09/2024

 09/30

-had my first cita for a house viewing in cancelada.

-first time to take the bus/commute via Avanza

-met this woman, named maria. knowing that i am a newbie, she help me how to commute and even chat. she told me stories about her family and even her ancestors. wonderful lady. very warm and beautiful inside out. took pictures of us together.

we parted and bade her my first good riddance in spanish: "un placer hablar y viajar contigo. es una adventura marivilossa" 

-finally meet the guy in calle lima pero no suerte. he is very unsure about me taking my offer. back to zero.

-was super super stressed so im praying for a good f***. my prayers were answered with *melacomes pls see reference. darn he is too good to be true but he is real and he's already waiting for me outside my hostel. we did it in one of those hidden patio at the old town of Estepona. just one or 2 blocks away from verenara hostel maybe i can take a picture of it during day time. since it is very remarkable for me. he is my first Spanish d*** mi Buena mano!

gracias!

09/29

-been travelling backwards, arrived 1am from MLA, then depart 4am in SG and then heading to Istanbul at -5. first time i haven't seen the dawn coming. instead it keeps on going dark, then getting towards back to the past internal light. i felt myself re-calibrating. 

-my body clock is already messed up, no need to adjust and suffer more with jet lag. changed my internal clock to CET time in mid air.

-btw, the food in turkish airline is sooooo good. i am now a huge fan of turkish delights (not the candy but the way they cook their food specially the waffles and desserts!).

09/28

-the day that I've been long waiting for has arrived. this time i felt all my tears had run dry. i suppose not to have my fam go with me at the airport cause i might cry but they insist. i felt a heavy dull pang on my heart after i hugged them tight, then seeing my kuya, avy and specially my mama leaving me at the airport.. trying to keep her image as it fades with the crowd.

-made it beyond our local immigration after series of questions! the rest must be easy. 

but wait! in SG i drop by in T2 instead of T1 by mistake. had a little panick attack as i might not able to make it to Turkish airlines. well good thing there was still one last shuttle before they call it a night (it was the last few minutes before airport closes past midnight). this flight is really for me!!!

09/26-27

-visited chai dau, my grand finale. i guess all "not good byes, but see yah" with my chosen few should linger with her. i had my treasured paintings (one from denisa reyes, the naranja. and then the francis bacon esque james neish painting from russ. as i have different set of gifts for her. murakami's the killing commendatore and then a surprise gift, , as both of us will see it for the first time. 

she showed me her "wine" the italin _____ maschiatte? the one by don lucio. 

and she told me her story of her trip to Italy as she drank not just the wine, but the flavour of the place itself. as for me, when i have the chance to do it, then i must reinkindle myself with my recollection of sumire's experience when she travelled with Miu

-when the clock hits midnight, we dance with the rain drum.. the same ritual we kinda had in olango when we were there with bambi and russ as we celebrate our own magical moments.

09/25

-visited jazel Kristin and have my snake plant for 5 years (since i got in, in Diliman) adopted by her. told her the story that the mother plant had witnessed my hot encounter at the lagoon while trampling her(mother plant), as a redemption, i got one leaf and have it planted into a baby snake plant. now it was with me in my kwarto for 5 years and saw all the men i've been with. so i passed it to her to also witness her own intimate rendezvous. we dubbed the plant as: Saksi

09/24

-impacking is one of the hardest thing to do. i decided not to check in any bagages since i have very limited time to transfer from one airport to another. i have three terminals to go through, , naia, tianggi  then istanbul intl airport  before i land in costa del sol in malaga. so imagine, im trying to put 20 years of my life  in QC in a baggage which has to weighe only 7kg.. it's insane and overwhelming. the mari condo inside me wales in tears everytime to i have to say goodbye to a piece of clothing/memorabilia that really put a lot of sparks of joy in my heart.

-went to my usual go to carenderia in area 2 and sent my pre loved clothings to their staffs, booth as a parting gift and early xmas presents

-had my usual me time (of which ive never done for  a very long time). started with my derma, ms jonay and we had our usual chickas and dramas. she was updated with my journey so she wish me luck and cheered me to really go for my dreams.  i hugged her goodbye. 

-then had an hour and half body massage, the one who handled me is  neither irene nor joanne. they are handling other clients but atleast i have that ultimate tapak tapak as ending. 

-then had my haircut with senior stylist mark. 

-i am thinking i might not able to do this self pampering often in spain as it will cost a fortune. . so better to have them while i could have them all in less than 1000php.

 

09/23

-everyday, i wake up with a sort of heaviness on my chest. maybe because, i wasn't able to go to my hometown in cebu before im leaving for spain. (don't have enough time, stormy weather, and the fares are way too expensive) so my mom and i decided not to  push for cebu this year. 

went through my old pics and see those moments i spent there last year with family. how i wish i could make "tuslob" one more time in those crysrtal waters or even  wade through  the visayan seas via a motor boat . sigh..

or maybe its meant for me not to see it for some time in that way i will think of my hometown even more and it will love it more when i get back. specially my way of retiring is to have a hostel, a garden resort, an oasis by the beach. 

09/22

-cried my heart out. this time it is purely because of pain and upcoming loneliness. it really pains my heart that in just a matter of few days i will be miles and miles away from my homeland. 

also a release of all the anxiety that i had been through as i finally had my visa and my flight ticket.

it is totally clear that i will out of the country very soon.

-went to shaw to get my 1year worth of meds and had a last long look of the place as i will never know when i will be coming back.

-had my usual shilloh's cassava cake at shangrila and coffeee, as who knows when will be the next time i'll be able to taste my favorite dessert.

-saw a cute guy at the mrt who kinda looks like noel. i will miss riding edsa mrt for sure.

-had a quick stop at mrt quezon centris, saw the smoking area/balcony where i usually make tambay when i came here in manila to work during 2010.. walk around centris and  reminisce my first few years as corporate, as a yuppy.. smiled  with the idea that finally this time, i can now live a life as cuerpo real

-worked on inner happiness

09/20-21

-spent time with my fam in pasig.  we were suppose to have dinner outside as a way to celebrate for my visa approval.  howevere its really a stormy weekend. so we simply had some take out and dine in the comfort of our mini dining area, aleast we able to eat together. 

-kuya and i later watch a netflix movie, bad boys 5.  i love how will smith's sidekick got this will power the moment he survived from heart attack and was reminded to simply fight and live life without fear...

oh will smith's "half mexican" son here is super hot. 

i dunno whats is his real name. 

-hug and had a kiss  from mamu. hugged my pamangkin avvy and sincerely thank my kuya for all the help he gave. 

09/19

-commemorate russ through smell. lighted his incense gift and have his usual aroma waft through my room.

-my mom was right, she advised to just simply relax.. as my nerves get into me again, my visa will arrive later today and the 100k pesos questions will be finally answered. 100k worth of giving up my corporate job, taking a loan from my kuya, going through the requirements and paperworks. this is the moment to find out if all those undertakings is meant for me to take it to another level or it is not for me to take at all. thus, come what may..

-finally able to receive my VISA, and it is APPROVED! gosh such a relief!

-went to POEA to process my OEC only to find out that i am exempted since what I have is a student visa directly from the spanish education ministry.. i am glad that  the FB group for the auxiliar de conversacion de  filipinas is very supportive and informative.

