04/2026

 30/04

-went to manique's to meet up with the gang: kate, jamie, paula and vino (with the other regulars). christian is not there nor my first crush

-karaoke during the midnight after. as if we had the entire place for our own.  crazy fun.

-russ was right, spring is the transition for winter and summer. it was totally hot earlier but when i got back home at midnight, i was freezing cold with my tshirt. i had a preview of the full moon so it wasn't a bad walk.

29/04

-had a great talk with vera and russ. russ also sang joni mitchell's the circle game. we talk about turning 41, what are the things that doesn't matter and what gives us joy. i answered job description and small yet meaningful encounters with my students 

27-28/04

-i felt drained with my vulnerability report application. but was able to find the estrella neighborhood to be beautiful specially when a father and daughter lead me the way going to the station. very sweet

-encounetered this quote from my insta feed:

"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"

26/04

-need to restart my system and my whatsapp got dc so i have no way to msge maximino.. good thing i found his whatsapp and we able to connect and still meet today. we able to walk in a very beautiful sunny afternoon in opanel. we had some good talk and good sex, such a relief. 

-binge watch spanish films that presents lavapies and old madrid:

surcos, gloria y dolor, cachorro. 

22-25/04

-got my rejection letter from BEDA and so the more i should be able to get the amnesty program

-got so overwhelmed with the vulnerability report, wa able to manage to get it in apoyo social. it was crazy but me and paula was able to manage to process it after 4 hours of waiting

-hang out with kate and paula and simply chill on a friday in madrid

20-21/04

-im in the frieren binge watching and i am super into it. it feels when i was in my younger years and just get lost into the world of anime. and amazing how every episode really have tidbits of wisdom.

oh! also frieren reminds me of Maria, my romanian spiritual guro in Italy. the voice and the aura(mana). so everything reaaly seeped into me

-watch the 1st triloybefore sunrise. it's weird, i've been hearing about it but im not so sure if ive already watched it just like the beach. now is the time to watch it intentionally and it really reminds me of the filipino version of the thing called tadhana.

-it's been 12 days now since im not having a phone. i think i can really manage. if only online banking doesn't rely on mobile app, i can live without it.

-going through my facebook memory and found my bantayan and boracay pics. april to may is usually beach months in the Philippines. i really really miss the beach

-my students are my friends and just hanging out with them feels like im just having a good time. i just wish we can talk better since their english is not so good and my spanish is terrible.

19/04

-finally reunited with lyza and alex, my first migratory tribe here in spain. spent time in madrid. we had coffee by the la troupe and then have lunch at the filipino restaurant in torrenz and then introduce alex at the el tigre. it was a wonderful moment together before each of them headed to their way back to murcia and tenerefi respectively.

18/04

-my kuya carlo's bday. he have this picture of his 3 kids out of four. interesting when he was able to gather and raise them all these years. while im only able to raise the inner child in me.

-met maximino once again, first time he came inside me, but i just felt weird because he is complaining with the symptoms of std, i hope it doesnt come from me, and if he got if from someone else, then i will have it from him. i don't care much as long as he love making love with me.

im not sure how will this leads us, so far i love our connection. although at times i wish we can talk more and deeper but i guess that can wait. i don't have to force things out. usually i lead which way, but this time i want him to show me where are we heading to.

17/04

-finally meet maria and her family. went to palacio sibiles and show them ana juan's wunderkammer exhibition. we also went to this manga/asian comic collectible store and then his brother peque told me about this manga/anie called fieren, and it's so magical how he told about the story of this mage. i got so hooked that i have to watch it. the mage reminds me of dustin bernasor's idea of "chobits" where the entire idea tap me back into a lost childhood that i could have explored. 

 i really had a wonderful time with them.. as what i said to her  mom, they are my connection in Cancelada, my first home here in spain.. so it feels like home being with  them

-also that night, meet lyza. it's been a loooong looong time since i've seen her and finally we met in madrid. we had tinto verano and later had a great talk in this well lit fountains in el retiro. it was a swift yet sweet moment of catching up.

15-16/04

-i have the place for myself but i don't have the capacity to be online in gr so i felt the pang of abstinence

-watched russ' gift from mubi, the capsule and was mesmerized by its visual communication. im glad we had a unit of viscom during college. now im able to appreciate this kind of artforms more

12-14/04

-just meandering without a mobile phone. although i feel frustrated because why this happened when it is very hectic (amnesty) of which most of my docs are in my phone for submission. yes it's infuriating but im taking it with peace and calm. a complete surrender

-im not sure if i've already watched it before but with all saint's pure shore, the visuals keep coming back. so watched leonardo di caprio's "the beach" and was amazed with dany boyle's vision

 

11/09

-woke up besides maximino and told him i like him. he said he likes me too. i felt refreshed with our massage exchange as well. it was really good.

-i had maximino took photo of my documents for my amnesty and for sure he now knows my age. i felt like the girl in the series younger, that maximino  would cut his communication with me. but he end up msging me at the end of the day

-but i felt terrible in the middle of the day, so when this 24 year old hottie msge me and he have coke with him, i gave in to the temptation and we chill.

-watched this film in yourube, the seven lucky gods

-i felt a dopamine depletion, i felt sad, and felt my life pointless but writing this makes me feel better.

10/09

-i really had a bad hangover the day after and i felt mad with what happened last night but there's so much to grateful of.

-talked with vera and russ and told about my portugal experience, the puasa moment i had in sintra and the story of the best bacalao potato buttry cheeze pie i had.nalso told them how i got drugged last night.

-went to maximino's place and we had our weekly enccounter on his place. we able to talk more as we do the language exchange, then we had great sex and great cuddle. i felt home with him 

09/04

-spent my bday anonimously partying at manique. meet up with the gang (kate, paula and vino and miguel) and had a great time. on her way home, blurted it out to joana paula ^_^

-was drunk but went to el doce and got drunk even more. tried their dark room for the first time and i sucked someone.

-was triggered with this cap of a syringe

-had encounter with a dealer, but i sincerely say no, but he tempt me to snort some and i guess it's mefe. felt like floating on clouds and we had sex at the parking lot. i was super high that i never noticed he took my mobil with my atm card with it, i felt like a lost soul within chueca trying to look for this guy. what a way to start my 41st year

01-08/04

-just got back from my 1 week stay in portugal and i felt renewed. still have hangover specially with the cobbled stone walks in lisbon and my trek to sintra and the uphill castle.

-met many guys, from brazilian, american expats and local portuguese.

-talk with russ and vera and talked about the essense of puasa not just with food but with everyday experinces. how you miss and become grateful of the things you usually have such as the comforts of your own room.