For Gerald

Dear,

I am glad you finally broke your silence. All these times I was just waiting for you to reach out to me, but it was longer than I expected. Our last messages might be too vague and together with other external factors, we might have misunderstood each other.

It was also hard for me for the past few weeks as I was used to being "us" together, but those times when we were silent was spent on contemplating how I am to you and how you are to me. I am pretty much used to being single and as what I mentioned to you before: I always needed a quality kind of relationship. What we had was a rare encounter and I cherish all these months we were together. Heart warming memories keep on coming back to me every waking hours and I smiled mostly since I really had a great time with you. But in the end, I always feel that there is something missing and I don't find that with you. I don't want to blame anyone but I just thought we are not really compatible. I came into conclusion that we are just in love for the idea of "being in love" but we really don't love each other.

I am quite impressed how you handled yourself in the midst of this and please be aware that your pain also pains me a lot. But remember, moments like this makes you stronger, my purpose for you might not be as a good lover but as a mentor. Stop apologizing as no one here is at fault and no one can be blamed as we did what was best for both parties. I wish things work out just fine between us but i guess we are not really meant for each other or maybe we didn't fight hard enough. We might not able to find the answers for that but I always believe that if we really are meant for each other then our paths should crossed again, eventually, in the future.

The universe will always be kind enough and whatever the future awaits for us, let us be comforted with the idea that is for the better. 

sail on,

the "40 days of letting go" project

I came across this website upon having this heavy heart every time I wake up each day. It says: 40 Days of Letting go. I am only on my day two and must say it brings me back to my elements.

40 Days of Letting go: Day 2

masasa, tingloy island

Next to Bantayan Island, this is a great spot where to drop your anchor and feel at home. I consider this shores as my immediate fix for a beach bum escapade from Manila. I could have given 5 stars if only the local government in this area uses the environmental fee to make sure they have disseminate proper IEC (e.g. information, education and communication) on how to manage waste materials. I am aware that the current mayor, Mayor Alvarez is doing clean up brigade but I suggest to come up with an ordinance that throwing non-biodegradable trash is illegal.

I am very saddened how other tourists don't care about their waste , which ends to the beach and making it the widest trash bin. How barbaric and ignorant these people are who drink and leave their bottles and plastic cups on the shore. I wish on their next visit to a different shore, their drunkin heads got smashed right through the bottles with glass splinters on their face and realize they have thrown these garbage that will eventually get back to them.

I always say it to the locals that  tourism may be a great source of income here but they really need to take care of the island as tourism is a huge factor of the island's impending death.

today, i felt there's a need to put things into new perspective.

after the 5 hour biking from Sta. Fe to Bantayan mini port with Mint, Max and Gerald.

remnant

blurred.mind.

I should have done this writing when I am not under the influence of medications (i just had a tooth extraction, plus I still have residue of the injected anesthesia, the pain reliever and the antibiotics, all pumping in my brain.)

as always, having tooth extraction bring back sad memories.

thus having sad recollections, disambiguation and interconnections. I guess it made me think/rethink my over due stay here in manila should end. It's either going back to Cebu or go further north. I wish I can go further north instead. My plans of staying in Baguio was halted since 2014, and the clock has been ticking away my remaining youth.

I have this Panoramic x-ray for my set of remaining teeth and as you could see, my left lower jaw has this remaining fractures of my broken teeth (as my previous dentist persist of having several fillers instead of the permanent and pushing me to go for root canal for me to pay 40k?) I wish i also have the power to uproot her as well.

My set of teeth is clearly not as good and as bad as my situation right now. I guess I really need to uproot the things need to be removed and not wait until they decay.

finding utopia

waking up in Sta. Fe

onsen spa

at i'm hotel makati

with my maxie bella

at the CCP for the official opening of Eigasai 2017

#Reunited

I hope this could let me understand you well

it's been days
since I am wondering
long enough to sort things out
looking at you as a creature
with the burning sting

you dive into the deep waters
and seek solitude to lick your wounds

a pendelum put into a halt
I'm too cold to wave a distress signal
It seems there comes a time
when I realize you tied yourself on a sinking ship
dowsing for hatred
cannot seem to forgive and forget.

dropping off my anchor
I just wanted to make a connection,

however you've lost yourself
deep deep down at the very dark
squinting for faint pattern
finding constellations
that will clue me in

playing mind games,
wishful thinking, I might win

useless to degrade myself in front of you.
I try not to ascend faster than your bubbles
allowing my body to flush out
exhale dissolved nitrogen
a sure way to test my endurance

you are when you are ready, If not
then i will simply count my blessings

fire can melt them somewhat,
air can alter their shape,
but you are who you are
still fixed and concrete
down on the ocean floor

a "fixed" water sign
like ice: desolate and unkind

after a long and tiring day.