-i think im just getting too hard on  my self so just have one small wins at a time.. and just simply savour this victory so i join the gang at Syquia at shogo's

-we had good food and great sake! also tried jazel kristin's milk liquor from mongolia

-the entire workshop fellows from the "move-meant"workshop was there except lem. so i decided to have a post workshop activity and performance. we had geric and bea joining us with Liz (anthropologist from england) and Arbol, architect (from japan)

-it was a wild and awesome night as Geric the el bimbo man dj'ed and spinned us with his retro music.

-received a group hug from the gang as i made my exit and realized its a way of making despida for me. felt very touched and special.

09/18

-full moon. although it was a cloudy and stormy night, but there was a quick intance when the full moon graces herself, as if leaving a remarkable assurance, don't worry im just here. simply marvel its splendor and let my anxieties swallowed by its brightness

-finally finished the anthology: kinds of kindness. it is totally epic. all three shorts definitely got hold of me. a momentary distraction yet a lasting comfort that life and people do fucked up.

09/16-17

-back to reality. have to be in qc for my visa delivery. the releasing seems to take forever. was expecting it within 10 working days. but it's already way more than that since i had it submitted last aug28. delayed processing means delayed purchasing of plane tickets, means more expensive rate. duh, whatever, as long as it is approved then money shouldn't be an issue. 

-still meandering and even reliving about our baguio trip. i guess one way to linger with the experience is to bring something with you from that trip, some in/tangible things that i brought with me are: the lavender citronella insect repellent scent that sticks to my sweater, some yogi and sleepy time teas, and 

a couple of drip coffees. savor them one moment at a time and it brings me back where i have been.

09/15

-gave lala and jazel some morning bed massage as we revel our time last night. it's also my way to relive my ideal morning with family to snuggle in bed.

-we had pressed coffee from the airbnb pantry and some pastries geric brought from great taste.

-later we joined mona and kawayan's pack  at the upper grounds/slopes (as our airbnb is literally on a slope of a mountain). their coffee is really good. way better than rebel's. i declared it was even more "rebelios". we were greeted by numerous lucky dogs and the de guia's  mascot: hakaw. the now 6 year old boar pet pig. 

-we greeted lissa happy bday and saw amihan for the first time (i read about her from lissa's memoirs) as she fed some leftover kunchintas to hakaw

-we later went inside kawayan's studio and then mona's. really wonderful to be inside baguio's  power couple and see their prolific work amidst the sea of tubes of oil paints, brushes, canvasses, books and references. one thing that stuck in my mind is their picture together when they were still a young couple.

-we end our visit with trampoline and make pagpag with our long jumps! we walk ourselves out from the de guia's lane woobly and sweaty.

-went ahead from the pack and got to be back to manila to face my realities, again.

09/14

-always wake up ahead of the pack and simply enjoy my window view. in my room way back in UPDil Campus, my window view are Santol, kaimito and Mango trees, while here in Baguio, its all pine trees. as usuall i totally get up when the sun finally caress my face as if kissing me to say, you have a wonderful day ahead.

-tried mocha and pan au de chocolat at rebel, well my diy mocha with nanay guilang's tablea is way way heavenly than theirs. but it's ok, im on top of the clouds, in baguio city, literally.

-went inside ililikha, and i it wasn't as magical as i imagined it to be (as what i saw from the movies) although one of the highlight is i was able to eat a guava that falls underneath its rabbit hole of a place. maybe it will grow in me in time.

-had some smoke from geric's stash and it gave us some weird trip. but we  were able to laugh it all out specially with jazel kristin's joke

-eat our hearts out at great taste

-then the party we've been looking forward to: vinyl night at canto's

turntable really have that certain charm. its very organic and lingering. i had goosebumps when kabu de guia had his opening track from the pinoy classic jazz collection: bahay kubo

we dance the night away as we make salubong lissa's birthday. and when jazel and i say dancing, we meant pure crazy energy full blast dancing. it was totally fun. the place is packed with baguio's artists. we have mona, kawayan, padmi, axxe, abi from the probe team, and the likes. well my eyes are only fixed with this tall bi spectacled bear across me. i was super enthralled as we there's a lot of intances that we locked our eyes together, however later, i found out, at it appears, or as it seems, he already have a bf. his partner is on the other side of the hall and saw him giving him a kiss. 

ok, im done.

sophie's voice (2brokegurls) rang on my head, don't stop until you had enough. well, i had enough.

jazel, lala, geric and bea still went to bcs, while me and coach lem call it a night and we head back to our airbnb. i guess we are the ultimate diwatitaz. sleeping before 12midnight.

 

09/13

part 1

-woke up past midnight. had a weird feeling that im inside a coffin while im on my bunk. i was able to sleep again  around 2am

-meet jazel kristin inside missionary or rather station hill (i dunno why i kept on calling it missionary) its classic charm no longer entranced me. least with their over priced breqakfast. it has lost it, sadly, even with the firefly lightings, it is lackluster.

-my only consolacion with the place is the view outside, the wind and the rushing of the pine needles. 

-finally able to meet the whole diwatitas gang. lovely to see jazel kristin, still beaming with her mongolia show. lala monserat with her upcoming maria osaka.. talked about my spain visa related stress and  found solace as i had bouts of anxiety-driven health issues, same with the de jesus-cruz power couple: geric and bea as they talk about geric's discomforts of which im praying its just a minor gastral issue. lemuel arrived late so we have no time catching up with him.

part 2

-arrived in our air bnb for 3D2N stay: two trees.

-it is a total mountain escapade. it's like a posh cabin up in the north.

it was owned and manage by lissa de guia, who also lives upstairs,  a former ms saigon cast, the widow of the late kidlat de guia and a mother of two. her book, "the people i have been",  (a collection of memoirs) inside the cabin bring so much comfort and coziness, much cozier than my assigned bed. her writings about stilllness, her languishing  inside  the  same spot where we are in, provided me a sort of behind the scenes undertakings and characterization of the place, the very same place that totally engulfs me.

***

-went to padmi's bookshop at mt. cloud

-had sandwhich at the cafe nearby where there is this super cute barrista

-walk until we reached session road

-had dinner at vocas

-see mona's nape portraits

-oracle reading, my fave is lala's the conversation between the head (anxiety) and the heart (kindness)

09/12

-paralysis analysis release

-went up to Baguio  on my own, ahead  from the rest of the diwatitas gang, just want to make sure i  have enough rest before i join the pack, or atleast i have more than 3 days up in the mountains, or else its just plain pain in the ass.

-walked down the memory  lane, remember the places i went through last 2 years ago. stayed on the same hostel at 3bu and was amazed with the price increase.. well, they also have some major revamp with the place and their plants are more lovely and lively.. saw the stock room and remembered what we did with that igorot cutie who is huge and endowed..  also the countless rendezvous and warm dates , specially with this graduating accountant whom i love to get warmth from his armpits while walking around burnham park.   

that moment when i have decided i will move up there. but that course changed when my application in spain was accepted.  

-savor the misty air, it might take some time before i can go up there again.

09/10-11

-still overwhelmed with last weekend, i keep on crying

-comfort myself with some episodes from the 2 broke girls. S2 ep10-13, can't help myself lol

-getting anxious again, this time with tinge of frustration as my VISA is still processing and its taking more days  than i expect it to be (its been more than 10 days, although it clearly says it is min of 10 working days, i just felt restless). i felt im too hard on myself as i constantly feel the piling anxiety creeping and crippling me up

-watched andrey tarkovsky's mirror and simply got lost in a dreamlike trance. its visual narratives, style and core message, reminds me to keep a child like wonder, not to take life seriously as life itself usually doesn't make sense.

