters of campuses, I’ve never been “really around” UP Diliman. So I’m half annoyed half curious why the hell am I not able to explore those places in the first place? Maybe because I usually go to UP to jog and eating around is not my priority but not necessarily at the very least of my interests. I usually jog early in the morning or late in the evening so these establishments may not yet open so I failed to check on them. Or let me not deny it. i'm just plain ignorant.

Going back to my kind of UP in Cebu, it would take more or less 5 the size of it to be compared to the area of UP Diliman. So we don’t have the Shopping area and the Bahay ng Alumni etc. I was thinking those famous eateries or diners could be liken to our notable landmarks such as “brown gate” “comeda”.. “shobee”

So pardon me if I need to rest my case to first hand information. As these are not the things that I need to search in a website just to be “knowledgeable”. For me, I’m contented being “familiar” and just surprise me if there’s something more to it.

so last weekend, that surprise hit me like a ten ton truck. Francis brought me to a restaurant in UP Dil but it was already closed, so we went to a place nearby, and it so happen the name of the place is Chocolate Kiss . Although I was kinda awkward and cannot talk to him that day, my mind brought me to a series of realization that gawd, this is the place that had bugged me for all these times! The place is not that grand, it could be any run of the mill diner but what struck me is that they got a grand piano and sort of a fine dining yet laid back ambience. I said in my mind: this is nice.

Had dinner and coffee with him that night. But I’m already certain I will go back there all by myself or with a friend and have coffee while the sun is setting down outside the window. Hopefully the pianist would still be around by then.

gemini

oh, it was such a waste of time
still longing for you to think of me
as what I think of you
thinking, soon, you’ll be mine
quando quando

two sided, two faced
vicious twins, you are
now I rumble
now I fumble
now I tumble
to this confusion on where we heading
a muddy affair
running towards the bushes
a kiss, a cuddle
how soon would it last?
how soon would you change your mind?

a dream, a chance, a possibility,
a cup of coffee, a cloudy day
whirling into the mire



x

how long does it take?

to kick start the National Arts month, went to UP Cine Adarna to watch Limang Libo. Of which i have no inkling what the movie is all about as i just saw it on my timeline, tweeted by @UPFilmInstitute.

there are 4 films that were line up for today, but since I got work at 4:30pm I decided to watch the most convenient for my sched: 2:30, it says on a website. So went there in UP Diliman even though I haven’t took my breakfast or even took a bath as I just woke up. The moment I got there, I was greeted by this girl named Ice who happens to be the director of the film I wanted to watch. Even without a name, I find her cool. So I was about to tell her I’m quite excited for her film but she said they got some technical difficulties and they just setting up the equipment so there will be some delays.

It took me around 4 cigs, 1 fudgee bar and several swigs of iced tea before it all started. It was quite late and I’m sure I’ll be late for work. Surprisingly, most of the entries are short films. I thought I’ve got to watch only 1 film. But I have the option to watch the four of them for a hundred bucks. Awesome.

so I’ve watched the first entry: Hungkag, followed by Limang Libo, then tried to stretch my patience for Tundong Magiliw when I’m really really late at work as my Boss started to ask why am I still not in the office and sadly, I failed to watch Enkwentro (I wish Tundong Magiliw was showed last. I got personal reasons why and it might cause a debate if I blurted it out). Hungkag, in the other hand, put me on a momentary trance for its narrative.

meanwhile, Limang Libo blows me away. The script was so minimal. The scenes were cut precisely, no sec more no sec less. Just what it takes for you to figure it out and find the answer for question why it’s all happening? It axed me with the idea of how the complication of human needs bound us together. Well, no wonder, the film has garnered an award. and how long does it take? 10 mins. Perfect.

so I hurriedly went to work, faced my boss and as of this writing, I haven’t sign a memo yet.

x

Officially,

after several years of breathing and digesting her music, I consider myself a fan. Just got my hands on this original deluxe edition of Biophilia (my fist ever authentic Bjork possession) thanks Julio and to your folks in the states for this.