French Film Festival 2017

moon weaver

like a tale of two paramours
one weaves an invisible bond
an ability
to tie up something within
without him-self being present

random posts:
declaration of longingness,
throbbing with hidden meanings.
how could he sense each other's feelings?
sharing the same
suffering and endearment.

what do you have in mind?
a fading image that gets across the state of pain
a never ending soundtrack
a forbidden love: in the darkest ocean
of your social media app

Who is it?
going through their worldly urges
of wanting to “hand [themselves] over”
never clarify if he goes on with his urges
and becomes romantically entangled with him
then confess his sin
only to die later but not before declaring
that he loves him better

two moons in two different worlds
too isolated by just creasing a fold

a great way to start the first day of the last month of the half of the year

early morning walk at bgc

Lea Salonga with the BYU Chamber Orchestra

Now it is clear to me why she was considered as one of the world's finest---having the powerful voice and "perfect pitch".

Way beyond that, what makes her deserve the Tony Awards and what makes the world got captivated is the way she sings, as if she has a very crucial message to tell and one ought to listen to her story.

She wants you to feel the pain, the sorrow and the wonders of how human should live. All of her performances made me hop from one musical/broadway/stage production to another. From Cats, West Side Story, Miss Saigon, Disney OSTs to Les Misérables. It was one of those nights that I can tell to myself: "i am having the BEST night of my life"

Truly, it was a musical treat.

bag of beans, tagaytay

when you feel you were stuck in manila for a long time and wish to ride a random bus to escape from city life and the stench of it, this is one of those places you wanna end up with. above the mountain and having a nice view of the lake, having breakfast here is a gastronomic treat...and when you have this post lunch syndrome and get sleepy, you can just have your eyes wander with the clouds which are just floating so close right above you.

daydreaming at café adriatico

sharing this chocolate decadence with monette, bound to tagaytay in a bit

my katapat

i guess nahanap ko na katapat ko, i never got so drunk in a middle of a day, in the middle of a week..

ang tibay mo Monette!

definitely we had a great time and we had great applauding audience.. lol 😊

times when

u going home and trying to look sober but it feels like brown sugar and peppermint gum mixing up in bitter cup dont yah mess me up bitter cup u heart breaker crumble batter bit a bit of frog pissah u darn croak crooked frog pissah lard large better bin here too long with your lemonade bomb juice sauteed up yup grilled it up yup broiled hiccup that cyanide stirred hiccup is tirr stirrit up yup oh u bitter cup dont yah dare break with my heart?

ok, behave.

ghost in the shell (film adaptation)

still elated frm watching this on the big screen. it gave flesh&blood to the stand alone anime. ScarletteROCKS #IMBA

always live beyond what's being captured.

 

masasa (tingloy) excursion

 

#mellondropsandgumdrops

 

summer nights when u need something more than just a sweet fix.

#brainfreeze

i guess i'm beach ready but i'm too lazy.. 😒

 

let's do the Garapata Garapata galaw movement!

 

if seeing is remembering, then looking at you, is meant to forget.

 

blasted

 

having a blast with the legendary Eagle and scandalous yet beautiful Choc'lit

definitely a great weekend with the new found trops!

Mayuko Kamio - Tchaikovsky Competition

 

i am smitten with her even way back she won the Gold Medal in the 13th International Tchaikovsky Competition in Moscow 10 years ago, until now i wont get tired listening to these series of violin concertos as she put a whole new level of mastery and the way she put meaning to Tchaikovsky's emotional masterpieces is no doubt: extra ordinary.

the pain, the struggle, the joy then the eargasmic feeling of reaching a certain climax, it's simply ecstatic!

if the the whole cast of "Lala land" brought me to re appreciate jazz and broadway musicals , Mayuko Kamio single handedly paved way for me to see, clearly, the beauty of classical music.

Bravo!

#fridayflyday

 

kabilin bilinan ng lolah,

wag uminom ng serbiza!