09/07-09

-im not sure if i can write this appropriately

the feeling was still raw to me

-meeting p,james is always a constant risk. i have no phone and no way to communicate with him but deep in my heart i will surely meet him.

a trip from qc to laguna takes more or less 3 hours. i always consider it as an out of town trip. a way to simply forget my day to day life in QC.

tha's why the moment i see him inside his place can't help my heart to feel aglow. of course, i don't want him to see it on my face. mudako nya iyang atay. so we started our usual session. the pmax i took take effect very well and had a wonderful hard on with him while he fucks me went prettty well. its been purely bliss, again and again.. hour after hours. of course, in due course, we got tired and there are lots of time when my legs can't take it anymore. but we are still both horny. sessions with him is like a rollercoaster. i always have it in my mind that  there is no such thing as a perfect session. but with him, it was one of the best. i mean, i had saeed and jade in the past but my experience with p.james surpassed them all. with him, it wasn't just wild fun, but its also a domesticated pleasure. his care language is when he usually prepare something for me in the kitchen. well, it's not something grand (it's just some de lata and noodles) but they are still something i greatly appreciate. 

maybe that's the reason why i keep up with his erratic mood, OCD, bossy personality and sometimes, his annoying nature.

when i had pnp session, i always make sure that i won't regret it. since 1, its expensive, 2 its taking its toll on my body and 3, it makes me dysfunctional for the next couple of days. it's a total shut down. a restart.

i clearly remember, when i was already asleep when he wakes me up by kissing me torridly. a kiss that i want him to feel how i feel. that he is not just an ultimate pnp partner, but he could also be a partner in life.. we kissed as if we are long lost lovers.. and he came on me. a total explosion. 

my feelings towards p.james intensifies as days goes by, but i guess that's all there is to it.

that's why the moment we part ways, i cannot help but want to sniff his armpits for the last time and kiss him. he will always be my ultimate crush. he gave me two limited   60th anniversary edition rebiscos as a pabaon and with a broken heart, i nibble on the cracker on my ride home. the sweetness of the filling intertwined with the saltiness of my tears.

09/06

-felt lost 

it's been a while since i posted a music video on my blogspot. well, this one is my latest favourite. right after i watched the film: "i lost my body"

watched lost my body

stuck  inside nomu

was searching for a film to watch

since im in a crowded place

i only have an animated film to watch

and finally able to find something that i can really watch til the end

and im so struck with this film

a different kind of anime mesmerizing other than my  usual japanese go to list (hayao miyazaki or makuto shinkai)

it's one of those films you feel that it's griping you by the hand or by the neck and just simply have to watch it 'til the end. every minute details is totally compelling and the  smorgasbord of  snippets from the story board explosively spins, like when a group of balls hit by the cue ball but still have to fall  accordingly in the billiard pool.

09/04

-from tropical storm to monsoon rains.. its been 3 days since we are having this gloomy kind of weather

-went to pasig to spend time with family and watched pinoy movies with them (rewatched 4 sisters and a wedding)

-received another email from Ignacio with the  attached beginners guide pack, my school coordinator in Estepona. I am so glad he is very attentive and hands on with my upcoming appointment in their school.

09/03

-reread my "Septembers" from the previous years.. from 2018 up until  to 2022 (link: https://hotmug.blogspot.com/2022/09/092022-draft.html)

what chai had said was true, im living my life thrice, first  i experienced it, then write about it, then reread and reminisce about it.

09/02

-woke up in a middle of a storm (tropical storm enteng) had a lengthy chat with pjames. he told me it was a good move that i didn't visit him last night as i might have got stranded, well, i told him he might wan't to keep me for good and for forever. nice to start a gloomy day with that early morning kilig

09/01

-woke up still drunk and had a not so bad kind of hangover. and was surprised my body is isn't that sore from my dancing last night. i really had a great time both at spectrum and rapture. i thought i lost my capacity to do bar raving. but there i was drinking, dancing and flirting my night away. it was totally fun.

-chai is in UP Dil so we have to make up with the 2 sundays we've missed. so we started with our usual catch up, random rumination and realisations over coffee and walking..

insert image: chai09012024.1-.2

-i'm about to give in to pjames invite to visit him in laguna at 6pm, i asked only for a sober fun, but he want something else and he is quite undecisive ug walay claro. so decided to call it off and spend time more with chai.

-rewatched russ' the crying water babies again, this time share it with chai. i did shed some tears of fears as i might experience that kind of alienation once i set my foot in spain.

-do some pagpag and went to dagohoy for a beer at our usual waiting shed tambayan. then proceed to masukal bistro where we had our mini/phone videoke (dream a little dream of me)

and poetry readings (aorta, "kamapai?", alang kanimo.)

 

-met bong and his other psychic circles for a card reading session. gifted chai with her readings and chai, in return gifted me with  my much awaited (although im kind of fearful) reading, from Bong.. 

I never felt this way for a long time, the bistro's music together with the chatters subsided. i was wrapped, inside a capsule, of divinity, it was as if my first reading, with bambi in olango (https://hotmug.blogspot.com/2007/12/unwrap.html) 

my phone is busted so i wasn't able to take pictures of my card, but i guess it's better that way, as not to lose their integrity. was able to take note some of them--- though after the session, as not to forget them. but Bong's reading was so clear and so straightforward. i would still be able to remember them no matter what, and here are the key readings:

*Spain, a migration - a right decision

 it will be riddled with anxieties but leave it be

 everything will be fine

*Health, take good cafe of the upper body, lungs,   

 heart to the head (mind)

*Finances - might take up until the mid year of next          year for me to get hold of it.

*Lovelife - with Prince James, it's not going to lasts, 

 he (or me) wont be up for LDR

 another person will come into my life

 there will be a language barrier, but i will be able   to overcome it.

-shed some tears as if to wash away my anxiety for this major trip/decision, and also as if to bade farewell to pjames, as this might "that's all there is to it" between us.

-ended the night with wild and crazy talk with dex fernandez and his friend while the bar alchemist spoiled us with his new and upcoming alcoholic apothecaries. really had a wonderful time. cheers to the 1st day of BER months to come..

creative vomits

 GAHUM

“If you are careful,' Garp wrote, 'if you use good ingredients, and you don't take any shortcuts, then you can usually cook something very good. Sometimes it is the only worthwhile product you can salvage from a day; what you make to eat. With writing, I find, you can have all the right ingredients, give plenty of time and care, and still get nothing. Also true of love. Cooking, therefore, can keep a person who tries hard sane.”

