ksshh

roger
ksshhh
roger
gusto lang ko ipahimangno
nga wala nay tissue paper sa cr
roger
ksshhh
copy
roger
ksshh

another day

another starless night
another message unsent
another stick of broken cigarette
another striking table left uninhabited---tagged "reserved"
another coffee stained paperback novel
another seamlessly boring suit
another teenage pimpled face boy passed me by
. whose girlfriend tagging along,
. like a gooey amazon leech.

another day cursing you

greetings:

from the puffiness of my ass..

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO Y'ALL!

48 years

now let me paint you
black and red
let me pull out your guts
until your body refused to bleed

then tell me,
why did you
draw a scar
on me?

darn!



(photo: mindworks 2006)

queen of swords

barely,
my eyes wouldn't see
the tea stain that lingers on the brink of my cup
as she smiled and declared that my cards
are in favor with my fate.
it speaks so loud to me that night and very much pleased
that I let my query and inner self infused into its divinity.
I can still remember clearly the decks that showed up.
out of 9 major decks that I picked I can recall 8.
but then, as a usual twist of a wonderful plot
(as if to mock,)
there are some obstacles that I might encounter
a trap or an open manhole,
so dearest, be careful, be cautious not to fall
as sure enough, you will end up,
with an overflowing cup.
the tarot reader assured me;
you got the queen of swords,
you got what it takes
to overcome them all.

be back at 8:57

i remember the music fest
on the 2nd week of december
just last year
i remember the cold
damp air
the vivid glow
of the inverted chandelier

i remember hymns
and most of the fool's whims
of broken chords
and soon to be whores
just like today
as i sit on my station
waiting for the customer
with account # so and so
from county of winchester
whose apparently still trying to remember

what she's calling for

growing construction

gazing through,
i always find myself transfixed.
looking through a window
as i sip my usual doze of cappuccino.

floor by floor
i could witness it goes higher and higher
is it made by mortar and pestle?
is it made with flesh and bones?

i don't know
it just that,
it spurt up from a meager meadow
---a growing construction!

gazing through,
i always find myself transfixed.
looking through a window
imagining,
what it would be like
to leave it as it is
and create a condo
good for two

Across The Universe (fiona apple)

to all the complexities of bygone days and the uncertainties of years yet to come

(shrugging off)

..come what may

atleast in this page,

the five of us finally got together..

visiting veruschka

purple haze
of a sighing breeze
how could i forget
those clinging memories

a cup of powdered bones
a spoonful of tears
come lathering
towards the northwest shores

patay'ng suba

susihon namo ang imong ginhawaan
subayon namo ang dalan
padulong sa imong tiyan
ug naugon ang mga ang-ang sa imong puson

aduna ka bay gusok,
kumagko o saag nga bukog?
aduna ka bay atay
nga modalit ug apdo
o dili ba batikoon
nga mohilis sa imong kinaon

maski nagkasangit-sangit
sa nagkaguliyang kaugatan,
baktason namo ang mga suok-suok
sa imong tina-i
ug sayawan ang entablado
sa imong sabakan

apan dili kini makapatukar
sa imong karaang sonata
ug dili na makapalitok
sa imong pulong

mao na nga gingsuka mo kami
sa imong baba
diin imo kaming gilumsan
sa kamatuoran
diin ang among kinalasang lakang
dili na masubay ug dili makaplagan

alang kay madam Misha-misha

hello madam Misha-misha
kamusta kana?
kapin na sa usa ka tuig
sukad tika kinalasang nabisita

nagpabiling usa ka katingalahan
kung ikaw ba boutan,
o kung ikaw ba maldita
ug dali ra ma-irita

basta nanghinaot ko
nga ang imong pinalanggang iro
buhi pa ug kusog mamaghot
kay sigurado gyud nga kung wala na siya,
kanunay kalang gyud magmug-ot

bitaw, madam Misha-misha
kamusta kana
kanus-a kaha tika
sa personal,
makita

09:47

17:47

kung aduna koy mahinumduman

kini mao kadtong nalibot ko ang isla
kadtong nalumos ko sa kangitngit uban sa mga aninipot
kadtong nasaag ko sa Asturias
kadtong nikurog ko sa taghoy sa hoyohoy
kadtong nisakay ko sa bus padung sa wanang

kung aduna koy mahinumduman,
kini mao ang akong pag-inusara
ug dili kadtong nakahiuban tika

dili na madakpan

susama sa
nagdagan nga anino
sa nagdagan nga panganod
dili ko na madakpan
ang imong dughan

ayaw nalang

ei there!
musta naman ka
hmn, mao ba
ahh, i see
so you'll be staying here
just for a week
afterwards you'll be heading
towards Manila
best of luck then,
alright, i see
amping
ayo-ayo

mohirit pa unta ko'g hug
pero ayaw nalang
kay mao ra man gihapon
masakitan ra ko pag maayo

