gikapoy pa ko,

mo undang sa' kog kambras sa imong dagway
kay mao ra man gihapon,
dili ka mapanas
sa akong alimpatakan
usa ka patik sa akong panit,
lagum, nagngulngul sa kasakit

gikapoy pa ko,
ako' sa ning ilabay akong pala
moundang sa ko'g kawot aning yutaa
diin ilubong ang atong miagi
nga kanunay buhi, ug bout mubangon

gikapoy pa ko,
ayaw sa ko padagana
kay dili man gyud tika madakpan
dili mapasakitan, dili makalimtan, dili mabawsan

ngisi,

pakit-a ko sa imong kandiis
pakataw-a ang imong mga mata
ug, sa kadiyot ayg ginhawa
kana,
gusto ko anang angola
uno
dos
tres
hala,
kinsa mani?
naa may laing
nagpahipi diha sa imong kilid
naunsa mani siya?
daw kasukaon ug kakuyapon sa kaluspad
kaila ka ani?
dali tan-awa

"ambi daw
butangi! mura manig imong kaluha.."

let time stand still

the moment we first met---
the moment
when you and I
held back grains from running out
in the hourglass of eternity



(photo taken in Dumaguete)

to sobriety

yeah! yeah russ!


"Paranoid Android"
-radiohead

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)
What's that...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking and squealing gucci little piggy
You don't remember
You don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man
Off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name?
I guess he does....

Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me

TThat's it, sir
You're leaving
The crackle of pigskin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children, God loves his children, yeah!

alright,

i got it now.
and darn---
why just now?
i no longer exist
can no longer be seen
ignored and forgotten
something that seemed relatively unimportant
a wisp of smoke
thinning towards a starless sky
i never thought i could be that inconspicuous
to you: a mere passerby
walking across a universal pavement
one hazy December night
oh, when was that really?
well, it wont matter
what's the point anyway
plain silence crashing over me
through a placid sad screen

ha!
a placid sad black screen
blackest black of a black ocean
where i used to swim with you
sending love notes to you
dream, breath and feel alive with you

but i think it's time to sail on now
sailing on to a much darker distance
much farther from where u step back

let the whisper of the wind tell
stories of a boy who once
became my prince

The Ting Things - Great DJ

darn!
i can't get enough of this video,

i'm hooked!

dagan

dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
sa kalibunan
bahala mahisaag
bahala masamad
ayaw kabalaka
mahiplagan raka

dagan, dagan
dagan, dagan
hangtud maalimungawan
bahala gihapo
bahala gihutoy
basta kay padayug lihok
sayaw, sayaw, sayaw

hangtud masinati nimo
ang kalinaw sa imong dughan

unya?

nasayud naka'
nga sa kanunay
gilamoy ang aso
sa demonyo
sa imong spirito ug
sa huna-huna
padayon ang pag aligotgot
niniing bagtok
kung dugo
nga nibukal
sa kalagot sa imong
panagway
unya palihug,
tangtanga na nang imong mata
sa akong mga mata
kay wala naku malingaw
sa imoha

pauli,
pauli sa imong mama!

again,

i came to my own defeat
swallowing my own words
tasting the same bitterness that
i try to feed you
saying sorry
would take me down to my knees
it makes me twitch in agony like
kneeling on shards of glasses
or be sprayed with bullets
why would it be the case
why would it be the same scenario
again and again
to anybody, to anyone
to whom my heart belongs
wouldn't it be nice
for me not to think twice
to come up with the realization
that i would never be entitled
to my own chastity

Bjork Bachelorette Live @ Fashion Rocks

hail Bjork..
hail Alexander McQueen..

ako si maria elena

kanunay nag inusara
pipila na ang akong nabana
apan sila: tanan nanglarga
ninglarga didto sa kalibunan
ug ako gingkalimtan
taga hapon, sa dihang pagsalop sa adlaw
mosalum ko sa akong kamingaw
ang mga lumot sa kagahapon
mo pilit sa akong panit
ug ang katugnaw sa kasubo
mopakurog sa akong mga bukog
gusto ko mosidsid sa kinalawman
ug dili na motunga pa
gusto ko nga lamyon sa kangitngit
ning akong gibati