― John Irving, The World According to Garp

my dearest, Jill.

may the hours

the tides of time,

set your spirit

and your heart free

into..

the sublime.

happy bday

warmth,

liyo

the growth of estepona

-70% large canvass.with its pale/stale undertones

-30% unfinished sketchings of houses/chiringuitos spotted in pure lines and minimal.colors

along the shores

*****

page 521 killing commendatore inspired spanish shores painting series:

painting of black and white shores with either yellow or red sun...against a visible grid of classic visual perception guidelines ( e.g. fobanaci series

or the rule of thirds)

subject: costa del sol

research: classical visual perception guides.. architectral etc

color scheme: minimalist

inspiration: arturo luz

***

time, space and probability

still di pa rin ako maka move on na maiiwan ako sa ere pag lapag ko don sa spain puhon.. akala ko pa naman ikaw yung una kong kabayan na masisilayan don.. hehe

but definitely

im happy wherever u are happy langgeng.. but who knows mag Europe ka ulit diba? hehehe so hoping to bump with u around and will always honor u as my catalyst for my migration..

well, planning to get a residence visa or dual citizenship in Spain (palarin at sana kayanin).. so i might not able to go home sa Philippines for 3-5 years..

already resigned from work so im now in full force with ny requirements.. 😅 btw mey questions ako:

1. for the angelus medical, yun ba yung sa makati? pwede ba don walk in? DOH accredited na yun noh tapos

how much yung service fee?

2. for the translation, pwede ako humingi ng recommendation para don nalang din ako mag pa translate and hm? kenahanglan na gyud ni nako ma accomplished ASAP.. so best of luck!

ohhh perfecto!

i'm glad ur settled in.. i hope everything goes fine with mine as well..

yes please, if u know someone who is in need of a male housemate around Cancelada or nearby, would you be kind to connect me with 'em?

my school of assignment is IES in Tomas Hormigo and my target arrival in Spain will be around mid September.

love and warmth,

Hola!

I am assigned in Cancelada, Málaga.

And would love the idea of having a housemate while we can do sweet nothings before or after classes. I am thrilled that my school of assignment is just 20-30mins walk from the beach.

I am from the Philippines with an art major. I simply love walking, do yoga, reading a murakami, having coffee or swimming by the beach. I am quite an introvert kind of person but can be extrovert when the ideal time strikes me! 😅

definitely im a person whom you can be a good companion in terms of arts, culture and spiritual journey.

pewee roldan

point of inquiries

prose vs poetry -heidegger

expertise vs literacy

modality of space

sense of nostalgia

theories

and pragmatism

should be hand in hand with new experience

reference purgatory

seeing is also using

paradoxical / environment

creative decision

artist serendra bgc

satur july 20

6pm

****

breaking free

gate crash - unriddled with the cost of space, cost of logistics

perform spontaneously within a performance - a performance art of its own

a rebellion within rebels

a protestive mindset

clash!

***

XO performance art

stage designer

good shepherd training and spirituality center - annual presentation - little prince

with recommendation from raymund Fernandez

viva excon performance

St Benilde collaborative performance with Russ Ligtad and 2013

Invocative performance for project Maria maria by Lala Monserrat, Jazel Kristin, geric cruz

Guest performance in anakbanwa artists residence under the project of Toff Valencia

Art Seminar and Art Criticism by Patrick Flores

Group exhibit under visual art class of Yazmin Lantz

participant

collage art and movement (contact improvisation) by Jazel Kristin and Shogo Kubota

***

Art is restoration: the idea is to repair the damages that are inflicted in life, to make something that is fragmented – which is what fear and anxiety do to a person – into something whole.”

Louise Bourgeois

the birth of a cuckoo"

scene one: fetus

2

egg

jumping egglike, chickling, pushing the other eggs/people aside

3

trying to fly, pledging

4

but turns out to be a monster

vomiting the its innards until it

5

dies

***

mummified pose

torret syndrome

casa de Norte

..surface teaching

inner teaching

the lessons u failed to teach are sometimes can be learned somewhere.. and its still a a

part of that teaching

.one with the breath, one with the movement, one on one with beauty, one on one with

pain.

Sol's kitchen

what are ur current obsessions

what is your favorite church song?

for workshop

one of the wonders of sleeping by the beach is like u get rubbed with the sands abd cradles by the waves. in time, all those piercing edges will smoothen, all those roughness will smoothen like sparkling pebbles .

Inner power

Reflection

Lotus the story of purification

Thailand or india

08/2024

08/31

-now that i've done all my paper works, i never felt so bored in my life! like im suuuper bored. to the extend im now dolling myself up to go to cubao to rave this midnight of which it's been a long time since i already stop myself getting myself into. drinking and dancing in the bar. aside from im already passed my prime to be there but it's also money consuming. 

hmm but still, super bored andf i have nothing else to do. fancied to meet pjames earlier however he is super hectic with exec dinner and his folks are visiting. 

so now, where am i going? i rather have sex than drinking. i could have gone to the bath house for good slamming but it's already too late and i tried to save my liver from any intoxication or puffed face. i dunno. im just getting cranky and boring. might as well go for a walk and lets see where my feet brings me.

08/30

-watched insideout2 as recommended by my niece, chloe.. im so touched she brought that up as it reminds me of my angst ridden puberty days and the biggest lesson it brought me is: to bring JOY back to your life. called her after i watched the movie and its such a coincidence that she is now 13, same age with Riley. i am also glad we reconnect and she is now becoming herself.  well, she's always my first ever favourite pamangkin

-finally finished reading murakami's killing commendatore. finally after i got it since 2018, FINALLY.. AFTER 6 YEARS!!! i know it took me so long.. as the novel only crystallised its significance on me now. it definitely wakes something inside me, a long since asleep cherry pit in me of which must set off to the ground, germinate and grow as a wonderful  tree in the coming of days/months/years. now, i can say, i can feel the word hiatus in my blogger profile should come to an end! ojala!

08/29

-i guess hell month was over, already able to accomplish all the visa requirements and appeared to the spanish embassy to submit them. gosh i never felt that extreme tense in my life. 

-upon knowing it's no longer in my hands, i feel that certain cloak of darkness lifted. watched my all time bedtime yoga by breath and flow and able to sleep well, never had this for weeks. 

-today, i visualised myself, clearly, metaphysically coated in that angst ridden cloak and now able to get through it. as if getting out of heavy, black mucous membrane from an eternal dark pit.

-i felt free 

08/28

-already past midnight, still awake.

updating my journal to makes sense out of it

-jazel, lala and russ were on group call, simply drop by and let them know how i am and why i am not in  my usual elements recently. they cheered for me for later. 

-it's really raining hard, monsoon season is at its peak.

-really wasn't able to sleep. put my clock  off even before it alarms. went to the embassy with coffee and good intentions.

-strolled along ayala triangle to kill time, visualising arturo in his former SGD accountants' office.

-today indeed is the culmination of the entire leg work, spiking anxieties, financial woes and the determination if this destiny is really for me or not. submitted all my docs (almost had a hiccup with my passport's personal page as i drew on it, was super bored while waiting my flight one time, i said) and leave it all to chance.

-im done, im dying to sleep!

08/27

-ughhhh my phone screen is totally dead, its been dead for months but i kept on daginot on it. finally have my mini journal via sticky notes on my laptop since i cannot use colornote via desktop. (insert image of last journal via colornote)

-suppose to be asleep early, since my visa appointment is so early in the morning tomorrow at 9am and in ayala. it's raining, so conducive to sleep but i just cannot sleep until i'm able to drown these thoughts into words. i have to catch up all the things went by since 08/24. so here, writing. weird, i dunno what voice i use. i have notice i have several writing voice when i simply have to jot the the things transpired via phone with my limited screen area (since almost 30% of my phone screen is busted) so now i have this pleasure of writing specially i have the keyboard, huge screen. iluvit. but this is too lengthy to read.

will get use to this and will definitely crop my wordings. so now im still up, having insomnia but duh, will do a red eye appearance tomorrow and then probably sleep the entire day after submission. the wonders of no work no responsibility bummer.

