-lost two charms, my purple amythest for healing, and the one from russ, the blue agate for my cycle. it saddens me so much.. but they say, the charm will break or depart once u achieved its intention. so i simply let it go.
-interview with tak, with a potential day job. i felt light and elated
-jo at the beach (remembering the 6 footer guy in sugar beach and bespectacled guy)
03/30
-went to sta. fe
-island life
-clouds that looks like bjork dress in kobe, grander
-meet this guy who is a local. he had this rough appeal but overall very sexy. and his manhood is huge. since i haven't had sex for a long time and i minimize porn nowadays, (bespectacled guy was my last) then i cum right away. but he keeps on pounding me with hugeness. felt my ass going inside out.
03/27-29
-a long trip to bantayan island with mamu.
-finally meet my brother john his partner, leanne, my pamangkin, xinxin and LeAnn's family in kabac
-enjoyed fresh seafood
-province is life
-bike along emotional landscape along the beach of kabac and patao
03/26
-met cuz jean with her beau anton and yan2x, bonding at mo2. still amazed how strong our bond
-buntagay na tagay with enrico at the new kwikspark near ayala. was amazed with his survival story about his suicidal tendencies
-still smitten with the bespectacled guy who i had steamy encounter sa sauna. it kinda re ignite what i had with max (december 25 guy)
smitten that my heart kinda beats for him. gosh.. he is indeed a crush
03/25
-went to IT park and meet this guy frm paranaque. we supposedly do inside the cr across the walk, but there's too many people so we went upstairs to the still closed law firm. made him cum inside my mouth and swallow him whole. later we walk around and talk until he open up about his ex and listen to his story
-also meet this guy frm edades, he is super horny and fucked me me all morning to the extend my hole felt so raw.
-took an afternoon nap and cum inside my bunk, replaying my steamy encounter with the bespectacled guy.
-went to busay to commemorate my supposedly attendance to bjorks orkestral in Kobe. havent played bjork since my passport denial on feb 27th, i played hyperballad and throw stones from the top of the mountain. then proceed with her orkeatral playlistvfor her japan tour. i cried so hard specially when the first track played: stonemilker
then proceed with the rest while taking the uphill climb
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/01jpeDkesnf5gsNsdskSjq?si=UUQ9KOAoSJCg_I5K9P0PGA&utm_source=copy-link
03/24
-its already 2 past midnight when me and my cuzin jean call it a night. she started talking while she drive me towards O2 resto bar. she talk about the passing of her half sister and how she died on her watch. i cried seing her crying.
-a very heavy yet heart warming bonding with my cuzin.
-later that day, dinner at bantayan eatery, sumptous squid adobo, the white one. crab meat and utan bisaya. solved.
-walk around ayala and make it as my oval as i attained my 10k steps for the day
-msge a bespectacled guy. he invited me to go to this spa in escario, Sandia/watermelon spa. and the moment i saw him really turns me on and he is indeed in his pictures. he is gym fit and good guy who does bad.
when i recognized him i followed him right away in the shower we kissed, and we did oral l.. then we proceeded inside the sauna even with other guys watching us we are the one who ignited the action. then we proceed beside the lockers where he took some pictures of me sucking him. then when we get inside the massage room, he fuck3d me, rimmed me and fucked me again. gosh it was marvelous experience. it intensifies when i let him wait for me for too long and saw him being sucked by someone, but and i sat on him and that made me cum. gosh.. i felt the jealousy and wanting at the same time. it wasn't that perfect but i felt triumphant.
what a night experiencing the most handsome and hottest guy I've met this week in cebu so far.
03/23
-miraculously, i didnt wake up with hangover. i felt super drunk last night.
-food trip at bantayan diner with their fresh seafood. gosh.. tastes like home..
-at the hostel, felt cornered with these homophobic caucasians, as i just used the toilet and then the shower. as if im usuin the shower as bidet/douche, they had this conversation:
guy 1: "are you about to shower?"
guy 2: "yeah, and i can't find peace"
called max about it and find comfort from her voice and advise not to overthink.
-shrug it off and meet this guy frm.mabolo. although it is against my principle. this guy is gay for pay. he is charging me 2-3k. i said no and he insist. of just paying 300 instead since he is in dire need of money. the charitable person in me gave in and consider it as helping out instead of paying. it was all worth it since 1. i dont have to pay for the moteo, 2. he have the most sexy armpit. able to smell and ravage into them. 3. he have a huge dick. we did it in a public bathroom inside a student dormitory. i exploded like crazy as he exploded inside me. crazy crazy good.
-pass by carmelite/san Carlos seminary where. Julio and i had moments when he stayed there for there nursing review.
i remember when we sneak into one of the cr and gave him a blow job since we havent seen eachother for a very long time as a couple. a random memory.
- had dinner at it park mercado and enjoy a lechon belly while listening to this wonderful singer singing Alanis Morissette covers ( one hand in my pocket, ironic)
-writing these journal entry while waiting for one of my favorite cuzins, jean.
03/22
-had coffee while watching the sunrise. slowing it down. feeling at home. having the break i deserve:
*after for almost 6 months without traveling (japan travel preparation)
*3 months of no VLs taken
*and excessive over times.
-roam around and walk down memory lane. seen the mcdo in escario where russ, vera and yen ate out. the flavoured chicken in cebu doc where chai, russ usually eat. the angry/grumpy statue of mama mary (Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Parish) along escario then went to ayala area show russ the pic of the apartelle where he and james once booked.
-had sex with this hunky and curly top guy in mabolo. i came while he cum inside me.. it was a great release.
-had dinner with robin, chavie and her sister.. we then watched a restored sharon movie bituin walang ningning together with their ultra hd tv. marveled the scene with chery gil and finally able to understand the context behind the famous line: "you're nothing but a second rate trying hard copy cat". it was indeed a great night.