"Cold, cold water surrounds me now.."

wind reiten

while to whole city is lighting candles and murmuring prayers for the lost souls; ms. B, russ, chai and I went to Olango and set our spirit free..

basag balak sa pag kalag-kalag

....did attend Bathalad's "basag-balak" in Golden Haven (the night before All Soul's day) and recited one of my cebuano poem:

alang kanimo

ako nang gihalad ang akong kasing-kasing

akong gihimbisan
gi kuwaan ug hasang
ug gibukyad
sa kainit
dihang ni evapora
ang pisik sa dugo
nga ni kurog
dungan sa paghilak ning akong dughan

ni kinang sa akong mga mata
ang unod nga ni sayaw
sa matag hapak sa kasilaw sa adlaw
sa dihang kini ni kuyos
ug nauga dungan sa pagtaghoy
sa akong kaguol

sakto ra ba sa kaparat?
sakto raba pagka-uga?
sakto na ba ang timbang
sa kabug-aton sa akong gibate
aron matagad mo kini akong gidalit
para lang kanimo

sakto na ba akong gibuhat aron ka makahibaw
nga sa hagbay na panahon
ako: magpabiling mo-alagad kanimo
nga ako: hangtud sa hangtud mo dangup kanimo
apan dili pa kini sakto
aron mo angay sa imong garbo

busa, ipabilin ko kining akong kasing-kasing
nga gabukyad sa mga matang na walay katin'awan
nag-uga sa gugma nga walay klaro
apan tuskig sa pagbati
alang kanimo

dark murky waters

I shiver with a slightest breeze, I hesitate to dip in but the sea is too inviting to resist. I dock into the water level to keep me warm with its placidity, then Chai and I help Ms. Bambi, as she pull the found banka to a mystery lush of mangroves.

I recognized Ms. Bambi's profile with the sliver of the moonbeam on her profile as well as the glistening of her hair as it cut through the water. she seems to be a sea nymph guiding us to a secret place. we get into the thicket of mangroves until we reach a clearing. it's like an oval track only that it’s surrounded with trees rooted into the dark waters.. It’s eerie and marvelous at the same time. it's like a scene grabbed from a mythical book of Tolkien. we reach the epicenter and saw the shy moon uncloak herself at last. she is our main audience as we swam into the warm dimly lighted yet sparkling water.

then we continue to wade through unknown territories, stepping our feet into slithering roots and muddy sands. while Ms. Bambi, our sea nymph guide, tied the rope around a flimsy branch and we try to hide our identity from the guarding trees. from its roots, there dwell invisible organisms. we could only see them once we try to wave our hands under water and see neon lights illuminated through the dark. I know this is real. Chai and Russ already saw these zooplanktons and they are for real.

my fascination swallowed the moon. I can't contain myself on seeing those tiny lights filtered by a liquid matter to the extent I plunge into the dark water, opening my eyes to see those neon lights crash into my face even though I feel my eyes searing with pain. Defying my bodily instincts, i keep on looking on those neon lights as i forget how to breath until my lungs were filled with murky waters.

-originally posted and edited from this entry...

French Gypsy Jazz

ako, usa ka ballerina

kininto nga sayaw
sa imong atubangan;
ako, mo kiay

ilabyog ko kining akong haw'ang nga lawas
ubay sa imong gitara,
tuod motuno ang kapaspas sa akong ginhawa
sa kasikas sa kwerdas

ang kahapdos ug kasakit
gipadayag sa akong mga kamot
nga gawara-wara
ug mulatay sa alambre sa kinabuhi
kining akong mga lapa-lapa

kininto nga sayaw
sa imong atubangan;
ako, mo kiay-kiay
motuyok dayon kog kalit
dungan sa kalibog sa hangin
nya ipalupad ko kining
akong mga bukton
sa imong gihong-hong na sonata

modagan ko diha sa imong dalan
aron masilhig ko ang linghot
sa imong niaging mga adlaw
ug taliwala sa imong kabalaka o kaguol,
mabaling tika sa akong itum na tutu^
nya pag dayon human,
kining akong tiil; akong ibusdak,
resulta sa atong pagkabungkag.