-how long has it been?

gosh its been three months since i had my last shift? (was it july 05 when i knew i didn't make it to prod? after the 4th of july company event?) and it was even just a training, not work per se. 

-filled out my visa form with the bjork orkestral, my way of getting my dream sorcerer get into my nerves and let it be part of the ongoing wonders

08/26

-p.james sent me this selfie at the sydney opera house. he is so cute. i wanna marry him!

-"tried to leave it to the expert " i kept saying to myself

however i lost my patience with the technician who is trying to bribe me with the laptop and computer that i tried to fix with them. i snapped and sadly even my family and friends got affected with my mood swings. got a terrible phone call with my mom, escalating the issue on how my brother could have 

helped me about it. then suppose to see chai and spend more time with jazel and lanis. 

-say sorry to all of them as i don't want them to see me easily got disappointed. it 

could 

-nmnow my phone's screen  is totally

busted i cannot write thius properly. if i only have the extra money to buy a new lne o wamnnmna throw thuis phone away and smash it to pieces patience patience patience 

-i felt everything is crumbluing i just wanna cry 

-feeling all these jitters

maybe this how it is, nearing my deadlines anmd trying to kjeep. my chin up in the water as russ says.

-good thing all the PCs areol now although it's few thousand bucks difference but o always think of it as a blessings.. give blessings the more u bless the more u get blessed.

 -watched kung FU panda 4 and it kinda mellow my nerves down. .got massagek kknkkdkkkkkkkkkk i think mmy phone is dying---no

it's dead

08/25

-spent the afternoon with. jazel Kristin and we talk about her exhibit in Mongolia. how i love how she documents her journey filled with minutal intentions. she showed me around her room with her several altars where she got the stuff she brought from Mongolia. who gave it to her  and how it means to her. she is indeed in the verrge of her ongoing kalaedoscopic world of: "Move Meant"

-then later we talk about the matters of our hearts. so i told her that i felt the love bug lately and i feel it with prince.james (see reference) and i confessed to her that it's one of the reasons whats weighing me down, specially that p.james and i have this budding relationship. to think we've known eachother for more than 2 years, but i guess we've known eachother for the wrong reasons but anythiing can start from something right?

it's weird as i ponder on this now, it could even be much better than what i had with Noel.

Jazel listened to me as i listened to her stories too, her version of lovebug.

08/24

-spent quality time with fam. watched the green mile

. gosh, tom hanks is hot... oh wait, he looks like p.j.  even with tom hanks i can see p.james. why am i so obsessed about him?

-i felt real time low, msge russ about it. that uneasy feeling of standing in between two opposing raging waves. when the river banks open into the sea. clashing of two waters. standing, i can feel these waters swirl into my feet, the sands gurgling and melting everywhere, it makes me feel unstable, dizzy, vomiting. there so much things happening before me. my life of the past being swallowed by the things that are coming from the future. it's all crumbling down, unto one incoherrent mass***

-the effect of meds

-the vision of tsunami eating the entire city

08/20-23

-can't get over with pr.james

been thinking of him since we we had our 2 day session. felt attached to him. i believe it could be chemlove. i never felt this way since zaeed. but this is even more since p.james able to come inside me twice and he can hold his erection more than zaeed. and our love making is more intense. our conversation is much better ñ. he even cooks for me. i felt 

smitten.

-felt broken hearted and depressed as well. maybe due to dopamine crash. binge watch 2 broke girls and BA (bon appetite) cooking series.

-watched this monk talk the difference between attachment and love. and i guess this is more of attachment rather than love.. but my heart still says it is love.. it could have been love, if fate has been kind to us, or will be kind to us. then we could have been lovers..  i dunno. felt at a loss. super loss.

08/18-20

-took the bus ride to laguna just to be with pr.james.

-one of the best pnp session with him. he came on me twice. he also gave me the golden showers. i wish i can write it in details but my memory is much clearer than my writings. i kept it on playing 

on my mind. again and again. like a favorite porn. he is huge thick and hard. he got deep and tight into me. penetrated me endlessly and can't help but moan like hell. my face contorted in the dark. my eyes rolled in pain and in pleasure. that was definitely the best even though i haven't come while he's fucking me but what pleases him pleases me. his pleasure is mine as well.

08/16-17

-meet jill at cubao expo

-seen spark camp 2's universe and allan. 

-talk over draft beers about oscar (her Spanish hubby) and me my Laguna guys.. p.james and theo.

-went to rapture 

-really had fun even its just the two of us.

08/15

-just watched the final episode of spark s2. felt wonderful for this batch and i felt represented. i felt im a bit/mixture of seichi kyle and allan. also love the story of the mutual sparks: Martin and Z

-felt super kilig with this transcript guy from OUR who is so gwapo. this is my 2nd time to see him (1st time on 08/05) and just can't get enough of him. finally had my CAVed ready for pickup and i felt a tinge of sadness as this might be the last time i'll see him..

-also able to pick up my DOH certified medical certificate/clearance. gosh, this was the hardest of all, specially with Dra. Echavez? trying to find a way to ask for another certification or requirements even if i already provide everything that prove my

medical compliance (as i tske good care of myself 

and i love myself, doc)

. good thing she felt that i'm not a rich kid. and i'm taking advantage of the care of my hub. she let me go with her feeling defeated as she wasn't able to milk some extra fee from me.

08/14

-felt my metabolism is heightened, i kept on eating.

-got back to my daily dose of Spanish lessons and even watching Andalucia 101tv (like a local news channel) to know the current events also to get familiar with their heavy accent.

08/13

-reunite with Lanis and we had beautiful bonding over squidballs and lumpia taugi at and had picnic at the sunken garden. finally told her that i want her to be the architect for my dream beach hostel in sta fe Bantayan in the future.. puhon ugma damlag.. 🙏

-meet crypto guy once again and gosh his dick is so hard and long, my ass got swell due to long fuck. i felt as if im flagellated with his cock. imagine if foreplay is the 1st chapter, 2nd chapter is me riding his cock and me reaching an orgasm, he still have 3rd chapter for a different position, 4th for another position and 5th is when he finally reached his climax. and every chapter usually last around 10-15mins.. he reminded me of our love making with Noel. although with Noel i can feel the love. with crypto guy is more of just simply carnal deed/sex.

08/12

-angelus clinic is totally a pain in the ass. literally. specially with their flow if you declared something. its such a comfort when i have Russ to tell my story/experience. now i can relate what he went through when he also had his visa requirements for NY. i remember the hassles he went through when we videocall from syquia while me in the shores of Bantayan island.

but im glad i got cleared earlier and now waiting for my DOH attestation and Spanish translation for my medcert 

-i also feel loved by my hub. the staff and the doctor who created my medcert and med abstract was so supportive snd even wished me the best of luck. salamat

08/11

-meet crypto, guy from Leyte. but he lives somewhere nearby CHED. hot body, long dick.  i came while he fucked me

one indicator that i love what he's doing. he came twice on m reminds me of arturo. i also love his chest and his sexy armpits (i also love the smell of it). he is so hot and my type.