(...dili na ko gusto mo ginhawa)

apan ang mga hapon
ug pagsalop sa adlaw
daw walay kahumanan
sige rag balik-balik
balik-balik
balik-balik balik-balik
balik-balik

lighter

bai'
padagkuta ko bai'
pahuwama ko sa imong lighter
ug sigrabe ko sa imong kagwapo
mala adonis mong mga mata
ug porcelana mong ngipon
pasigaha akong ngitngit na kwarto
diin nahikatulog ang akong galimaw nga kalag
gusto kong i-ginhawa ang aso sa
romansa nga ginhayhay sa kahanginan
ug dayon ibugwak ko ang katamis sa
akong kaibog kanimo
click
click
click
yati nah,
dili man diay ni musiga!

paaboton tika

magpaabot ko
bahala na
magpaabot ko
maski magkaunsa
sa makadiyot o sa kadugay
lima ka oras
lima ka buwan
lima ka tuig
ug pipila pa ka bunkig
dili gyud mahisaag
ang akong pangandoy
nga makahiusa
diha tapad kanimo

gaba

gigabaan man tingali ko

-gilumot kung tasa
-naupos nga sigarilyo
-ug ngilngig nga kamingaw
nga niulbo sa matag adlaw
ug gabii sukad sa pagbiya nimo

Let Me Borrow That Top

ei russ,

thanx for sharing this video =)

it hits me again

i thought im feeling ok now, trying to tell myself: "i'll be alright"

but the sinking feeling hits me again. like a big wave crumble a sand castle without warning. i had a perfect weekend. i went snorkeling as my new colleagues played poker in our 1st team outing. after that (even if i haven't slept for more than 24 hours) i was able to meet vera, did catch up with each other over coffee. we listened to The Beatles in her U2 edition iPod (darn thing, makasuya!) while waiting for russ and the three of us partied in a dominantly straight club. had booze, smoke and dance as if we are making an MTV video.

we proceeded to a videoke lounge. Russ have a thing for "The killers" but got frustrated since the song book didn't include any of their songs, instead half of it are catered for koreans. (uuuh? what the hell!) He later settled for alternative rock as vera and i went into rock and roll trance. Vera went for Britney while i sang the Quando, quando, quando. As we're about to pay our bill, the lady in the counter demanded for the song book, the remote control and their tetrahedron menu to be returned---in such authoritative voice. what? why can't their staff get it? we are busy said she, with her eyes rolling as a matter of fact. after our frustrations and experiencing a bad customer service, we went back to the room that we occupied and we make a mess out of everything we can put our hands on. the result: as if a storm passed by. I went out for a cig to calm my nerves down, laughing between puffs. let vera and russ manage to finish the counter strike with the lady (i can imagine russ screaming at her, "by the way betch, fuck you! fuck you! FUCK YOU!" just like kelly). Ei russ, im watching the videos now. makaboang =)

after post midnight dinner, the three of us end up at russ' place and watch The Revolutionary Road. i watched most of it bymyself since both of them are sleepy. I think that's the moment when it started. It flashes all my deep-seeded issues. I tried to brush it off. as the three of us parted. i'm preoccupied with the scenes my mind keep on flashing. i need to blurt it out. or else..

I think only russ whom i can talk to about it. but he can't be reached, he's phone is either dead or he turned it off on purpose. i don't know. i just know that i don't feel fine. i want to sleep it over thinking it might fade off. but it bothers me more. it started with a minute pang, then it grows and grow until i feel like bursting. i went out in the middle of the night trying to find peace of mind. with a book in hand i went to a coffee shop in asia town IT park. my old school remedy doesn't work anymore, instead i feel restless and much sadder. i went online to find somebody to relate to but only found horny shallow fags. there was this one whose decent enough to invite me to have dinner with him next weekend. but i want something now. i logged off from that site before we exchanged numbers. i ended up browsing to my fave porn sites. got horny and to wash my pent up gay lust, i jack off over malachi's video.

i admit, somehow it feels good. darn!

so here i am. nabuntagan intawn. It's monday morning

I'll try to feel better.

vera

x

s(a

br
ok
en
he
ar

t)
hat
t

ered



(e. e. cummings inspired)

possibly maybe (Bjork: live at the riverside church)

for the boy who owns these lines:
"ill keep on thinking of u while in the road"
"i really appreciate having u in my life"
"just promise me be strong"

for the boy who broke me to pieces

dream 26/02/09

I've dreamt about Africa. or rather, that's what my mind told
me in my dream where i'm at. I see tepee house made out of
detailed/graphic animal skin. then there's this branch
used for a bonfire, I grab two branches and hold it one top of the other (like X)
and it makes me fly across the sea.
the sea is so clear that even through its depth, it
doesn't turn green or blue. its as clear as the water in
a glass where u can see right to the bottom. and at the
bottom of the sea I can see dragon like sword fishes.
they are huge, like whales. but they are much leaner
and fascinating. more of an orb fish wading at
the bottom of a wave less sea. they look a bit threatening but they are
not moving. I want to go back to the shore to get my phonecam,
itching on taking photos of them.