alang sa usa ka barista

aduna koy naibgan nga usa ka barista
inig dominggo sa gabii, didto sa kapehan---
sa iyang atubangan, ako magpa-atbang

gaaso nga tasa, ako gakiti-kiti
katamis sa dihang itunol na nya akong sukli

ambot kung ngano mukirig
kining akong mga ngabil
wla man unta ko mapaso
o diba gayam'yam
(tungod sa way katulog paghandum kaniya)
basta sa iyang kape,
kanunay kong ma-kilig!

susama sa crema ug asukar
ako daw motuyok ug mahilis
sa dihang malumos naku sa iyang radar

maski dili pako niya piskan
magpabilin kanang iyang dagway:
usa ka mantsa dinhi sa akong alimpatakan

gaaso nga tasa, ako gakiti-kiti
katamis sa dihang itunol na nya akong sukli
apan imnon ko ang kapait sa akong pagbati

kay sa pag-pauli,
muhapdos nasad ni akong dughan
kay kaybaw ko nga dili gyud naku siya makahiuban

breath

one of these days,

please let me breath.

photo: taken from one of XO? art performance in outpost

pag-inusara

dinhi sa dagat
akong i-tuslob kining akong mga mata
paningkamotan ko nga dili mamilok
hangtud aduna koy makita

naglibog naman gud ko
naglisod nakug sabot sa mga panghitabo
aduna koy mga pangutana
nga sa hagbay nga panahon
nipilit ug halos dili matangtang
susama sa pugita

susihon ko kining kalawmon
utngon ko kining kaparat
hangtud aduna nay katin-awan.

dinhi sa dagat
akong i-tuslob kining akong mga mata
paningkamotan ko nga dili mamilok
sawmon ko ang tubig sa akong pag-inusara
hangtud makit-an tika

salamat

gusto ko mopahiyom
sa mga gagmayng matang
nga imong gidalit---para lang kanaku.

gusto ko mopahiyom
sa matag adlaw nga ikaw
masakitan---tungod lang sa akong kaboang

sa imong puro nga pagmahal
ug sa chocolate nga Ghirardelli

wala naku'y laing masulti pa

gapas

sa kanunay nga imung adlaw mulakaw
magpabilin kining akong anino, ga'barog
tiil ug kamot gabawog---
ang dagway nagtutok sa salog

pila pa ka gabii ang akong lamyon
aron masinati ko balik ang imong katahum
pila ka dupa kalay-a
kung diin asa ka.

dungan sa mga aninipot,
akong mga tudlo nag pundok
nagsabwag kini sa mga gagmayng gapas
nga unta, dungan sa akong panalangin
mulupad ug maanod kini
ngadto sa imong panganod

Napalid

naupos na ang sigarilyo
nga imong gi halokan
napapas na ang aso
nga niligid sa imong panan-awan

ako: molayag ug dili mo na makit-an
patuyokon ko kini akong palabad
gamit imong tayhop

susama sa abo gikan sa imong tabacco
ako: napalid ug nagpabiling gingkalimtan

September

yes, its undeniably the BER months.. it's gonna be cold, wet and slippery from our heart all the way to our feet but hopefully we will randomly bump to eachother, whatever circumstances we might gonna be under...

-a snippet from an email; addressed to agent banshee rabidcat, agent chocolate thundah and agent loudmouth virginamazon.

September 1-3

-struggling moments.. sigeg pangutang here and there
-but never asked help from my parents, call it pride or "prinsipyo" but i can't stomach becoming dependent to them
-keeping myself assured, i always tell to myself: "mahingkawas ra ko ani"
-its hard for me to sleep at night, i find myself walking along talamban area at midnight

September 5

-we had our last day of training with ann.my wave mates and i have a salo2x at the pantry
-i got the highest score with all of my assessments
-giggle with Jean, my new found friend here in the site
-we tell each other stories, we are now sort of bonded
-she call me bitch while i call her slut...and we call our wave mates as old farts---then we laugh it all off!