-me time. derma, haircut and massage

-meet rhoda and her family at the JW hall. 

08/10

-needed break i felt exhausted and i also miss my bed. just slept whole night and day long. felt rejuvenated

08/09

-hot encounter with a baby boy in parkway Manhattan t1

huge and uncut. i wish i can s

still see him, again.

08/08

-jill's bday party at seltsam rooftop bar. wild and ecstatic. 

before that me and juzwa talked at the Legazpi active park. where i saw Guillermo (IC crush) once again.

-got so drunk and bond with the gang. then meet this guy 

from praise condominium-bojo

see reference 

he is so cute and adorable.

08/07

-went to angelus at gil puyat for my medical

-went so much specially with my declaration, russ and i talked about it and now i can relate on what he've been through with our status

-glad i was able to finish just in time for me to attend cinemalaya's restoration premiere of marilou diaz abaya's rizal.

-just on time to catch ricky lee and cesar montano's podium speach before the main film

08/03-06

-not in the mood to write.

-felt the stubborness of the Leo Season. super agrevating and super nakaka asar.

-able to continue reading Murakami's killing commendatore and i find myself at the few remaining chapters. it appears to be the marriage of all of his works as if this would be his final masterpiece before he retire 

i was proven wrong that there is no magic in his works (i was about to put this novel down the moment the little commendatore appears from the pit. im glad i was patient enough and good old mirakmi truly never let his hard core fans down

-just simply chat with greys whole day and also found myself in the midst of processing my visa application. so much leg work.

i felt productive as ive accomplished alot but felt super exhausted. went through my bank cert, nbi translation n, medical, CAVed, and also booked my appointment for appostil and visa.

-oh! i should also need to mention how cute this guy from the transcript section. i felt so distracted by him to the extent i cannot focus on his instructions on how to request CAVed from the crs-esque portal. he is like matinee idol. angelique/cherubin greek gof face with a height and a body 

that can pin you on the wall as he screw u from behind. gosh my fantasies!

-took heed from greys as she had her MA Taiwan student Visa approved. celebrate at gubat resto

08/02

-moments with rhoda. passed through the sunflower gardens and adore the newly renovated admin stadium..where we saw toym's latest art installation the sunflower parol made out of banka petals.. just wonderful in a bright clear sunny day.

-we also had some sharing pf our 5 years in manulife, bible sharing and for the first time, she lead a prayer. i felt this serene peaceful and comforting moment. and she mentioned it was a spiritual paradise. it was one of those amazing spiritual journey i've gone through.. just to balance my dealings with tarot cards, horroscope, budhist meditation ñ, might as well pack myself with the workings pf the ancient prophets. just like what dr. suzuki had mentioned.

-i love how we discussed about sufferings (how i kinda rest my case with my tormenting palestine bombings in my head) and 

the video of the teacher dealing with a rebellious student. it was definitely a cleansing and wisdom filling day.

08/01

-greys arrival in manila

anthology of dreams: 2024

 08/08

-dreamt about russ.. even if i woke up and slept again.
twice!
two movements (2 in a row kind of dream)

1 part
-russ' family is celebrating his settlement in NY...and at the same time russ visited Philippines (balikbayan) and saw Madame Elvira (russ' mom) to be very busy and brought alot of lutong bahay. like loads of them all by herself. 3 putahe which can feed a barangay. madame is in her usal perky talkative self and when russ tried to help, the first putahe spilled over: sizzling hot lechon kawali still on its cooking state in a boiling oils. russ seems not to care even if some fell into the soil, he just pick them up and pit it back to the pan/serving platter even if his fingers were soaked on burning oils

part 2
out of nowhere russ have these special shells like 7 or 8 of them and they are so special he have to keep them alive. but since these are not oridinary 2 balve round bulky shell (like hairy dark brown globes) we got ms. manguera  (our design teacher in UP cebu) who act us marine biologist mentir and at the same time our immediate friend colleague, she set up a biosphere ecosystem by the shore and put "litob" alongside the weird alien like shells as they need some other shells to guide them live on earth.

then when we tried to rest for the day, we sat by the beach park and ms. manguera talk about our health and so i declare about my status (it coincide with my medical clearance at angelus medical)
then when its russ' turn, he whimper like a child and he do this moro kind of reflect that all of the sudden he lied on his back and cry out loud.

****

07/08
-a floating sky garden with autumn patches, view of an ocean across with surfers waiting for big waves. one big wave reflects a huge whale shark underneath
-saw my pamangkins or students so big na.. packaged for balikbayan boxes filled with goodies
. got to open
****

06/26

-flirting with this guy but when it turned sour so i escaped and went to a place  but i have to pass by manulife event so im seeing previous employees. i tried to camouflage as im wearing the white polo long sleeves. and then when i reach the buiding i forced myself to get into a downward mono escalator  that go straing to 711 cashier as i order a hotdog bun. and later we became friends of the friendly fun cashier since they are friend of russ and lead me to an apartment on top of the same building. it is as if a forgotten unit so the owner of the place manage get it for free and he said not to tell it to anyone. through the yellowed floor to ceiling windows you can see an old town. but inside it is well furnished. like dolphin hotel but A grade with aircon and opening dome with stairs to the sky. the refrigerator is futuristic, they have this metal braces that emits freon and its simply become a cool ice shelves so the food displayed like books on shelves and the excess cold become refreshing when i get near. the motif is white frostings like and old house frosted in icings. of a white cake. old meets new kind of thing. it is marvelous and then my new found female friends become fond of me they want to show me pictures of russ and bambi.. and all of a sudden it rained outside and people are come in and on eof those is the guy im flirting from the start but flirting withy (Richard) my new officemate
he is looking at me while he let his fingers sucked by richard.
****

06/19
-saw these moroccan looking children wading through the sunny winter snow with their A-line floating polyester bubble coat. one glimpse at me, he is around
9 years old, moreno and Mediterranean.

as i follow them i came across a valley of floating crytaline rain drops, it shines with the early morning sunshine.. as it float mid air and then the rain drops went back to the sky

when i get to my place, my place looks totally empty, barren as if i just moved there, no furniture no appliences, then i saw jazel Kristin. sitting on a makeshift table and chair. she said she he have a good looking gay cousin who is also independent like her and he have ways to buy furniture anything he likes.

while jazel is talking, i saw a little girl came inside as the place appears to be open and might have  become a play ground for them all these times.
and as i i tried to confront her that this place is now occupied, i noticed the floor is is not even tiled, just raw cement fit for a pigpen. she run towards to unkown gate so i wasnt able to catch her and i woke up

***
06/01
-performed with pintakasi and maria maria at the likes of CCP.
but it has some political undertone movement.. so once in a while, there is a messenger who always come in to announce that there is a up coming raid by daying: "bag ting tinga"

04/28
-had this weird dream of being featured in kmjs kind of tv program for my dancing skiñls. my family got so excited that even it was already too late in the night they have to be keep awake. my mother even keep on screaming to our neighbors to watch it with us. but the ment it started, it is less about me and its more of the others around me. it was created by the masscom peeps in upcebu so they have more stories about chai fonacier. my parents parents still waited even my eldest brother who usually don't watch local shows. as if the joke was not over, they even interviewed neil ilagan about me even if we are not that really close. then then the moment they have to show the reenactment portion, it was was already way too far fetched when they showe as a weird younger version of me playing with something that looks like a chocolate ice cream or shit being rolled by the tongue (like a hoop rolling race) with another playmate. i reached for the remote to turn it off and i woke up.