as I went back to the shore, I walked
into the village trying to find my phonecam.
on one of the tepee house I've noticed that
they're having a sort of production. I rummage through
their work and I see this ugly looking miniature of an
African jungle. its so ugly that I decided to break it
into pieces and throw it away. but I never knew that
its a work in progress and Bjork is the one working on
it. She's making a sample of her idea and she's
working on it with the production team. But now, her
work is gone. She saw me broke it. She's fuming and she
chase after me. Just the way she get furious with the
interviewer in Bangkok. But I was able to run in time.
Bjork and the rest of the production team ran after me
(most of them are Africans and some of them are oriental looking)
I hide in one of the tent houses.

instead of panting, I find my self very calm. the occupant of the
place happen to be Russ, and he's feeding his pet with
huge pellets, he drop it into the aquarium. i'm wondering
what are his pets since those pellets are too huge for
a fish. gazing through the bottom of the tank, I found out
that his pets are marine frogs. they are special
kind of frogs. it's my first time to see this kind of specie.
these are albino frogs, so instead of rough scaly hides
they have smooth and milky skin. since russ' aquarium
have pink under lighting these frogs look ghastly pinkish.
and they eat on the pellets without gusto. they just
spit their tongue then eat and eat without enthusiasm.
russ is telling me something but I can't comprehend
what he's talking about. I just keep my eyes on those
frogs then I woke up.

the elephant vanishes (murakami)

my hunger for Murakami goes on.

after dropping at the Powerbooks and seeing new Murakamis on the shelf. my fingers can't wait to skim through on one of them and that very moment,
i got The Elephant Vanishes.

It's another Haruki Murakami's collection of short stories. on the record, this would be my 10th book from him. at the back of the book this blurb goes:

"...Murakami makes this collection of stories a determined assault on the normal."

so somehow every short story could spice up my usual routine of going to a coffee shop. my cup by then would dance with my coffee and the smoke from my cig make love with the afternoon breeze.

although murakami's style is already registered in my system but not all of the stories hit me as the others. i can't really say that i like every piece but i do appreciate all of them---and apparently, my craving for a good read is satiated that keeps me afloat for a moment.
the top five short stories that i personally love in this collection are the following:

* on seeing the 100% perfect girl one April morning
* sleep
* the little green monster
* the second bakery attack
* barn burning

there's no one here

due to schedule change, i got my 1 hour break in such a later time--- at 11:30 pm. craving for something to eat i went to our next door kitchen, Ayala Terraces and the emptiness welcomes me.

There's no one here. The lights are still on but most of the establishment are empty. even the Gilligan's and Bo's coffee shop turned their door sign to "close" and the usual crowded outdoor mall now looks quite deserted. (the reason behind might because it's Monday, 2nd would be due to consecutive holidays and most people are tired or financially drained)

hmn, ok..

although minor hunger pangs bothers me but i smiled with the idea of this place void of major stressors.

i feel so at peace, floating even.

a lighted a cig and took photos around, since i'm dying to capture the aerial architecture of the Terraces way back it was newly opened to the public, but used to be discouraged by the annoying crowd.

still find it unusual, regularly the place is crowded until wee hours after midnight. but duh, let me just put my earphone on.



Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits -
I hope you have found a friend.

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.

Take me home...

no reply

to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not
to send a message
or not


hmn,
should i send a message
if i haven't received any response
to my last message yet

antoson ko

taliwala sa uwan
sa kinalasang semana
sa Pebrero
magpakalunod ko, antoson ko---
hulaton ang kainit nga
ikadalit sa panahon sa umaabot nga kuwaresma

taliwala sa imong paghanaw
magsakit ko, antoson ko---
magpaabot ko sa imong pagbanhaw

lately,

i feel so uninspired..

earlier,

i was trapped in an elevator.