-received the confirmation email that i will finally get my refund for my flight. i felt i won a lottery. since they really gave me a hard time.. victorious, i went out for a party and went to uptown super club. enjoyed the music and able to really dance with the music. tabled with this dancer and when we just had too.much to drink he showed me a condom. what i show him was my lube and packet of robusts. jockinly, i put a tab in a bottle of beer. and they kind of chicken out and they got weirded out. so to save myself frm their loser kind of reaction. i exited and call it a night.
03/21
-realized that there's more to life than japan and Bjork. so i took the flight going home to cebu with my mother.
-visited robin, our 4th sibling and his newly born baby Ally, and his loving partner Chavie. i wish i have it photographed by it would be etched in my memory how my mother craddle her 7th apo in her arms for the first time. such sweet moment.
-had foot reflex and whole body massage for 1.5hr in thewi thai and its always a marvelous experience. said to myself that i felt na virgin kog balik.. 😅
-stayed in 7 hostel and able to sleep well
03/20
-as if my pschosomatic body copperates with me, i indeed got fever and gastrointeritis, enough for me to call a doctor and provide me medcert. now im praying it is enough for me to atleast got my money back from the japan flight i couldnt take.
03/19
-reread/re listened a murakami short short story, barn burning.
-also able to watched the movie, burning, in netflix. as russ' file in google play, the subs wont work on my end. i am moved with hae-mi's performance and her dance interpretation of little hunger and big hunger.
-finally able to do laundry. felt the stench of sadness washed away and enjoy the fresh scent of my bed sheets.
-enjoy listening to audio book, and listened to little green monster and i got a different realization on it specifically about mental health. that its all in your mind and u can also incapacitate anxiety rather u let it incapacitate u.
after series of realization, i have now a different notion on the saying what doesn't kill u makes u stronger. as other said it will make u weaker.
me: it will make me fight back. fight back and not let it kill u.
-later that night, for some weird reason, i got feverish i thought im gonna die.
03/18
-welcome russ' bday at his place in syquia. we watched Darren Aronofsky's the whale.
03/16-17
-i never felt defeated in my entire life. i felt bruised and bleeding.
-the stress manifests on my body. i got body pain, and my face covered with a lot of pimples. huge ones!
-it is real that healing is not linear. felt a sudden and strong wave of sadness and pain as i deal with my flight refund. cebupac is givine me hard time to the extend i have to come up with a medcert that shows me unfit to travel
03/15
-greeted max happy bday and we reminisce our recent time together here in manila
03/14
-im not sure if its considered date, but me and dave the 6'2footer guy frm batanggas met outside for the first time. i find him gwapo on his all black ensemble and his tattoos are popping. we had some drinks at nomu's and then went to my place to have sex. then we have dinner at UP gastro lane then walk him home. it was a great bonding moment between us. i was able to open up with my sadness about my visa denial and for not seeing bjork live. he also open up his past with me.
03/13
-bonding with mamu, had a great masaage and dinner with her at lucky gold. quick bonding with papa and baby avvy
-meet this guy frm leyte, just cant take it, got so horny so i had steamy moment with him. i felt wrecked with him fucking me and bursting in me twice
03/12
-moment with kf
facial, dinner, coffee and rewatched oh mando
-felt the need to restrain from too much sex 😅
-msge dave the 6 footer guy and told him i needed dating this time
03/11
-watched mario rosa's bilangong birhen and was hypnotized by its beauty
03/09-10
-processed my waiver of mrr and had this amazing moment with our university guidance counselor who i manage to talk about my entire stay in UPdil.. i felt it was looong yet fulfilling stay. not a waste at all. it was an entirely fun rollercoaster experience. even told him, if i became a ghost, my soul will stay on this campus.. we both laughed. he
provided me a st. Benedict pin. a sort of congratulatory badge and at the same time protection. i remembered andre on him. such an amazing soul.
03/08
-went to russ' and we made this post worm moon charm with jayr.
-we had this jube with lavender and gosh i felt healed and free from suffering. i end up sleeping the whole night
03/5-7
-detox
03/04
-shawi treated my mom with micro blading and shading for her kilay, its beautifully done and i saved more than 15k
-shawi and i went to shangrila and we had coffee at tobeys, then we went to cuts salon
-jade msged me for partee n play but he did it without me. it triggers me, so the moment char msged me and he have the item for less, i jumped into it. he had a bad trip but i managed it well. since i have some item left, msge a long time playmate frm bsa twintowers. however he is not as hot as before so i kinda lose it and just went porn trip. -when i got home, met this half arab dad and he met my fantasy fuck. then finally met this couple in grab tapsi who double pen me and my main contact have a very great cock. all of my sexual frustrations got solved.
-msge chad about this and im glad he said to stop this but even my msge to him was obscure. myself is like going square one.
03/02
-i have no idea what happened this day. probably busy with academic paperworks and just roam around UP. just enjoying a good weather. one thing i learned recently is that while waiting for ur greatest joy to come, don't forget the passive happiness. like simple walking, enjoying ur coffee and music.
-currently digging into sza's SOS and mugler 2023 soundtrack
03/01
-gosh, its march already. feb was definitely a tough month. i thought pa sweet lang but no. it was one of the harshest month i went through. to the extend i got pimples as sign of stress.
-went through with these guided meditation and i am so amazed how this exercise give me peace of mind. it guides me to a safe space where i thought was all gone but its just within me.
-i am struck with this ep from scott ste marie
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2lV2W3RokRNjZKQfMb4V1n?si=wsgfmomXQLq1Jh2gBNrQmg&utm_source=copy-link
where he said about finding your path and only to find out that the path is a jungle and life is about contrasts.
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