You just never know how this means to me =)

of watching film festival entries and mainstream

Had this conversation with someone who happened to be a movie buff. He goes to a cinema almost twice a week (dead serious). So there comes to a point when he asked me, what’s the last movie I’ve watched on a big screen. It took me some time before I remembered and answered him that it was Raya Martin’s Buenas Noches España which was shown in UP Cine Adarna. Where there are only 5 audiences including myself. 3 of which walked out in the middle of it as they just can’t figure it out. I survived a David Lynch’s Inland Empire so I think I can withstand whatever experimental movie there is. And much to my company’s surprise, I actually find the film interesting and haunting.

So aside from Buenas Noches, most movies that I watch on a big screen are mostly coming from film festivals (CineEuropa, CinemaOne originals, SpanishFilm Fest, Japanese, Chinese spring film fest and the likes) it might because I can watch most of these “Hollywood” or “mainstream films” in the net (I admit I’m a bad consumer) and I have this notion that I want to invest money or time to something worth watching. And since these movies featured on film festivals have garnered awards and have a nod from the film festival organizers so it’s already an assurance for me that it is good.

But then again, it’s been a while since I’ve watched a good film as these festivals won’t go on a regular basis let alone every week. And I’ve already seen most of my downloaded movies in my laptop. So I decided, just last night, to watch a film that is “mainstream”.

so i landed and got this:







After the film, I can’t help but to tweet about it stating:
Bravo! Watching Sherlock Holmes is such a visual and mental treat!

I watched it in Glorieta 4 instead of Greenbelt 3 (my cinema of preference) and was not disappointed with their THX cinema worth Php200, not bad at all. And never did I get bored or tried to reach for my mobile in between watching the whole thing. So I told him (the movie buff) about it and we’ve decided to see each other after that as he already watched it with his brother. So we talked about the film and how Guy Ritchie and his crew injected modern cinematography into Sherlock Holmes classical plot. Talk and talk and talk about ourselves and we talk about him almost being kidnapped and my hold up experience ages ago and then I found myself shaking his hand for having a good time meeting him finally and saying good night.


I failed to tell him that my first ever pet dog (for seven years) name is Sherlocke.

kampai!

welcoming the new year with millions burnt in the air (taken at ayala triangle via camphone)

(photo courtesy of Society Lounge)

although was away from my family and some of my core friends in Cebu, but had a blast with loved ones who also hold a special place here in my heart. It's my first time to spend my new year's eve here in Manila and it's quite memorable if not the best so far.

gratitude

went to Camp John Hay in Baguio to bring good tidings to the late General Douglas McArthur

season's greetings!

went to Nueva Ecija for the first time to experience pasko sa nayon. Had misa de gallo and nuche buena with Rain Rosales, my bessy Jon Mengua and his family.

i had this shot donning a gift from one of the carolers. as i always sing along with them. she gave this hello kitty x minnie mouse headband as she became my instant friend.

i just love it. thanks!

aorta

when you're smack dab in the middle of it,
you don't have a clue.
you may feel you've been referring to its roots:
entangled,
but have the urge to hold fast,
to appear, closely
to move vertically
never dare to be pulled out
submerged in awareness of existence and confusion
wrapped mystery inside an enigma
The highest emotional state you can feel
as a human being
or at least, a living organism
to be completely intrigued;
lose all your wits and be half crazy
thinking of love and hate as parallels.
frustration and infatuation as parallels.
the core beauty in its force; served as a
delicacy and destruction.
embracing contradiction as noble
falling into a pit
hesitating,
yet anticipating
-the-follow-the-dots puzzle,
where a seemingly random,
accidental spread of points
turns out to have a definite pattern.
psychic bonds
a connection
a sort of mania
stressed in anxiety exerted in emotional conflict
a level of heightened spirituality,
or human understanding
to push it forward
It's painful,
painfully sweet,
ˈsækərɪn
riddled for a collective outlet
a universal Consciousness
sliding into a
single trunk.