Deadmau5 And Kaskade - I Remember

i can't help but close my eyes every time the DJ in y101 plays this track...

i love it.

strange, but its true

imagine yourself without a cellphone.

pause.

hmn, ok...

now, got the idea?

well, i have one but i don't consider it a proper cellphone.
i have this not so prehistoric w800i, i bought it more than
2 years ago with my first official salary. one of the
Walkman phone hybrids of Sony Erickson. and since our Olanggo
excursion last November 2008, i consider it half dead, sort
of paralyze. or let say decapitated.

i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ON THE SCREEN, i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.i can't see anything on the screen.

it started with recharging my phone before i slept. and
after waking up from my 8 hour beauty rest, i found my
phone seemingly lifeless. i consulted a phone doctor first
thing that morning, and he said it needs to be reprogram.
since it was overcharged--- as what he says.

how much is reprogramming? it will cost 500 bucks. ok. reprogram it.

the phone doctor reprogram it, and my phone is resurrected,
but just quite, since it got another illness. this time my
phone is blind. it only flashes a plain milky white screen. how
can i see the main menu, my messages, my contacts, my mp3
lists, my photos?

the phone doctor advises to replace the LCD. how much is
the replacement? Php1800. oh no way, that's too much. i rather
buy a new cellphone.

its already 4 months passed by. i still don't have a new
phone.

i don't know why, maybe because I'm aiming for the latest WSeries or this 5 mega pix cyber shot camphone. however, i don't have the cash, if only i got credit card, i'll swipe it right
there and then just the way Kenji in samurai x slain his villains mercilessly.

well, i can still make calls, and can receive inbound
calls. the thing is, my close contacts were caught off
guard when i answer their call saying: "kinsa ni palihug?
(whose this please?).

"Haler?! Liyo, si ______ ni!"

i cant read my txt msgs. i can feel my phone vibrates though.
and each time that happens i wonder who just remembered me.
my sexual conquest also declined because of it. spur of the moment dates are now the rarest case. got to run to the nearest PLDT or Globe payphone booth to make contact with.
i've memorized my significant other's number than mine. every time i try to reload, i need to fish out my organizer out from my bag to take hold of my number. its quite inconvenient that sometimes i walk out in frustration.

i've become ostracized from the matrix.

one of the good thing is that i can sleep properly. i don't get jittery about txt msgs that i may anticipate about. no more butterflies in my stomach when opening my inbox if somebody whose interesting txted me. i can't blame myself or anyone if i didn't make it on their meeting, birthday, party or whatever functions/get together that my contacts had.

downer: can't take proper pics.

brighter side: but i can listen to my mp3s. and can locate the FM radio station . im quite familiar how to maneuver the joysticks to lead me where my mp3s are like a blind man reading through a braille.

i'm quite shy with my phone nowadays. when someone asks my number or save their number with my phone, i always tell them its low batt.. hahaha

sorry guys,
now i confess, i got a defective cellphone in my pocket.

numb

numb
i want to be numb
fossil like deity
on a prehistoric slum
i'll drop my bow and arrow
and lay still
vacantly watching the moon
swallowed by the earth's shadow
let time pass its own pace
while being
coated by film of dust
eventually being erased
by centuries worth of sands
i no longer existed
the me before
has long since vanished
I'm long since forgotten
no one dare put it into record-never been written
a charred husk
blown by the mischievous gust
fading into oblivion
into the fire, being tossed


numb
i want to be numb
scraping my knuckles
till it no longer bleed
biting my lips,
i wonder
whats the use of getting hurt
when the one responsible
does not even acknowledge it

at 2am

my end of shift would always fall between 1am or 2am, depending if i came to work on time or late. but usually I'm fully awake around these times. even if its my day offs, my body clock can't seems to be modified.

what can you do in 2am? when most of the establishments are close, lesser public transportation, your close friends are snoring---and the heaviest scenario is that you are alone. its like on the TV series, The Twilight Zone. where there's a sense of hollowness, threatening and deep deep darkness. a vacuous dent in your waking life.

so i end up mulling things over and how to make these "vacuous" moments productive. i get tired of reading novels, youtubing or listening to DJ Franz on Y101 at these hours (although these are my post midnight habit i can't hardly break). eventually, i will slip my sneakers on and headed to the highway for a jog at 2am.

uhuh, at 2am.

the world is less polluted, roads are scarcely populated and peaceful. I feel lighter as a sly cat running under the moon. bomber man in bonus stage. a moving vertical line in a series of horizontals. although some insomniacs scratch their head when i pass them by. i could see through their bubble thought: "unsa na diay orasa? sayuha sad niya mag jogging oi.."

at 2am, I'm jogging myself to exhale.