03/05
-its been a while since i kept on romantic dreaming. i dreamt about gab (IC classmate)  once again. we went to japan and we went for an intimate film showing. intimate in a sense the audience is limited and it os going to be in an exclusive temple. but for some weird reason i went outside or i let him get inside first since i have to take care of a lot of things. i even tried to bring an egg  sandwhich with spam.. eggstop kind of thing. for us. i felt kilig and excited but i dropped my bag and messed up with the sandwhich. i tried to fix it and feeling agitated as im getting late for the film. them i wake up

(start of 2024)

02/20
from all dried up landscape
to
rain.
all flowers
vivid wonderful colors..
then i was brought to this rehearsal room.

i was mocking with the work
process as i really dont care anymore but sudenly there's this tension with ms divine (in contrast, she is anti corporate she is cool in real life but she looks sordid this time)
with work (pip) in parallel with graded performance piano
until its our turn, side by side with bradely
she was tense to able to get the proper notes and im also feel the tension as im with her (by batch, by twos)
and with all seriousness anf lightness as the keyboards are made out of fresh cut banana from its stalks, the tip need to be cut every now and then with a gillete blade by this quality checker woman and she turned to me and clean my eyes.. as if cleaning any muta and then i see her eyes, deep, soulfoul, no eyeballs but
deep carved.. hollow yet not fearfull but gentle and as compassionate as a sister.. she looks like ate Christine (russ' sister) and my tension filled heart burst into relief up until i wake up. i can literally feel my heart open its valves from a very long time of pressure.
a release..

07/2024

07/31

-i can feel

that

another leaf, 

budding.

07/30

-i promise that i will work hard and be at my optimal version from this day forward. (puasa/prayer) 

-went through a day without 

a meal. i am amazed how your mind surpass the cravings of the body. and how intentional you've become and your goals, your wishes and your prayers are more fervent.

-was able to attain ketosis , felt light and felt this immense clarity, i guess i have to this often.

07/28-29

-bond with chai. we had our first pee bonding near oblation. 

-she wrote a dedication for me and took this photo:

-wallow with the energy left by the hopeful graduates and the wishful parents/family

-capped the night at masukal bistro where we challenged ourselves to open and read an unread old/long forgotten msge.. me from vera's, hers from russ' 

-gone through extreme nothingness. even if i could have asked favor from someone, 

i went through it as if it's an ordeal sent from above, an opportunity to test my strength.

07/26-27

-feeling low and bored lately and simply just do some motion to create lotion in my body. i guess im still recuperating with all the pnp sessions i had lately. will definitely have myself detoxed and aim for a healthier and blooming self.

-also check my horoscope maybe this is just one of those mercury retrogrades. will simply consider these days as midyear madness and assure myself i will get through this and better days are coming.

-went through a lot of youtubing lately, specially short films.

07/25

-typhoon carina intensify

-nothing to do and still kind of down, used the remaining stash i left. good thing marrt msged me and finally meet him. indeed he is my long time crush. although i already figured out that most of his pics are filtered, he is handsome nonetheless. i just didn't expect that he is more of versa bottom than i expected him to be. but still had a great time specially with his cute companion. well a better way to sober up and simply pass through the typhoon.

-finally accomplished my clearance at duke energy and can't wait for my last pay to be funded in my account. i will use it as my trip money to bantayan island with mom.

-im glad to know my mom is safe in her hometown in samar for their annual fiesta and reunion with her relatives.

07/24

-re read kafka on the shore (both the english and Spanish version) and felt a certain nostalgia on it and find myself on a similar situation. 

being jobless for the 2nd time and having no boss feels like a run away. i have dwindling or almost zero funds at all but the experience is so exhilarating. im able to explore and live the moment as much as i want to. at this rate, im loosing around 40k/month of salary---but able to sleep well, connect with interesting people and living the life is something that values more than that.

07/22-23

-its a stormy weather. tropical depression it is. recupperate from my pnp session with prince james. up until now, my body, my heart and soul was in a whack. i guess its because of the heavy feeling of not seeing him again. it feels like a separation from a certain clandestine affair. feels like it didn't just broke my bones but it also broke my heart.

-randomly meet philline at nomu's and we talk our heart out over coffee. still got affected with her, sharing a friend's death via suicide. something might have triggered in me that i want to imply that we have to be strong for the deceased. also went through youtube vids with the rising number of suicide cases both in japan and in South Korea. 

finally able to read this comment that goes something like: "since we are experiencing the lowest

of low of our lives when we are in suicidal thoughts, then we should give ourselves atleast 10 years more so we can also able to see ourselves at our highest of high." that comment provided me hope in myself and in humanity.

-also seen chuck, i wish we could bond but i still feel the jitters from chem use last weekend. he definitely understand and remind to take care of myself.

07/20-21

-parteed with prince james. went to his place in sta. rosa laguna. it didn't quite went well. maybe because i was tired with my trip and also he is higher than his usual dose. well, there is no such thing as perfect session. but one thing for sure, he is always be my highlight of my pnp buddy. i think, just like saeed who is already in canada, there will be a point in time when things goes into decline. as to officially end things up. prince james and i known eachother since summer of 2022. 

as if a premonition, he mentioned earlier about its not really a good time to push for this session since its about tp be full moon, meaning: it's time to let go. well, i travelled so far from qc to laguna so there's no turning back. plus things that are meant to happen is bound to happen. as we lay down in bed, i told him that i will be moving to spain this September (as he goes to Australia this august) so this might be the last time we will see each other. it was really a bittersweet kind of farewell. i think thats how it is, he feels bad and i felt sad. definitely it was an end of some kind of affair. it's an end of an era.

a letting go.

07/19

-rhoda and i had this weeklñy session once again where we went to the freedom park and see sheeps. it feels great to confide with her my troubles and confess to her that i just lost a job earlier (duke energy, as i intend to keep it until my flight in september) and how beautiful when she simply put it as an answered prayer

 an answer that might not appear as what i expect it to be but definitely an answer that works in my favor. so now i have so much time to work on with my papers and have time reconnect with my family and friends before i cannot be with them for a long period of time.

-greys able to accomplish all she is set to do this week for her study leave in Taiwan. this entire week, we were able to 

properly catch up and able to hear insights, both ups and downs, of being a UP Cebu faculty. also able to absorb the dynamics of art affairs (on going and upcoming) in cebu. im so thrilled that there will be a UP cebu sattelite school that will be opened in bantayan of which (soon) will coincide my dreams of putting up a hostel/haven for future art residency program. puhon puhon puhon!

-said goodbye to grace but will see her again soon in August.

07/18

-greys and i watched iranian film: "no prio appointment" at the upfi. able to see jon olarte once again

with his gf: breza. 

-breza and i had an instant connection and later our gang went to a bistro (near ministop magingawa) where i find myself having a round the table story telling with my new found chicka babies: saltybaby and her bestie)

07/17

-went to mono8 with greys and meet the directress, gwen bautista. also meet jon (jose olarte/ jj.zo) and was mesmerized by his works. he able to let me experience his works on its final remaining days. for that i graced him with a performance art. together with greys, gwen and her assistant, we had a very intimate digress performance art night. we capped the night with beer and popcorn. ending it with my "dead ears" exercise as we reset ourselves.