x

be my boy

played
on repeat
a mixtape
even when
the sex is taken out of the equation,
there's an audible murmurs of affection
this track has an amazing ability to
guide us through a dreamscape
a series of banalities
obscured in our own words
shared everything
in common with our feminine tendencies.
nurturing and protecting
it is about the intimacy of a lover,
a lover. a boy
who has his mind set on his and his alone.
he understands his body
he understands his needs,
he is not demanding
instead he is giving and wishes to further
worship him,
he is smitten
and taken with him
obviously,
for somehow, he is he
he, as a boy.
in love
with a boy




x

The Dø - Too Insistent (Official Video)

i'm loving this track and the video. love the concept and the imagery.

melancholic yet beautiful


x

glad to see you, Cebu ●‿●

at dolce vita with mango marehs. photo by @dextercastillo =)

i've got to see you
see you
see you in cebu

glad to see you, Cebu



x

mango

mango square, the heart of cebu. it's been a while since the last time i sang & danced with you. make love to me later

sedentary

sedentary leaks, sedentary squeaks
languid and disheveled
what have happened to you my little dear?
What are the things that come up to your head?
poison, broken promises, threesome, hands that smelt of burnt cigarette
pistols, candy wrappers, left over table wine, voltage, an unpaid bill
paper bag, neurons, winged cloud, murmurs, licking bodies, lip gloss
blood stained tub, dancing shemales, antibiotics, and Scottish widows
imaginary phone calls, changing numbers, asking details, age, sex, and location.
a room for two, fresh juice and needles,
eyebugs and bullets.
lackluster eyes,
what are they piercing at?
immobile,
yet you’ve seen yourself passing by
different times and different dimensions.
for you, the world is just a paper cup
raise it and it will be filled.
but how many times will it remain empty?
still waiting and fading away.


x

kill

kill them kill them all before they will kill you the things that you own might end up owning you
kill them smoothly yet swift and sweet not as a self deprivation, but as a form of self preservation
kill them weather it's an object, a person or a place as the moment they own you
there's no more magic there's no more wonder
it's an uphill scherzo of spiral staircase
without definite dead ends

killing them could lead to something new


x

me in highschool and college

ang sekreto sa pangutana

unya,
aduna pa?
aduna ka pay nakit-an sa imong pag laroy laroy
sa kalasangan
diin imong gipakatulog
ang imong mga sekreto?

nahikit-an ba?
kung nahikit-an, nahinumduman pa ba?
o nakit-an kining mga sekreto, pero
sa kalimut?

nawala ang imong kinahanglan
unya kinahanglan nimo ang imong nawala
unsa pa may laing nagpabilin?
ang mga pangutana
kung kanus-a kini ma tubag?
o ang mga tubag, nga kinhanglan pa ug sumpay-sumpay
nga pangutana?

Intawn,
malouy.
Unsa pa may laing nagpabilin
Nga dapat nimo isulti kanako?



x

i've been standing still
across your window
standing still
amongst empty tables
standing
waiting
watching
you from afar
while
you keep on shining
here I am
gathering mist upon my weathered eye
they clump up, build up
into purple clouds


x

passing by the red light district

greys and i planned to watch the Eiga Sai 2011 entry Departures together. we went to Shangrila an hour early to watch the 11:30am schedule only to find out that it's already fully booked and the chance viewers queue is a mile long. good thing there's another schedule but it will be at 9:30pm! so how should we kill the 10 hours in between?

so the mission began. operation kill the boredom.

I introduce greys to bibinkinitan. my favorite stall in Shang where we had a bibinka and kape barako. talk talk talk with our obscure love affairs over smoke. then we went strolling to SM mega mall gallery where we passed by with this art exhibit. i forgot the name of the artist but i can still remember the theme: Red Light District





























the huge scale post modernism paintings and kinky installations sparked our curiousity to come inside. we had a quick chat with the curator and we were supposedly invited for the opening then have some cocktails with the artist but we are running out of time for the Japanese film fest screening.

with some luck and over stretched patience, we were able to get prime seats and watched the award winning Japanese film on the big screen.




photos by Greys Compuesto



x