September 6

-harren and i had a long talk by the porch as i waited for chai and russ to arrive. we talked about our hometown (Gen San; Bantayan Is) and first heart aches.
-dance with chai at the balcony as we sang bjork's "possibly maybe"
-russ bought a stick of cig and the three of us take turns of puffing from it as we shared the cruelty of life
-nevertheless, we are still happy.
-the three of us eventually went to Paseo. We found there's no place for us there, we proceed to Mango.same case. we ride a cab home without saying a word. all of us were spacing out.

September 7

-it's a rainy sunday and i don't want to rot in my room all by myself. gone to russ' place and we had movie marathon. we watched these videos:

*monster's ball
*love actually
*wrist cutters

-the night grown deeper, russ and i have a long walk along banawa road.
-he had his dinner and after that we log-in to a "slut machine" and tried our luck. unfortunately, we went home saying: "way swerte!---but maybe one day we might grab the jackpot"
(you know what i'm pertaining about--so go figure it out)

September 8

-Julio visited me in my flat. He brought with him some goodies/pasalubong from the states (chocolates, canned goods, imported soaps, shirt and a hand bag)
-well, I'm grateful with my in-laws.. hehe

September 10

-my eternal crush' birthday
-republished "ode to the celebrant" in memory of him
-comfort myself with Julio's chocolates

September 16

-had my Berlitz Testing alone in a barren training room
-its quite strange talking with a stranger assessing your language proficiency over the phone. i wish we converse in German or in Spanish
-had a very long day and decided to go to Banawa to unwind. but there's nobody around. I only find sylvester (chai's cat) and kinshasha (a half labrador pup). i played with them for some time and rub their tummy before i left.
-i check my blogspot and i feel guilty with julio's message in my cbox that says: "how come?" (in response to my "august" post)

September 17

-I'm glad my last pay in my prev company is ready and could be released this friday!
-i hope its more than my expected amount
-can't wait for this financial breakthrough

September 19

-finally, i already claimed my last pay.
-and i can't help but overwhelmed with the amount since its much way too higher than i expected
-able to pay all of my dues: 3 months worth of bhaws rent, utang sa mga tao nya gilukat akong cellphone and set aside some emergency cash
-finally, nahingkawas na gyud tawn ko.

September 20

-early morn, i woke up with a weird dream***

-thanks for my long overdue "last pay" from my previous company, nahingkawas ko sa almost two months of financial coma (for being broke made me bedridden---literally!). -Then i became a heroine for "sylvester" from the treacherous hands of russ since i chose to be in banawa and watched elvis Presley (with a friend and villain) over staying in Casa Escaño in the midst of literary snubs (although it could have been with a friend) it just that I'm much comfortable with the former one. -Chai is in Davao, though she was with us in spirit, Vera, Russ and I bond over a set of beer. of which scenario led to vera's drunkenness and russ' sudden urge for women. haha

September 22

-27th monthsary namo ni Julio
-and i can remember how we spend the day by what we spent:

*280 two movie tickets "for the first time"
*80 munch
*100 bread talk
*90 dinner
*0.0 special bond

September 23

-processed my 1st ever health card in City Health
-also processed NBI clearance for passport
-tungod sa kainit ug nag-apas sa oras, nadakpan noon ko sa CITOM
-after few minutes of discourse, I'm able to win the officer's heart and let me go (phew! I'm spared for staying in a correction bus for 2 hours or paying the penalty fee)
-had a coffee moments with chai in JY
-she have for me a pasalubong from Cagayan
-i also able to pay her the 1000 pesos that i owe from her

September 26

-continuing a long kept tradition, i watched Cinema Europa
-able to watched "Children of the Moon" (Germany) and "Beauty in Trouble" (Czech Republic)

September 27

-the empress of Cheshire Cat's Birthday
-greet her first thing in the morning
-2nd day for the Cinema Europa Marathon, but unable to come over since we have an upcoming performance this day
-so instead of watching somebody else's fictitious life, Russ, Chai and I had our life's moments in Turtle's Nest where we had our performance night

September 28

-with Julio, we attend the last leg of Cinema Europa film festival this year
-we watched two movies: "Late bloomer" and "Vitus" both movies are from Switzerland

September 29-30

-in my room, reading a novel and smoking