07/16

-received a letter from Ignacio Rodríguez giving me warmth as my coordinator at my school of assignment in Cancelada: Tomas Hormigo. i felt releived and delighted!

07/15

-grey's arrival from cebu. i will be hosting her for a week.

-attend the MFA thesis defense of Nomar at the CFA new building with greys compuesto, raymund Fernandez, sio montera, chris bajade and our special guest: chai fonacier! also first time to see face to face my bfa thesis advisor, doc D!

-it was a marvelous day of chatting, having coffee and and we capped the night at Sarah's, an ultimate old school kind of night. just marvelous!

07/13-14

-went to pasig to be with my mom. my kuya went staycation with his in laws.

-movie marathon eugene domingo's Becky and badette then the barber's tale.

-also watched nora aunor's bona

-youtube binge watch with mamu on pinoy living in spain. how their grit and determination able to have them survive all odds.

-got loads of pasalubong from jess from her auntie who came from japan.

07/12

-friday feels however my funds are limited. 15th falls on monday, such a damper! simply had my favorite malunggay pan desal as i had my morning walk around our neighborhood and then do simple yoga in sunken garden. 

-i hope we will have a wonderful weekend.

***

-di na nagparamdam si rony. which is good since i really don't want him or myself get attached to each other since my remaining time here in QC is dwindling

-later in the evening, i walk along university ave and got mesmerized with the fireflies. they are back 

-although im already tired, but i got msge from this tall guy who kinda looks like saheed. so he is my kind of guy so i didn't have any second thoughts of meeting him nearby uptechnohub. i later brought him at the arburetum forest and there! we had a very intense and fiery outdoor fun

damn it was so sexy, him with his white long sleeves, huge cock underneath his jeans. it was as if taken from a movie. i should create a series for my cruising as this journal is not enough for all the lurid details 

-his name is john so i named him john.biggie on my phonebook. as we walk and talk going back to technohub, he mentioned about a failed supposed meet up with an arsehole, so im glad we able to do it instead 😁

07/11

-meet this fubu i had before (maginoo cor matino st) during the pandemic where we usually do it inside a parked jeepney. he is still cute snd hot with his handsome dick.. later we had threesome with his buddy. i was the enslaved bottom and really had a wild encounter with them at clixs hotel 

-went to the dentist at lantin dental at malingap. the clinic is far better off compared to my usual clinic at sjs dental. their equipment is so modern and had a view of my entire mouth. it is funny when myself, dr lantin and her assistant 

saw a pubic hair on my teeth. 

i tried to suppress my embarrassment and laughter 😅🫢

-bond with rhoda and we talk while walk along maginhawa

had a great time with her as we did our usual meaningful talks.

-meet rony once again for a cuddle. we reminisce about what we did last weekend (pnp session) and he teased on doing it again. we end up talking inside my room and then later ride on his motorbike to have dinner at momarcs. had a wonderful night with him. we kissed eachother gnyt.

07/09-10

-use my free time to learn my Spanish lessons, swim at University pool across the church. and also maximised my hmo. 

07/08

-can't get over with my moment with uro last night and kept on watching our sex video. it is true when it rains, it pours. had so much sex nowadays and i thought i lost it.

-went to office in a good mood. was in a hurry but came in late and only to find out i didn't make it to the next phase. i am jobless once again! hopefully my severance pay is enough to tide me by up until my flight to spain 😅

-gone through dabda and reinforce my confidence about why is this happening FOR me. so i took it lightly and simply send my appreciate to my former process/language trainer whom i learned so much from. definitely (this refresher) i will have it as a "baon" for my future classes 

-walked under the rain and laugh about it and consider this tormenting rain as a tremendous sign of blessings!

07/07

-finally able to sleep really good.

-later that night, went walking along maginhawa street when uro msged me and invited me to meet him in our usual rendezvous spot. we did along the street, by the stairs and finally at the rooftop. he is the ultimate baby daddy and he is turned into a hunky bear. with sexy armpits, hairy chest and huge dick. we had sex since 2010 and after more than a decade of fucking, he finally fucked me bareback for the first time. it was a wild fuck as he take video of it. can't help but got orgasm while his huge dick is inside me, fucking me wild. he also came on my face and eventually i consume all his cum. one great sex!

07/06

-a complete reset. damn, when was the last time i had this? just do nothing but sleep and spaced out. let my mind wander on its own. 

-now i understand why fasting makes your senses on its optimal level. it makes the first smell or first bite much yummy than ever before.

-watched mimiyu's retrospective video on her visit to their previous rented house in baclaran. it intensefy the idiom "di ka makaka rating sa iyung paroroonan kung di ka tatanaw sa iyong pinanggalingan". she also mentioned about there are really bad times in life. im impressed and learned something from her line of questioning:

"why is this happening FOR me? instead of why is this happening TO me"

it is such a great life lesson that things that are happening not to your favor might have some life lesson that entails.

later i also watched her first trip to Europe. i relate when his supposed trip to japan was cancelled due to unapproved visa. but look at her now? going places in business class. it made me more excited for my upcoming trip to the shenzhen area.

07/05

-meet ron or roy? was about to end my day and ordered a meal when he msged. he is super horny and demanded to meet asap. got to take out my my order. when we have sex and i already reached orgasm

 he is still very horny and i could also sensed he is high. so i asked if he brought some so i can be at par with him. luckily he did and it was such an unexpected pnp session. his item is good. not my usual dose but it makes me so horny even if i already got an orgasm. we spent the enire day and night together with marvelous sex and companionship. it was definitely a good session and worth all the cancelled responsibilities that day.

07/03-04

-finally had sex! i can't even remember who was my last. ganun ka lala. he is a half japanese guy. smaller than he appears in his pics, i love his pubes, looks beautiful and sexy. he came inside me. we ciiddle afterwards, a much needed body recharge. im energized and recharged!

-first sale high. i just can't contain myself when i had my first ever closed sale with duke energy. with my CSAT im the first in our team to have thid combo even in the training episode. such joy!

-4th of july chill out / refresher session in the office plus raffle. the entire floor got so pump up. just enjoying the moment.

07/02

-its almost been a year since im learning Spanish and gyess what, i just learned future tense conjunction today at heart! thanks to language transfer's Mihalis!

-operating on a 3 hours of sleep. process my personal loan application in pnb, it's weird how i tried to prepare for it for days (with all the agitation and all) but my submission only takes less than 5 mins, now i could only pray it will be approved in time for my visa application.

07/01

-finally sent my acceptance letter to spain! its been ages since the last time i sent a letter via post! the last time was to my father who once working abroad in UAE (i might still be around 8 or 9 yrs old?!) and im 39! so that was 3 decades ago!

-watched marahuyo project ep 1-2, it feels great to feel the island/sea vibes. reminds me of my pubescent years in bantayan island.

-drenched in the rain! savor the tropical rain as it doesn't rain much in Spain!

-filled with so much joy and gratitude 

-still thinking of dash.. replaying the moment he suddenly just mutter somthing about the painting we are looking as it gives him the Erasmus.. i muttered as a response to him about an art work entitled paradise of delights (should have been garden of earthly delights) but both of us were so drunk.. the. fantasizing we look at each other's eyes and could have kissed right there and then.. ugghhhh 😅🤭😍🥰